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Title: Around the World with Josiah Allen's Wife
Author: Holley, Marietta, 1836-1926
Language: English
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[Illustration: "Oh, Josiah," sez I, "what a sight!"--_Frontispiece_. Page






Author of "Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition," "My Opinion and Betsey
Bobbets'," "Samantha at Saratoga," "Samantha at the World's Fair," Etc.






Copyright, 1899, 1900 and 1905, by Marietta Holley.

Entered at Stationers' Hall, London, England.

(Issued September, 1905.)

Around the World with Josiah Allen's Wife.

J. J. Little & Ives Co.

New York



Our son, Thomas Jefferson, and his wife, Maggie, have been wadin'
through a sea of trouble. He down with inflamatory rumatiz so a move
or jar of any kind, a fly walkin' over the bedclothes, would most
drive him crazy; and she with nervious prostration, brought on I spoze
by nussin' her pardner and her youngest boy, Thomas Josiah (called
Tommy), through the measles, that had left him that spindlin' and
weak-lunged that the doctor said the only thing that could tone up his
system and heal his lungs and save his life would be a long sea
voyage. He had got to be got away from the cold fall blasts of
Jonesville to once. Oh! how I felt when I heard that ultimatum and
realized his danger, for Tommy wuz one of my favorites. Grandparents
ort not to have favorites, but I spoze they will as long as the world
turns on its old axletrys.

He looks as Thomas J. did when he wuz his age and I married his pa and
took the child to my heart, and got his image printed there so it
won't never rub off through time or eternity. Tommy is like his pa and
he hain't like him; he has his pa's old ways of truthfulness and
honesty, and deep--why good land! there hain't no tellin' how deep
that child is. He has got big gray-blue eyes, with long dark lashes
that kinder veil his eyes when he's thinkin'; his hair is kinder
dark, too, about the color his pa's wuz, and waves and crinkles some,
and in the crinkles it seems as if there wuz some gold wove into the
brown. He has got a sweet mouth, and one that knows how to stay shet
too; he hain't much of a talker, only to himself; he'll set and play
and talk to himself for hours and hours, and though he's affectionate,
he's a independent child; if he wants to know anything the worst kind
he will set and wonder about it (he calls it wonner). He will say to
himself, "I wonner what that means." And sometimes he will talk to
Carabi about it--that is a child of his imagination, a invisible
playmate he has always had playin' with him, talkin' to him, and I
spoze imaginin' that Carabi replies. I have asked him sometimes, "Who
is Carabi, I hearn you talkin' to out in the yard? Where duz he come
from! How duz he look?"

He always acts shy about tellin', but if pressed hard he will say, "He
looks like Carabi, and he comes from right here," kinder sweepin' his
arms round. But he talks with him by the hour, and I declare it has
made me feel fairly pokerish to hear him. But knowin' what strange
avenoos open on every side into the mysterious atmosphere about us,
the strange ether world that bounds us on every pint of the compass,
and not knowin' exactly what natives walk them avenoos, I hain't
dasted to poke too much fun at him, and 'tennyrate I spozed if Tommy
went a long sea-voyage Carabi would have to go too. But who wuz goin'
with Tommy? Thomas J. had got independent rich, and Maggie has come
into a large property; they had means enough, but who wuz to go with
him? I felt the mantilly of responsibility fallin' on me before it
fell, and I groaned in sperit--could I, could I agin tempt the
weariness and danger of a long trip abroad, and alone at that? For I
tackled Josiah on the subject before Thomas J. importuned me, only
with his eyes, sad and beseechin' and eloquent. And Josiah planted
himself firm as a rock on his refusal.

Never, never would he stir one step on a long sea-voyage, no indeed!
he had had enough of water to last him through his life, he never
should set foot on any water deeper than the creek, and that wuzn't
over his pumps. "But I cannot see the child die before my eyes,
Josiah, and feel that I might have saved him, and yet am I to part
with the pardner of my youth and middle age? Am I to leave you,

"I know not!" sez he wildly, "only I know that I don't set my foot on
any ship, or any furren shore agin. When I sung 'hum agin from a
furren shore' I meant hum agin for good and all, and here I stay."

"Oh dear me!" I sithed, "why is it that the apron strings of Duty are
so often made of black crape, but yet I must cling to 'em?"

"Well," sez Josiah, "what clingin' I do will be to hum; I don't go
dressed up agin for months, and hang round tarvens and deepos, and I
couldn't leave the farm anyway."

But his mean wuz wild and haggard; that man worships me. But dear
little Tommy wuz pinin' away; he must go, and to nobody but his
devoted grandma would they trust him, and I knew that Philury and Ury
could move right in and take care of everything, and at last I sez:
"I will try to go, Thomas J., I will try to go 'way off alone with
Tommy and leave your pa----." But here my voice choked up and I
hurried out to give vent to some tears and groans that I wouldn't
harrow Thomas J. with. But strange, strange are the workin's of
Providence! wonderful are the ways them apron strings of Duty will be
padded and embroidered, strange to the world's people, but not to
them that consider the wonderful material they are made of, and how
they float out from that vast atmosphere jest spoke on, that lays
all round us full of riches and glory and power, and beautiful
surprises for them that cling to 'em whether or no. Right at this
time, as if our sharp distress had tapped the universe and it run
comfort, two relations of Maggie's, on their way home from Paris to
San Francisco, stopped to see their relations in Jonesville on their
own sides.

Dorothy Snow, Maggie's cousin, wuz a sweet young girl, the only child
of Adonirum Snow, who left Jonesville poor as a rat, went to Californy
and died independent rich. She wuz jest out of school, had been to
Paris for a few months to take special studies in music and languages;
a relation on her ma's side, a kind of gardeen, travelin' with her.
Albina Meechim wuz a maiden lady from choice, so she said and I d'no
as I doubted it when I got acquainted with her, for she did seem to
have a chronic dislike to man, and havin' passed danger herself her
whole mind wuz sot on preventin' Dorothy from marryin'.

They come to Maggie's with a pretty, good natured French maid, not
knowin' of the sickness there, and Maggie wouldn't let 'em go, as they
wuz only goin' to stay a few days. They wuz hurryin' home to San
Francisco on account of some bizness that demanded Dorothy's presence
there. But they wuz only goin' to stop there a few days, and then
goin' to start off on another long sea-voyage clear to China, stoppin'
at Hawaii on the way. Warm climate! good for measles! My heart sunk as
I hearn 'em tell on't. Here wuz my opportunity to have company for the
long sea-voyage. But could I--could I take it? Thomas Jefferson gently
approached the subject ag'in. Sez he, "Mother, mebby Tommy's life
depends on it, and here is good company from your door." I murmured
sunthin' about the expenses of such a trip.

Sez he, "That last case I had will more than pay all expenses for you
and Tommy, and father if he will go, and," sez he, "if I can save my
boy--" and his voice trembled and he stopped.

"But," I sez, "your father is able to pay for any trip we want to
take." And he says, "He won't pay a cent for this." And there it wuz,
the way made clear, good company provided from the doorstep. Dorothy
slipped her soft little white hand in mine and sez, "Do go, Aunt
Samantha. May I call you Auntie?" sez she, as she lifted her sweet
voylet eyes to mine. She's as pretty as a pink--white complected, with
wavy, golden hair and sweet, rosy lips and cheeks.

And I sez, "Yes, you dear little creater, you may call me aunt in
welcome, and we be related in a way," sez I.

Sez Miss Meechim, "We shall consider it a great boon if you go with
us. And dear little Tommy, it will add greatly to the pleasure of our
trip. We only expected to have three in our company."

"Who is the third?" sez I.

"My nephew, Robert Strong. He has been abroad with us, but had to go
directly home to San Francisco to attend to his business before he
could go on this long trip; he will join us there. We expect to go to
Hawaii and the Philippines, and Japan and China, and perhaps Egypt."

"And that will be just what you will enjoy, mother," sez Thomas J.

Sez I, in a strange axent, "I never laid plans for going to China,
but," sez I, "I do feel that I would love to see the Empress, Si Ann.
There is sunthin' that the widder Heinfong ort to know."

Thomas J. asked me what it wuz, but I gently declined to answer,
merely sayin' that it was a matter of duty, and so I told Miss Meechim
when she asked about it. She is so big feelin' that it raised me up
considerable to think that I had business with a Empress. But I
answered her evasive, and agin I giv vent to a low groan, and sez to
myself, "Can I let the Pacific Ocean roll between me and Josiah? Will
Duty's apron string hold up under the strain, or will it break with
me? Will it stretch out clear to China? And oh! will my heart strings
that are wrapped completely round that man, will they stretch out the
enormous length they will have to and still keep hull?" I knew not. I
wuz a prey to overwhelmin' emotions, even as I did up my best
night-gowns and sheepshead night-caps and sewed clean lace in the neck
and sleeves of my parmetty and gray alpaca and got down my hair
trunk, for I knew that I must hang onto that apron string no matter
where it carried me to. Waitstill Webb come and made up some things I
must have, and as preparations went on my pardner's face grew haggard
and wan from day to day, and he acted as if he knew not what he wuz
doin'. Why, the day I got down my trunk I see him start for the barn
with the accordeon in a pan. He sot out to get milk for the calf. He
was nearly wild.

He hadn't been so good to me in over four years. Truly, a threatened
absence of female pardners is some like a big mustard poultice applied
to the manly breast drawin' out the concealed stores of tenderness and
devotion that we know are there all the time, but sometimes kep' hid
for years and years.

He urged me to eat more than wuz good for me--rich stuff that I never
did eat--and bought me candy, which I sarahuptishly fed to the pup.
And he follered me round with footstools, and het the soap stun hotter
than wuz good for my feet, and urged me to keep out of drafts.

And one day he sez to me with a anxious face:

"If you do go, Samanthy, I wouldn't write about your trip--I am afraid
it will be too much for you--I am afraid it will tire your head too
much. I know it would mine."

And then I say to him in a tender axent, for his devotion truly
touched me:

"There is a difference in heads, Josiah."

But he looked so worried that I most promised him I wouldn't try to
write about the trip--oh! how that man loves me, and I him visey
versey. And so the days passed, little Tommy pale and pimpin', Thomas
J. lookin' more cheerful as he thought his ma wuzn't goin' to fail
him, Maggie tryin' to keep up and tend to havin' Tommy's clothes
fixed; she hated to have him go, and wanted him to go. She and Thomas
J. wuz clingin' to that string, black as a coal, and hash feelin' to
our fingers. Miss Meechim and Dorothy wuz as happy as could be. Miss
Meechim wuz tall and slim and very genteel, and sandy complected, and
she confided her rulin' passion to me the first time I see her for any
length of time.

"I want Dorothy to be a bachelor maid," sez she. "I am determined that
she shall not marry anyone. And you don't know," sez she fervently,
"what a help my nephew, Robert Strong, has been to me in protectin'
Dorothy from lovers. I am so thankful he is going with us on this long
trip. He is good as gold and very rich; but he has wrong ideas about
his wealth. He says that he only holds it in trust, and he has built
round his big manufactory, just outside of San Francisco, what he
calls a City of Justice, where his workmen are as well cared for and
happy as he is. That is very wrong, I have told him repeatedly. It is
breaking down the Scriptures, which teaches the poor their duty to the
rich, and gently admonishes the rich to look down upon and guide the
poor. How can the Scriptures be fulfilled if the rich lift up the poor
and make them wealthy? I trust that Robert will see his mistake in
time, before he makes all his workmen wealthy. But, oh, he is such a
help to me in protecting Dorothy from lovers."

"How duz he protect her?" sez I.

"Oh, he has such tact. He knows just how opposed I am to matrimony in
the abstract and concrete, and he has managed gently but firmly to
lead Dorothy away from the dangers about her. Now, he don't care for
dancing at all; but there was a young man at home who wuz just winning
her heart completely with his dexterity with his heels, as you may
say. He was the most graceful dancer and Dorothy dotes on dancing. I
told my trouble to Robert, and what should that boy do but make a
perfect martyr of himself, and after a few lessons danced so much
better that Dorothy wuz turned from her fancy. And one of her suitors
had such a melodious voice, he wuz fairly singin' his way into her
heart, and I confided my fears to Robert, and he immediately
responded, dear boy. He just practised self-denial again, and
commenced singing with her himself, and his sweet, clear tenor voice
entirely drowned out the deep basso I had feared. Of course, Robert
did it to please me and from principle. I taught him early self-denial
and the pleasures of martyrdom. Of course, I never expected he would
carry my teachings to such an extent as he has in his business life. I
did not mean it to extend to worldly matters; I meant it to be more
what the Bible calls 'the workings of the spirit.' But he will
doubtless feel different as he gets older. And, oh, he is such a help
to me with Dorothy. Now, on this trip he knows my fears, and how
sedulously I have guarded Dorothy from the tender passion, and it wuz
just like him to put his own desires in the background and go with us
to help protect her."

"How did you git such dretful fears of marriage?" sez I. "Men are
tryin' lots of times, and it takes considerable religion to git along
with one without jawin' more or less. But, after all, I d'no what I
should do without my pardner--I think the world on him, and have loved
to think I could put out my hand any time and be stayed and comforted
by his presence. I should feel dretful lost and wobblin' without him,"
sez I, with a deep sithe, "though I well know his sect's shortcomin's.
But I never felt towards 'em as you do, even in my most maddest times,
when Josiah had been the tryinest and most provokinest."

"Well," sez she, "my father spent all my mother's money on horse-racin',
save a few thousand which he had invested for her, and she felt wuz
safe, but he took that to run away with a bally girl, and squandered it
all on her and died on the town. My eldest sister's husband beat her
with a poker, and throwed her out of a three-story front in San
Francisco, and she landin' on a syringea tree wuz saved to git a
divorce from him and also from her second and third husbands for
cruelty, after which she gave up matrimony and opened a boarding-house,
bitter in spirit, but a good calculator. I lived with her when a young
girl, and imbibed her dislike for matrimony, which wuz helped further
by sad experiences of my own, which is needless to particularize. (I
hearn afterwards that she had three disappointments runnin', bein'
humbly and poor in purse.)

"And now," sez she, "I am as well grounded against matrimony as any
woman can be, and my whole energies are aimed on teaching Dorothy the
same belief I hold."

"Well," sez I, "your folks have suffered dretful from men and I don't
wonder you feel as you do. But what I am a goin' to do to be separated
from my husband durin' this voyage is more than I can tell." And I
groaned a deep holler groan.

"Why, I haven't told you half," sez she. "All of my sisters but one
had trouble with their husbands. Robert's step-ma wuz the only one who
had a good husband, but he died before they'd been married a year, and
she follered him in six months, leaving twins, who died also, and I
took Robert, to whom I had got attached, to the boarding-house, and
took care on him until he wuz sent away to school and college. His pa
left plenty of money," sez she, "and a big fortune when he came of
age, which he has spent in the foolish way I have told you of, or a
great part of it."

Well, at this juncture we wuz interrupted, and didn't resoom the
conversation until some days afterwards, though I wuz dretful
interested in the big manufactory of Robert Strong's, that big
co-working scheme. (I had hearn Thomas J. commend it warmly.)

At last the day come for me to start. I waked up feelin' a strange
weight on my heart. I had dremp Philury had sot the soap stun on my
chest. But no soap stun wuz ever so hard and heavy as my grief. Josiah
and I wuz to be parted! Could it be so? Could I live through it? He
wuz out in the wood-house kitchen pretendin' to file a saw. File a saw
before breakfast! He took that gratin' job to hide his groans; he wuz
weepin'; his red eyes betrayed him. Philury got a good breakfast which
we couldn't eat. My trunk wuz packed and in the democrat. The
neighborin' wimmen brung me warm good-byes and bokays offen their
house plants, and sister Sypher sent me some woosted flowers, which I
left to home, and some caraway seed to nibble on my tower which I

She that wuz Arvilly Lanfeare brought me a bottle of bam made out of
the bark of the bam of Gilead tree, to use in case I should get
bruised or smashed on the train, and also two pig's bladders blowed
up, which she wanted me to wear constant on the water to help me
float. She had painted on one of 'em the Jonesville meetin'-house,
thinkin', I spoze, the steeple might bring lofty thoughts to me in
hurrycains or cyclones. And on the other one she had painted in big
letters the title of the book she is agent for--"The Twin Crimes of
America: Intemperance and Greed!" I thought it wuz real cunning in
Arvilly to combine so beautifully kindness and business. There is so
much in advertising. They looked real well, but I didn't see how I wuz
goin' to wear 'em over my bask waist. Arvilly said she wanted to go
with me the worst kind. Says she:

"I hain't felt so much like goin' anywhere sense I deserted." (Arvilly
did enlist in the Cuban army, and deserted, and they couldn't touch
her for it--of which more anon.)

And I sez to her: "I wish you could go, Arvilly; I believe it would do
you good after what you have went through."

Well, the last minute come and Ury took us to the train. Josiah went
with me, but he couldn't have driv no more than a mournin' weed

I parted with the children, and--oh! it wuz a hard wrench on my heart
to part with Thomas J.; took pale little Tommy in my arms, like
pullin' out his pa's heart-strings--and his ma's, too--and at last the
deepo wuz reached.

As we went in we see old Miss Burpy from 'way back of Loontown. She
wuz never on the cars before, or see 'em, but she wuz sent for by her
oldest boy who lives in the city.

She was settin' in a big rocken'-chair rocken voyolently, and as I
went past her she says:

"Have we got to New York yet?"

"Why," sez I, "we haint started."

She sez, "I thought I wuz in the convenience now a-travellin'."

"Oh, no," I sez, "the conveyance haint come yet, you will heer it
screechin' along pretty soon."

Anon we hearn the train thunderin' towards us. I parted with Tirzah
Ann and Whitfield, havin' shook hands with Ury before; and all others
being parted from, I had to, yes, I had to, bid my beloved pardner
adoo. And with a almost breakin' heart clum into the car, Miss Meechim
and Dorothy and Aronette having preceeded me before hand. Yes, I left
my own Josiah behind me, with his bandanna pressed to his eyes.

Could I leave him? At the last minute I leaned out of the car winder
and sez with a choken voice:

"Josiah, if we never meet again on Jonesville sile, remember there is
a place where partin's and steam engines are no more."

His face wuz covered with his bandanna, from whence issued deep
groans, and I felt I must be calm to boy him up, and I sez:

"Be sure, Josiah, to keep your feet dry, take your cough medicine
reglar, go to meetin' stiddy, keep the pumps from freezin', and may
God bless you," sez I.

And then again I busted into tears. The hard-hearted engine snorted
and puffed, and we wuz off.


As the snortin' and skornful actin' engine tore my body away from
Jonesville, I sot nearly bathed in tears for some time till I wuz
aware that little Tommy wuz weepin' also, frightened I spoze by his
grandma's grief, and then I knew it wuz my duty to compose myself, and
I summoned all my fortitude, put my handkerchief in my pocket, and
give Tommy a cream cookey, which calmed his worst agony. I then
recognized and passed the compliments of the day with Miss Meechim and
Dorothy and pretty little Aronette, who wuz puttin' away our wraps and
doin' all she could for the comfort of the hull of us. Seein' my
agitation, she took Tommy in her arms and told him some stories, good
ones, I guess, for they made Tommy stop cryin' and go to laughin',
specially as she punctuated the stories with some chocolate drops.

Dorothy looked sweet as a rose and wuz as sweet. Miss Meechim come and
sot down by me, but she seemed to me like a furiner; I wuz dwellin' in
a fur off realm Miss Meechim had never stepped her foot in, the realm
of Wedded Love and Pardner Reminiscences. What did Miss Meechim know
of that hallowed clime? What did she know of the grief that wrung my
heart? Men wuz to her like shadders; her heart spoke another

Thinkin' that it would mebbe git my mind off a little from my idol, I
asked her again about Robert Strong's City of Justice; sez I, "It has
run in my mind considerable since you spoke on't; I don't think I ever
hearn the name of any place I liked so well, City of Justice! Why the
name fairly takes hold of my heart-strings," sez I; "has he made well
by his big manufactory?"

"Why, yes, fairly well," sez she, "but he has strange ideas. He says
he don't want to coin a big fortune out of other men's sweat and
brains. He wants to march on with the great army of toilers, and not
be carried ahead of it on a down bed. He says he wants to feel that he
is wronging no man by amassing wealth out of the half-paid labor of
their best years, and that he is satisfied with an equal and
reasonable share of the labor and capital invested. He has the best of
men in his employ and they are all well paid and industrious; all
well-to-do, able to live well, educate their children well, and have
time for some culture and recreation for themselves and their
families. I told him that his ideas were Utopian, but he says they
have succeeded even better than he expected they would. But there will
come a crash some time, I am sure. There must be rich and there must
be poor in this world, or the Scriptures will not be fulfilled."

Sez I, "There ain't no need to be such a vast army of poverty marching
on to the almshouse and grave, if it wuzn't for the dram-shop temptin'
poor human nater, and the greed of the world, and the cowardice and
indifference of the Church of Christ. Enough money is squandered for
stuff that degrades and destroys to feed and clothe all the hungry and
naked children of the world."

"Oh," sez Miss Meechim, "I don't believe all this talk and clamor
about prohibition. My people all drank genteelly, and though of course
it was drink that led to the agony and divorces of three of my
sisters, and my father's first downfall, yet I have always considered
that moderate drinking was genteel. Our family physician always drank
genteel, and our clergyman always kept it in his wine cellar, and if
people would only exert self control and drink genteel, there would be
no danger."

"How duz Robert Strong feel about it?" sez I.

"Oh, he is a fanatic on the subject; he won't employ a man who drinks
at all. He says that the city he is founding is a City of Justice, and
it is not just for one member of a family to do anything to endanger
the safety and happiness of the rest; so on that ground alone he
wouldn't brook any drinking in his model city. There are no very rich
ones there, and absolutely no poor ones; he is completely obliterating
the barriers that always have, and I believe always should exist
between the rich and the poor. Sez I, 'Robert, you are sacrilegiously
setting aside the Saviour's words, "the poor ye shall always have with

"And he said there was another verse that our Lord incorporated in his
teachings and the whole of his life-work, that he was trying to carry
out: 'Do unto others as ye would have them to do unto you.' He said
that love and justice was the foundation and cap-stone of our
Saviour's life and work and he was trying in his weak way to carry
them out in his own life and work. Robert talked well," sez she, "and
I must confess that to the outward eye his City of Justice is in a
happy and flourishing condition, easy hours of work, happy faces of
men, women and children as they work or play or study. It looks well,
but as I always tell him, there is a weak spot in it somewhere."

"What duz he say to that?" sez I, dretful interested in the story.

"Why, he says the only weak spot in it is his own incompetence and
inability to carry out the Christ idea of love and justice as he wants

"I wish I could see that City of Justice," sez I dreamily, for my
mind's eye seemed to look up to Robert Strong in reverence and
admiration. "Well," sez she, "I must say that it is a beautiful place;
it is founded on a natural terrace that rises up from a broad,
beautiful, green plain, flashing rivers run through the valley, and
back of it rises the mountains."

"Like as the mountains are about Jerusalem," sez I.

"Yes, a beautiful clear stream rushes down the mountain side from the
melting snow on top, but warmed by the southern sun, as it flows
through the fertile land, it is warm and sweet as it reaches Robert's
place. And Robert says," continued Miss Meechim, "that that is just
how old prejudices and injustices will melt like the cold snow and
flow in a healing stream through the world. He talks well, Robert
does. And oh, what a help he has been to me with Dorothy!"

"What duz she say about it?" sez I.

"She does not say so, but I believe she thinks as I do about the
infeasibility as well as the intrinsic depravity of disproving the

"Well," sez I, "Robert was right about the mission of our Lord being
to extend justice and mercy, and bring the heart of the world into
sweetness, light and love. His whole life was love, self-sacrifice and
devotion, and I believe that Robert is in the right on't."

"Oh, Robert is undoubtedly following his ideas of right, but they
clash with mine," sez Miss Meechim, shakin' her head sadly, "and I
think he will see his error in time."

Here Miss Meechim stopped abruptly to look apprehensively at a young
man that I knew wuz a Jonesville husband and father of twins. He was
lookin' admirin'ly at Dorothy, and Miss Meechim went and sot down
between 'em, and Tommy come and set with me agin.

Tommy leaned up aginst me and looked out of the car window and sez
kinder low to himself:

"I wonner what makes the smoke roll and roll up so and feather out the
sky, and I wonner what my papa and my mama is doin' and what my
grandpa will do--they will be so lonesome?" Oh, how his innocent words
pierced my heart anew, and he begun to kinder whimper agin, and
Aronette, good little creeter, come up and gin him an orange out of
the lunch-basket she had.

Well, we got to New York that evenin' and I wuz glad to think that
everybody wuz well there, or so as to git about, for they wuz all
there at the deepo, excep' them that wuz in the street, but we got
safe through the noise and confusion to a big, high tarven, with
prices as high as its ruff and flagpole. Miss Meechim got for her and
Dorothy what she called "sweet rooms," three on 'em in a row, one for
each on 'em and a little one for Aronette. But I d'no as they wuz any
sweeter than mine, though mine cost less and wuz on the back of the
house where it wuzn't so noisy. Tommy and I occupied one room; he had
a little cot-bed made up for him.

Indeed, I groaned out as I sot me down in a big chair, if he wuz here,
the pardner of my youth and middle age, no room Miss Meechim ever
looked on wuz so sweet as this would be. But alas! he wuz fur away.
Jonesville held on to my idol and we wuz parted away from each other.
But I went down to supper, which they called dinner, and see that
Tommy had things for his comfort and eat sunthin' myself, for I had to
support life, yes, strength had to be got to cling to that black
string that I had holt on, and vittles had to supply some of that
strength, though religion and principle supplied the biggest heft.
Miss Meechim and Aronette wuz in splendid sperits, and after
sup--dinner went out to the theatre to see a noted tragedy acted, and
they asked me to accompany and go with 'em, for I spoze that my looks
wuz melancholy and deprested in extreme, Aronette offerin' to take
care of Tommy if I wanted to go.

But I sez, "No, I have got all the tragedy in my own bosom that I can
'tend to." And in spite of my cast-iron resolution tears busted out
under my eyeleds and trickled down my nose. They didn't see it, my
back wuz turned, and my nose is a big one anyway and could accommodate
a good many tears.

But I controlled my agony of mind. I walked round with Tommy for a
spell and showed him all the beauties of the place, which wuz many,
sot down with him for a spell in the big, richly-furnished parlors,
but cold and lonesome lookin' after all, for the love-light of home
wuz lackin', and looked at the glittering throng passing and
repassing; but the wimmen looked fur off to me and the men wuz like
shadders, only one man seemed a reality to me, and he wuz small
boneded and fur away. And then we went to our room. I read to Tommy
for a spell out of a good little book I bought, and then hearn him say
his prayers, his innocent voice askin' for blessin's from on high for
his parents and my own beloved lonely one, and then I tucked him into
his little cot and sot down and writ a letter to my dear Josiah, tears
dribblin' down onnoticed while I did so.

For we had promised to write to each other every day of our lives,
else I could not, could not have borne the separation, and I also
begun a letter to Philury. I laid out to put down things that I wanted
her to 'tend to that I thought on from day to day after I got away,
and then send it to her bime by. Sez I:

"Philury, be sure and put woolen sheets on Josiah's bed if it grows
colder, and heat the soap stun for him and see that he wears his
woolen-backed vest, takin' it off if it moderates. Tend to his morals,
Philury, men are prone to backslide; start him off reg'lar to meetin',
keep clean bandannas in his pocket, let him wear his gingham neckties,
he'll cry a good deal and it haint no use to spile his silk ones. Oh,
Philury! you won't lose nothin' if you are good to that dear man. Put
salt enough on the pork when you kill, and don't let Josiah eat too
much sassage. And so no more to-night, to be continude."

The next morning I got two letters from my pardner. He had writ a
letter right there in the deepo before he went home, and also another
on his arrival there. Agony wuz in every word; oh, how wuz we goin' to
bear it!

But I must not make my readers onhappy; no I must harrow them up no
more, I must spread the poultice of silence on the deep gaping woond
and go on with the sombry history. After breakfast Miss Meechim got a
big, handsome carriage, drawed by two prancin' steeds, held in by a
man buttoned up to his chin, and invited me to take Tommy and go with
her and Dorothy up to the Park, which I did. They wuz eloquent in
praises of that beautiful place; the smooth, broad roads, bordered
with tall trees, whose slim branches stood out against the blue sky
like pictures. The crowds of elegant equipages, filled with handsome
lookin' folks in galy attire that thronged them roads. The Mall, with
its stately beauty, the statutes that lined the way ever and anon. The
massive walls of the Museum, the beautiful lake and rivulets, spanned
by handsome bridges. It wuz a fair seen, a fair seen--underneath
beauty of the rarest kind, and overhead a clear, cloudless sky.

Miss Meechim wuz happy, though she didn't like the admiring male
glances at Dorothy's fresh, young beauty, and tried to ward 'em off
with her lace-trimmed muff, but couldn't. Tommy wuz in pretty good
sperits and didn't look quite so pale as when we left home, and he
wonnered at the white statutes, and kinder talked to himself, or to
Carabi about 'em, and I kinder gathered from what he said that he
thought they wuz ghosts, and I thought that he wuz kinder reassurin'
Carabi that they wouldn't hurt him, and he wonnered at the mounted
policemen who he took to be soldiers, and at all the beauty with which
we wuz surrounded. And I--I kep' as cheerful a face as I could on the
outside, but always between me and Beauty, in whatsoever guise it
appeared, wuz a bald head, a small-sized figger. Yes, it weighed but
little by the steelyards, but it shaddered lovely Central Park, the
most beautiful park in the world, and the hull universe for me. But I
kep' a calm frame outside; I answered Miss Meechim's remarks
mekanically and soothed her nervous apprehensions as well as I could
as she glanced fearfully at male admirers by remarkin' in a casual way
to her "that New York and the hull world wuz full of pretty women and
girls," which made her look calmer, and then I fell in to once with
her scheme of drivin' up the long, handsome Boolevard, acrost the
long bridge, up to the tomb of Our Hero, General Grant.

Hallowed place! dear and precious to the hull country. The place where
the ashes lie that wuz once the casket of that brave heart. Good
husband, kind father, true friend, great General, grand Hero, sleeping
here by the murmuring waters of the stream he loved, in the city of
his choice, sleeping sweetly and calmly while the whole world wakes to
do him honor and cherish and revere his memory.

I had big emotions here, I always did, and spoze I always shall. But,
alas! true it wuz that even over the memory of that matchless Hero riz
up in my heart the remembrance of one who wuz never heroic, onheeded
and onthought on by his country, but--oh! how dear to me!

The memory of his words, often terse and short specially before
meal-time, echoed high above the memory of him who talked with Kings
and Emperors, ruled armies and hushed the seething battle-cry, and the
nation's clamor with "Let us have peace."

But I will not agin fall into harrow, or drag my readers there, but
will simply state that, in all the seens of beauty and grandeur we
looked on that day--and Miss Meechim wanted to see all and everything,
from magestick meetin' houses and mansions, bearin' the stamp of
millions of dollars, beautiful arches lifted up to heroes and the
national honor, even down to the Brooklyn Bridge and the Goddess of
Liberty--over all that memory rained supreme.

The Goddess of Liberty holdin' aloft her blazin' torch rousted up the
enthusiastick admiration of Dorothy and Miss Meechim. But I thought as
I looked on it that she kinder lifted her arm some as I had seen my
dear pardner lift his up when he wuz a-fixin' a stove pipe overhead;
and that long span uniting New York and Brooklyn only brought to me
thoughts of the length and strength of that apron-string to which I
clung and must cling even though death ensued.

Well, after a long time of sight-seeing we returned to our hotel,
and, after dinner, which they called luncheon, I laid down a spell
with Tommy, for I felt indeed tuckered out with my emotions outside
and inside. Tommy dropped off to sleep to once like a lamb, and I
bein' beat out, lost myself, too, and evening wuz almost lettin' down
her mantilly spangled with stars, when I woke, Tommy still sleepin'
peacefully, every minute bringin' health and strength to him I knew.

Miss Meechim and Dorothy had been to some of the big department stores
where you can buy everything under one ruff from a elephant to a
toothpick, and have a picture gallery and concert throwed in. They had
got a big trunk full of things to wear. I wondered what they wanted of
'em when they wuz goin' off on another long journey so soon; but
considered that it wuzn't my funeral or my tradin' so said nothin'.

Anon we went down and had a good supper, which they called dinner,
after which they went to the opera. Aronette tended to packin' their
clothes, and offered to help me pack. But as I told her I hadn't
onpacked nothin' but my nightgown and sheepshead night-cap I could git
along with it, specially as sheepshead night-caps packed easier than
full crowned ones.

So I took Tommy out for a little walk on the broad beautiful
sidewalks, and it diverted him to see the crowds of handsomely dressed
men and women all seemin' to hurry to git to some place right off, and
the children who didn't seem to be in any hurry, and in seein' the big
carriages roll by, some drawed by prancin' horses, and some by nothin'
at all, so fur as we could see, which rousted up Tommy's wonder, and
it all diverted him a little and mebby it did me too, and then we
retired to our room and had a middlin' good night's rest, though
hanted by Jonesville dreams, and the next morning we left for

Dorothy had never seen Niagara Falls or Saratoga, so we went a few
milds out of our way that she might see Saratoga's monster hotels,
the biggest in the world; and take a drink of the healin' waters of
the springs that gushes up so different right by the side of each
other, showin' what a rich reservoir the earth is, if we only knew how
to tap it, and where.

We didn't stay at Saratoga only over one train; but drove through the
broad handsome streets, and walked through beautiful Congress Park,
and then away to Niagara Falls.

It wuz a bright moonlight night when we stood on the bridge not far
from the tarven where we had our sup--dinner. And Dorothy and Miss
Meechim wuz almost speechless with awe and admiration, they said "Oh,
how sublime! Oh! how grand!" as they see the enormous body of water
sweepin' down that immense distance. The hull waters of the hull chain
of Lakes, or inland Seas, sweepin' down in one great avalanche of

I wanted dretfully to go and see the place where the cunning and
wisdom of man has set a trap to ketch the power of that great liquid
Geni, who has ruled it over his mighty watery kingdom sence the
creation, and I spoze always calculated to; throwin' men about, and
drawin' 'em down into its whirlpool jest like forest leaves or blades
of grass.

Who would have dremp chainin' down that resistless, mighty force and
make it bile tea-kettles; and light babys to their trundle beds, and
turn coffee mills, and light up meetin' houses, and draw canal boats
and propel long trains of cars. How it roared and took on when the
subject wuz first broke to it. But it had to yield, as the twentieth
century approached and the millennium drew nigh; men not so very big
boned either, but knowin' quite a lot, jest chained that great roarin'
obstropulous Geni, and has made it do good work. After rulin' the
centuries with a high hand nobody dastin' to go nigh it, it wuz that
powerful and awful in its might and magesty, it has been made to
serve, jest as the Bible sez:

"He that is mightiest amongst you shall be your servant," or words to
that effect.

But it is a sight, I spoze, to see all the performances they had to go
through, the hard labor of years and years, to persuade Niagara to do
what they had planned for it to do.

But as I say, this great giant is chained by one foot, as it were, and
is doin' good day's works, and no knowin' how much more will be put on
it to do when the rest of its strength is buckled down to work. All
over the great Empire State, mebby, he will have to light the evenin'
lamps, and cook the mornin' meals, and bring acrost the continent the
food he cooks, and turn the mills that grinds the flour to make the
bread he toasts, and sow the wheat that makes the flour, and talk for
all the millions of people and play their music for them--I d'no what
he won't be made to do, and Josiah don't, but I spoze it is a sight to
see the monster trap they built to hold this great Force. We wanted to
go there, but hadn't time.

But to resoom backwards a spell. Miss Meechim and Dorothy was
perfectly awe-struck to see and hear the Falls, and I didn't wonder.

But I had seen it before with my beloved pardner by my side, and it
seemed to me as if Niagara missed him, and its great voice seemed to
roar out: "Where is Josiah? Where is Josiah? Why are you here without
him? Swish, swash, roar, roar, Where is Josiah? Where? Roar! Where?"

Oh, the emotions I had as I stood there under the cold light of the
moon, cold waters rushin' down into a cold tomb; cold as a frog the
hull thing seemed, and full of a infinite desolation. But I knew that
if Love had stood there by my side, personified in a small-sized
figger, the hull seen would have bloomed rosy. Yes, as I listened to
the awestruck, admirin' axents of the twain with me, them words of the
Poet come back to me: "How the light of the hull life dies when love
is gone."

"Oh," sez Miss Meechim, as we walked back to the tarven, takin'
in the sooveneer store on the way, "oh, what a immense body of
water! how tumultous it sweeps down into the abyss below!" I answered
mekanically, for I thought of one who wuz also tumultous at times,
but after a good meal subsided down into quiet, some as the waters of
Niagara did after a spell.

And Dorothy sez, "How the grand triumphal march of the great Lakes, as
they hurry onwards towards the ocean, shakes the very earth in their
wild haste."

I sez mekanically, "Yes, indeed!" but my thoughts wuz of one who had
often pranced 'round and tromped, and even kicked in his haste, and
shook the wood-house floor. Ah, how, how could I forgit him?

And at the sooveneer stores, oh, how I wuz reminded of him there! how
he had cautioned me aginst buyin' in that very spot; how he had stood
by me till he had led me forth empty-handed towards the tarven. Ah
well, I tried to shake off my gloom, and Tommy waked up soon after our
return (Aronette, good little creeter! had stayed right by him), and
we all had a good meal, and then embarked on the sleeping car. I laid
Tommy out carefully on the top shelf, and covered him up, and then
partially ondressed and stretched my own weary frame on my own shelf
and tried to woo the embrace of Morphine, but I could not, so I got up
and kinder sot, and took out my pad and writ a little more in my
letter to my help.

Sez I, "Philury, if Josiah takes cold, steep some lobely and catnip,
half and half; if he won't take it Ury must hold him and you pour it
down. Don't sell yourself short of eggs, Josiah loves 'em and they
cost high out of season. Don't let the neighbors put upon him because
I went off and left him. Give my love to Waitstill Webb and Elder
White, give it to 'em simeltaneous and together, tell 'em how much I
think on 'em both for the good they're doin'. Tell Arvilly I often
think of her and what she has went through and pity her. Give a hen to
the widder Gowdey for Christmas. Let Josiah carry it, or no, I guess
Ury had better, I am away and folks might talk. The ketch on the
outside suller door had better be fixed so it can't blow open.
Josiah's thickest socks are in the under draw, and the pieces to mend
his overhalls in a calico bag behind the clothespress door. Guard that
man like the apples in your eyes, Philury, and you'll be glad bime by.
So no more. To be continude."

Agin I laid down and tried to sleep; in vain, my thoughts, my heart
wuz in Jonesville, so I riz up agin as fur as I could and took my
handkerchief pin offen the curtain where I had pinned it and looked at
it long and sadly. I hadn't took any picture of Josiah with me, I
hadn't but one and wuz afraid I should lose it. He hain't been willin'
to be took sence he wuz bald, and I knew that his picture wuz engraved
on my heart in deeper lines than any camera or kodak could do it. But
I had a handkerchief pin that looked like him, I bought it to the
World's Fair, it wuz took of Columbus. You know Columbus wuz a
changeable lookin' critter in his pictures, if he looked like all on
'em he must have been fitty, and Miss Columbus must have had a hard
time to git along with him. This looked like Josiah, only with more
hair, but I held my thumb over the top, and I could almost hear Josiah
speak. I might have had a lock of his hair to wep' over, but my
devoted love kep' me from takin' it; I knew that he couldn't afford to
spare a hair with winter comin' on. But I felt that I must compose
myself, for my restless moves had waked Tommy up. The sullen roar of
the wheels underneath me kep' kinder hunchin' me up every little while
if I forgot myself for a minute, twittin' me that my pardner had let
me go away from him; I almost thought I heard once or twice the echo,
Grass Widder! soundin' out under the crunchin' roar and rattle of the
wheels, but then I turned right over on my shelf and sez in my agony
of sperit: Not that--not grass.

And Tommy called down, "What say, grandma?" And I reached up and took
holt of his soft, warm little hand and sez: "Go to sleep, Tommy,
grandma is here."

"You said sunthin' about grass, grandma."

And I sez, "How green the grass is in the spring, Tommy, under the
orchard trees and in the door-yard. How pretty the sun shines on it
and the moonlight, and grandpa is there, Tommy, and Peace and Rest and
Happiness, and my heart is there, too, Tommy," and I most sobbed the
last words.

And Tommy sez, "Hain't your heart here too, grandma? You act as if you
wuz 'fraid. You said when I prayed jest now that God would watch over

"And he will, Tommy, he will take care of us and of all them I love."
And leanin' my weary and mournful sperit on that thought, and leanin'
hard, I finally dropped off into the arms of Morphine.


Well, we reached Chicago with no further coincidence and put up to a
big hotel kep' by Mr. and Miss Parmer. It seems that besides all the
money I had been provided with, Thomas J. had gin a lot of money to
Miss Meechim to use for me if she see me try to stent myself any, and
he had gin particular orders that we should go to the same hotels they
did and fare jest as well, so they wanted to go to the tarven kep' by
Mr. Parmerses folks, and we did.

I felt real kinder mortified to think that I didn't pay no attention
to Mr. and Miss Parmer; I didn't see 'em at all whilst I wuz there.
But I spoze she wuz busy helpin' her hired girls, it must take a sight
of work to cook for such a raft of folks, and it took the most of his
time to provide.

Well, we all took a long ride round Chicago; Miss Meechim wanted to
see the most she could in the shortest time. So we driv through
Lincoln Park, so beautiful as to be even worthy of its name, and one
or two other beautiful parks and boolevards and Lake Shore drives. And
we went at my request to see the Woman's Temperance Building; I had
got considerable tired by that time, and, oh, how a woman's tired
heart longs for the only true rest, the heart rest of love. As we went
up the beautiful, open-work alleviator, I felt, oh, that this thing
was swinging me off to Jonesville, acrost the waste of sea and land.
But immegiately the thought come "Duty's apron-strings," and I wuz
calm agin.

But all the time I wuz there talkin' to them noble wimmen, dear to me
because they're tacklin' the most needed work under the heavens,
wagin' the most holy war, and tacklin' it without any help as you may
say from Uncle Sam, good-natered, shiftless old creeter, well meanin',
I believe, but jest led in blinders up and down the earth by the
Whiskey Power that controls State and Church to-day, and they may
dispute it if they want to, but it is true as the book of Job, and
fuller of biles and all other impurities and tribulations than Job
ever wuz, and heaven only knows how it is goin' to end.

But to resoom backwards. Lofty and inspirin' wuz the talks I had with
the noble ones whose names are on the list of temperance here and the
Lamb's Book of Life. How our hearts burnt within us, and how the
"blest tie that binds" seemed to link us clost together; when, alas!
in my soarinest moments, as I looked off with my mind's eye onto a
dark world beginnin' to be belted and lightened by the White Ribbon,
my heart fell almost below my belt ribbin' as I thought of one who had
talked light about my W. T. C. U. doin's, but wuz at heart a believer
and a abstainer and a member of the Jonesville Sons of Temperance.

A little later we stood and looked on one of the great grain
elevators, histin' up in its strong grip hull fields of wheat and corn
at a time. Ah! among all the wonderin' and awe-struck admiration of
them about me, how my mind soared off on the dear bald head afar, he
who had so often sowed the spring and reaped the autumn ears on the
hills and dales of Jonesville, sweet land! dear one! when should I see
thee again?

And as we walked through one of the enormous stock yards, oh! how the
bellerin' of them cattle confined there put me in mind of the choice
of my youth and joy of my middle age. Wuz he too bellerin' at that
moment, shet up as he wuz by environin' circumstances from her he

And so it went on, sad things put me in mind of him and joyful things,
all, all speakin' of him, and how, how wuz I to brook the separation?
But I will cease to harrow the reader's tender bosom. Dry your tears,
reader, I will proceed onwards.

The next day we sot off for California, via Salt Lake and Denver.

Jest as we left the tarven at Chicago our mail wuz put in our hands,
forwarded by the Jonesville postmaster accordin' to promise; but not a
word from my pardner, roustin' up my apprehensions afresh. Had his
fond heart broken under the too great strain? Had he passed away
callin' on my name?

My tears dribbled down onto my dress waist, though I tried to stanch
'em with my snowy linen handkerchief. Tommy's tears, too, began to
fall, seein' which I grabbed holt of Duty's black apron-strings and
wuz agin calm on the outside, and handed Tommy a chocolate drop (which
healed his woond), although on the inside my heart kep' on a seethin'
reservoir of agony and forbodin's.

The next day, as I sot in my comfortable easy chair on the car,
knittin' a little, tryin' to take my mind offen trouble and Josiah,
Tommy wuz settin' by my side, and Miss Meechim and Dorothy nigh by.
Aronette, like a little angel of Help, fixin' the cushions under our
feet, brushin' the dust offen her mistresses dresses, or pickin' up my
stitches when in my agitation or the jigglin' of the cars I dropped
'em, and a perfect Arabian Night's entertainer to Tommy, who
worshipped her, when I hearn a exclamation from Tommy, and the car
door shet, and I looked round and see a young man and woman advancin'
down the isle. They wuz a bridal couple, that anybody could see. The
blessed fact could be seen in their hull personality--dress, demeanor,
shinin' new satchels and everything, but I didn't recognize 'em till
Tommy sez:

"Oh, grandma, there is Phila Henzy and the man she married!"

Could it be? Yes it wuz Phila Ann Henzy, Philemon Henzy's oldest girl,
named for her pa and ma, I knew she wuz married in Loontown the week
before. I'd hearn on't, but had never seen the groom, but knew he wuz
a young chap she had met to the Buffalo Exposition, and who had
courted her more or less ever sence. They seemed real glad to see me,
though their manners and smiles and hull demeanors seemed kinder new,
somehow, like their clothes. They had hearn from friends in Jonesville
that I wuz on my way to California, and they'd been lookin' for me.
Sez the groom, with a fond look on her:

"I am so glad we found you, for Baby would have been so disappointed
if we hadn't met you."

Baby! Phila Ann wuz six feet high if she wuz a inch, but good lookin'
in a big sized way. And he wuz barely five feet, and scrawny at that;
but a good amiable lookin' young man. But I didn't approve of his
callin' her Baby when she could have carried him easy on one arm and
not felt it. The Henzys are all big sized, and Ann, her ma, could
always clean her upper buttery shelves without gittin' up in a chair,
reach right up from the floor.

But he probable had noble qualities if he wuz spindlin' lookin', or
she couldn't adore him as she did. Phila Ann jest worshipped him I
could see, and he her, visey versey. Sez she, with a tender look down
onto him:

"Yes, I've been tellin' pa how I did hope we should meet you."

Pa! There wuz sunthin' else I didn't approve of; callin' him pa, when
the fact that they wuz on their bridal tower wuz stomped on 'em both
jest as plain as I ever stomped a pat of butter with clover leaves.
But I didn't spoze I could do anything to help or hender, for I
realized they wuz both in a state of delirium or trance. But I
meditated further as I looked on, it wouldn't probable last no great
length of time. The honeymoon would be clouded over anon or before
that. The clouds would clear away agin, no doubt, and the sun of Love
shine out permanent if their affection for each other wuz cast-iron
and sincere. But the light of this magic moon I knew would never
shine on 'em agin. The light of that moon makes things look dretful
queer and casts strange shadders onto things and folks laugh at it but
no other light is so heavenly bright while it lasts. I think so and so
duz Josiah.

But to resoom forwards. The groom went somewhere to send a telegram
and Phila sot down by me for a spell; their seat wuz further off but
she wanted to talk with me. She wuz real happy and confided in me, and
remarked "What a lovely state matrimony is."

And I sez, "Yes indeed! it is, but you hain't got fur enough along in
marriage gography to bound the state on all sides as you will in the

But she smiled blissful and her eyes looked fur off in rapped delight
(the light of that moon shin' full on her) as she said:

"What bliss it is for me to know that I have got sunthin' to lean

And I thought that it would be sad day for him if she leaned her hull
heft, but didn't say so, not knowin' how it would be took.

I inquired all about the neighbors in Jonesville and Zoar and
Loontown, and sez I, "I spoze Elder White is still doin' all he can
for that meetin' house of hisen in Loontown, and I inquired particular
about him, for Ernest White is a young man I set store by. He come
from his home in Boston to visit his uncle, the banker, in East
Loontown. He wuz right from the German university and college and
preachin' school, and he wuz so rich he might have sot down and
twiddled his thumbs for the rest of his days. But he had a passion for
work--a passion of pity for poor tempted humanity. He wanted to reach
down and try to lift up the strugglin' 'submerged tenth.' He wuz a
student and disciple of Ruskin, and felt that he must carry a message
of helpfulness and beauty into starved lives. And, best of all, he wuz
a follower of Jesus, who went about doin' good. When his rich family
found that he would be a clergyman they wanted to git him a big city
church, and he might have had twenty, for he wuz smart as a whip,
handsome, rich, and jest run after in society. But no; he said there
wuz plenty to take those rich fat places; he would work amongst the
poor, them who needed him."

East Loontown is a factory village, and the little chapel was standin'
empty for want of funds, but twenty saloons wuz booming, full of the
operatives, who spent all of their spare time and most of their money
there. So Ernest White stayed right there and preached, at first to
empty seats and a few old wimmen, but as they got to know him, the
best young men and young wimmen went, and he filled their hearts with
aspiration and hope and beauty and determination to help the world.
Not being contented with what he wuz doing he spent half his time with
the factory hands, who wuz driven to work by Want, and harried by the
mighty foe, Intemperance. A saloon on every corner and block, our twin
American idols, Intemperance and Greed, taking every cent of money
from the poor worshippers, to pour into the greedy pockets of the
saloon-keepers, brewers, whiskey men and the Government, and all who
fatten on the corpse of manhood.

Well, he jest threw himself into the work of helping those poor souls,
and helping them as he did in sickness and health they got to liking
him, so that they wuz willing to go and hear him preach, which was one
hard blow to the Demon. The next thing he got all the ministers he
could to unite in a Church Union to fight the Liquor Power, and
undertaking it in the right way, at the ballot-box, they got it pretty
well subdued, and as sane minds begun to reign in healthier bodies,
better times come.

Elder White not only preached every Sunday, but kep' his church open
every evening of the week, and his boys and girls met there for
healthful and innocent amusements. He got a good library, all sorts of
good games, music; and had short, interesting lectures and
entertainments and his Church of Love rivalled the Idol Temples and
drew away its idol worshippers one by one, and besides the ministers,
many prominent business men helped him; my son, Thomas J., is forward
in helpin' it along. And they say that besides all the good they're
doing, they have good times too, and enjoy themselves first-rate
evenings. They don't stay out late--that's another thing Elder White
is trying to inculcate into their minds--right living in the way of
health as well as morals. Every little while he and somebody else who
is fitted for it gives short talks on subjects that will help the boys
and girls along in Temperance and all good things. The young folks
jest worship him, so they say, and I wuz glad to hear right from him.
Phila is a worker in his meetin' house, and a active member, and so is
her pa and ma, and she said that there wuz no tellin' how much good he
had done.

"When he come there," sez she, "there wuz twenty saloons goin' full
blast in a village of two thousand inhabitants and the mill operatives
wuz spendin' most all they earnt there, leavin' their families to
suffer and half starve; but when Elder White opened his Church of Love
week day evenin's as well as Sunday, you have no idee what a change
there is. There isn't a saloon in the place. He has made his church so
pleasant for the young folks that he has drawn away crowds that used
to fill the saloons."

"Yes," sez I, "Thomas J. is dretful interested in it; he has gin three
lectures there."

"Yes, most all the best citizens have joined the Help Union to
fight against the Whiskey Power, though," sez Phila, "there is one
or two ministers who are afraid of contaminating their religion by
politics. They had ruther stand up in their pulpits and preach to
a few wimmen about the old Jews and the patience of Job than take
holt and do a man's work in a man's way--the only practical way,
grapple with the monster Evil at its lair, where it breeds and
fattens--the ballot-box."

"Yes," sez I, "a good many ministers think that they can't descend
into the filthy pool of politics. But it hain't reasonable, for how
are you a goin' to clean out a filthy place if them that want it clean
stand on the bank and hold their noses with one hand, and jester with
the other, and quote scripter? And them that don't want it clean are
throwin' slime and dirt into it all the time, heapin' up the loathsome
filth. Somebody has got to take holt and work as well as pray, if
these plague spots and misery breeders are ever purified."

"Well, Elder White is doin' all he can," sez Phila. "He went right to
the polls 'lection day and worked all day; for the Whiskey Power wuz
all riz up and watchin' and workin' for its life, as you may say,
bound to draw back into its clutches some of the men that Elder White,
with the Lord's help, had saved. They exerted all their influence,
liquor run free all day and all the night before, tryin' to brutalize
and craze the men into votin' as the Liquor Power dictated. But Elder
White knew what they wuz about, and he and all the earnest helpers he
could muster used all their power and influence, and the election wuz
a triumph for the Right. East Loontown went no-license, and not a
saloon curses its streets to-day. North Loontown, where the minister
felt that he wuz too good to touch the political pole, went license,
and five more filthy pools wuz opened there for his flock to fall
into, to breed vile influences that will overpower all the good
influence he can possibly bring to bear on the souls committed to his

"But," sez I, "he is writin' his book, 'Commentaries on Ancient Sins,'
so he won't sense it so much. He's jest carried away with his work."

Sez Phila, "He had better be actin' out a commentary on modern sins.
What business has he to be rakin' over the old ashes of Sodom and
Gomorrah for bones of antediluvian sinners, and leave his livin'
flock to be burnt and choked by the fire and flames of the present
volcano of crime, the Liquor System, that belches forth all the

"Well, he wuz made so," sez I.

"Well, he had better git down out of the pulpit," sez Phila, "and let
some one git up there who can see a sinner right under his nose, and
try to drag him out of danger and ruin, and not have to look over a
dozen centuries to find him."

"Well, I am thankful for Ernest White, and I have felt that he and
Waitstill Webb wuz jest made for each other. He thinks his eyes of her
I know. When she went and nursed the factory hands when the typhoid
fever broke out he said 'she wuz like a angel of Mercy.'"

"They said he looked like a angel of Wrath 'lection day," sez Phila.
"You know how fair his face is, and how his clear gray eyes seem to
look right through you, and through shams and shames of every kind.
Well, that day they said his face fairly shone and he did the work of
ten men."

"That is because his heart is pure," sez I, "like that Mr. Gallyhed I
heard Thomas J. read about; you know it sez:

    "'His strength is as the strength of ten
    Because his heart is pure.'

"And oh!" sez I agin, "how I would love to see him and Waitstill Webb
married, and happy."

"So would I," sez Phila. "Oh, it is such a beautiful state, matrimony

"And he needs a wife," sez I. "You know he wouldn't stay with his
uncle but said he must live with his people who needed him, so he
boards there at the Widder Pooler's."

"Yes," sez Phila, "and though she worships him, she had rather any day
play the part of Mary than of Martha--she had rather be sittin' at his
feet and learnin' of him--than cookin' good nourishin' food and
makin' a clean, sweet home for him. But he don't complain."

"What a companion Waitstill would be for him?" I sez agin.

"Yes," sez Phila, "but I don't believe she will ever marry any one,
she looks so sad."

"It seems jest if they wuz made for each other," sez I, "and I know he
worships the ground she walks on. But I don't know as she will ever
marry any one after what she has went through," and I sithed.

"She would marry," sez Phila warmly, "if she knew what a lovely,
lovely state it wuz."

How strange it is that some folks are as soft as putty on some
subjects and real cute on others. Phila knew enough on any other
subject only jest marriage. But I spozed that her brain would harden
up on this subject when she got more familiar with it--they generally
do. And the light of that moon I spoke on liquefies common sense and a
state, putty soft, ensues; but cold weather hardens putty, and I knew
that she would git over it. But even as I methought, Phila sez, "I
must go to my seat, pa will be lookin' for me." I see Miss Meechim
smotherin' a smile on her lace-edged handkerchief, and Dorothy's eyes
kinder laughin' at the idee of a bride callin' her husband "pa."

But the groom returned at jest that minute, and I introduced 'em both
to Miss Meechim and Dorothy, and we had quite a good little visit. But
anon, the groom mentioned incidentally that they wuz a goin' to live
in Salt Lake City.

"Why!" sez I in horrow, "you hain't a goin' to jine the Mormons are

And as I said that I see Miss Meechim kinder git Dorothy behind her,
as if to protect her from what might be. But I knew there wuzn't no
danger from the groom's flirtin' with any other female or tryin' to
git 'em sealed to him, for quite a spell I knew that he felt himself
as much alone with Baby as if them two wuz on a oasis in the middle of
the desert of Sarah. I knew that it would be some months before he
waked up to the fact of there bein' another woman in the world. And
oh, how Phila scoffed at the idee of pa jinin' the Mormons. They had
bought part of a store of a Gentile and wuz goin' to be pardners with
him and kinder grow up with the country. I felt that hey wuz a likely
couple and would do well, but rememberin' Dorothy's and Miss Meechim's
smiles I reached up and stiddied myself on that apron-string of Duty,
and took Phila out one side and advised her not to call her bridegroom
pa. Sez I, "You hain't but jest married and it don't look well."

And she said that "Her ma always called her father pa."

"Well," sez I, "if you'll take the advice of a old Jonesvillian and
well-wisher, you'll wait till you're a few years older before you call
him pa."

And she sez, lookin' admirin'ly at him, "I spoze I might call him

Well, you can't put sense into a certain bump in anybody's head if it
wuzn't made there in the first place--there are holler places in heads
that you can't fill up, do your best. But oh! how her devoted love to
him put me in mind of myself, and how his small-sized devotion to
her--how it reminded me of him who wuz far away--and oh, why did I not
hear from him! my heart sunk nearly into my shues as I foreboded about
it. It seemed as if everything brung him up before me, the provisions
we had on the dining car wuz good and plenty of 'em, and how they made
me think of him, who wuz a good provider. The long, long days and
nights of travel, the jar and motion of the cars made me think of him
who often wuz restless and oneasy. And even the sand of the desert
between Cheyenne and Denver, even that sand brought me fond
remembrances of one who wuz sandy complected when in his prime. And
oh! when did I not think of him? Christmas had gone by, but how could
we celebrate it without a home to set up a Christmas tree, or set out
a table with good Jonesville vittles. How I thought on him who made a
holiday in my heart by his presence, and always helped me put the
leaves in the extension table.

Tommy wanted to hang up his little stockin', and did, hangin' it out
like a little red signal of distress over the side of his top shelf,
and we filled it with everything good we could git hold on.

Dorothy put in a little silver watch she had bought on her travels,
not bigger than a warnut, and Miss Meechim put in some of the toys she
had bought for children of her acquaintance. I got a good little
picture book for him in Chicago, and a set of Authors, and Aronette
gin him two little linen handkerchiefs, hemstitched by herself, and
his name, "Tommy," worked in the corners. He wuz real tickled with 'em
all. I told Miss Meechim that I had hoped to spend Christmas in Salt
Lake City. Knowin' that it wuz a warm climate, I thought I could have
a Christmas tree out doors; I thought I could take one of them big
pine trees I had read on, and invite Brigham Young's wives, the hull
on 'em, to my party, bein' out doors I thought there would be room for
'em all, poor creeters!

But Miss Meechim is very cautious, and she said that she wuz afraid
that such a party given by folks in my high position might have a
tendency to encourage polygamy.

And I said, "I would rather give a dollar bill than do that, and mebbe
I had better give it up, for we shan't git there in time, anyway."

And so I did, and spent the Christmas holidays on the cars, and tried
to keep my heart and mind in a Christmas mood, but don't spoze I did,
so many fond recollections and sad forebodin's hanted me as the cars
swep' us on, on through the valley of the Platte river on to Denver.
Miss Meechim, who is a power on dates, said that Denver wuz five
thousand two hundred feet above the sea.

And Tommy wonnered, wonnered who measured it, and if they did it with
a yard stick as his ma measured cloth, and then he wonnered if his ma
missed her little boy, and then he laid up aginst me and kinder cried
a little, evanescent grief soon soothed.

We stayed in Denver two days, sallyin' out to different points of
interest about it, and here I see irrigation carried on, water carried
into the channels around the crops and trees some as I've dug little
holes round my house-plants to hold water; only of course Denver wuz
carryin' it on, on a bigger scale. It is a handsome city with the
water of the Platte river brung in and running along in little streams
by the curbstones. We rode out to Idaho Springs on a narrer railroad
but easy goin', through Clear Creek Canon. I liked the looks of the
Springs first-rate (they made me think of Josiah).

All the way we see Chinamen workin' hard and patient, as is their
wont, and their long frocks they had on made me think of him I mourned
for, and their hair hangin' in long braids down their back. So would
_his_ hair look if he had any, and let it grow.

We had to go a little out of our straight way to visit Salt Lake City
but felt that it paid.


Salt Lake lays in a rich valley at the foot of a range of snow-capped
mountains that tower up 'round it, seemin' to the saints, I spoze, as
if they wuz heavenly ramparts to protect 'em from evil; and lookin' to
them that despise the saints' ways and customs, as if the very earth
itself was liftin' up its high hands in horrow at their deeds. But to
me, hanted as I wuz by a memory, the mountains looked some like old
men with white hair; as his would be when he got older if he wuzn't
bald. I knew that I ort not to think on it, but it would come onbid.
It is a beautiful city with electric lights, electric railways, broad
streets lined with lofty trees, and little rivulets of pure cold
snow-water runnin' along the side of 'em. The houses are clean and
comfortable looking, with well-kep' lawns and gardens about 'em and
flowering shrubs. The temple is a magnificent building; it towers up
to heaven, as if it wuz jest as sure of bein' right as our Methodist
Episcopal steeple at Jonesville. Though we know that the M. E.
steeple, though smaller in size, is pintin' the right way and will be
found out so on that day that tries souls and steeples and everything

The old Bee Hive (where the swarm of Mormons first hived and made gall
or honey--or mebby both)--is also an interestin' sight to meditate on.
It is shaped a good deal like one of them round straw bee hives you
see in old Sabbath School books. The bride and groom went to their own
home to live, on whom we called, or Tommy and I did, and left 'em well
situated and happy; and I told him, sez I: "If you 'tend strict to the
eighth commandment, you'll git along first rate."

And he said that he felt he could rise to any height of goodness with
Baby's help. And she scoffed at the idee of pa ever payin' any
attention to any other woman but her, when he worshipped her so.

Well, so other men have felt and got led off, but I won't forebode.
But I left 'em happy in their own cozy home, which I wuz glad to think
I could describe to Phileman and Ann if I ever see that blessed haven,
Jonesville, agin.

We went out to visit the Mineral Springs. It only took us about ten
minutes on the train, and it only took us about half an hour to go to
Garfield Beach. It is the only sand beach on Salt Lake, and some say
it is the finest beach in the world, and they say that the sunsets
viewed from this spot are so heavenly bright in their glowin' colors
that no pen or tongue can describe 'em. The blue-green waves wuz
dancin' as we stood on the shore, and we wuz told that if we fell in,
the water would hold us up, but didn't try it, bein' in sunthin' of a

At Miss Meechim's strong request we went on a pleasant trip to York
City through the valley of the River of Jordan. How good that name
sounded to me! How much like scripter! But, alas! it made me think of
one who had so often sung with me on the way home from evenin'
meetin', as the full moon gilded the top of the democrat, and the
surroundin' landscape:

    "By Jordan's stormy banks we stand
      And cast a wistful eye
    On Canaan's fair and happy land,
      Where my possessions lie."

Oh, human love and longing, how strong thou art! I knowed that him
meant the things of the sperit, but my human heart translated it, and
I sithed and felt that the Jordan my soul wuz passin' through wuz
indeed a hard pathway, and I couldn't help castin' a wishful eye on
Jonesville's fair and happy land, where my earthly possession, my
Josiah, lay.

But to resoom. We had hearn that Polygamy wuz still practised there,
and we had hearn that it wuzn't. But every doubt on that subject wuz
laid to rest by an invitation we all had to go and visit a Mormon
family livin' not fur off, and Miss Meechim and I went, she not
wantin' Dorothy to hear a word on the subject. She said with reason,
that after all her anxiety and labors to keep her from marryin' one
man, what would be her feelin's to have her visit a man who had boldly
wedded 'leven wives and might want a even dozen!

I could see it to once, so didn't urge the matter, but left Tommy with
her and Aronette. As nigh as I could make out, the Mormons had felt
that Miss Meechim and I wuz high in authority in Gentile climes, one
on us had that air of nobility and command that is always associated
with high authority, and they felt that one on us could do their cause
much good if they could impress us favorable with the custom, so they
put their best twenty-four feet forward and did their level best to
show off their doctrine in flyin' colors. But they didn't do any good
to "one on us," nor to Miss Meechim, either; she's sound in doctrine,
though kinder weak and disagreeable in spots.

Well, we found that this family lived in splendid style, and the
husband and all his pardners acted happy whether they wuz or not. And
I d'no how or why it wuz, but when we all sot down in their large cool
parlor, Miss Meechim and I in our luxurious easy chairs, and our host
in one opposite with his wife occupyin' 'leven chairs at his sides, a
feelin' of pity swep' over me--pity for that man.

Yes, as I looked at that one lonely man, small boneded at that, and
then looked at them 'leven portly wimmen that called that man "our
husband," I pitied him like a dog. I had never thought of pityin'
Mormon men before, but had poured out all my pity and sympathy onto
the female Mormons. But havin' a mind like a oxes for strength, I
begun to see matters in a new light, and I begun to spozen to myself,
even whilst I sot there with my tongue keepin' up a light dialogue on
the weather, the country, etc., with the man and his wife ('leven on
'em). I spozed what if they should all git mad at him at one time how
wuz he goin' to bear their 'leven rages flashin' from twenty-two eyes,
snortin' from 'leven upturned noses, fallin' from 'leven angry voices,
and the angry jesters from twenty-two scornful hands. Spozein' they
all got to weepin' on his shoulder at one time how could one shoulder
blade stand it under the united weight of 'leven full-sized females,
most two ton of 'em, amidst more'n forty-four nervous sobs, for they
would naterally gin more'n two apiece. In sickness now, if they wanted
to soothe his achin' brow, and of course they would all want to, and
have the right to. But how could twenty-two hands rest on that one
small fore-top? Sixty-six rubs at the least figger, for if they
stroked his forehead at all they would want to stroke it three times
apiece, poor creeter! would not delerium ensue instead of sooth? And
spozein' they all took it into their heads to hang on his arm with
both arms fondly whilst out walkin' by moonlight, how could twenty-two
arms be accommodated by two small scrawny elbows?

It couldn't be done. And as I mused on't I spoke right out onbeknown
to me, and sez I:

"The Lord never meant it to be so; it hain't reasonable; it's aginst
common sense."

And the hull twelve sez, "What didn't the Lord mean? What wuz aginst
common sense?"

And bein' ketched at it, I sez, "The Mormon doctrine;" sez I, "to say
nothin' on moral and spiritual grounds, and state rights, it's against
reason and good sense."

I felt mortified to think I had spoke out loud, but had to stand my
ground after I had said it.

But they all said that the Mormon doctrine wuz the true belief, that
it wuz writ in heaven, then it wuz engraved on plates, and dug up by
Joe Smith, a Latter Day Saint.

Sez I, "If anybody trys to prove sunthin' they want to, they can most
always dig up sunthin' to prove it. You say a man dug this plate up;
what if some woman should go to diggin' and find a plate provin' that
one woman ort to have 'leven husbands?"

"Oh, no!" sez the man in deep scorn, "no such plate could be found!"

The wimmen all looked as if they would kinder like to see such dishes,
but they all sez faintly, "We don't spoze that it could be found."

"But," I sez, "you don't know how many plates there are in the ground,
nor who'll dig 'em up."

"Oh, that idee is preposterous!" sez the man, as visions of dividin'
one woman's heart into eleven parts and reignin' over that little
mossel riz up before him. "Men never would agree to that; there would
be mutiny, internal bloodshed and sizm."

"Well," sez I, "mebby there is more or less internal heart bleedin'
goin' on in the wimmen's hearts that have to divide a man's love and
care a dozen times." Sez I, "A hull man's hull affections are onstiddy
and wobblin' and oncertain enough without dividin' it up so many

Them wimmen wuz touched. I see a answerin' gleam of understandin' come
into about twenty-one eyes as I spoke; one on 'em stood firm and
looked hauty and cast iron, but I mistrusted it wuz a glass eye, but
don't know, it might have been principle.

And even on the man's small-sized countenance my words had seemed to
make a impression. But yet he didn't want to give up in a minute; he
spoke of how the Mormons had flourished since they come to Utah, how
they had turned the desert into a garden, and he felt that the Lord
must look on 'em favorable or they wouldn't be so prosperous.

"Yes," sez I, not wantin' to lie, "your country is beautiful, it is in
a flourishing state, and shows the good results of systematic labor,
industry and ambition; you have made the desert bloom like the rosy,
many of your ways and customs might be follered with profit by older
communities, and more orthodox accordin' to my idees. But I don't know
as your flourishin' in worldly affairs is any sign of God's favor,"
and I mentioned the scripter concernin' who it wuz that flourished
like the green bayberry tree. So bein' driv out of that argument, he
sez, forgittin' his own eleven proofs aginst his story bein' true:

"Polygamy is done away with anyway; the United States have abolished
it in Utah."

And I sez: "Well, I should be glad to think that wuz so, for one
husband and one wife is as much as the Lord in his mercy ort to ask
one human creeter to tend to and put up with. Not but what marriage is
a beautiful institution and full of happiness if Love props it up and
gilds it with its blessed ray. But one is enough," sez I firmly, "and
enough is as good as a feast."

Miss Meechim sot silently by durin' this eloquent discussion--what she
felt, she that abhorred the institution of marriage anyway--what she
felt to look on and see folks so much married as these wuz, will
forever remain a secret, but her looks wuz queer, very, and her nose
fairly sought the heavens, it wuz held so high. A few of the wives
brought in some refreshments to refresh us, and a few more waited on
us and the small husband of their eleven hearts, and almost
immegiately we tore ourselves away, takin' in ourn as we left, the
hand of the husband and the eleven right hands of the wife.

That evenin' I wuz told I wuz wanted in the parlor, and as I entered
quite a good lookin' Mormon man got up and advanced and broke out to
once askin' my help. He said he'd read in the paper that I wuz there
to that tarven, and knowin' I stood so high with the public he had
ventered to ask my help. He had political yearnin's and wanted to set
in the Senate, but as I stood firm as iron again that idee his
linement grew almost frenzied, and sez he:

"Do help me, do use your influence with your President. He's afraid
of race suicide; tell him I'm the father of forty-seven children--will
not that touch his heart?"

"Not a mite!" sez I, "his heart is as true as steel to his one wife
and six children. It is a good manly heart that can't be led off by
any such brazen statements."

His linement looked lurid and half demented as he sez, "Mebby some
high church dignitaries would help me. Or no," sez he, "go to the head
of it all, go to the Liquor Power--that's the place to go to, that
rules Church and State, that makes the laws. Oh, do go to the Liquor
Power, and git it to let me set. I'll pay their usual price for makin'
personal laws in a man's favor."

The cold glare in my gray eye froze the words on his lip. "You ask me
to go to the Liquor Power for help! Do you know who you're speakin'

"Yes," sez he feebly, "I'm speakin' to Josiah Allen's wife, and I want
to set."

His axent wuz heartbroken and I fancied that there wuz a little tone
of repentance in it. Could I influence him for the right? Could I
frighten him into the right path? I felt I must try, and I sez in a
low, deep voice:

"I'll help you to set if you'll set where I want you to."

"Oh, tell me! tell me," sez he, "where you want me to set."

"Not in the high halls where justice is administered, not up there
with the pictures of your numerous wives on your heart to make laws
condemnin' a man who has only one extra wife to prison for twenty
years, which same law would condemn you to prison for 'most a century.
That wouldn't be reasonable. Presidents and senators are sot up there
in Washington D. C. as examplers for the young to foller and stimulate
'em to go and do likewise. Such a example as yourn would stimulate 'em
too much in matrimonial directions and land 'em in prison."

He muttered sunthin' about lots of public men havin' other wives in

"In secret?" sez I. "Well, mebby so, but it has to be in secret, hid
away, wropped in disgrace, and if the law discovers it they are
punished. That's a very different thing from makin' such a life
respectable, coverin' 'em under the mantilly of the law, embroidered
too with public honors."

He turned away despairin'ly and murmured mekanically the old
heart-broken wail, "I want to set."

And I sez reasonably, "There is no objection to your settin' down, and
if I had my way you would set right by them who have done only half or
a quarter what you have and in the place the laws have made for them
and you."

He turned quick as a wink, "Then you won't help me?"

"Yes," sez I, "I'll help all I can to put you right in with the others
that have done jest what you have--openly set our laws at defiance.
But if I know myself I won't help a tiger cat to hold a canary bird or
a wolf to guard a sheep pen. I won't help a felon up on the seat of
justice to make laws for innocent men."

"Innocent men!" And agin he sez, "Ha! ha!"

And agin I didn't care what he said. And I got up and sez, "You may as
well leave the presence." And as he turned I sez in conclusion,
thinkin' mebby I'd been too hash, "I dare say you have intellect and
may be a good man so fur as I know only in this one iniquity and open
defiance of our laws, and I advise you to turn right round in your
tracks and git ready to set down on high, for you'll find it a much
worse thing to prance round through all eternity without settin' than
it is to not set here."

He jest marched out of the door and didn't say good bye or good day or
anything. But I didn't care. I knowed the minute his card wuz handed
to me jest how many wives he had and how he wuz doin' all he could to
uphold what he called his religion, but I did hope I'd done him some
good but felt dubersome about it. But knowin' I'd clung to Duty's
apron strings I felt like leavin' the event. And when Miss Meechim
come in I wuz settin' calm and serene in a big chair windin' some
clouded blue and white yarn, Aronette holdin' the skein. I'd brung
along a lot of woollen yarn to knit Josiah some socks on the way, to
make me feel more homelike.

And the next day we proceeded on to California.


Miss Meechim and Dorothy looked brighter and happier as every
revolution of the wheels brought us nearer their old home, and they
talked about Robert Strong and other old friends I never see.

    "Be it ever so humbly,
    There is no place like hum."

My heart sung them words and carried two parts, one sulferino and one
bear tone. The high part caused by my lofty emotions and sweet
recollections of home, that hallowed spot; the minor chords caused by
feelin's I have so often recapitulated. Tommy, as the day wore on,
went to sleep, and I covered him tenderly on the seat with my little
shoulder shawl, and sot there alone; alone, as the cars bore us
onward, sometimes through broad green fields of alfalfa, anon over a
bridge half a mile long, from whence you could look down and see the
flowing stream beneath like a little skein of silver yarn glistening
in the sun fur below, agin forests and valleys and farms and
homesteads, and anon in an opening through a valley, high bluffs,
beautifully colored, could be seen towering up over blue waters, up,
up as if they wuz bent on touching the fleecy clouds overhead. And
then a green sheltered valley, and then a high range of mountains seen
fur off as if overlookin' things to see that all wuz well, anon a big
city, then a village, then the green country agin, and so the pictures
passed before me as I sot there.

I had put on a pair of new cuffs and a collar, made for me and
hemstitched by Waitstill Webb, and gin to me by her, though I wanted
to pay her. Sweet little creeter! how good she wuz to me and to
everybody, and I thought of her sad history, and hoped that brighter
days wuz ahead on her. I d'no as I've told the reader much about her
history, and mebby I might as well whilst we are rushin' on so fast,
and Tommy is asleep.

Alan Thorne, the young man she wuz engaged to, wuz brung up by a uncle
who had a family of his own to love and tend to, but he did his duty
by Alan, gin him a good education and a comfortable, if not
affectionate, home in his family. But it wuz a big family all bound up
in each other, and Alan had seemed like one who looks on through a
winder at the banquet of Life and Love, kinder hungry and lonesome
till he met Waitstill Webb. Then their two hearts and souls rushed
together like two streams of water down an inclined plane. They
literally seemed to be two bodies with one heart, one soul, one
desire, one aspiration. He had always been industrious, honest and
hard workin'. Now he had sunthin' to work for; and for the three years
after he met Waitstill he worked like a giant. He wuz earning a home
for his wife, his idol; how happy he wuz in his efforts, his work, and
how happy she wuz to see it, and to work herself in her quiet way for
the future.

He had bought a home about a mile out of the city, where he was
employed, and had got it all payed for. It wuz a beautiful little
cottage with a few acres of land round it, and he had got his garden
all laid out and a orchard of fruit trees of all kinds, and trees and
flowering shrubs and vines around the pretty cottage. There wuz a
little pasture where he wuz to keep his cow and a horse, that she
could take him with to his work mornings and drive round where she
wanted to, and there wuz a meadow lot with a little rivulet running
through it, and they had already planned a rustic bridge over the
dancing stream, and a trout pond, and she had set out on its borders
some water lilies, pink and white, and Showy Ladies and other wild
flowers, and she jest doted on her posy garden and strawberry beds,
and they'd bought two or three hives of bees in pretty boxes and took
them out there; they had rented the place to a old couple till they
wanted it themselves. And every holiday and Sunday they walked out to
their own place, and the sun did not shine any brighter on their
little home than the sun of hope and happiness did in their hearts as
they pictured their life there in that cozy nest.

And Alan Thorne, after he loved Waitstill, not only tried to win
outward success for her sake; he tried to weed out all the weaknesses
of his nater, to make himself more worthy of her. He said to himself
when he would go to see her, he would "robe his soul in holiest
purpose as for God himself." His pa had at one time in his life drank
considerable, but he wuz not a drunkard, and he wuz a good bizness man
when the fever carried him off, and his young wife out of the world
the same year. Well, Alan wuz jest as industrious as he could be, and
with his happy future to look forward to and Waitstill's love and
beloved presence to prop up his manhood, everything promised a fair
and happy life for them both; till, like a thunder-cloud out of a
clear sky come that deafening report from Spanish brutality that blew
up the _Maine_ and this nation's peace and tranquility. Dretful deed!
Awful calamity! that sent three hundred of our brave seamen onprepared
to meet their God--without a second's warning. Awful deed that cried
to heaven for pity! But did it bring back these brave fellows sleeping
in Havana harbor to their mothers, wives and sweethearts, to have
thousands more added to the list of the slain?

"Remember the _Maine_!" How these words echoed from pulpit and Senate
and palace and hovel; how they wuz sung in verse, printed in poems,
printed in flaming lines of electric light everywhere! From city to
country, you saw and heard these words, "Remember the _Maine_!"

I wondered then and I wonder now if the spirit of revenge that swep'
through our nation at that time wuz the spirit of the Master.

I d'no nor Josiah don't, whether it wuz right and best to influence
the souls of the young till they burnt at white heat with the spirit
that our Lord said his disciples must avoid, for said he: "Vengeance
is mine, saith the Lord."

Well, it is a deep question, deeper than I've got a line to measure;
and Josiah's line and mine both tied together don't begin to touch the
bottom on't, for we've tried it time and agin. We've argyed aginst
each other about it, and jined on and hitched our arguments together,
and they didn't touch bottom then, nor begin to. As Mrs. Browning said
(a woman I set store by, and always did, I've hearn Thomas J. read
about her so much): "A country's a thing men should die for at need."

Yes, to die for, if its safety is imperilled, that I believe and
Josiah duz, but I have eppisoded about it a sight, I've had to. I
methought how this nation wuz stirred to its deepest depths; how it
seethed and boiled with indignation and wrath because three hundred of
its sons wuz killed by ignorant and vicious means; how it breathed out
vengeance on the cause that slew them; how it called To Arms! To Arms!
Remember the _Maine_! But how cool and demute it stood, or ruther sot,
and see every year sixty thousand of its best sons slain by the
saloon, ten-fold more cruel deaths, too, since the soul and mind wuz
slain before their bodies went. No cry for vengeance as the long
procession of the dead wheeled by the doors of the law-makers of the
land; no cry: "To arms! to arms! Remember the Saloon." And more
mysterious still, I eppisoded to myself, it would have looked to see
the Government rig out and sell to the Spaniards a million more bombs
and underground mines to blow up the rest of our ships and kill
thousands more of our young men. Wouldn't it have looked dog queer to
the other nations of the world to have seen it done?

But there they sot, our law-makers, and if they lifted their eyes at
all to witness the long procession of the dead drift by, sixty
thousand corpses yearly slain by the Saloon, if they lifted their eyes
at all to look at the ghastly procession, they dropped 'em agin quick
as they could so's not to delay their work of signin' licenses, makin'
new laws, fixin' over old ones, and writin' permits to the murderers
to go on with their butchery. Queer sight! queer in the sight of other
nations, in the sight of men and angels, and of me and Josiah.

Well, to stop eppisodin' and resoom backwards for a spell. Alan Thorne
hearn that cry: "To arms! To arms!" And his very soul listened. His
grandfathers on both sides wuz fighting men; at school and college
he'd been trained in a soldier regiment, and had been steeped full of
warlike idees, and they all waked up at his cry for vengeance. He had
just got to go; it wuz to be. Heaven and Waitstill couldn't help it;
he had to go; he went.

Well, Waitstill read his letters as well as she could through her
blindin' tears; letters at first full of love--the very passion of
love and tenderness for his sweetheart, and deathless patriotism and
love for his country.

But bime-by the letters changed a little in their tones--they wuzn't
so full of love for his country. "The country," so he writ, "wuz
shamefully neglecting its sons, neglecting their comfort." He writ
they wuz herded together in quarters not fit for a dog, with
insufficient food; putrid, dretful food, that no dog would or could
eat. No care taken of their health--and as for the health of their
souls, no matter where they wuz, if half starved or half clad, the
Canteen was always present with 'em; if they could git nothin' else
for their comfort, they could always git the cup that the Bible sez:
"Cursed is he that puts it to his neighbor's lips." Doubly cursed
now--poisoned with adulteration, makin' it a still more deadly pizen.

Well, sickened with loathsome food he could not eat, half starved, the
deadly typhoid hovering over the wretched soldier, is it any wonder
that as the tempter held the glass to his lips (the tempter being the
Government he wuz fightin' for) the tempted yielded and drank?

The letters Waitstill got grew shorter and cooler, as the tempter led
Alan deeper and deeper into his castle of Ruin where the demon sets
and gloats over its victims. When the Canteen had done its work on the
crazed brain and imbruted body, other sins and evils our Government
had furnished and licensed, stood ready to draw him still further
along the down-grade whose end is death.

Finally the letters stopped, and then Waitstill, whose heart wuz
broke, jined the noble army of nurses and went forward to the front,
always hunting for the one beloved, and, as she feared, lost to her.
And she found him. The very day that Alan Thorne, in a drunken brawl,
killed Arvilly's husband with a bullet meant for another drunken
youth, these wimmen met. A rough lookin' soldier knelt down by the
dead man, a weepin' woman fell faintin' on his still, dead heart; this
soldier ('twas Arville) wuz sick in bed for a week, Waitstill tendin'
him, or her I might as well say, for Arville owned to her in her
weakness that she wuz a woman; yes, Waitstill tended her faithfully,
white and demute with agony, but kep' up with the hope that the
Government that had ruined her lover would be lenient towards the
crime it had caused. For she reasoned it out in a woman's way. She
told Arvilly "that Alan would never have drank had not the Government
put the cup to his lips, and of course the Government could not
consistently condemn what it had caused to be." She reasoned it out
from what she had learnt of justice and right in the Bible.

But Arvilly told her--for as quick as she got enough strength she wuz
the same old Arvilly agin, only ten times more bent on fightin' aginst
the Drink Demon that murdered her husband. Sez Arvilly: "You don't
take into consideration the Tariff and Saloon arguments of apologizin'
Church and State, the tax money raised from dead men, and ruined
lives and broken hearts to support poor-houses and jails and police to
take care of their victims." No; Waitstill reasoned from jest plain
Bible, but of course she found out her mistake. Arvilly said: "You'll
find the nation that opens its sessions with prayer, and engraves on
its money, 'In God We Trust,' don't believe in such things. You'll
find their prayers are to the liquor dealers; their God is the huge
idol of Expediency."

Alan Thorne wuz hung for the murder, guilty, so the earthly court
said. But who wuz sot down guilty in God's great book of Justice that
day? Arvilly believes that over Alan Thorne's name wuz printed:

"Alan Thorne, foolish boy, tempted and ondone by the country he was
trying to save." And then this sentence in fiery flame:

"The United States of America, guilty of murder in the first degree."

Dretful murder, to take the life of the one that loved it and wuz
tryin' to save it.

Well, Arvilly's last thing to love wuz taken from her cruelly, and
when she got strong enough she sot off for Jonesville in her soldier
clothes, for she thought she would wear 'em till she got away, but she
wuz brung back as a deserter and Waitstill stood by her durin' her
trial, and after Alan's death she too wuz smit down, like a posy in a
cyclone. Arvilly, in her own clothes now, tended her like a mother,
and as soon as she wuz able to travel took her back to Jonesville,
where they make their home together, two widders, indeed, though the
weddin' ring don't show on one of their hands.

Waitstill goes about doin' good, waitin' kinder still, some like her
name, till the Lord sends her relief by the angel that shall stand one
day in all our homes. She don't talk much.

But Arvilly's grief is different. She told me one day when I wuz
tellin' her to chirk up and be more cheerful and comfortable:

"I don't want to be comfortable; I don't want to feel any different."

"Whyee, Arvilly!" sez I, "don't you want to see any happiness agin?"

"No, I don't," sez she, "I don't want to take a minute's comfort and
ease while things are in the state they be." Sez she, "Would you want
to set down happy, and rock, and eat peanuts, if you knew that your
husband and children wuz drowndin' out in the canal?"

"No," sez I, "no, indeed! I should rush out there bareheaded, and if I
couldn't save 'em, would feel like dyin' with 'em."

"Well," sez she, short as pie crust, "that's jest how I feel."

I believe and so Josiah duz that Arvilly would walk right up to a
loaded cannon and argy with it if she thought it would help destroy
the Saloon, and after she had convinced the cannon she would be
perfectly willin' to be blowed up by it if the Saloon wuz blowed up

Well, I sot thinkin' of all this till Tommy waked up and we all went
out into the dining car and had a good meal. We wuz a little over two
days goin' from Salt Lake City to San Francisco, and durin' that time
I calculated that I eat enough dirt, that bitter alkali sand, to last
lawful all my life. I believe one peck of dirt is all the law allows
one person to consume durin' their life. It seems as if I eat more
than enough to meet legal requirements for me and Josiah, and I seemed
to have a thick coatin' of it on my hull person. And poor little
Tommy! I tried to keep his face clean and that wuz all I could do.

But as we drew nearer to California the weather became so balmy and
delightful that it condoned for much that wuz onpleasant, and I sez to
myself, the lovely views I have seen between Chicago and California I
shall never forgit as long as memory sets up in her high chair.

What a panorama it wuz--beautiful, grand, delightful, majestic,
sublime--no words of mine can do it justice. No. I can never describe
the views that opened on our admirin' and almost awe-struck vision as
the cars advanced through natural openin's in the mountains and anon
artificial ones.

Why, I had thought that the hill in front of old Grout Nickelson's wuz
steep, and the road a skittish one that wound around it above the
creek. But imagine goin' along a road where you could look down
thousands of feet into running water, and right up on the other side
of you mountains thousands of feet high. And you between, poor specks
of clay with only a breath of steam to keep you agoin' and prevent
your dashin' down into that enormous abyss.

But Grandeur sot on them mountain tops, Glory wuz enthroned on them
sublime heights and depths, too beautiful for words to describe, too
grand for human speech to reproduce agin, the soul felt it and must
leave it to other souls to see and feel.

On, on through mountain, valley, gorge and summit, waves of
green foliage, rocks all the beautiful colors of the rainbow,
majestic shapes, seemin'ly fashioned for a home for the gods; white
peaks--sun-glorified, thousands of feet high with blue sky above;
ravines thousands of feet deep with a glint of blue water in the
depths, seemin' to mirror to us the truth that God's love and
care wuz over and under us. And so on and on; valleys, mountains,
clear lakes, forests and broad green fields, tree sheltered
farms, and anon the broad prairie. It wuz all a panorama I never
tired of lookin' at, and lasted all the way to California.

As our stay wuz to be so short in San Francisco, Miss Meechim and
Dorothy thought it would be best to go to a hotel instead of openin'
Dorothy's grand house; so we all went to the tarven Miss Meechim
picked out, the beautifullest tarven that ever I sot eyes on, it
seemed to me, and the biggest one. Havin' felt the swayin', jiggerin'
motion of the cars so long, it wuz indeed a blessin' to set my foot on
solid ground once more, and Tommy and I wuz soon ensconced in a cozy
room, nigh Miss Meechim's sweet rooms. For she still insisted on
callin' their rooms sweet, and I wouldn't argy with her, for I spoze
they did seem sweet to her.

Tommy wuz tired out and I had to take him in my arms and rock him,
after we'd had our supper, a good meal which Miss Meechim had brung up
into their settin'-room, though I insisted on payin' my part on't
(she's a good creater, though weak in some ways). Well I rocked Tommy
and sung to him:

    "Sweet fields beyend the swellin' flood."

And them sweet fields in my mind wuz our own orchard and paster, and
the swellin' flood I thought on wuzn't death's billers, but the waters
that rolled between California and Jonesville.

Not one word had I hearn from my pardner sence leavin' New York.

"Oh, dear Josiah! When shall I see thee agin?" So sung my heart, or
ruther chanted, a deep solemn chant. "Where art thou, Josiah, and when
shall we meet agin? And why, why do I not hear from thee?"

The next mornin' after we arrived at San Francisco, Robert Strong
appeared at the hotel bright and early, and I don't know when I've
ever seen anybody I liked so well. Miss Meechim invited me into her
settin'-room to see him.

Havin' hearn so much about his deep, earnest nater and deathless
desire to do all the good he could whilst on his earthly pilgrimage, I
expected to see a grave, quiet man with lines of care and conflict
engraved deep on his sober, solemn visage.

But I wuz never more surprised to see a bright, laughin', happy face
that smiled back into mine as Albina Meechim proudly introduced her
nephew to me.

Why, thinkses I to myself, where can such strength of character, such
noble purpose, such original and successful business habits be hidden
in that handsome, smilin' face and them graceful, winnin' ways, as he
laughed and talked with his aunt and Dorothy.

But anon at some chance word of blame and criticism from Miss Meechim,
makin' light of his City of Justice and its inhabitants, a light
blazed up in his eyes and lit up his face, some as a fire in our open
fireplace lights up the spare-room, and I see stand out for a minute
on the background of his fair handsome face a picture of heroism,
love, endeavor that fairly stunted me for a time. And I never felt
afterwards anything but perfect confidence in him; no matter how light
and trifling wuz his talk with Dorothy, or how gay and boyishly happy
wuz his clear laughter.

He had worked well and faithful, givin' his hull mind and heart to his
endeavor to do all the good he could, and now he wuz bound to play
well, and git all the good and rest he could out of his play spell.
And I hadn't been with 'em more'n several hours before I thought that
I had seen further into his heart and hopes and intentions than Miss
Meechim had in all her born days.

Robert Strong, before he went away, invited us all to go and see his
City of Justice, and we agreed with considerable satisfaction to do
so, or at least I did and I spoze the rest did. Miss Meechim would be
happy in any place where her nephew wuz, that you could see plain, as
much as she disapproved of his methods. Dorothy, I couldn't see so
plain what she did think, she bein' one that didn't always let her
lips say everything her heart felt, but she used Robert real polite,
and we all had a real agreeable visit.

Robert got a big carriage and took us all out driving that afternoon,
Miss Meechim and I settin' on the back seat, and Robert and Dorothy
facing us, and Tommy perched on Robert's knee; Tommy jest took to
him, and visey-versey. Robert thought he wuz just about the brightest
little boy he had ever seen, and Tommy sot there, a little pale but
happy, and wonnered about things, and Robert answered all his
"wonners" so fur as he could.

We drove through beautiful streets lined with elegant houses, and the
dooryards wuz a sight. Think of my little scraggly geraniums and
oleanders and cactuses I've carried round in my hands all winter and
been proud on. And then think of geranium and oleander trees just as
common as our maples and loaded with flowers. And palm and bananna
trees, little things we brood over in our houses in the winter, and
roses that will look spindlin' with me, do the best I can, in
December, all growin' out-doors fillin' the air with fragrance.

Robert Strong said we must go to the Cliff House, and Tommy wanted to
see the seals.

Poor things! I felt bad to see 'em and to think there wuz a war of
extermination tryin' to be waged aginst 'em, because they interfered
with the rights of a few. One of the most interesting animals on the
Western continent! It seems too bad they're tryin' to wipe 'em out of
existence because the fishermen say they eat a sammon now and then.
Why shouldn't they who more than half belong to the water-world once
in a great while have a little taste of the good things of that world
as well as to have 'em all devoured by the inhabitants of dry land?
And they say that the seals eat sharks too--I should think that that
paid for all the good fish they eat. But to resoom. Tommy didn't think
of the rights or the wrongs of the seals, he had no disquietin'
thoughts to mar his anticipations, but he wonnered if he could put his
hands through 'em like he could his ma's seal muff. He thought that
they wuz muffs, silk lined--the idee! And he "wonnered" a sight when
he see the great peaceable lookin' creeters down in the water and on
the rocks, havin' a good time, so fur as we could see, in their own
world, and mindin' their own bizness; not tryin' to git ashore and
kill off the fishermen, because they ketched so many sammons. And
Tommy had to feed the seals and do everything he could do, Robert
Strong helpin' him in everything he undertook, and he "wonnered" if
they would ever be changed into muffs, and he "wonnered" if they would
like to be with "ribbon bows on."

At my request we went through Lone Mountain Cemetery, a low mountain
rising from the sandy beach full of graves shaded by beautiful trees
and myriads of flowers bending over the silent sleepers, the
resistless sea washing its base on one side--just as the sea of Death
is washing up aginst one side of Life--no matter how gay and happy it

We rode home through a magnificent park of two thousand acres. Money
had turned the sandy beach into a wealth of green lawns, beautiful
trees and myriads of flowers. I had always sposed that them Eastern
Genis in the "Arabian Nights" had palaces and things about as grand
and luxurious as they make, but them old Genis could have got lots of
pinters in luxury and grand surroundin's if they'd seen the homes of
these nabobs in the environins of San Francisco. No tongue can tell
the luxury and elegance of them abodes, and so I hain't a goin' to git
out of patience with my tongue if it falters and gins out in the


The next mornin' while Miss Meechim and Dorothy wuz to the lawyers,
tendin' to that bizness of hern and gittin' ready for their long
tower, Robert Strong took me through one of them palaces. It stood
only a little distance from the city and wuz occupied by one old
gentleman, the rest of the family havin' died off and married, leavin'
him alone in his glory. Well said, for glory surrounded the hull

There wuz three hundred acres, all gardens and lawns and a drivin'
park and a park full of magestick old live oaks, and acres and acres
of the most beautiful flowers and all the choicest fruit you could
think of.

The great stately mansion was a sight to go through--halls, libraries,
gilded saloons, picture galleries, reception halls lined with mirrors,
billiard rooms, bowling alleys, whatever that may be, dining rooms,
with mirrors extending from the floor to the lofty ceilin's.

I wondered if the lonely old occupant ever see reflected in them tall
mirrors the faces of them who had gone from him as he sot there at
that table, like some Solomon on his throne. But all he had to do wuz
to press his old foot on a electric bell under the table, and forty
servants would enter. But I'dno as he'd want 'em all--I shouldn't--it
would take away my appetite, I believe. Twenty carriages of all kinds
and thirty blooded horses wuz in his stables, them stables bein'
enough sight nicer than any dwellin' house in Jonesville.

But what did that feeble old man want of twenty carriages? To save his
life he couldn't be in more than one to a time; and I am that afraid
of horses, I felt that I wouldn't swap the old mair for the hull on

At my strong request we made a tower one day to see Stanford
University, that immense schoolhouse that is doin' so much good in the
world; why, good land! it is larger than you have any idee on; why,
take all the schoolhouses in Jonesville and Loontown and Zoar and put
'em all together, and then add to them all the meetin' houses in all
them places and then it wouldn't be half nor a quarter so big as this
noble schoolhouse.

And the grounds about it are beautiful, beautiful! We wuz shown
through the buildin', seein' all the helps to learning of all kinds
and the best there is in the world. And how proud I felt to think what
one of my own sect had done in that great werk. How the cross of agony
laid on her shoulders had turned to light that will help guide over
life's tempestenus ten millions yet onborn. And I sez: "How happy
young Leeland must be to know his death has done such grand work, and
to see it go on."

"Why," sez Meechim, "how could he see it? He's dead."

Sez I: "Don't you spoze the Lord would let him see what a great light
his death has lit up in the werld. In my opinion he wuz right there
to-day lookin' at it."

"That is impossible," sez she. "If he wuz there we should have seen

Sez I: "You don't see the x-rays that are all about you this very
minute; but they are there. You can't see the great force Marconi uses
to talk with, but it walks the earth, goes right through mountains,
which you and I can't do, Miss Meechim. It is stronger than the solid
earth or rock. That shows the power of the invisible, that what we
call the real is the transitory and weak, the invisible is the lasting
and eternal. What we have seen to-day is sorrow chrystalized into
grand shapes. A noble young heart's ideal and asperations wrought out
by loveng memory in brick and mortar. The invisible guiding the eye,
holding the hand of the visible building for time and eternity."

Miss Meechim's nose turned up and she sniffed some. She wuz a
foreigner, how could she know what I said? But Dorothy and Robert
seemed to understand my language, though they couldn't speak it yet.
And good land! I hain't learnt its A B C's yet, and don't spoze I
shall till I git promoted to a higher school.

Well, it wuz on a lovely afternoon that we all went out to the City of
Justice, and there I see agin what great wealth might do in lightening
the burdens of a sad world. Robert Strong might have spent his money
jest as that old man did whose place I have described, and live in
still better style, for Robert Strong wuz worth millions. But he felt
different; he felt as if he wanted his capital to lighten the burden
on the aching back of bowed down and tired out Labor, and let it stand
up freer and straighter for a spell. He felt that he could enjoy his
wealth more if it wuz shared accordin' to the Bible, that sez if you
have two coats give to him that hasn't any, and from the needy turn
not thou away.

That big building, or ruther that cluster and village of buildings,
didn't need any steeples to tell its mission to the world. Lots of our
biggest meetin' houses need 'em bad to tell folks what they stand for.
If it wuzn't for them steeples poor folks who wander into 'em out of
their stifling alleys and dark courts wouldn't mistrust what they wuz
for. They would see the elegantly dressed throng enter and pass over
carpeted aisles into their luxuriously cushioned pews, and kneel down
on soft hassocks and pray: "Thy kingdom come," and "Give us this day
our daily bread," and "give us what we give others." These poor folks
can't go nigh 'em, for the usher won't let 'em, but they meet 'em
through the week, or hear of 'em, and know that they do all in their
power to keep his kingdom of Love and Justice away from the world.
They herd in their dark, filthy, death-cursed tenements, not fit for
beasts, owned by the deacon of that church, and all the week run the
gauntlet of those drink hells, open to catch all their hard-earned
pennies, owned by the warden and vestrymen and upheld by the clergymen
and them high in authority, and extolled as the Poor Man's Club.
Wimmen who see their husbands enticed to spend all their money there
and leave them and their children starving and naked; mothers who see
their young boys in whom they tried to save a spark of their childish
innocence ground over in these mills of the devil into brutal ruffians
who strike down the care-worn form of the one that bore them in agony,
and bent over their cradle with a mother's love and hope. As they see
all this, and know that this is the true meaning of the prayers put up
in them elegant churches, don't they need steeples to tell that
they're built to show Christ's love and justice to the world? Yes,
indeed; they need steeples and high ones, too.

But this city of Robert Strong's didn't need steeples, as I say. It
wuz Christianity built in bricks and mortar, practical religion lived
right before 'em from day to day, comfortable houses for workmen,
which they could hope to earn and call their own. Pleasant homes where
happy love could dwell in content, because no danger stood round, hid
in saloons to ruin husband, son and father; comfortable houses where
health and happiness could dwell. Good wages, stiddy work, and a share
in all the profits made there; good hard work whilst they did work,
ensurin' success and prosperity; but short hours, ensurin' sunthin'
beyond wages.

A big house, called a Pleasure House, stood in the centre of the
broad, handsome streets, a sort of a centrepiece from which streams of
happiness and health flowed through the hull city, some as them little
rills of pure snow water flowed through the streets of Salt Lake and
Denver. Where all sorts of innocent recreation could be found to suit
all minds and ages. A big library full of books. A museum full of the
riches of science and art. A big music hall where lovers of music
could find pleasure at any time, and where weekly concerts was given,
most of the performers being of the musically inclined amongst the
young people in the City of Justice. A pretty little theatre where
they could act out little plays and dramas of a helpful, inspirin'
sort. A big gymnasium full of the best appliances and latest helps to
physical culture. A large bathing tank where the white marble steps
led down to cool, sweet waters flowing through the crystal pool, free
to all who wanted to use it. A free telephone linking the hull place
together. I roamed along through the beautiful streets and looked on
the happy, cheerful-faced workmen, who thronged them now, for their
short day's work wuz ended and they wuz goin' home. My heart swelled
almost to bustin' and I sez almost unbeknown to myself, to Robert
Strong who wuz walkin' by my side: "We read about the New Jerusalem
comin' down to earth, and if I didn't know, Robert Strong, that you
had founded this city yourself, I should think that this wuz it."

He laughed his boyish laugh, but I see the deep meanin' in his clear,
gray eyes and knew what he felt, though his words wuz light.

"Oh no," sez he, "we read that those gates are pearl; these are just
common wood, turned out by my workmen."

Sez I, "The pearl of love and good will to man, the precious stun of
practical religion and justice shines on these gates and every
buildin' here, and I bless the Lord that I have ever lived to see what
I have to-day." And I took out my snowy linen handkerchief and shed
some tears on it, I was so affected.

Robert Strong wuz touched to his heart, I see he wuz, but kep' up, his
nater bein' such. Miss Meechim and Dorothy wuz walkin' a little ahead,
Tommy between 'em. And anon we come to the house Robert lived in; not
a bit better than the others on that street, but a nice comfortable
structure of gray stun and brick, good enough for anybody, with wide
sunshiny windows, fresh air, sunshine, plenty of books, musical
instruments and furniture good enough, but nothing for show.

Here his motherly-looking housekeeper spread a nice lunch for us. His
overseer dined with us, a good-looking chap, devoted to Robert Strong,
as I could see, and ready to carry out his idees to the full. Miss
Meechim couldn't find anything, it seemed to me, to pick flaws in, but
she did say to me out to one side, "Just think how Robert lives in a
house no better than his workmen, and he might live in a palace."

Sez I, warmly, "Robert Strong's body may stay in this comfortable
brick house, good enough for anybody, but the real Robert Strong
dwells in a royal palace, his soul inhabits the temple of the Lord,
paved with the gold and pearl of justice and love, and its ruff
reaches clear up into heaven from where he gits the air his soul
breathes in."

"Do you think so? I never thought of it in that light; I have thought
his ideas was erroneous and so my clergyman thinks. Rev. Dr. Weakdew
said to me there were a great many texts that he had preached from all
his life, that if these ideas of Robert's was carried out universally,
would be destroyed and rendered meaningless. Texts it had always been
such a comfort to him to preach from, he said, admonishing the poor of
their duty to the rich, and comforting the poor and hungry and naked
with assurances that though hungry here they may partake of the bread
of life above, if they are humble and patient and endure to the end,
and though shivering and naked here, they may be clothed in garments
of light above."

And I sez, "Bein' that we are all in this world at present, I believe
the Lord would ruther we should cover the naked limbs and feed the
starvin' bodies here, and now, and leave the futur to Him."

But Miss Meechim shook her head sadly. "It sounds well," sez she, "but
there is something wrong in any belief that overthrows Scripture and
makes the poor wealthy."

"Well," sez I, "if it wuz our naked backs that the snow fell on, and
the hail pelted, and our stomachs that wuz achin' and faint for food,
we should sing a different tune."

"I trust that I should sing a Gospel tune in any event," sez she.

"Well," sez I, "we needn't quarrel about that, for we couldn't feel
much like singin' in them cases. But if we did sing I think a good
hymn would be:

    Blest be the tie that binds
    Our hearts in Christian love.

"And if the rich and poor, Capital and Labor would all jine in and
sing this from the heart the very winders of heaven would open to hear
the entrancin' strains," sez I. But I don't spoze I changed her mind

Dorothy bein' naterally so smart, wuz impressed by all we had seen, I
could see she wuz, and when he wuzn't lookin' at her I could see her
eyes rest on Robert Strong's face with a new expression of interest
and approval. But she wuz full of light, happiness and joy--as she ort
to be in her bright youth--and she and Robert and Miss Meechim spoke
of the trip ahead on us with happy anticipations.

But I--oh, that deep, holler room in my heart into which no stranger
looked; that room hung with dark, sombry black; remembrances of him
the great ocean wuz a-goin' to sever me from--he on land and I on
sea--ten thousand miles of land and water goin' to separate us; how
could I bear it, how wuz I goin' to stand it? I kep' up, made remarks
and answered 'em mekanically, but oh, the feelin's I felt on the
inside. How little can we tell in happy lookin' crowds how many of the
gay throng hear the rattle of their own private skeletons above the
gayest music!

Well, we got home to the Palace hotel in good season, I a-talkin'
calmly and cheerfully, but sayin' in the inside, "'Mid pleasures and
palaces though we may roam, be it ever so humbly there is no place
like home." My home wuz my pardner, the place where he wuz would look
better than any palace.

I went up to my room and after gettin' Tommy to bed, who wuz cross and
sleepy, I finished the letter to my help, for we wuz goin' to start in
the mornin'.

"Oh, Philury!" the letter run, "my feelin's, you cannot parse 'em,
even if you wuz better grounded in grammar than I think you be. Not
one word from my beloved pardner do I hear--is Josiah dead?" sez I.
"But if he is don't tell me; I could not survive, and Tommy has got to
be went with. But oh! if sickness and grief for me has bowed that
head, bald, but most precious to me, deal with him as you would deal
with a angel unawares. Bile his porridge, don't slight it or let it be
lumpy, don't give him dish-watery tea, brile his toast and make his
beef tea as you would read chapters of scripter--carefully and not
with eye service. Hang my picter on the wall at the foot of the bed,
and if it affects him too much, hang my old green braize veil over it,
you'll find it in the hall cupboard."

But why should I sadden and depress the hearts of a good natered
public? I writ seven sheets of foolscap, and added to what I had
already writ, it made it too big to send by mail, so I put it in a
collar box and sent it by express, charges paid, for I knew the dear
man it wuz addressed to, if he wuz still able to sense anything, would
like it better that way. And then my letter sent off I begun to pack
my hair trunk anew.

Well, the day dawned gloriously. I spoze I must have slep' some, for
when I opened my eyes I felt refreshed. Tommy wuz awake in his little
bed and "wonnerin'" at sunthin' I spoze, for he always wuz, and
breakfast wuz partook of by the hull party, for Robert Strong had come
with a big carriage to take us to the ship and took breakfast with us,
and soon, too soon for me, we stood on the wharf, surrounded by a
tumultous crowd, goin' every which way; passengers goin', visitors
comin', and officials from the ship goin' about tending to everything;
trunks and baggage being slammed down and then anon being run onto the
ship, Miss Meechim's, Dorothy's and Robert Strong's baggage piled up
on one side on us and I carefully keepin' watch and ward over a
small-sized hair trunk, dear to me as my apples in my eyes, because
every inch on it seemed to me like a sooveneer of that dear home I
might never see agin.

As I stood holdin' Tommy by the hand and keepin' eagle watch over that
trunk, how much did that big ship look like a big monster that wuz
agoin' to tear my heart all to pieces, tearin' my body from the ground
that kep' my pardner on its bosom. Tears that I could not restrain
dribbled down my Roman nose and onto my gray alpacky waist; Dorothy
see 'em and slipped her kind little hand into mine and soothed my
agony by gently whisperin':

"Maybe you'll get a letter from him on the ship, Aunt Samantha."

Well, the last minute come, the hair trunk had been tore from my side,
and I, too, had to leave terry firmy, whisperin' to myself words that
I'd hearn, slightly changed: "Farewell, my Josiah! and if forever,
still forever fare thee well." My tears blinded me so I could only
jest see Tommy, who I still held hold of. I reached the upper deck
with falterin' steps. But lo, as I stood there wipin' my weepin' eyes,
as the him sez, I hearn sunthin' that rung sweetly and clearly on my
ears over all the conflicting sounds and confusion, and that brung me
with wildly beatin' heart to the side of the ship.

"Samantha! stop the ship! wait for me! I am comin'!"

Could it be? Yes it wuz my own beloved pardner, madly racin' down the
wharf, swingin' his familiar old carpet satchel in his hand, also
huggin' in his arms a big bundle done up in newspaper, which busted as
he reached the water's edge, dribblin' out neckties, bandanna
handkerchiefs, suspenders, cookies, and the dressin' gown with

He scrambled after 'em as well as he could in his fearful hurry, and
his arms bein' full, he threw the dressin' gown round his shoulders
and madly raced over the gang plank, still emitting that agonizing
cry: "Samantha, wait for me! stop the ship!" which he kep' up after I
had advanced onward and he held both my hands in hisen.

Oh, the bliss of that moment! No angel hand, no reporter even for the
New York papers could exaggerate the blessedness of that time, much as
they knew about exaggeration. Tears of pure joy ran down both our
faces, and all the sorrows of the past seperation seemed to dissolve
in a golden mist that settled down on everything round us and before
us. The land looked good, the water looked good, the sky showered down
joy as well as sunshine; we wuz together once more. We had no need of
speech to voice our joy; but anon Josiah did say in tremblin' axents
as he pressed both my hands warmly in hisen: "Samantha, I've come!"
And I, too, sez in a voice tremblin' with emotion:

"Dear Josiah, I see you have." And then I sez tenderly as I helped him
off with the dressin' gown: "I thought you said you couldn't leave the
farm, Josiah."

"Well, I wuz leavin' it; I wuz dyin'; I thought I might as well leave
it one way as t'other. I couldn't live without you, and finally I
ketched up what clothes I could in my hurry and sot out, thinkin'
mebby I could ketch you in Chicago. You see I have got my dressin'
gown and plenty of neckties."

"Well," sez I in my boundless joy and content, "there are things more
necessary on a long sea voyage than neckties, but I've got some socks
most knit, and I can buy some underclothes, and we will git along
first rate." "Yes, Arvilly said so." Sez he, "Arvilly told me you'd

"Arvilly?" sez I, in surprised axents.

"Yes, Arvilly concluded to come too. She said that if you hadn't
started so quick she should have come with you. But when she found out
I was comin' she jest set right off with me. She's brung along that
book she's agent for, 'The Twin Crimes of America: Intemperance and
Greed.' She thinks she can most pay her way sellin' it. She jest
stopped on the wharf to try to sell a copy to a minister. But here she
is." And, sure enough, she that wuz Arvilly Lanfear advanced, puttin'
some money in her pocket, she had sold her book. Well, I wuz
surprised, but glad, for I pitied Arvilly dretfully for what she had
went through, and liked her. Two passengers had gin up goin' at the
last minute or they couldn't have got tickets.

I advanced towards her and sez: "Arvilly Lanfear! or she that wuz, is
it you?"

"Yes, I've come, and if ever a human creeter come through sufferin' I
have. Why, I've been agent for 'The Wild Deeds of Men' for years and
years, but I never knew anything about 'em till I come on this tower.
I thought that I should never git that man here alive. He has wep' and
wailed the hull durin' time for fear we shouldn't ketch you."

"Oh, no, Arvilly!" sez the joyous-lookin' Josiah.

"I can prove it!" sez she, catchin' out his red and yeller bandanna
handkerchief from his hat, where he always carries it: "Look at that,
wet as sop!" sez she, as she held it up. It wuz proof, Josiah said no

"I knew we should ketch you, for I knew you would stop on the way. I
thought I would meet you at the deepo to surprise you. But I had to
bank my house; I wuzn't goin' to leave it to no underlin' and have my
stuff freeze. But when I hern that Josiah wuz comin' I jest dropped my
spade--I had jest got done--ketched up my book and threw my things
into my grip, my trunk wuz all packed, and here I am, safe and sound,
though the cars broke down once and we wuz belated. We have just
traipsed along a day or two behind you all the way from Chicago, I not
knowin' whether I could keep him alive or not."

Sez I fondly, "What devoted love!"

"What a natural fool!" sez Arvilly. "Did it make it any better for him
to cry and take on? That day we broke down and had to stop at a tarven
I wuz jest mad enough, and writ myself another chapter on 'The Wild
Deeds of Men,' and am in hopes that the publisher will print it. It
will help the book enormously I know. How you've stood it with that
man all these years, I don't see; rampin' round, tearin' and groanin'
and actin'. He didn't act no more like a perfessor than--than Captain
Kidd would if he had been travelin' with a neighborin' female,
pursuin' his wife, and that female doin' the best she could for him. I
kep' tellin' him that he would overtake you, but I might as well have
talked to the wind--a equinoctial gale," sez she. Josiah wuz so happy
her words slipped offen him without his sensin' 'em and I wuz too
happy to dispute or lay anything up, when she went on and sez:

"I spoze that folks thought from our jawin' so much that we wuz man
and wife; and he a yellin' out acrost the sleeper and kinder cryin',
and I a hollerin' back to him to 'shet up and go to sleep!' It is the
last time I will ever try to carry a man to his wife; but I spozed
when I started with him, he bein' a perfessor, he would act

"Well," sez I, in a kind of a soothin' tone, "I'm real glad you've
come, Arvilly; it will make the ship seem more like Jonesville, and I
know what you have went through."

"Well," sez she, "no other livin' woman duz unless it is you." She
kep' on thinkin' of Josiah, but I waved off that idee; I meant her
tribulations in the army. And I sez, "You may as well spend your money
travelin' as in any other way."

"Yes, I love to travel when I can travel with human creeters, and I
might as well spend my money for myself as to leave it for my cousins
to fight over, and I can pay my way mostly sellin' my book; and I've
left my stuff so it won't spile."

"Where is Waitstill Webb?" sez I.

"Oh, Waitstill has gone back to be a nurse--she's gone to the

Sez I gladly, "Then we shall see her, Arvilly."

"Yes," sez she, "and that wuz one reason that I wanted to go, though
she's acted like a fool, startin' off agin to help the govermunt. I've
done my last work for it, and I told her so; I sez, if see the
govermunt sinkin' in a mud hole I wouldn't lift a finger to help it
out. I always wanted to see China and Japan, but never spozed I

"It is a strange Providence, indeed, Arvilly, that has started us both
from Jonesville to China. But," sez I, "let me make you acquainted
with the rest of our party," and I introduced 'em. Josiah wuz
embracin' Tommy and bein' embraced, and he had seen 'em all but Robert


In a few minutes the great ship begun to breathe hard, as if tryin' to
git up strength for the move, and kinder shook itself, and gin a few
hoarse yells, and sot off, seemin' to kinder tremble all over with
eagerness to be gone. And so we sot sail, but ship and shore and
boundless water all looked beautiful and gay to me. What a change,
what a change from the feelin's I had felt; then the cold spectral
moonlight of loneliness rested on shore and Golden Gate, now the
bright sun of love and happiness gilded 'em with their glorious rays,
and I felt well. Well might Mr. Drummond say, "Love is the greatest
thing in the world." And as I looked on my precious pardner I
bethought fondly, no matter how little a man may weigh by the
steelyards, or how much a Arvilly may make light on him, if Love is
enthroned in his person he towers up bigger than the hull universe.
And so, filled with joy radiatin' from the presence of the best
beloved, and under the cloudless sunshine of that glorious day, I set
out on my Trip Abroad. Yes, I wuz once more embarked on that great
watery world that lays all round us and the continents, and we can't
help ourselves.

And the days follered one another along in Injin file, trampin'
silently and stiddily on, no matter where we be or what we do. So we
sailed on and on, the ship dashin' along at I don't know how many
knots an hour. Probably the knots would be enough if straightened out
to make a hull hank of yarn, and mebby more. Part of the time the
waves dashin' high. Mebby the Pacific waves are a little less
tumultous and high sweepin' than the Atlantic, a little more pacific
as it were, but they sway out dretful long, and dash up dretful high,
bearin' us along with 'em every time, up and down, down and up, and
part of the time our furniture and our stomachs would foller 'em and
sway, too, and act. The wind would soar along, chasin' after us, but
never quite ketchin' us; sometimes abaft, sometimes in the fo'castle,
whatever that may be.

And under uz wuz the great silent graveyard, the solemn, green aisles,
still and quiet, and no knowin' how soon we should be there, too,
surrounded by the riches of that lost world of them that go down in
ships, but not doin' us any good. Only a board or two and some paint
between us and destruction (but then I don't know as we are seperated
any time very fur from danger, earthquakes, tornados and such). And
good land! I would tell myself and Josiah, for that matter I've known
wimmen to fall right out of their chairs and break themselves all up
more or less, and fall often back steps and suller stairs and such.
But 'tennyrate I felt real riz up as I looked off on the heavin'
billers, and Faith sez to me, "Why should I fear since I sailed with
God." The seas, I am journeying, I told myself with Duty on one side
of me and on the other side Josiah, and the sun of Love over all. I
got along without any seasickness to speak of, but my pardner suffered
ontold agonies--or no, they wuzn't ontold, he told 'em all to me--yes,

Tommy "wonnered" what made the big vessel sail on so fast, and what
made so much water, where it all come from, and where it wuz all goin'
to. And at night he would lay on his little shelf and "wonner" what
the wind wuz sayin'; one night he spoke out kinder in rhyme, sez he:
"Grandma, do you know what the wind is sayin?" And I sez:

"No, dear lamb; what is it sayin'?" It has sounded dretful, kinder
wild and skairful to me, and so it had to Josiah, I knew by the sithes
he had gin. Sez Tommy, it sez:

    "Don't be afraid my little child,
    God will take care of you all the while."

And I sez, "Thank you, Tommy, you've done me good." And I noticed that
Josiah seemed more contented and dropped off to sleep real sweet,
though he snored some. Sometimes Tommy would "wonner" what seasickness
wuz like, if it wuz any like measles, but didn't find out, for he
wuzn't sick a day, but wandered about the great ship, happy as a king,
making friends everywhere, though Robert Strong remained his chief
friend and helper. Dorothy wuz more beautiful than ever it seemed to
me, a shadow of paleness over her sweet face peeping out from the
white fur of her cunning little pink hood, makin' her look sweeter
than ever. There wuz two or three handsome young men on board who
appreciated her beauty, and I spoze the gold setting of her charming
youth. But Miss Meechim called on Robert Strong to help protect her,
which he did willingly enough, so fur as I could see, by payin' the
most devoted attention to her himself, supplying every real or fancied
want, reading to and with her, and walking up and down the deck with
her, she leanin' on his arm in slippery times.

"Dear boy!" said Miss Meechim, "how lovely he is to me. He would much
rather spend his time with the men in the smoking and reading room,
but he has always been just so; let me express a wish and he flies to
execute it. He knows that I wouldn't have Dorothy marry for all the
world, and had it not been for his invaluable help I fear that she
would have fallen a prey to some man before this."

"She is a pretty girl," sez I, "pretty as a pink rosy."

"Yes," sez she, "she is a sweet girl and as good as she is beautiful."

[Illustration: There wuz the usual variety of people on the ship.--Page

There was the usual variety of people on the ship. The rich family
travelin' with children and servants and unlimited baggage; the party
of school girls with the slim talkative teacher in spectacles, tellin'
'em all the pints of interest, and stuffin' 'em with knowledge gradual
but constant; the stiddy goin' business men and the fashionable ones;
the married flirt and the newly married bride and husband, sheepish
lookin' but happy; old wimmen and young ones; young men and old ones;
the sick passenger confined to his bed, but devourin' more food than
any two well ones--seven meals a day have I seen carried into that
room by the steward, while a voice weak but onwaverin' would call for
more. There wuz a opera singer, a evangelist, an English nobleman, and
a party of colored singers who made the night beautiful sometimes with
their weird pathetic melodies.

There wuz two missionaries on board, one the Rev. Dr. Wessel, real
dignified actin' and lookin'--he wuz goin' out as a missionary to
China, and a young lady going out as a missionary to Africa,
Evangeline Noble--she wuz a member of some kind of a sisterhood, so
she wuz called Sister Evangeline. I sot a sight of store by her the
first time I laid eyes on her. Anybody could see that she wuz one of
the Lord's anointed, and like our cousin John Richard, who went out as
a missionary to Africa several years ago, she only wanted the Lord's
will pinted out to her to foller it to the death if necessary. Livin'
so nigh to the Kingdom as she did she couldn't help its breezes
fannin' her tired forehead occasionally, and the angels' songs and the
sound of the still waters from reachin' her soul. She had left a
luxurious home, all her loved ones, a host of friends, and wuz goin'
out to face certain hardships, and probable sickness and death amongst
a strange half savage people, and yet she had about the happiest face
I ever saw. His peace wuz writ down on her brow. Her Lord journeyed
with her and told her from day to day what he wanted her to do. After
we got well acquainted she told me that ever since her conversion
there were times when she became unconscious to things on earth, but
her soul seemed to be ketched up to some other realm, where He, who
wuz her constant helper and guide, told her what to do. I told Josiah
about it, and he sez:

"I'd ruther see that than hear on't. How can she be ketched up,
weighin' pretty nigh two hundred?"

Sez I, "Your views are material, Josiah. I said her soul wuz ketched

"Oh, well, my soul and body has ginerally gone together where I've

"I don't doubt that," sez I, "not at all. Spiritual things are
spiritually discerned."

"Well," sez he, "I've hearn a sight about such things as that, but I'd
ruther see 'em myself."

Well, it wuzn't but a day or two after that that he had a chance to
see if he had eyes. Sister Evangeline wuz settin' with Josiah and me
on the deck, and all of a sudden while she wuz talkin' to us about her
future life and work in Africa, her face took on a look as yourn would
if your attention had been suddenly arrested by a voice calling you.
She looked off over the water as if it wuzn't there, and I felt that
someone wuz talkin' to her we couldn't see--her face had jest that
look, and at last I hearn her murmur in a low voice:

"Yes, Master, I will go."

And most immegiately her soul seemed to come back from somewhere, and
she sez to me:

"I am told that there is a poor woman amongst the steerage passengers
that needs me." And she riz right up and started, like Paul, not
disobedient to the Heavenly vision, not for a minute. She told me
afterward that she found a woman with a newly-born child almost dying
for want of help. She was alone and friendless, and if Sister
Evangeline hadn't reached her just as she did they would both have
died. She wuz a trained nurse, and saved both their lives, and she wuz
as good as she could be to 'em till we reached port, where the woman's
husband wuz to meet her.

Josiah acted stunted when I told him, but sez weakly, "I believe she
hearn the woman holler."

And I sez, "She wuz fainted away, how could she holler?"

And he sez, "It must be a heavy faint that will keep a woman from

The other missionary, Elder Wessel, I didn't set quite so much store
by. His only child Lucia wuz on board going out to China with a rich
tea merchant's family as a governess for their little daughter, and
some one told me that one reason that Elder Wessel hearn such a loud
call to go as a missionary to China was because Lucia wuz goin'

Now, there wuz a young chap over in Loontown who had tried doctorin'
for a year or two and didn't make much by it, and he thought he see a
sign up in the heavens, G. P., and he gin out that he had had a call
"go preach," and went to preachin', and he didn't make so well by that
as he did by his doctorin', and then he gin out that he had made a
mistake in readin' the letters; instead of goin' to preach they meant
"give pills," so he went back to his doctorin' agin, and is doin'
first rate. That wuzn't a call.

But to resoom. Elder Wessel jest worshipped this daughter, and thought
she wuz the sweetest, dearest girl in the world. And she wuz a pretty
girl with soft, bright innocent eyes. She wuz educated in a convent,
and had the sweet, gentle manners and onworldly look that so many
convent-bred girls have. She and Aronette struck up a warm friendship,
though her pa wouldn't have allowed it I spoze if he hadn't seen how
much store we all sot by Aronette.

We got real well acquainted with Elder Wessel and Lucia; and her proud
pa wuz never tired of singin' her praises or ruther chantin' 'em--he
wuz too dignified to sing. Arvilly loved to talk with him, though
their idees wuz about as congenial as ile and water. He wuz real mild
and conservative, always drinked moderate and always had wine on his
table, and approved of the canteen and saloon, which he extolled as
the Poor Man's Club. He thought that the government wuz jest right,
the big trusts and license laws jest as they should be.

Arvilly dearly loved to send sharp arrows of sarkasm and argument
through his coat armor of dignified complacency and self-esteem, for
truly his idees wuz to her like a red rag to a bull.

Miss Meechim kinder looked down on Arvilly, and I guess Arvilly looked
down on her. You know it happens so sometimes--two folks will feel
real above each other, though it stands to reason that one of 'em must
be mistook. Miss Meechim thought she wuz more genteel than Arvilly,
and was worth more, and I guess she had had better advantages. And
Arvilly thought she knew more than Miss Meechim, and I guess mebby she
did. Miss Meechim thought she wuz jest right herself, she thought her
native land wuz jest right and all its laws and customs, and naterally
she looked down dretfully on all foreigners. She and Arvilly had lots
of little spats about matters and things, though Miss Meechim wuz so
genteel that she kep' her dignity most of the time, though Arvilly gin
it severe raps anon or oftener.

But one tie seemed to unite 'em a little--they wuz real congenial on
the subject of man. They both seemed to cherish an inherent aversion
to that sect of which my pardner is an ornament, and had a strong
settled dislike to matrimony; broken once by Arvilly, as a sailor may
break his habit of sea-faring life by livin' on shore a spell, but
still keepin' up his love for the sea.

But of their talks together and Arvilly's arguments with Elder Wessel
more anon and bime by. Arvilly stood up aginst the sea-sickness as she
would aginst a obstinate subscriber, and finally brought the sickness
to terms as she would the buyer, on the third day, and appeared pale
but triumphant, with a subscription book in her hand and the words of
her prospectus dribblin' from her lips. She had ordered a trunkful to
sell on sight, but Arvilly will never git over what she has went
through, never.

As the days went on the big ship seemed more and more to us like a
world, or ruther a new sort of a planet we wuz inhabitin'--it kinder
seemed to be the centre of the universe. I overheard a woman say one
day how monotonous the life wuz. But I thought to myself, mebby her
mind wuz kinder monotonous--some be, you know, made so in the first
on't; I found plenty enough to interest me, and so Josiah did.

There wuz a big library where you could keep company with the great
minds of the past and present. A music room where most always some of
the best music wuz to be hearn, for of course there wuz lots of
musicians on board, there always is. And for them that wanted it,
there wuz a smokin' room, though Josiah or I didn't have any use for
it, never havin' smoked anything but a little mullen and catnip once
or twice for tizik. And there wuz a billiard room for them that
patronized Bill, though I never did nor Josiah, but wuz willin' that
folks should act out their own naters. I spoze they played cards
there, too. But Josiah and I didn't know one card from another; I
couldn't tell Jack from the King to save my life.

We stayed in the music room quite a good deal and once or twice Josiah
expressed the wish that he had brought along his accordeon.

And he sez: "It don't seem right to take all this pleasure and not
give back anything in return."

But I sez, "I guess they'll git along without hearin' that accordeon."

"I might sing sunthin', I spose," sez he. "I could put on my dressin'
gown and belt it down with the tossels and appear as a singer, and
sing a silo."

That wuz the evenin' after Dorothy, in a thin, white dress, a little
low in the neck and short sleeves, had stood up and sung a lovely
piece, or that is I 'spoze it wuz lovely, it wuz in some foreign
tongue, but it sounded first rate, as sweet as the song of a robin or
medder lark--you know how we all like to hear them, though we can't
quite understand robin and lark language. It wuz kinder good in
Josiah to want to give pleasure in return for what he had had, but I
argyed him into thinkin' that he and I would give more pleasure as a
congregation than as speakers or singers. For after I had vetoed the
singin' that good man proposed that he should speak a piece. Sez he,
"I could tell most the hull of the American Taxation."

And I sez, "I wouldn't harrer up the minds of the rich men on board
with thoughts of taxes," sez I, "when lots of 'em are goin' away to
get rid on 'em."

"Well," sez he, "I could tell the hull of Robert Kidd."

And I sez, "Well, I wouldn't harrer up their feelin's talkin' about
hullsale stealin'; they have enough of that to hum in the big

So gradual I got him off from the idee.

There wuz one little boy about Tommy's age and a sister a little older
I felt real sorry for, they looked so queer, and their ma, a thin,
wirey, nervous lookin' woman brooded over 'em like a settin' hen over
her eggs. They wuz dressed well, but dretful bulged out and swollen
lookin', and I sez to their ma one day:

"Are your children dropsical?"

And she sez, "Oh, no, their health is good. The swellin's you see are
life preservers." She said that she kep' one on their stomachs night
and day.

Well, I knew that they would be handy in a shipwreck, but it made 'em
look queer, queer as a dog.

And now whilst the passengers are all settin' or standin' on their own
forts and tendin' to their own bizness, and the big ship ploughin' its
big liquid furrow on the water I may as well tell what Arvilly went
through. I spoze the reader is anxious to know the petickulers of how
she come to be in the Cuban army and desert from it. The reason of her
bein' in the army at all, her husband enlisted durin' the struggle for
Cuban independence, and Arvilly jest worshippin' the ground he walked
on, and thinkin' the world wuz a blank to her where he wuz not, after
the last care he left her wuz removed, and always havin' done as she
wuz a mind to as fur as she could, she dressed herself up in a suit of
his clothes and enlisted onbeknown to him, so's to be near to him if
he got woonded, and 'tennyrate to breathe the same air he did and
sleep under the same stars. She adored him.

It must be remembered that Arvilly had never loved a single thing till
she fell in love with this man, her folks dyin' off and leavin' her to
come up the best she could, and imposed upon and looked down upon on
every side, and workin' hard for a livin', and after she got old
enough to read and understand, bein' smart as a whip and one of the
firmest lovers of justice and fair play that ever wuz born, she become
such a firm believer in wimmen's rights that she got enemies that way.
Well, you know right when she started for the World's Fair, helpin'
herself along by sellin' the book, "The Wild, Wicked, and Warlike
Deeds of Men" (which she said she felt wuz her duty to promulgate to
wimmen to keep 'em from marryin' and makin' fools of themselves).
Well, right there, some like Paul on his way to Jerusalem breathin'
vengeance against his Lord, a great light struck him down in the road,
so with Arvilly, the great light of Love stopped her in her career,
she dropped her book, married the man she loved and who loved her, and
lived happy as a queen till the Cuban war broke out.

Her husband wuz a good man, not the smartest in the world, but a good,
honest God-fearin' man, who had had a hard time to get along, but
always tried to do jest right, and who hailed Arvilly's bright
intellect and practical good sense and household knowledge as a
welcome relief from incompetence in hired girl form in the kitchen.
His first wife died when his little girl wuz born, and she wuz about
seven when Arvilly married her pa. Well, he bein' jest what he
wuz--conscientious, God-fearin' and havin' hearn his minister preach
powerful sermons on this bein' a war of God aginst the Devil,
enlightenment and Christianity aginst ignorance and barbarism, America
aginst Spain--he got all fired up with the sense of what wuz his duty
to do, and when his mind wuz made up to that no man or woman could
turn him. Arvilly might have just as well spent her tears and
entreaties on her soapstun. No, go he must and go he would. But like
the good man he wuz, he made everything just as comfortable as he
could for her and his little daughter, a pretty creeter that Arvilly
too loved dearly. And then he bid 'em a sad adoo, for he loved 'em
well, and Arvilly had made his home a comfortable and happy one. But
he choked back his tears, tried to smile on 'em with his tremblin'
lips, held 'em both long in his strong arms, onclosed 'em, and they
wuz bereft. Well, Arvilly held the weeping little girl in her arms,
bent over her with white face and dry eyes, for his sake endured the
long days and longer nights alone with the child, for his sake taking
good care of her, wondering at the blow that had fell upon her,
wondering that if in the future she could be so blest agin as to have
a home, for love is the soul of the home, and she felt homeless.

Well, she watched and worked, takin' good care of the little one, but
bolts and bars can't keep out death; Arvilly's arms, though she wuz
strong boneded, couldn't. Diphtheria wuz round, little Annie took it;
in one week Arvilly wuz indeed alone, and when the sod lay between her
and what little likeness of her husband had shone through the child's
pretty face, Arvilly formed a strange resolution, but not so strange
but what wimmen have formed it before, and probably will agin till
God's truth shall shine on a dark world and be listened to, and wars
shall be no more. She made up her mind to foller the man she loved, to
enlist. She wuz always a masculine lookin' creeter, big, raw boneded,
and when she cut off her hair and parted it on one side in a man's way
and put on a suit of her husband's clothes she looked as much, or more
like a man than she had ever looked like a woman. She locked the
doors of her home till the cruel war should be ended, and he whose
love made her home should return. Till then, if indeed it should ever
be, she left her happiness there in the empty, silent rooms and
sallied off. She had disposed of her stock and things like that, folks
not bein' surprised at it, bein' she wuz alone, but all to once she
disappeared, utterly and entirely, nobody hearn of her and folks
thought that mebby she had wandered off in her grief and put an end to
her life. Not one word wuz hearn of her until lo and behold! the
strange news come, Arvilly's husband wuz killed in a drunken brawl in
a licensed Canteen down in Cuba and Arvilly had deserted from the
army, and of course bein' a woman they couldn't touch her for it. That
wuz the first we ever knowed that she wuz in the army.


Arvilly deserted from the army and gloried in it; she said, bein' a
woman born, she had never had a right, and now she took it. After her
husband wuz buried, and her hull life, too, she thought for a spell,
she deserted, but bein' ketched and court-martialed, she appeared
before the officers in her own skirt and bask waist and dared 'em to
touch her. Waitstill Webb, the young sweetheart of the man that shot
her husband, wuz with her. Good land! Arvilly didn't lay up nothin'
aginst her or him; he wuz drunk as a fool when he fired the shot. He
didn't know what he wuz doin'; he wuz made irresponsible by the law,
till he did the deed, and then made responsible by the same law and
shot. Waitstill wuz named from a Puritan great-great-aunt, whose
beauty and goodness had fell onto her, poor girl! She stood by
Arvilly. They wuz made friends on that dretful night when they had
stood by the men they loved, one killed and the other to be killed by
the govermunt. Poor things! they wuz bein' protected, I spoze our
govermunt would call it; it always talks a good deal about protectin'
wimmen; 'tennyrate the mantilly of the law hung over 'em both and
shaded 'em, one man layin' dead, shot through the heart, the other
condemned to be shot, both on 'em by legal enactments, both men not
knowin' or meanin' any more harm than my Josiah up in Jonesville if he
had been sot fire to by law and then hung by law because he smoked and
blistered. Good land! them that sets a fire knows that there has got
to be smoke and blisters, there must be.

The officers they wuz just dumb-foundered at the sight of a woman with
a bask waist on in that position--a bein' court-martialed for
desertion--and her speech dumb-foundered 'em still more, so I spoze; I
hearn it from one who wuz there.

Sez Arvilly to 'em, and they wuz drew up in battle array as you may
say, dressed up in uniform and quite a few on 'em, the Stars and
Stripes behind 'em, and the mantilly of the law drapin' 'em in heavy
folds. And I don't spoze that through her hull life Arvilly wuz ever
so eloquent as on that occasion. All her powers of mind and heart wuz
electrified by the dretful shock and agony she had underwent, and her
words fell like a hard storm of lightenin' and hail out of a sky when
it is just stored full of electrical power and has got to bust out.

Sez Arvilly: "You men represent the force and power of the govermunt
that falsely sez it is the voice of the people; we two represent the
people. As you are the force and power and will of the law, we are the
endurance, the suffering. You decide on a war. When did a woman ever
have any voice in saying that there should be a war? They bear the
sons in agony that you call out to be butchered; their hearts are torn
out of their bosoms when they let their husbands, sons and lovers go
into the hell of warfare, and you tax all her property to raise money
to help furnish the deadly weapons that kill and cut to pieces the
warm, living, loving forms that they would give their lives for.

"But you men decide on a war, as you have on this. You say it wuz from
motives of philanthropy and justice; you drag us, the people, out of
peaceful, happy homes to leave all we love, to face mutilation, agony
and death; you say your cause wuz just, I say it is a war of
revenge--a war of conquest."

Why it fairly made goose pimples run over me when I hearn on't.
Sassin' the govermunt, she wuz--nothin' more nor less. But she went on
worse than ever.

"You say that it wuz to give freedom to the people of Cuba. Look at
the millions of your own wimmen enslaved in legal fetters! You say it
wuz to protect the wimmen and children of Cuba from the cruelty and
brutality of unscrupulous rulers. Look at the wimmen and children of
your own country cowering and hiding from crazed drunken husbands,
sons and fathers. More misery, murder, suicides, abuse and suffering
of every kind is caused by the saloon every day of the year in the
United States than ever took place in Cuba in twice the same time, and
you not only stand by and see it, but you take pay from the butchers
for slaughtering the innocents! You miserable hypocrites, you!" Sez
Arvilly, "I would talk about pity and mercy, you that know no pity and
no mercy for your own wimmen and children.

"You pose before foreign nations as a reformer, a righter of wrongs,
when you have cherished and are cherishing now the most gigantic crime
and wrong that ever cursed a people; turning a deaf ear to the
burdened and dying about you; wives, mothers, daughters--for whose
safety and well-being you are responsible--have told you that the
saloon killed all the manhood and nobility of their husbands, sons,
and fathers; made the pure, good men, who loved and protected them,
into cold-hearted brutes and demons who would turn and rend
them--still you would not hear. You have seen the dretful procession
of one hundred thousand funerals pass before you every year, slain by
this foe that you pamper and protect.

"Lovers of good laws have told you that the saloon blocked up the way
to every reform and wuz the greatest curse of the day; still you threw
your mighty protection around the system and helped it on. The most
eminent doctors have told you that drunkenness ruined the bodies of
men; Christian clergymen told you that it ruined their souls, and that
the saloon was the greatest enemy the Church of Christ had to contend
with to-day; that when by its efforts and sacrifices it saved one soul
from ruin, the saloon ruined two to fill the place of that one who
wuz saved, and still you opholded it.

"Petitions signed by hundreds of thousands of the best people of the
land have been sent to you, but these petitions, weighted down with
the tears and prayers of these people, have been made a jest and a
mock of by you. And strangest, most awful of sights--incredible almost
to men and angels--this govermunt, that sot out as a reformer to
Christianize Cuba and the Philippines, have planted there this
heaviest artillery of Satan, the saloon, to bind the poor islanders in
worse bondage and misery than they ever dremp on. Hain't you ashamed
of yourself! You fool and villain!" (Oh! dear me! Oh, dear suz! To
think on't; Arvilly wuz talkin' to the govermunt, and callin' it a
fool and villain! The idee! Why, it wuz enough to skair anybody most
to death!) I spoze it made a great adoo. I spoze that the men who
represented the govermunt wuz too horrified to make a reply. Arvilly
always did go too fur when she got to goin'. But it can't be denied
that she had great reason for her feelin's, for the strongest argument
wuz still to come. I spoze she got almost carried away by her own talk
and feelin's, for all of a sudden they said she lifted her long bony
hand and arm--Arvilly always wuz kinder spare in flesh--she lifted up
her arm and her bony forefinger seemed to be follerin' the lines of
some words writ up there on the wall, sez she slowly, in a awful

"My country! thou are weighed in the balance and found wanting!"

It wuz indeed thrillin', but after a minute's silence she went on:
"Look at me!" sez she, pintin' that same forefinger first at herself
and then at the tall veiled figger of the young girl beside her--"Look
at us; we, the people, represent to you another of your favorite
reforms, the Canteen, that product of civilization and Christianity
you transplanted from our holy shores to the benighted tropics. How
many petitions have you had wet with the tears of wives and mothers,
weighted down with their prayers to close this gateway to hell. But
no, for a price, as Judas sold his Lord, you have trafficked in human
souls and will do so. And you are the power--you control; we are the
people--we suffer. We leave all we love, we go out and fight your
battles when you tell us to, we face mutilation and death for
you--isn't that enough? No; besides the foe in front you set us
aginst, you introduce a foe into our midst that is a million times as
fatal and remorseless. The foe in front only aims at our bodies; this
foe, before it kills our bodies, kills honor, manhood, all that is
noble and worthy to be loved--a devilish foe indeed, but by your
command it is let loose upon us; we are the people, we must endure it.
Look at me!"--agin she pinted that bony forefinger at herself--"I had
a husband I loved as well as the gracious lady in the White House
loves her husband. He wuz a good man. He thought he owed a duty to his
country. He went to fight her battles at her call. He might have
escaped Spanish bullets, but not this foe this Christian govermunt set
aginst him. In a low Canteen, a vile drinking den, rented by you for
the overthrow of men's souls and bodies, in a drunken brawl a bullet
aimed by a crazed brain for another poor ruined boy reached my
husband's faithful heart, faithful to the country that slew him, not
for patriotism or honor, but for a few pennies of money--not even the
thirty pieces of silver Judas earnt for betraying his Lord. This
bullet wuz sent from the hand of a young man, a college graduate, one
of the noblest, brightest and best of men until this foe our govermunt
set for him vanquished him. He got into a quarrel with another drunken
youth, another victim of the Canteen, and meant to shoot him, but the
unsteady hand sent it into the heart of my husband, who went into that
vile place thinkin' he could appease the quarrel. This young man was
shot for _your_ crime and here is his widow," and turning to
Waitstill, she said, "Lift up your vail; let them look upon us, the

The young girl drew back her vail and a face of almost perfect beauty
wuz disclosed, but white as death. The big dark eyes wuz full of
sorrow and despair, sadder than tears. She simply said:

"I loved him--he was murdered--I have come to denounce his murderers."

Her voice wuz low, but the words fell like drops of blood, so vivid,
so full were they of the soul of her being.

"Yes," sez Arvilly, "and you are his murderer. Not the Spaniards, not
the foe of this govermunt that the poor young fellow tried with a
boy's warm-hearted patriotism to save. You murdered him." She turned
to let her companion speak agin, but the power to speak had gone from
her; her slender figure swayed and Arvilly caught her in her strong
arms. She had fainted almost away; she could say no more. But what
more could she say to this govermunt.

"He was murdered--I loved him--I have come to denounce his murderers."

Arvilly helped Waitstill down on a bench where she leaned back still
and white most as if she wuz dead. But before Arvilly went out with
Waitstill leanin' on her arm, she turned and faced them dumb-foundered
men once more:

"Who is accountable for the death of her lover?" pintin' to the frail,
droopin' figger. "Who is accountable for the death of my husband? Who
is accountable for the death and everlastin' ruin of my son, my
husband, my father and my lover? sez the millions of weepin' wimmen in
America that the Canteen and saloon have killed and ruined. These
questions unanswered by you are echoin' through the hull country
demandin' an answer. They sweep up aginst the hull framework of human
laws made professedly to protect the people, aginst every voter in the
land, aginst the rulers in Washington, D. C., aginst the Church of
Christ--failing to git an answer from them they sweep up to God's
throne. There they will git a reply. Woe! woe! to you rulers who
deviseth iniquity to overthrow the people committed to your care."

Arvilly then went out, leadin' Waitstill, and when she come back to
Jonesville she come with her, a patient mourner, good to everybody and
goin' out to day's works for seventy-five cents a day, for she had no
other way to live, for she wuzn't strong enough then to go on with her
nursing and she hadn't a relation on earth, and the man our govermunt
murdered in that Canteen represented all there wuz on this broad earth
for her to love. They worshipped each other, and Waitstill is waitin'
till the time comes for her to die and meet the man she loved and
lost, havin' to live in the meantime, because she couldn't stop
breathin' till her time come. So, as I say, she went out doin' plain
sewin', beloved by all both great and small, but a mourner if there
ever wuz one, lookin' at his picture day in and day out, which she
wears in her bosom in a locket--a handsome, manly face, took before
our govermunt made a crazy lunatick and a murderer of him.

Jest as different from Arvilly as day is from night, but the cold
hands of grief holds their hearts together and I spoze that she will
always make it her home with Arvilly as long as she lives, she wants
her to--that is, if the plan I have in my head and heart don't amount
to anything, but I hope for the land sake that it will, for as I've
said many a time and gin hints to her, there never wuz two folks more
made for each other than she and Elder White.

But she's gone now to the Philippines as a nurse in a hospital, which
shows how different she and Arvilly feels; Arvilly sez that she
wouldn't do anything to help the govermunt agin in any way, shape or
manner, not if they should chain her and drag her to the front; she
would die before she would help the great, remorseless power that
killed her husband for a little money. She's made in jest that way,
Arvilly is, jest as faithful to the remembrance of her wrongs as a dog
is to a bone, settin' and gnawin' at it all the time. And when they
come to collect her taxes last year she says:

"No taxes will you ever git out of me to help rare up Saloons and
Canteens to kill some other woman's husband."

"But," sez the tax man, a real good man he wuz and mild mannered, "you
should be willing to help maintain the laws of your country that
protects you."

And then I spose that man's hair (it wuz pretty thin, anyway) riz
right up on his head to hear her go on tellin' about the govermunt
killin' her husband. But seein' she wuz skarin' him she kinder quelled
herself down and sez:

"What has this country ever done for me. I have had no more voice in
makin' the laws than your dog there. Your dog is as well agin off, for
it don't have to obey the laws, that it has no part in makin'. If it
digs up a good bone it don't have to give it to some dog politician to
raise money to buy dog buttons to kill other dogs and mebby its own
pups. Not one cent of taxes duz this hell-ridden govermunt git out of
me agin--if I can help it."

The man ketched up his tax list and flewed from the house, but
returned with minions of the law who seized on and sold her shote she
wuz fattin' for winter's use; sold it to the saloon keeper over to
Zoar for about half what it wuz worth, only jest enough to pay her
tax. But then the saloon keeper controlled a lot of bum votes and the
collector wanted to keep in with him.

Yes, as I wuz sayin', Waitstill Webb is as different from Arvilly as a
soft moonlight night lit by stars is from a snappin' frosty noonday in
January. Droopin' like a droopin' dove, feelin' that the govermunt wuz
the worst enemy she and her poor dead boy ever had, as it turned out,
but still ready to say:

"Oh Lord, forgive my enemy, the Government of the United States, for
it knows what it does."

Which she felt wuz ten-fold worse than as if it did wickedly without
knowin' it, and she knew that they knowed all about it and couldn't
deny it, for besides all the good men and wimmen that had preached to
'em about it, they had had such sights of petitions sent in explainin'
it all out and beggin' 'em to stop it, onheeded by them and scorfed
at. But she stood ready to go agin and serve the govermunt as a nurse,
trying to heal the woonds caused by bullet and knife, and the ten-fold
worse woonds caused by our govermunt's pet wild beast it rents out
there to worry and kill its brave defenders. I looked forward with
warm anticipations to seein' her, for I sot store by her. She had
fixed over my gray alpacky as good as new, and made me a couple of
ginghams, and I thought more of havin' her with me than I did of her
work, and once when I wuz down with a crick in the back, and couldn't
stir, she come right there and stayed by me and did for me till the
creek dwindled down and disappeared. Her presence is some like the Bam
of Gilead, and her sweet face and gentle ways make her like an angel
in the sick room. Arvilly is more like a mustard plaster than Bam. But
everybody knows that mustard is splendid for drawin' attention to it;
if it draws as it ort to, mustard must and will attract and hold
attention. And I spoze there hain't no tellin' what good Arvilly has
done and mebby will do by her pungent and sharp tongue to draw
attention to wrongs and inspire efforts to ameliorate 'em. And the
same Lord made the Bam of Gilead and mustard, and they go well
together. When mustard has done its more painful work then the Bam
comes in and duz its work of healin' and consolin'. 'Tennyrate anybody
can see that they are both on 'em as earnest and sincere in wantin' to
do right as any human creeters can be, and are dretful well thought on
all over Jonesville and as fur out as Loontown and Zoar.

Some wimmen would have held a grudge aginst the man that murdered her
husband and not bore the sight of the one who loved and mourned him so
constant. But Arvilly had too much good horse sense for that; she
contends that neither of the men who wuz fightin' wuz much to blame.
She sez that if a sane, well man should go out and dig a deep pit to
catch men for so much a head, and cover it all over with green grass
and blossoms and put a band of music behind it to tempt men to walk
out on it, to say nothin' of a slidin' path leadin' down to it, all
soft with velvet and rosy with temptations, if a lot of hot-headed
youth and weak men and generous open-minded men who wuzn't lookin' for
anything wrong, should fall into it and be drownded for so much a
head, she sez the man who dug the pit and got so much apiece for the
men he led in and ruined would be more to blame than the victims, and
she sez the man who owned the ground and encouraged it to go on would
be more to blame than the man who dug the pit. And further back the
men who made the laws to allow such doin's, and men who voted to allow
it, and ministers and the Church of Christ, who stood by like Pilate,
consenting to it and encouraged by their indifference and neglect what
they might have stopped if they wanted to--they wuz most to blame of

Well, this is what Arvilly has went through.

Day by day we sailed onwards, and if the days wuz beautiful, the
nights wuz heavenly, lit by the glowin' moon that seemed almost like
another sun, only softer and mellerer lookin'; and the lustrous stars
of the tropics seemed to flash and glitter jest over our head almost
as if we could reach up and gather 'em in our hands into a sheaf of

The weather seemed to moderate and we had to put on our thinnest
garments in the middle of the day. But my poor Josiah could not make
much change; he had to wear his pepper-and-salt costoom in publick,
which wuz pretty thick, but I fixed sunthin' for him to wear in our
state-room, where we passed considerable time. I took one of my outing
jackets that was cut kinder bask fashion, trimmed with lace and bows
of ribbon and pinned it over in the back, and it fitted him quite well
and wuz cool. He liked it; he thought it become him, it wuz so
dressy, but I wouldn't let him appear in publick in it.

I dressed Tommy in his summer suit, and wore my figgered lawn and wuz
none too cool. We only had one heavy storm, but that wuz fearful;
everything dashed round and wuz broke that could be. I put Tommy in
his little crib and fastened him in, and fastened my most precious
treasure, Josiah, to the berth. I then tied myself up, and we bore it
as well as we could, though every time the ship went down into the
trough of the sea I felt that it wuz dubersome about its ever comin'
out agin, and every time it mounted up on one of them stupendous
billers, higher than the Jonesville meetin' house, I felt doubtful
whether or no it would fall bottom side up or not. Tommy wuz cryin',
and Josiah wuz kinder whimperin', though for my sake he wuz tryin' to
bear up. But I'll hang a curtain up before that seen and not take it
down agin till we wuz all ontied and the sun wuz shinin' down on
smoother waters.

At last after seven days' stiddy sailin' a little spec wuz seen in the
distance one mornin' gradually growin' in size, and other little
specks wuz sighted, also growin' gradual, and at last they turned to
solid land rising up out of the blue water, clad in strange and
beautiful verdure behind the white foamin' billers of surf. And
instinctively as we looked on't I broke out singin' onbeknown to me,
and Josiah jined in in deep base:

    "Sweet fields beyend the swellin' flood
    Stand dressed in livin' green."

We sung it to Balermy. Josiah hain't much of a singer, and my voice
hain't what it once wuz, but I d'no as in any conference meetin' that
him ever sounded sweeter to me, or I sung it with more of the sperit.


How beautiful wuz the shore as we approached it, its scenery different
from Jonesville scenery, but yet worth seein'--yes, indeed! Mountain
and valley, rock and green velvet verdure, tall palm trees shadin'
kinder low houses, but still beautiful and attractive. And what
beautiful colors greeted our weary eyes as we drew nigher. I thought
of that gate of Jerusalem the Golden, all enamelled with emerald,
amethyst, chalcedony, and pearl sot in gold. The golden brown earth
made from melted lava, the feathery foliage of the palms that riz up
beyend the dazzlin' white beach, the crystal blue waters with
myriad-hued fishes playing down in its crystal depths. Oh, how fair
the seen as we approached nearer and see plainer and plainer the
pictured beauty of the shore. Shinin' green valley, emerald-topped
mountain, amethyst sea; which wuz the most beautiful it wuz hard to

Evangeline Noble stood off by herself leanin' on the rail of the deck
as if she see through the beauty into the inner heart of things, and
see in her mind's eye all the work her own people, the missionaries,
had done there. The thought that they had taken the natives like
diamonds incrusted in dirt and cleansed them of the blackest of their
habits. She see in the past natives burying their children alive,
putting to death the mentally weak, worshipping horrible idols,
killing and eating their enemies, etc., etc. But now, under the
blessed light of the torch, that long procession of martyrs had held
up, the former things wuz passin' away, and she, too, wuz one of that
blessed host of God's helpers. She looked riz up and radiant as if she
see way beyend the islands of the sea and all she hoped to do for her
Master on earth, and as if he wuz talking to her now, teaching her his

Nigher to us Elder Wessel wuz standing, and he sez, lifting up his
eyes to heaven:

"Oh islands of the sea! where every prospect pleases and only man is

And Arvilly hearn him and snapped out, "I d'no as they're so very vile
till traders and other civilized folks teach 'em to drink and cheat
and tear round." His eyes lost in a minute that heavenly expression
they had wore and sez he:

"Oh, islands of the sea! where every prospect pleases and eat each
other up and etcetery."

"Well, I d'no," sez she, "but I'd ruther be killed to once by a club
and eat up and be done with than to die by inches as wimmen do under
our civilized American license laws. The savages kill their enemies,
but the American savage kills the one that loves him best, and has to
see her children turned into brutes and ruffians, under what is called
a Christian dispensation. There hain't no hypocrisy and Phariseeism in
a good straight club death, and most likely whilst he wuz eatin' me up
he wouldn't pose before foreign nations as a reformer and civilizer of
the world."

"Oh, Sister Arvilly," sez he, "think of the hideous idols they
worship! You can't approve of that," sez he.

But Arvilly, the ondanted, went on, "Well I never see or hearn of any
savage idol to compare in hegiousness with the Whiskey Power that is
built up and pampered and worshipped by Americans rich and poor, high
and low, Church and State. Let any one make a move to tear that idol
down from its altar, made of dead men's bones, and see what a flutter
there is in the camp, how new laws are made and old laws shoved aside,
and new laws fixed over, and the highest and the lowest will lie and
cringe and drag themselves on their knees in front of it to protect it
and worship it. Don't talk to me about your wood idols; they hain't
nothin' to be compared to it. They stay where they're put, they don't
rare round and kill their worshippers as this Whiskey idol duz. I'd
think enough sight more of some men high in authority if they would
buy a good clean basswood idol and put it up in the Capitol at
Washington, D. C., and kneel down before it three times a day, than to
do what they are doin'; they wouldn't do half the hurt and God knows
it, and He would advise 'em that way if they ever got nigh enough to
Him so's He could speak to 'em at all."

"Oh, Sister Arvilly!" sez Elder Wessel, and he looked as if he would
faint away. And I too wuz shocked to my soul, specially as Josiah
whispered kinder low to me:

"Samantha, we might git a small idol whilst we're here. You know it
would come handy in hayin' time and when the roads are drifted full."

I looked at him in a way that he will remember through his hull life,
and sez he quick, "I shan't do nothin' of the kind unless you're

"Willin'!" sez I, in heart-broken axents. "What will happen next to
me?" And then indignation dried my tears before they fell and I sez,
"I command you, Josiah Allen, to never speak to me on this subject
agin; or think on't!" sez I fiercely.

He muttered sunthin' about thinkin' what he wuz a mindter. And I
turned to Arvilly and sez, to git her mind off:

"See that native, Arvilly, standin' up on that board!"

For as our good ship bore us onward we see crowds of natives standin'
up on little tottlin' boards, dartin' through the water every which
way, risin' and fallin' on the waves. I couldn't done it to save my
life. No, Josiah nor me couldn't stood on boards like that on our
creek, to say nothin' of the Pacific Ocean. But we should never have
appeared in public dressed in that way--it wuzn't decent, and I told
Josiah I wouldn't look at 'em if I wuz in his place; I mistrusted that
some on 'em might be wimmen. And then I thought of the Garden of Eden,
when Adam and Eve first took the place, and I didn't really know what
to think. But I drawed Arvilly's attention to one on 'em that seemed
extra dextrious in managin' his board and sez, "How under the sun duz
he do it, Arvilly?"

"I d'no," sez she, and she added dreamily, "I wonder if he would want
a copy of the 'Twin Crimes,' or the 'Wicked and Warlike.' If I do sell
any here to the natives it'll put some new idees in their heads about
idol worship wickeder and warliker than they ever had." Miss Meechim
and Dorothy wuz approachin' and Robert Strong I see looked off with
rapt eyes onto the glorious seen. And as no two can see the same
things in any picture, but see the idees of their own mind, blended in
and shadin' the view, I spozed that Robert Strong see rared up on the
foreground of that enchantin' seen his ideal City of Justice, where
gigantic trusts, crushin' the people's life out, never sot its feet,
but love, equality and good common sense sot on their thrones in the
middle on't, and the people they ruled wuz prosperous and happy. And
anon he looked down into Dorothy's sweet face as if no foreign shore
or any inner vision ever looked so good to him.

Miss Meechim hated to have Dorothy see them natives, I see she did;
actin' so skittish towards the male sect always, it wuz dretful
galdin' to her to see 'em in that state and specially to have Dorothy
see 'em. She looked awful apprehensive towards them swimmers and board
riders and then at her niece. But when she catched sight of Robert by
her side a look of warm relief swep' over her anxious face, as if in
her mind's eye she see Dorothy by his help walkin' through the future
a prosperous and contented bacheldor maid.

Tommy wuz kinder talkin' to himself or to his invisible playmate. He
wonnered how he wuz goin' to git on shore, wonnerin' if he could stand
up on one of them little boards and if his grandpa and grandma would
each have one to stand up on, and kinder lookin' forward to such an
experience I could see, and Josiah wuz wonderin' how soon he could
git a good meat dinner. And so as on shore or sea each one wuz seein'
what their soul's eye had to see, and shakin' ever and anon their own
particular skeletons, and shettin' 'em up agin' in their breast

Well, as we approached nigher and nigher the wharf we see men dressed
in every way you could think on from petticoats to pantaloons, and men
of every color from black down through brown and yeller to white, and
wimmen the same. Well, it wuzn't long before we wuz ensconced in the
comfortable tarven where we put up. Elder Wessel and his daughter and
Evangeline Noble went to the same tarven, which made me glad, for I
like 'em both as stars differin'. Elder Wessel I regarded more as one
of the little stars in the Milky Way, but Evangeline as one of the big
radiant orbs that flashed over our heads in them tropic nights.

The tarven we went to wuz called the Hawaiian Hotel. We got good
comfortable rooms, Arvilly's bein' nigh to ourn and Dorothy's and Miss
Meechim's acrost the hall and the rest of the company comfortably
located not fur away. Well, the next mornin' Josiah and I with Tommy
walked through some of the broad beautiful streets, lined with houses
built with broad verandas most covered with vines and flowers and
shaded by the most beautiful trees you ever see, tall palms with their
stems round and smooth as my rollin' pin piercin' the blue sky, and
fur, fur up the long graceful leaves, thirty feet long some on 'em.
And eucalyptus and begoniea and algebora with its lovely foliage, and
pepper trees and bananas and pomegranates and tamarind and bread fruit
and rose apples, tastin' and smellin' a good deal like a rosy. And
magnificent oleanders and fuchias and geraniums and every other
beautiful tree and blossom you ever hearn on.

And take it with these rich colored posies and luxuriant green foliage
and the white suits and hats of the men, and the gay colored clothing
of the women we met, lots of them with wreaths of flowers round their
necks hangin' most to their feet, take it all together it wuz a seen
long, long to be remembered. And then we walked up on Punch Bowl
Hill, five hundred feet above the level of the sea, and looked off on
a broad beautiful picture of sea, mountain and valley soft and
beautiful and a-bloom with verdure, and anon bold, rugged and sublime,
and I sez to Josiah:

"This very place where we're standin' now wuz once a volcano and
belched forth flames, and that also," sez I, pintin' to Tantalus that
riz up two thousand feet. "And," sez I, "they say that the view from
that is glorious."

"Well," sez he, "I guess we hadn't better climb up there; it might
bust out agin. And I wouldn't have you sot fire to, Samantha, for a
thousand worlds like this," (he didn't want the work of climbin', that
wuz it). And I didn't argy with him, for I thought it would be quite a
pull for us to git up there and git Tommy up, and I didn't know as the
child ort to climb so fur, so I didn't oppose my pardner when he
propsed to go back to the tarven, and we santered back through the
streets filled with citizens of all countries and dressed accordin',
to the grounds around the tarven. We put Tommy into a hammock and sot
down peaceful nigh by him. The sun shone down gloriously out of a
clear blue sky, but we sot in the shade and so enjoyed it, the bammy
air about us seemed palpitating with langrous beauty and fragrance,
and I sez to my pardner:

"Don't this remind you, Josiah, of what we've heard Thomas J. read

    "'The island valley of Avileon
      Where falls not rain nor hail nor any snow.'"

"Where it seems always afternoon."

"I d'no," sez Josiah, "as I ever hearn of such a land. I never wuz any
hand to lay abed all the forenoon."

"But, Josiah, there is sunthin' so dreamy and soothin', so restful in
the soft slumbrous atmosphere, it seems as if one could jest lay down
in that hammock, look off onto the entrancin' beauty around,
breathin' the soft balmy air, and jest lay there forever."

"I guess," sez he, "that the dinner bell would be apt to roust you out
the second or third day."

But Miss Meechim jined us at jest this minute, and she sez to me, "I
feel just as you do, I feel as though I would fain dwell here

And Josiah sez: "I believe it would be a good thing for you, Miss
Meechim, to stay here right along; you could probable do considerable
good here preachin' to the natives aginst marriage, they're pretty apt
to marry too much if they're let alone, and you might curb 'em in
some." (Josiah can't bear Miss Meechim, her idees on matrimony are
repugnant to him.) But she didn't argy with him. She sez: "Robert is
planning a trip to the Pali, and wants to know if you won't join us."

And Josiah says, "Who is Pali?"

And she sez, "It is the precipice five hundred feet high, where King
Kamehameha drove off his enemies."

Well, we wuz agreeable and jined the party. Robert had got a wagonette
and he and Dorothy, Miss Meechim and Arvilly and Josiah and I jest
filled the seats, Tommy sot in Josiah's lap or between us.

It is quite a long ride to the Pali, but we didn' realize it, because
the scenery all along is so lovely and so novel. That view from the
top I hain't a-goin' to try to describe, nor I sha'n't let Josiah try;
I don't like to have that man flat out in his undertakin's. Good land!
do you want us to tell how many sands there wuz on the flashing white
beach that stretched out milds and milds? And we might as well as to
describe that enchantin' panorama and take up all the different
threads of glory that lay before us and embroider 'em on language. No,
you must see 'em for yourself, and then you hain't goin' to describe
'em. I d'no but Carabi could. I hearn Tommy talkin' and "wonnerin'" to
him as he stood awestruck beside me, but no mortal can.

Well, I thought I must not slight the volcano Kilauea, which means the
House of Everlasting Fire. And how that volcano and everything in
Hawaii reminded me of the queen who once rained here--and the
interview I once had with her. We happened to be visitors to the same
summer resort. You know she lives in Washington, D. C., now.

I sent word that I wuz there and craved a augence, which wuz gladly
granted. She had hearn of me and I had hearn of her, which made
everything agreeable. So at the appinted hour I wuz ushered by one of
her hired men into her presence. I liked her looks first rate; of
course she hain't what you may call handsome, and her complection is
pretty middlin' dark, but she has a good look and a good way with her.
She came forward and greeted me with great cordiality and gin the hand
I extended a warm grasp, and I hern visey versey, and sez she:

"I am glad to see you, Josiah Allen's wife." And I sez, speakin' the
name Liliukolani well as I could, "I also am glad to hail the Queen of
the Sandwich Islands."

That tickled her, and she sez: "I was not deceived in you; you are one
who can recognize royalty if the cloud of adversity and trouble is
wreathin' it in its black folds."

And I sez, "Clouds often covers the sun and moon, but the light is
there jest the same." I felt to pity her as she went on and related
her troubles to me. Her throne kicked out from under her by them that
wanted to set down on it, the high chairs of her loyal friends took by
her enemies who craved the soft cushions. Even her private property
grabbed away from her. Why, how should any of us feel to have a
neighbor walk in when we wuz havin' a family quarrel and jest clean us
out of everything--kitchen stove, bureau, bed and beddin' and
everything; why, it would rile us to our depths, any on us.

She sez, "I feel that my kingdom wuz stole away from me." And I sez:

"I know jest how you feel. There wuz a woodsy island down in our
creek that Josiah had called hisen for years and years, rained
peaceful and prosperous over so we spozed, it made a dretful handy
place for our young stock to stand in the shade in the summer, and our
ducks and geese jest made their hum there, but what should Bill Yerden
do when he bought the old Shelmadine place but jest scoop up that
island and try to prove that it wuz hisen. It wuz jest stealin',
Josiah and I always felt so. But he wuz down with tizik at the time,
and I wore out nussin' him, and Bill put bob iron fence round it, real
sharp bobs, too, and we had to gin in. Of course it wuzn't a big spot,
but we despised the idee of havin' it took from us just as much as
though it wuz the hull contient of Asia, and we can't git over it,
Josiah nor me can't. And I know jest how you feel, and I sympathize
with you."

And she sez, "Sympathy is sweet, but justice is sweeter."

And I sez, "That is so, but when you can't git justice, sympathy is
better than nothin'."

"Yes," sez she, "I know it, but I am lookin' forward to the day when I
shall git my rights agin. I am jest as much a queen as Queen Alexandra
is to-day, and my kingdom is just as much mine."

Sez I, "That is just the way Josiah and I feel; we can't help lookin'
forward to gittin' our rights, but don't spoze we ever shall, for life
is short, and Josiah don't want any more of our live stock tore up on
them bobs; and, as I've said to Josiah many a time, Bill Yerden feels
guilty, or he wouldn't rare up such sharp defences round it."

Well, we had a good deal more of jest such profitable and interestin'
talk as two such great wimmen would naterally, and we parted away from
each other with a cordial hand shake and mutual good feelin'. But she
called me back and sez she: "I want to give you one word of solemn
warnin' before we part," and I stopped stun still and listened.

"I don't know," sez she, "as you'll ever be a queen."

"Well, mebby not," sez I, "but I am thought a sight on in Jonesville,
and there is no knowin' what may happen."

"Well," sez she, "if you ever are a queen, a ruler of a kingdom, don't
let any other nation protect you. Protectin'," sez she, "has been the
ruin of more than one individual and nation."

And I promised her that I would look out for it if I ever wuz a queen,
but reminded her that there wuz times too when it came handy, and
saved our necks to be protected, and then I finished, gracefully
backin' out of her presence. I like her first rate, and believe she is
a likely woman; I believe she has been lied about, she jest the same
as told me she had; if she wuz a woman that took in washin's for a
livin' there wouldn't have been so much said about her. Why, it is
jest as easy for envious folks to run them high in position and try to
demean 'em as it is to fall off a log.


Some of the party felt that they couldn't leave the islands without
seein' the great Kilauea and some didn't care to go. I felt that I
must see it and so did Arvilly, and Josiah looked on me as fondly and
proudly as if I myself wuz a volcano and said, "If Samantha goes I
shall." Robert Strong wanted to go and so did Dorothy; Miss Meechim
didn't feel like going and offered to take care of Tommy with the help
of Aronette. Elder Wessel wouldn't go, for Lucia wuzn't very well and
he felt that she had better stay and rest at the tarven, and I spozed
that Aronette and Lucia would have a pretty good time, for they always
seemed to when they wuz together. Evangeline Noble was visiting some
friends of hers on the island. There wuz a smart young English
clergyman goin' with us and a Scotchman, both good lookin' and good
actin'. The Scotchman wuz Sir Duncan Ramsey and didn't act any more
sot up than if he wuz a plain mister. He paid considerable attention
to Dorothy, too, but Miss Meechim said that she didn't worry about
Dorothy at all since I would chaperone her, and Robert wuz going to
protect her from any possible lover. Sez Miss Meechim:

"Robert knows that I would almost rather have that volcano burst forth
its burning lava and wash her away on its bosom than to have her
engulfed in that terrible state of matrimony from which I and mine
have suffered so horribly."

"Well," sez I, "I can't speak for you and yourn, but for me and ourn,"
sez I, "no state under the heavens would be agreeable for me to live
in if my beloved pardner wuzn't in it too."

"Oh, well," sez she, "exceptions prove the rule; your husband is
congenial and good to you."

"Oh, well," sez I, "as to the daily acts and queer moves of pardners
the least said the soonest mended, but Love is the great ruler; where
he rules any state is blest, be it torrid or frigid."

That evenin' Arvilly and Elder Wessel had a argument about votin' and
other things. I knew I ort to be in my room packin' my satchel bag,
for we expected to be gone a week or ten days, but I did kinder want
to hear how their talk come out. He said he didn't vote; he said he
thought it wuz a clergyman's duty to set and judge of the right and
wrong of actions, not take part in 'em.

And Arvilly says, "I always spozed the Almighty did that; I didn't
know as human men wuz obleeged to. I know he cursed them that dealt in
strong drink, and blest them that gin even a cup of cold water to the
little ones, which I spoze meant help to the poorest and lowest. And I
guess that whatever your idees are about it, when you come to the
judgment day you won't set up there on the throne judgin', but you'll
be down with the rest on us givin' an account of how you've used your
talents, your influence, and if you've wropped your mantilly of
protection around thieves and murderers that you know the whiskey
trade is made of; you'll find that it will drop off there, and you
will be judged accordin' to your works. But mebby you'll be made to
see before you git there that you're in the wrong on't upholdin' this

Arvilly's axent wuz as sharp as any simeter, and it seemed to go right
through Elder Wessel's robe of complacency and self-esteem and rend
it. He looked dretful bad, and I spoke up, meanin' to pour a little
ile on his woonds, and sayin' what I thought, too. Sez I:

"Folks hain't so guilty often as they are thoughtless; ministers and
church people who don't use their influence aginst this evil don't
realize what they're doin'--they don't think."

"They're guilty if they don't think," sez Arvilly, "if they are blest
with common sense. If I wuz walkin' by a deep pond in broad daylight,
and see a dozen little children sinking that I might save by a little
effort, I wonder how many would believe me when I said that I see 'em
drowndin' but didn't try to save 'em because I didn't think. If I had
ears and eyes and common sense, and could save 'em and didn't, I wuz
guilty of murder, and so the Lord would look at it and everybody else
that knew anything." And she looked at me some as if I didn't know
anything, jest because I intimated that ministers and church members
didn't want to do such wickedness, but didn't think--Arvilly is hash.
But I had to admit that she had some common sense on her side. Sez she

"The Church of Christ could do anything it wanted to if it jined its
forces, took holt as if it meant to do sunthin', but as it is
indifference folds its hands, self interest murders humanity, greed
upholds intemperance, and all about us in Church and State are drink
makers and drink takers, and heaven knows which of 'em will git to
hell first!" Arvilly is dretful hash; when she gits rousted up her
indignation is like lightnin', and she don't care where it strikes or
who. It struck Elder Wessel hard.

"I should be afraid!" sez he, and his voice fairly trembled with
indignation, "I should be afraid to talk of the Church of Christ as
you do!"

"Let it behave itself then!" sez Arvilly, "be converted and come out
on the Lord's side to the help of the weak aginst the mighty!"

"The saloon," sez Elder Wessel dogmatically, "is the Poor Man's Club."
He wuz all rousted up by her hash talk and come out plainer than he
had come. "The rich man has his club, and the saloon is the Poor Man's
Club. He has a right to go there for a little recreation."

"Re-creation!" sez Arvilly. "If you think drinkin' pizen whiskey is
re-creatin' a man, you're different from me."

"And me, too," sez I. "If you call it re-creatin' to go to the Poor
Man's Club sober and sane," sez Arvilly, "and stagger home at midnight
crazy drunk, I say he hain't no right to re-create himself that way;
he re-creates himself from a good man and worthy member of society
into a fiend, a burden and terror to his family and community. Now
Elder White's idee of re-creatin' men is different; he believes in
takin' bad men and re-creatin' 'em into good ones, and I wish that
every minister on earth would go and do likewise."

"I know nothin' about Elder White," sez Elder Wessel hautily.

"He's our minister in Loontown," sez Arvilly. "He has his church open
every night in the week for re-creatin' in the right way."

"I don't approve of that," sez Elder Wessel. "The church of the Most
High is too sacred to use for such purposes."

"A minister said that once to Elder White," sez Arvilly, "and he
answered 'em with that warm meller smile of hisen, 'Where are my boys
and girls more welcome and safe than at home, and this is their
Father's house,'" sez he.

"Using that holy place for recreation is very wrong," sez Elder

Sez Arvilly, "I told you that he used it to re-create anew to goodness
and strength. He has music, good books, innocent games of all kinds,
bright light, warmth, cheerful society, good lectures, and an
atmosphere of good helpful influences surroundin' 'em, and he has
sandwiches and coffee served in what wuz the pastor's study, and which
he uses now, Heaven knows, to study the big problem how a minister of
the Most High can do the most good to his people."

"Coffee," sez Elder Wessel, "is all right in its place, but the common
workman hankers after something stronger; he wants his beer or toddy,
the glass that makes him forget his trouble for a time, and lifts him
into another world."

"Well, I spoze the opium eater and cocaine fiend hanker after the fool
paradise these drugs take 'em into, but that's no sign that they ort
to destroy themselves with 'em."

"Coffee, too, is deleterious," sez Elder Wessel. "Some say that it is
worse than whiskey."

I spoke up then; I am a good coffee maker, everybody admits, and I
couldn't bear to hear Ernest White talked aginst, and I sez: "I never
hearn of a workman drinkin' so much coffee that he wuz a danger to his
family and the community, or so carried away with it that he spent his
hull wages on it. Such talk is foolish and only meant to blind the
eyes of justice and common sense. Elder White's Mutual Help Club, as
he calls it, for he makes these folks think they help him, and mebby
they do, is doin' sights of good, sights of it. Young folks who wuz
well started towards the drunkard's path have been turned right round
by it, and they save their wages and look like different men since
they have left the Poor Man's Club, as you call it, and patronize

"And Elder White has showed," sez Arvilly, "by his example just what
the Church of Christ could do if it wanted to, to save men from the
evil of this present time and git 'em headed towards the Celestial

"Oh!" sez Elder Wessel, "I would no more use the church dedicated to
the Most High in the way you speak of than I would use the communion
cup to pass water in."

"If a man wuz dyin' of thirst, and that cup could be used to save him,
don't you spoze the Lord would want it used for that, Elder Wessel?"
sez Arvilly.

"Oh, no! oh, no!" sez he: "give not that which is holy unto dogs; cast
not your pearls before swine."

"That is jest what I have been preachin' to you," sez Arvilly. "Give
not that which is holy, the best nater, and goodness of boys and men
to the dogs, the brutes that lay in wait for 'em in whiskey laws. The
God in man is murdered every 'lection day by professors of religion
and ministers."

"Why--whyee," sez Elder Wessel, sinkin' back in his chair.

"Yes," sez the dantless Arvilly, "I mean jest what I say; them that
refuse to vote and help in the matter are jest as guilty as license
voters; they are consentin' to the crucifixion of Christ in man. And
the poor drunkards are not the only ones they help nail to the cross.
The innocent life and happiness of wimmen and children these wicked
laws lift up on the cross of agony, and their hearts' blood cries to
heaven for judgment on them that might have helped 'em and would not.
The Church of Christ is responsible for this crime," sez Arvilly, "for
there is not an evil on earth that could stand before the combined
strength of a united church."

Sez Elder Wessel, gittin' back considerable dignity (her hash talk
madded him awfully), sez he, "I simply see things in another light
from what you do."

"He that is not for me is against me," sez Arvilly.

Sez the Elder in a dogmatic axent, real doggy it wuz, "I say again,
the saloon is the Poor Man's Club."

And I sez dreamily, "Talkin' of a club as a club, a club in the hands
of a drunken man, strikin' at and destroyin' all the safety and
happiness of a home, yes," sez I, "it is such a club."

"Yes," sez Arvilly, "if poundin' his wife to jelly, and his children
to deformity and death, is a Poor Man's Club, the saloon is one."

Sez he agin, "Rich men have their clubs to which they may go, and
drink all they choose--carouse, do as they please, and why not poor
men, too?" he added.

And I sez, "Grantin' that rich men do drink and carouse at their
clubs, as I don't know whether they do or not, two wrongs never made
one right, and the liquor couldn't hurt 'em so much, for they can buy
it pure, and the poor man's drink is pizen by adulteration, makin' a
more dangerous drunk, ruinin' their health and makin' 'em spilin' for
fights and bloodshed. The rich man can stay all night at his club, or
if he goes home the decorous butler or vally can tend to him and
protect his family if need be; he won't stagger in at midnight to a
comfortless room, where his wife and little ones are herded in cold
and starvation and are alone and at his mercy, and the rich man's
carouse at his club won't keep his wife and children hungry for a

Bein' driv out of that position Elder Wessel tried a new tact: "The
poor man has just as much right to the social enjoyment they git out
of their saloon as you have, madam, to your afternoon teas and church

"What hinders the poor man from 'tendin' socials?" sez Arvilly,
spiritedly. "They are always bein' teased to, and anyway I never knew
tea to make anybody crazy drunk."

"The poor man," sez Elder Wessel in his most dictorial way, all of
Arvilly's talk havin' slipped offen him like rain water offen a brass
horn, "the poor man, after he has worked hard all day, and has nothing
to go home to but a room full of cryin' children, discomfort, squalor
and a complaining wife, is justified in my opinion to go to the only
bright, happy place he knows of, the saloon."

But I sez, bein' such a case for justice, "How is it with the wife who
has worked hard all day in the home of discomfort and squalor, her
work being rendered ten times harder and more nerve destroying than
her husband's by the care of the cryin' children, how would it be for
them, who are equally responsible for the marriage and the children,
to take holt together and make the children happier and the home less
full of discomfort?"

"Yes," sez Arvilly, "is it goin' to make the home less full of
discomfort to have him reel home at midnight and dash the hungry
cryin' baby aginst the wall and put out its feeble life, and mebby
kill the complainin' wife too?"

"Oh, those are extreme cases and uncommon," sez Elder Wessel.

"Not oncommon at all," sez Arvilly. "If you read the daily papers you
will see such things as this, the direct work of the saloon, are
continually occurring, too common in fact to attract much attention."

He couldn't deny this, for he knew that we read the papers jest the
same as he did, and the fact that he couldn't deny it seemed to kinder
tire him, and he sez, getting up:

"I guess I will go and smoke a cigar." And he went. And I went up to
my room, too, to pack my satchel bag, for we expected to start the
very next mornin' and to be gone about a week or ten days.

Well, the steamer took us to Hilo, and the panorama that swep' by us
on that steamer can't never be reproduced by any camera or kodak; the
sapphire blue water, the hills standing like mountains of beaten gold
and velvety green verdure, and beyond the soft blue and purple
mountain ranges, agin deep clefts and cliffs of richest colored rocks
with feathery white waterfalls floating down on 'em like a veil, anon
pleasant landscapes, sugar cane plantations, picturesque houses,
windmills, orchards, dancing brooks and broad green fields. No
dissolvin' view wuz ever so entrancin', but like all others it had to

We reached Hilo the second day and we all went to a comfortable
tarven, and the next mornin' bright and early we sot off on the stage
for the volcano over, I state, and state it fearlessly, the most
beautiful road that wuz ever built towards any volcano or anything
else. Why, I've thought that the road between Jonesville and Loontown
wuz beautiful and easy travellin'. Old Hagadone is path-master and
vain of the road, and calls the men out twice a year to pay poll taxes
and such by workin' it. Sugar maples, elder bushes, and shuemakes, and
wild grapes and ivy run along the side of the stun wall, makin' it, I
always had thought, on-approachable in beauty. But, good land! if old
Hagadone had seen that road he would have turned green as grass with

Imagine a wide road, smooth as glass, cut right out of a glowing
tropical forest with a almost onimagined splendor, that I spoze was
meant to be onseen by mortal eyes, risin' up on each side on't. Why,
I've been as proud as a peacock of my little hibiscus growin' in
grandma Allen's old teapot, and when that blowed out one little blow I
called the neighbors in to witness the gorgeous sight. Imagine a
hibiscus tree, as big as one of our biggest maples, fairly burnin' all
over with the gorgeous blossoms, and bananas with their great glossy
leaves, and lantannas. Wuzn't I proud of my lantanna growin' in Ma
Smith's blue sugar bowl? I thought it wuz a lovely sight when it had
three blows on it at one time. But imagine milds and milds of 'em
risin' up thirty feet on each side of the road, and little spindlin'
palms, that we envy if growin' two feet high, growin' here to a
hundred feet or more, and begonias and geraniums growin' up into tall
trees and of every color, tuberoses and magnolias loadin' the air with
fragance, the glossy green of the ohia tree with the iaia vine
climbing and racing over it all, mingled in with tamarind and oranges
and bamboo, and oleanders with their delicious pink and white
blossoms. Sez I: "Do you remember my little oleander growin' in a sap
bucket, Josiah? Did you ever think of seein' 'em growin' fifty feet
high? What a priceless treasure one would be in Jonesville."

And he whispered back real voyalent: "Don't think, Samantha, of
gittin' me to lug one of them fifty-foot trees all the way hum. I've
broke my back for years luggin' round your old oleander in a tub, but
never will I tackle one of them trees," and he looked up defiantly
into the glossy boughs overhead.

"I hain't asked you to, Josiah, but," sez I dreamily: "I would love to
git some slips of them fuchia and begonia trees, and that jasmine,"
sez I, pintin' up to the emerald waves of foliage enriched by them I
have named, and as many other glowin' with perfume and beauty as
there are stars in the heavens, or so it seemed to me. Sez I: "What a
show I could make in Jonesville with 'em." Sez I: "What would Miss
Bobbett and Sister Henzy say if they could see 'em?" And I pinted up
at a gigantick trumpet creeper and convolvuli, festooned along the
boughs of a giant geranium and hanging down its banner of bloom.

"They'd say, let well enough alone. I tell you I can't break up my
trip diggin' dirt and tendin' to a lot of houseplants from Dan to

"We're not goin' to Dan," sez I, "and if we wuz a man might meet Dan
doin' worse than pleasin' his pardner. Look at that jasmine," sez I.
"Is that much like that little slip of Sister Bobbett's growin' in a
tea-cup? And see! oh, do see, Josiah, them night bloomin' ceriuses!
Oh, take it on a moonlight night, the walls of fragrant green on
either side, and them lovely blows, hundreds and thousands of 'em
shinin' out like stars of whiteness, full of the odor of Paradise. Oh,
what a sight, Josiah Allen, for us to see!"

And he sez, "Don't git any idee, Samantha, of you and me comin' way
back here by moonlight, for we can't do it. The road is thirty milds
long, and if we tried it we shouldn't git here till they had done

"I hain't no idee of tryin' it, Josiah, I wuz only revellin' in the
idee of what the glory of the sight must be."

"Well," sez he, "I am revellin' in the idee of havin' a good meat
dinner if we ever git to Hilo." And he added with a sarcastick smile,
"Don't that make you think of poker? High, low--all it wants is Jack
and the Game."

I gin him a stern look and sez, "Some knowledge is demeanin' to a
perfessor." And he acted puggicky and didn't say another word for a
mild or so. But I sot calm and looked away into the entrancin' seen.
And all the time we wuz rollin' on towards the volcano.

Robert and Dorothy seemed to be enjoying the seen as much as I did,
and Arvilly wuz tryin' to canvass the Scotchman. The Englishman had
already bought the "Twin Crimes," and so she wuz as happy as she ever
would be, I spozed.

Well, after that long enchantin' ride through Paradise, at last we
reached the place we wuz bound for and put up to the Volcano House,
from which a good view of the volcano is seen at night, but nothin' to
what it is to stand on its shores. Well, I will pass over all
intervenin' incidents, some as the lava duz when it gits started, and
draw the curtain on us agin as we stood in front of that awful,
majestic, dretful, sublime, unapproachable, devilish, glorious--a
thousand times glorious--and not to be forgot till death, sight.
Tongue can't utter words to describe it; the pen hain't made, the egg
hain't laid to hatch out the soarin' eagle whose feathers could be
wrought into a pen fittin' to describe that seen. Why, I have thought
when the mash got to burnin' down to the lake it wuz a grand sight;
Jonesvillians have driv milds to see it. I have seen upwards of ten
acres of the mash burnin' over at one time, and felt awestruck, and so
did Sister Bobbett, for we went down together once with our pardners
on a buckboard. But, sez I to myself almost instinctively:

"What if Sister Bobbett wuz here? What would she say?"

Imagine a great lake of fire instead of water, waves of burning lava
dashing up onto its shores, bustin' way up in the air at times,
towerin' pillers of flame, swishin' and swashin', fire and flames, and
brimstun for all I know. What--what wuz goin' on way down in the
depths below if this wuz the seen outside? So wildly I questioned my
heart and Josiah. "Oh, Josiah!" sez I, "what--what a sight! Did I ever
expect to witness such a seen? No, oh no," I sez. "What do you spoze
is goin' on inside of that great roarin', blazin' monster?" Sez he, "I
know what's goin' on inside of me; I know I am jest starvin', faintin'
away fur want of food."

"Well," sez I soothin'ly, "when we get back to the Volcano House I
will ask for some bread and milk for you."

"Bread and milk!" sez he bitterly. "I want pork and beans, and ham,
and biled greens, and chicken pie and Injun puddin'!"

"Well, well," sez I, "be calm. Do jest see them great waves and fields
of lava, milds and milds of 'em, once jest melted fire, rollin' on and
rollin' on--what a sight!" sez I. On one side wuz a sort of a high
terrace, over which the fiery flames had fell and hardened into solid
waves lookin' some as our Niagara would look if her flowin' waters
should suddenly harden as they flowed. I pinted it out to Arvilly, who
wuz by my side. Sez I, "Do look at that! It seems as if Nater had jest
hung up that stupendous sheet there and writ on it the word Glory!
Unapproachable glory and magesty!"

Sez Arvilly dreamily, "If I could jest dig out in that smooth lava the
words, 'The Twin Crimes of America--Intemperance and Greed,' and train
the volcano to run blazin' fire into the mould, what a advertisement
that would be for my book, or for the 'Wild, Wicked and Warlike Deeds
of Man.' It would help the sale of both on 'em tremendously."

And I sez, "Don't try to train no volcanos, Arvilly; you would find
them worse to handle than any man you ever tackled."

"Well," sez she dreamily, "I believe it could be done."

Robert Strong and Dorothy stood clost together, he a-protectin' her,
as I spozed. 'Tennyrate he seemed dretful careful where she stepped
and how and when, and she looked up real confidin' and sweet into his
face, and then, awestruck and wonder smit, down into the burnin' lake
below. The Englishman and Scotchman had gone on a little nigher to it,
with the guide. Hale-mau-mau (House of Endless Fire), well did the
natives name it. Well, it wuz long before we tore ourselves from the
sublime seen, and I dremp of it all night. I see Josiah bore from me
on the lava flood, and then agin I wuz swep' from him and dashed up on
a billow of flame, and visey versey, versey visey. I had a dretful
night, and got up twice and looked out of the winder on the grand
spectacle. But towards mornin' I had a beautiful vision: my pardner
and me wuz bore back to Jonesville, and sot in our own door yard under
a spreadin' geranium tree, and Sister Bobbett stood admirin'ly before
me with a tea-cup in her hand, beggin' for a slip from the immense
branches. It wuz a sweet dream, and I waked up refreshed.


Well, one week later we found ourselves agin on the boundless deep,
the broad Pacific, bound for the Philippines. How fur off from
Jonesville did I seem as I thought on't, but Love journeyed with me,
and Duty. Tommy wuz gittin' fat and rosy, his cough grew better every
day, and he looked and acted like a different child.

This wuz to be a longer voyage than we had took. We layed out to stop
to the Philippines first, and so on to China and Japan. It beats all
how soon you settle down and seem to feel as if the great ship you are
embarked on is the world, and the little corner you occupy your home,
specially if you have a devoted pardner with you to share your corner,
for Love can make a home anywhere. Arvilly got a number of new
subscribers and made friends amongst the passengers, but Elder Wessel
avoided her. And he didn't seem to like Sister Evangeline. I told him
what I had seen and hearn, for it seemed to me like a olive branch
bore into our dark, rainy world by a dove of Paradise. But he scoffed
at it; he said that it wuz all imagination. But I sez: "It hain't
imagination that the poor woman wuz dyin' and Sister Evangeline saved
her." And he said that wuz a coincidence, and I said that it wuz a
pity there wuzn't more such coincidences. And he didn't answer me at
all. He wuz settin' up on his creed with his legs hangin' off, and he
sot straight, no danger of his gittin' off and goin' down amongst the
poor steerage passengers and helpin' 'em. He thought he wuz a eminent
Christian, but in my opinion he might have been converted over agin
without doin' him any harm.

Well, the big world we wuz inhabitin' moved on over the calm waters.
Josiah read a good deal, settin' in the library with Tommy on his
knee. And I read some myself, but took considerable comfort studyin'
the different passengers, some as if they wuz books with different
bindin's, some gilt and gay, some dull and solid and some sombry, but
each with different readin' inside.

And stiddy and swift, onheedin' any of our feelin's or fears, the
great ship ploughed on, takin' us towards that wuz comin' to meet us
onbeknown to us. Miss Meechim kep' up pretty well, keepin' a good
lookout on Dorothy, but restin' her mind on Robert Strong's
protection, and Robert and Dorothy seemed to enjoy themselves better
and better all the time, singing together, and walking up and down the
deck for hours on pleasant days and matchless nights lit with the
brilliant light of moon and star, and Southern Cross, and I didn't
know what other light might be shinin' on 'em onbeknown to Miss
Meechim, but mistrusted by me.

Elder Wessel, when we wuz with Lucia, didn't seem to want anything
else on earth. She wuz a pretty girl, but I could see that she wuz
very romantic; she had read sights of novels, and wuz lookin' out for
some prince in disguise to ride up on a white charger to carry her off
and share his throne. But I could see that if the right influences wuz
throwd around her she had the makin' of a noble woman in her, and I
hoped she would grow up a good, helpful woman. She had a great
influence over Aronette, whose nater wuz more yieldin' and gentle, and
I didn't altogether approve of their intimacy, but considered that it
would be broke off pretty quick, as they would part for good and all
when we got to China. You may wonder why I worried about Aronette;
well, the reason wuz, I loved her, jest as everybody else did who knew
her well. She wuz a darling girl, always sweet tempered, always trying
to help somebody; Dorothy loved her just as much as though she wuz her
sister and would have treated her exactly like one if it hadn't been
for Miss Meechim. She loved Aronette herself, and showed her love by
her goodness, buying her everything she needed and didn't need, but
she wuz so hauty naturally that she insisted on Aronette's keepin' her
place, as she said. And she was so sweet dispositioned and humble
sperited she didn't want to do any different. Well, I spoze Miss
Meechim wuz right; if Aronette wuz Dorothy's maid it wuzn't to be
expected that she would take her visitin' with her, and it wuz
Aronette's delight to wait on Dorothy as devotedly as if no ties of
love bound their young hearts together. Robert Strong liked and
respected her, I spoze mebby on Dorothy's account, and Tommy adored
her; why, even Josiah felt towards her, he said, some as if she wuz
Tirzah Ann growed young agin.

Arvilly's heart she won completely by makin' her a bag to carry the
"Twin Crimes" in. It wuz made of handsome black silk, worked all round
in pink silk in a handsome pattern, and she had worked on one side in
big letters, "The Twin Crimes of America, Intemperance and Greed."

Arvilly almost cried with joy when she gin it to her, and sez to me,
"That Aronette is the best girl in the hull world and the sweetest.
Look at that embroidery," sez she, holdin' up the handsome bag before
my eyes, "you can see that as fur as you can see me; that bag alone is
enough to sell the book, and I wuz jest wearin' out the agent's copy.
There hain't anything in the world I wouldn't do for that girl." Yes,
we all loved her dearly, and a dozen times a day we would say to each
other what should we ever do without Aronette.

Josiah wuz seasick some, but not nigh so bad as he thought, and Tommy
kept well and happy all the time, and wonnered and wonnered at
everything and seemed to take comfort in it, and he would set in his
little chair on deck and talk to Carabi for hours, and I d'no whether
Carabi wuz enjoyin' the trip or not; I didn't seem to have any way of
knowin'. One day Tommy and I wuz lookin' off on the broad blue waters
and we see approachin' what looked like a boat with its tiny sail set.
It looked so like a boat set out from fairyland that instinctively I
thought of Carabi, but a passenger standin' by said that it wuz a
Nautilus, and afterwards we see lots of 'em. And the Southern Cross
bent over us nights as if to uphold our souls with the thought that
our heavenly gardeen would take care on us. And some nights the sea
wuz lit up with phosphorescent light into a seen of glory that I can't
describe and hain't goin' to let Josiah try to; I hain't a goin' to
have that man made light of, and Shakespeare couldn't do justice to
it. Low down over our heads the heavens leaned, the glassy waters
aspired upward in sparks of flame. The south wind whispered soft,
strange secrets to us, sweeping up from the misty horizon. Our souls
listened--but shaw! I said I wuzn't goin' to try to describe the glory
and I hain't.

And the ship sailed on. One evenin' there wuz another steamer sighted,
most everybody wuz on deck. Sister Evangeline wuz down takin' care of
that poor woman and child and the fever patients; Tommy wuz asleep;
Josiah wuz readin' the old newspaper he had wropped his clothes in,
and which he had treasured fondly. He wuz readin' the advertisements,
Help Wanted and such. I asked him what good them advertisements would
do him ten thousand milds from hum, but he said no knowin' what might
happen and anything in the paper wuz good readin'.

That man's blind adherence to party has caused me many a forebodin',
it is a menace to good government and public safety, and I have told
him so. Well, I santered down into the cabin and there I found Elder
Wessel all alone. He had jest been readin' a powerful editorial that
coincided with his views exactly, and he leaned back and put a thumb
in each arm-hole of his vest and sez:

"What a glorious work the United States is doin' here in the

And I sez, "Yes, that is so, the United States is doin' a great and
noble work in educating and civilizing the natives, if it wuzn't for
the one great mistake she is making and duz make wherever she plants
her banner in a new country amongst a new people.

"Side by side with her schoolhouses and churches that are trying to
lift humanity heavenward the American Saloon is found lowering
humanity and undoing the work these ministers and teachers have so
faithfully tried to do."

I guess he didn't hear me, but 'tennyrate he went right on: "Oh,
yes, oh, yes, our Christian nation goes to these benighted islands,
carrying Christianity and civilization in its hand. Of course they
may not ever come up to the hite of our own perfect, matchless
civilization, but they will approach it, they will approach it."

Sez Arvilly: "Our nation won't come up to them in years and years, if
it ever duz!"

He jumped as if he had been shot; he thought we wuz alone, and sez:
"Why--why, Sister Arvilly--you must admit these savages are behind us
in knowledge."

"So much the worse for us; the sin of ignorance is goin' to be winked
at, but if we know better we ort to do better." Elder Wessel wuz
stunted, but he murmured instinctively sunthin' about our carryin' the
Bible and the knowledge of heaven to 'em.

Arvilly snapped out: "What good will that do if we carry private hells
to burn 'em up before they die? A pretty help that is! What is the use
of teachin' 'em about heaven if our civilization makes sure the first
thing it duz to keep 'em out of it, for no drunkard shall inherit
heaven. What's the use of gittin' 'em to hankerin' after sunthin' they
can't have."

The Elder wuz almost paralyzed, but he murmured instinctively sunthin'
about our duty to the poor naked heathen hanging like monkeys from the
tree tops, like animals even in their recreation. And Arvilly bein' so
rousted up and beyend reasonable reason, sez: "That's their bizness
about not bein' clothed, and anyway it is jest as the Lord started
the human race out in the Garden of Eden, and they do wear enough to
cover their nakedness, and that's more than some of our fashionable
wimmen do, and 'tennyrate they don't suffer so much as our wimmen do
with their torturin' tight shoes and steel instruments of agony bound
round their waists, compressin' their vital organs into a mass of

Elder Wessel wuz so browbeat that he kinder got offen his subject, and
with a dazed look he murmured sunthin' about "the wicked religion of
Cuba when the Americans took it--the Papal indulgences, the cruel bull
fights, the national recreations--you could always tell the low state
of a nation's civilization by the brutish recreations they indulged

Sez Arvilly, in a loud, mad axent, "Talk about brutal amusements, why
they ort to send missionaries to America to reform us as fur up in
decency as to use animals to fight fur our recreation instead of human
bein's. Bulls hain't spozed to have immortal souls, and think how
America pays two men made in the image of God so much an hour--high
wages, too--to beat and pound and maim and kill each other for the
amusement of a congregation of Christian men and wimmen, who set and
applaud and howl with delight when a more cruel blow than common fells
one on 'em to the earth. And then our newspapers fight it all over for
the enjoyment of the family fireside, for the wimmen and children and
invalids, mebby, that couldn't take in the rare treat at first sight.
Every blow, every cruel bruise that wuz made in the suffering flesh
reproduced for Sunday reading. And if one of the fighters is killed
and his mangled body taken out of the fighting ring forever, taken
home to his wife and children with the comfortin' peticulars that he
wuz killed for the amusement of men and wimmen, most on 'em church
members, and all citizens of our Christian republic by special license
of the government, why then the newspapers, which are the exponents of
our civilization and the teachers of our youth, have a splendid time
relating the ghastly story under staring headlines. After all this,
talk to me about our country's dastin to have the face to reform any
other country's amusement. Our prize fights that our nation gives
licenses for its people to enjoy are as much worse than bull fights,
in view of America's professions of goodness, as it would be for an
angel to fly down 'lection day amongst a drunken crowd and git drunk
as a fool, and stagger round and act with her wings dirty and

Elder Wessel wuz took completely back, I could see, by Arvilly's
eloquence, and I wuz myself. The sharp-toothed harrow of grief had
turned up new furrows in her soul, in which strange plants growed. And
before Elder Wessel could speak she went on a-thinkin' back about
sunthin' he'd said.

"Indulgences to sin! If I granted licenses for all kinds of sin for
money, as our nation duz, I wouldn't talk about Papal indulgences. See
how wimmen are used--embruted, insulted, ground beneath the heel of
lust and ruin by these same license laws."

"But, Sister Arvilly," sez he, "I was reading only this morning a
sermon upon how much our civilization had to do in lifting women into
the high place they occupy to-day."

"High place!" sez Arvilly, and I fairly trembled in my shoes to hear
her axent. "Wimmen occupy a dretful high place. I can tell you jest
the place she occupies. You have been told of it often enough; you ort
to know it, but don't seem to. A woman occupies the same bench with
lunatics, idiots and criminals, only hern is enough sight harder under
legal licenses and taxation laws."

"But," sez the Elder, "the courtesy with which women are treated, the
politeness, the deference----"

"If you wuz kicked out of your meetin' house, Elder Wessel, would it
make any difference to you whether the shue you wuz kicked with wuz
patent leather or cowhide? The important thing to you would be that
you wuz layin' on the ground outside, and the door locked behind

Sez Elder Wessel, "That is a strong metafor, Sister Arvilly. I had
never looked at it in that light before."

"I presume so," sez she. "The very reason why there are so many
cryin' abuses to-day is because good men spend their strength in
writin' eloquent sermons aginst sin, and lettin' it alone, instead
of grapplin' with it at the ballot box. Our Lord took a whip and
scourged the money changers out of the temple. And that is what
ministers ort to do, and have got to do, if the world is saved
from its sins--scourge the money changers who sell purity and honor,
true religion and goodness for money.

"Satan don't care how much ministers talk about temperance and
goodness and morality in the pulpit to a lot of wimmen and children
that the congregations are made up of mostly, or how many essays are
writ about it, tied with blue ribbin. But when ministers and church
members take hold on it as Ernest White has and attacks it at the
ballot box, and defends and reinforces the right and left flank with
all the spiritual and material and legal forces he can muster, why
then Satan feels his throne tremble under him and he shakes in his

But before Elder Wessel could frame a reply Josiah come in with the
news that the steamer had approached and brung mail to the passengers.
And we all hurried up to see what we had got.

Well, the steamer wuz passin' away like ships in the night, but I
found that I had several letters from home. The children wuz gettin'
well. Philury and Ury well and doin' well. And one letter wuz from
Cousin John Richard, that blessed creeter! who, it will be remembered,
went to Africa as a missionary to help the colony of freedmen to a
knowledge of the true freedom in Christ Jesus. Only two idees that
blessed creeter ever seemed to have: first, what his duty wuz, and,
second, to do it. His letter run as follows:

"Dear Cousin: Here in the far off tropics where I thought to live and
die with the people I have loved and given my life to help, the Lord
has wonderfully blessed our labors. The Colony is prospering as I
never expected to see it. The people are beginning to see that a true
republic can only exist by governing one's own self, that in the hands
of each individual is the destiny of the nation. We are a peaceful
people, greatly helped under the Lord by the fact that not a saloon
blackens the pure air of Victor.

"How can the crazed brain of a drunken man help a nation only to
weaken and destroy? How can children born under the curse of drink be
otherwise than a burden and curse to the public weal? How can a
righteous ruler handle this menace to freedom and purity save to stamp
it beneath his feet? As we have no saloons in Victor, so we have no
almshouses or prisons, the few poor and wrongdoers being cared for by
private individuals, remunerated by public tax.

"So greatly has the Lord prospered us that I felt I was needed
elsewhere more than here; I felt that America instead of Africa needed
the help of teachers of the Most High. Tidings have reached me from
the Philippines that made me think it was my duty to go there. Into
these islands, inhabited, as has been said, by people 'half devil,
half child,' has been introduced the worst crime of America, the drink
evil, the worst demon outside the bottomless pit, making of sane, good
men brutes and demons, a danger to themselves and the whole

"It is hard to believe that a Christian civilization, a Christian
ruler, should send regiments of bright young boys so far from all the
deterring influences of home and home life; send those who were the
light of happy homes, the idols of fond hearts, to face the dreadful
climate, the savage warfare, to colonize the graveyards in the sodden
earth, to be thrown into the worst evils of war, to face danger and
death, and with all this provided by the government that should
protect them this dreadful temptation to ensnare their boyish wills
and lead them into captivity.

"Then I could not leave Victor, but now that I can I feel that God is
calling me to go there to preach the gospel of Christ, to fight this
mighty foe, Intemperance, to preach the gospel of sane and clean
living and thinking. Knowing from my experience here in Victor, had I
no other knowledge of it, how that blessed gospel of love is the only
true liberty. For what advantage is liberty of the body when the soul,
the weak will, is bound in the most galling of chains?

"America is doing a great work in educating and helping this country,
and were it not for this evil I go to combat, its work would be
blessed of God and man.

"So, as I said, I sail to-morrow for the Philippines with three of my
native converts, good Christians, willing to die, if need be, for
their faith."

This letter had been written more than a month, so long had it been
comin' to me, and I wuz tickled enough to think that when we got to
the Philippines we should see Cousin John Richard.


The shore of Manila looked dretful low and flat as we come up to it
some as old Shelmadine's land lays along the lake shore. So you'd
think that if it rained hard and raised the water a inch it would
overflow it. And the houses looked dretful low and squatty, mebby it
wuz on account of earthquakes they built 'em so. Josiah thought it wuz
so they could shingle 'em standin' on the ground. I inclined to the

Our boat wuz small enough to go over the surf and up the Pasig River.
The water didn't look very clean, and on it wuz floatin' what looked
like little cabbage heads. Josiah thought they wuz, and sez he real

"Thank fortin if they have cabbages to throw away here I shall be
likely to git a good biled dinner, and mebby a biled puddin' with
lemon sass."

But they wuzn't cabbages, they wuz some kind of a water plant that
growed right there in the water. As we sailed along some queer lookin'
boats, lookin' some like corn houses standin' on end, bulged out
towards us from the shore. They said they wuz cargo lighters to onload
ships, and mebby they wuz. And one peculiarity I see that I despised.
The natives all seemed to wear their shirts over their pantaloons,
hangin' loose, and some on 'em didn't have on any pantaloons, jest the
shirt, and some not even that, jest a sash or so tied round about

I despised the sight and sez to Josiah: "They might do as much as Adam
did anyway; they might wear some leaves round 'em, there is plenty of
fig trees here I spoze."

And he sez: "I have been thinkin' that it is a crackin' good idee to
wear the shirt over the pantaloons; it would be cool and look all
right after we got used to it; the bottom of the shirt could be
ruffled or trimmed with tattin or red braid, and they would look as
dressy agin as I've always wore 'em."

I looked daggers at him out of my eyes and sez: "What won't you take
it into your head to do next, Josiah Allen?"

But our attention wuz drawed off by Arvilly, who approached us. She
looked skornfully at the costoom of the natives, and I hearn her say
to herself: "Not much chance to canvass here." But even as she spoke
her eye fell hopefully on the opposite shore, like a good book agent
scanning the earth and heavens for a possible subscriber.

Miss Meechim, who had come on deck with Dorothy and Robert, looked
benignantly at the natives and sez: "The poor ye shall always have
with you," and she put her hand in the little bag that she always wore
at her side and said: "I wonder if I have got a copy of that blessed
tract with me, 'The Naked Sinner Clothed and in His Right Mind.'"

But Robert sez to her: "They wouldn't thank you for clothes, Aunt
Albina; you will have to wait until we reach New York; some of the
naked there would be gladly covered up from the snow and storms."

"Oh, don't compare our own blessed land with this heathen clime."

"But," sez Robert, "the warm breezes here bring only joy and comfort
to that sinner's naked limbs, and the sin of ignorance may be
forgiven. But the shivering sinners, crouching on the cold stone
doorsteps, hearing dimly through their benumbed senses prayers and
thanksgivings to the Most High for mercies they have no part in, why
that is quite a different matter."

Aronette wuz standing a little ways apart, talking with a young man.
He wuz payin' her compliments, I knew, for there wuz a pink flush on
her pretty face, and his eyes had admiration in them. I didn't like
his looks at all; he looked dissipated and kinder mean, and I thought
I would warn her aginst him when I got a good chance. Lucia Wessel,
too, wuz holding her young charge by the hand, but her attention wuz
all drawed off by another young chap that I'd seen with her a number
of times, and I didn't like his looks; he had the same sort of a
dissipated look that the other young man had, but I see by the
expression of Lucia's innocent eyes that she didn't share in my
opinion; she looked as if she wuz fairly wropped up in him. I wondered
what Elder Wessel would have said if he could have seen that look. But
he wuz in blissful ignorance. He thought her bosom wuz composed of a
equal mixture of snow and crystal, through which he could read every
thought and emotion as soon as they wuz engraved on it. He thought
there was no characters written there as yet by any manly hand save
his own writ in characters of fatherly and daughterly love. He wuz
holdin' forth to Arvilly, and she with her nose turned up as fur as
nater would let it go, wuz listenin' because he wouldn't let her git
away. I thought by her expression he wuz praisin' the license laws,
for on no other subject wuz he so eloquent, and on no other did
Arvilly's nose turn up to such a hite.

Dorothy and Tommy wondered what those strange trees were that grew on
the shore in front, and Robert Strong hastened to their side to help
them to such information as he had on the subject. And he had
knowledge on almost every subject under the heavens, so it seemed to

Well, anon or a little after, we found ourselves on shore and I wuz
glad to feel terry firmy under my feet once more. Lots of times on
board ship the terry wuz so fur from the firmy that the solid land
felt good under the soles of our shoes. Yes, indeed! And though for
some time tables and chairs, and even beds and bureaus had a way of
advancin' up towards us and then retreatin' away from us over and
over, yet as I say terry wuz considerable more firmy than the deck had

Well, it wuzn't long before we found ourselves at a comfortable hotel,
not too comfortable, but decently so; and in the fulness of time we
wuz seated at the table partaking of food which, though it didn't
taste like my good Jonesville vittles, still I could eat and be
thankful for. Josiah whispered to me:

"Onions and garlicks and peppers; I never could bear any on 'em, and
here I be filled up with 'em; there hain't a single dish on this table
but what's full of 'em. Oh, Samantha!" sez he pitifully, "if I could
only eat one of your good dinnerses or supperses agin' it seems as if
I would be willin' to die."

And I whispered back to him to be calm. Sez I, "Do be reasonable; it
ain't logic or religion to expect to be to home and travellin' abroad
at the same time."

He see it wuzn't and subsided with a low groan, and begun to nibble
agin' on his food, but his looks wuz mournful, and if I could I would
have put on a apron willin'ly and gone down into the kitchen and
cooked him a good square meal, but I knew it wouldn't be thought on,
so I kep' calm.

Well, our bed wuz kinder queer. It wuz quite noble lookin', four high
posts with lace curtains looped up and mosquito nettin' danglin' down,
and instead of springs a woven cane mattress stretched out lookin'
some like our cane seat chairs. How to git under that canopy and not
let in a swarm of mosquitoes wuz what we didn't know, but we did
finally creep under and lay down. It wuz like layin' on the barn
floor, the cane mattress didn't yield a mite, and Josiah's low groans
mingled with my sithes for quite a spell. Tommy wuz fast asleep in his
little bed and so didn't sense anything. Well, the tegus night passed
away, happily I spoze for the attentive mosquitoes who shared the
canopy with us, and mebby liked to sample foreign acquaintances, but
tegus for us, and we wuz glad when it wuz time to git up.

The first meal of the day wuz brought to our room; chocolate not over
good, some bread and some eggs, almost raw, wuz what it consisted of.
Josiah, who wanted some lamb chops, baked potatoes and coffee, wuz mad
as a hen. "Heavens and earth!" sez he, "why I never sucked eggs when a
boy; have I got to come to it in my old age? Raw eggs and chocklate
you could cut with a knife. A few years of such food will leave you a
widder, Samantha."

"Well," sez I, "do let's make the best of it; when you're in Rome do
as the Romans do."

"I shan't suck eggs, for no Romans or for no Phillippine."

"Eat 'em with your spoon," sez I, "as you'd ort to."

"Or with my knife," sez he. "Did you see them officers last night to
the table eatin' sass with a knife? I should thought they'd cut their
mouths open."

"Well, it is their way here, Josiah. Let's keep up and look forrerd to
goin' home; that's the best fruit of travellin' abroad anyway, unless
it is seein' Tommy so well and hearty."

Josiah looked at his rosy face and didn't complain another word. He
jest worships Thomas Josiah. Well, after we eat this meal we went out
walkin', Josiah and I and Tommy, and I spoze Carabi went along, too,
though we didn't see him. But then what two folks ever did see each
other? Why I never see Josiah, and Josiah never see me, not the real

Well, it wuz a strange, strange seen that wuz spread out before us;
the place looked more'n half asleep, and as if it had been nappin' for
some time; the low odd lookin' houses looked too as if they wuz in a
sort of a dream or stupor. The American flag waved out here and there
with a kind of a lazy bewildered floppin', as if it wuz wonderin' how
under the sun it come to be there ten thousand milds from Washington,
D. C., and it wuz wonderin' what on earth it floated out there in the
first place for. But come to look at it clost you could see a kind of
a determined and sot look in the Stars and Stripes that seemed to say,
"Well, now I am here I hain't goin' to be driv out by no yeller
grounded flags whatsumever."

Some of the carriages that we met wuz queer lookin', rough wooden
two-wheeled carts, that looked as if they'd been made by hand that
mornin'. Josiah said that he could go out into the woods with Ury and
cut down a tree and make a better lookin' wagon in half an hour, but I
don't spoze he could. Some on 'em wuz drawed by a buffalo, which
filled Josiah with new idees about drivin' one of our cows in the

Sez he: "Samantha, it would be real uneek to take you to meetin' with
old Line back or Brindle, and if the minister got dry in meetin', and
you know ministers do git awful dry sometimes, I could just go out and
milk a tumbler full and pass it round to him."

But I drawed his attention off; I couldn't brook the idee of ridin'
after a cow and havin' it bellerin' round the meetin' house. The
native wimmen we met wuz some on 'em dressed American style, and some
on 'em dressed in their own picturesque native costoom. It wuz
sometimes quite pretty, and one not calculated to pinch the waist in.
A thin waist, with immense flowing sleeves and embroidered chemise
showing through the waist, a large handkerchief folded about the neck
with ends crossed, a gay skirt with a train and a square of black
cloth drawn tight around the body from waist to knees. Stockings are
not worn very much, and the slippers are not much more than soles with
little strips of leather going over the foot, and no heels. Anon we
would meet some Chinamen, with eyes set in on a bias, and their hair
hanging in two long tails down their backs; lots of them we see, then
a priest would move slowly along, then a Spanish señora, then a
sailor, then perhaps a native dressed partly in European costoom
lookin' like a fright. The street cars are little things drawed by one
horse, and the streets are badly paved when they're paved at all.

There wuz some handsome houses in the residence portion of the city,
but aside from the Cathedral there are few public buildings worth
seeing. But one thing they have here always beautiful, and that is the
luxuriant tropical vegetation, beautiful blossoming trees and shrubs,
and the multitude of flowers, tall palms, bamboo, ebony, log-wood,
mangoes, oranges, lemons, bread fruit, custard apples, and forty or
fifty varieties of bananas, from little ones, not much more than a
mouthful, to them eighteen or twenty inches long. Josiah enjoyed his
walk, finding many things to emulate when he got back to Jonesville.
Among 'em wuz the Chinamen's hair; he thought it wuz a dressy way to
comb a man's hair, and he wondered dreamily how his would look if he
let it grow out and braid it. But he said if he did, he should wear
red ribbons on it, or baby blue. But I knew there wuz no danger of his
hair ever stringin' down his back, for I could, if danger pressed too
near, cut it off durin' his sleep, and would, too, even if it led to

Wall, Arvilly's first work, after she had canvassed the hotel-keeper
for the "Twin Crimes," and as many of the guests as she could, wuz to
find out if Waitstill wuz there. And sure enough she found her. She
wuz in one of the hospitals and doin' a good work, jest as she would
anywhere she wuz put. She come to the hotel to see us as soon as she
could, and Arvilly seemed to renew her age, having Waitstill with her
agin. We writ to once to Cousin John Richard.

Robert Strong and Dorothy wuz dretful interested in Waitstill, I could
see, and they asked a great many questions about her work in the
hospital. And I see that Robert wuz only grounded in his convictions
when Waitstill told him of the sickness the doctors and nurses had to
contend with, and how largely it wuz caused by liquor drinking.
Hundreds of American saloons in Manila, so she said, and sez she, "How
can the hospitals hope to undo the evils that these do to men's souls
and bodies?" Sez she, "You know what a fearful disease and crime
breeder it is in a temperate climate, but it is tenfold worse here in
this tropical land."

She wuz anxious to hear all the news from Jonesville, and I willin'ly
told her what Phila Ann had told me about Elder White, and the noble
work he was doin' in East Loontown, and I sez, "Missionary work is
jest as necessary and jest as important and pleasin' to God if done in
Loontown as in the Antipithies."

And she said she knew it. And I sez: "Elder White is working himself
to death, and don't have the comforts of life, to say nothin' of the
happiness he ort to."

Waitstill didn't say nothin', but I fancied a faint pink flush stole
up into her white cheeks, some like the color that flashes up onto a
snowbank at sunset. Life wuz all snow and sunset to her, I could see,
but I knowed that she wuz the one woman in the world for Ernest White,
the ideal woman his soul had always worshipped, and found realized in
Waitstill--poor little creeter!

I didn't know whether the warm sun of his love could melt the snow and
frozen hail or not--the sun duz melt such things--and I knew love wuz
the greatest thing in the world. Well, I had to leave the event to
Providence, and wuz willin' to; but yet, after a woman duz leave
things to the Most High to do, she loves to put in her oar and help
things along; mebby that is the way of Providence--who knows? But
'tennyrate I gin another blind hint to her before we left the

Sez I, "Ernest White is doin' the Lord's work if ever a man did, and I
can't think it is the Lord's will that whilst he's doin' it he ort to
eat such bread as he has to--milk emtin's and sour at that, to say
nothin' of fried stuff that a anaconda couldn't digest. He deserves a
sweet, love-guarded home, and to be tended to by a woman that he
loves--one who could inspire him and help him on in the heavenly way
he's treading alone and lonesome." Her cheeks did turn pink then, and
her eyes looked like deep blue pools in which stars wuz shinin', but
she didn't say anything, and Robert Strong resoomed his talk with her
about her hospital work. And before she left he gin her a big check to
use for her patients; I don't know exactly how big it wuz, but it went
up into the hundreds, anyway; and Dorothy gin her one, too, for I see
her write it; Miss Meechim gin her her blessin' and more'n a dozen
tracts, which mebby will set well on the patients, if administered
cautious. I myself gin her the receipt for the best mustard poultice
that ever drawed, and two pairs of clouded blue-and-white wool socks I
had knit on the way, and though it wuz a warm country she said they
would come handy when her patients had chills.

There wuz two young American girls at the hotel, and they happened to
come into the parlor while we wuz talkin' and they sent a big
present to the hospital. I guess they wuz real well off and good
dispositioned. They wuz travellin' alone and seemed to be havin' a
real good time. One on 'em wuz sunthin' of a invalid, but wuz
outdoors all day, I spoze tryin' to git well. They minded their
own bizness and didn't do any hurt so fur as I could see, but
Elder Wessel couldn't bear 'em. Sez he to me one day:

"I spoze they represent the new young woman?"

He said it real skornful, and Arvilly, who wuz present, took him up
real snappish. "Well, what of it? What have they done?" If that poor
man had said that black wuz black and white wuz white, Arvilly would
found fault with it.

"I don't object to what they have done," sez he, "so much as to what
they are. Young American women know too much." And Arvilly sez with a
meanin' glance at him, "That is sunthin' that everybody don't have to

She might just as well have called him a fool, her axent wuz such.
Arvilly is too hash. Sez he: "Now my Lucia is different. She knows
nothing about sin and wickedness, and I got this position for her, so
that as soon as she left the convent she was placed directly in the
care of this good woman and her little innocent child. What does she
know of sin or sorrow, or worldliness or vanity?"

"Or danger?" sez I meanin'ly. "If she always has some one at her side
to guard her, her perfect ignorance and innocence is a charm, but how
would it be in the hour of danger and temptation? Why should anybody
fear being burned if they had no knowledge of fire?"

"Oh," sez he, "her divine innocence is her safeguard. Evil would
retire abashed before the timid glance of her pure eyes."

"I hope so," sez I dryly. "I hope so. But I never knew the whiteness
of its wool to help a lamb if a wolfdog got after it. But mebby it
will in her case," sez I reasonably. "I don't want to break up your
happiness," sez I.

"You cannot," sez he dogmatically. "You cannot. I have brought up my
Lucia in the only right way for a young girl to be brought up. She has
been completely separated from young people of the opposite sex; she
knows nothing of fashionable flirting and folly. And when I see such
abnormal creatures as the New Girl, as they call her, I am horrified,
shocked beyond words at the spectacle of their brazen independence and
what they call their freedom, their comradeship with the opposite sex,
their fearlessness and boldness and frankness with gentlemen, talking
with them really as if they were of the same sex as themselves. As I
see this I thank God my Lucia is different."

Well, she wuz a pretty little thing, with eyes as innocent and timid
as a young fawn's that had never been outside its green covert in the
great wilderness. But I knew that under her baby looks and baby ways
wuz a woman's heart; a woman's emotions and impulses would roust up
when the time come and the sun of love shone down on her. Why, Nater
had layed down laws before Elder Wessel did; he couldn't keep her
from thinkin' about her future mate; she would let her mind dwell on
some one if it wuz only the man in the moon. And I knew the world wuz
full of bad men as well as good men. How would it be with her if
thrown with a wolf in sheep's clothing? If guarded and sheltered, all
right, but if onguarded and onwarned and thrown into temptation and
danger, I felt that trouble wuz ahead for Lucia Wessel. But I knew it
wuz no use for me to hist up a danger flag in front of her, for her
father wouldn't let me. But I felt dubersome about her, dretful
dubersome. She and Aronette had formed a real girl attachment for each
other, and some way I didn't like the idee on't, but don't know as I
could have told why.

Well, we didn't lay out to stay long in Manila, but we did stay long
enough so Dorothy and Miss Meechim and Robert Strong went round and
see the different islands. They went to Illollo and wuz gone for three
days, Aronette stayin' with me at the tarven, and Dorothy told me when
she got back how beautiful the journey wuz. The water wuz like glass,
the sunrise and sunset marvellous, thickly wooded shores on either
side filled with oncounted wealth. Great forests of sandal-wood,
enough to build houses of, and how we treasure little snips on't in
fan sticks. Mahogany trees enough to build barns and cow stables on,
and how we gloat over a old clock case or lamp stand made on't. She
said that Illollo wuz like most old Spanish towns, dretful old lookin'
and kinder run down. The natives dressed like others she had seen, but
spoke a different language. They went to the American general's
headquarters some two milds off. A hundred varieties of palm trees
grow along the road and every sort of tropical tree. The natives wuz
all dark complected, but some good lookin', most all bareheaded or
else with a gay turban and knives stuck in the sashes of their gay

One day whilst the party wuz gone Tommy and I wuz takin' a little
walk; Josiah couldn't go, he had got hold of a New York paper of
three weeks before, and was readin' it through from title page to Lost
and Found column. We wandered into a little cross street lined on each
side with little shops with the shopkeepers squattin' in the door, and
outside the native wives and children. Everything under the sun almost
wuz to be found in these shops, and we had wandered along for quite a
good ways lookin' at the curious things, and still more curious
people, when we met Aronette and Lucia, accompanied by the two young
men I had seen with 'em on the boat; they wuz on the stoop of one of
the old business buildin's, gigglin' and laughin' like a bevy of
swallers round the eaves of a Jonesville barn.

But, as I said before, I didn't like the looks of the young men, and
on Aronette's return I told her so, feelin' I wuz in a measure
responsible for her safety whilst her mistress wuz away. Aronette wuz
combin' Tommy's hair and curlin' it over her finger as I talked to
her, which made me feel some mean to attact her whilst in my service,
but Duty's apron string fluttered down before me and I stiddied myself
on it as I spoke real good warnin' words to her.

Sez I, "My dear, I didn't like the looks of the young men I saw you
walkin' with to-night." Sez I, "I saw them two young men coming out of
a saloon not a half hour before, and" sez I, "they look to me
dissipated and mean. They drink; I know by their looks they do."

And she sez, "Oh, dear madam, I only went out to take the air a little
while. You know I care for nobody in this country. My heart is in old
Normandie," sez she, the tears welling up to the blue well of her
eyes. "My heart is with my Pierre, but," sez she, kinder tossin' her
head, not a high toss, only a little vain pretty motion of a pretty,
thoughtless girl, some like a bluebird in the spring of the year, "if
a young man insists on paying you a little attention what can a poor
little girl do? The days are long when one is young and her own Pierre
so far away, and, dear madam, Lucia was with me."

"Another innocent, ignorant young creature," sez I; "two little
butterflies fluttering about instead of one, not thinkin' or carin'
for the fouler's net," sez I, smilin' on her pleasant, for I couldn't
help it. For I knew the heart of youth, and the monotony of life, and
the need of young hearts for each other. But I didn't like the young
men's looks and told her so agin, and she laughed, and said she didn't
like their looks either. Sez she, "Their breath always smells of the
whiskey. Faugh!" sez she, "it makes me sick," and she shrugged her
shoulders in the true French way.

And I sez agin, lookin' solemn, "No young man whose breath smells of
whiskey is safe for any young girl to associate with. It is a pizen
atmosphere that blasts every sweet and pure thing that comes nigh it."
And I sithed.

And she said in her own sweet way that she knew I was telling the
truth, for I talked just as her own sweet mother did. And she bent
down with one of her pretty foreign ways and kissed my hand. Dear
little thing, I didn't spoze my talk had done her much good, but then
I considered it couldn't do her any hurt 'tennyrate. And so I left the
event to the overruling Power, just as we poor weak mortals have to.


Well, a day or two after that Josiah and I wuz takin' a walk, meetin'
occasionally Turks all dressed Turkey fashion, and Japans, and Yankees
and men and wimmen and children, when who should we meet face to face
but Cousin John Richard, that blessed man. As I said, we had writ and
writ and tried to find him, but didn't know but we should have to hunt
round considerable, but wuz bound to not leave the islands till we'd
seen him. But lo and behold! here he wuz, lookin' just as good and
heavenly minded as ever. He wuz santerin' along apparently lost in
deep thought or nearly lost.

But when he see us he grasped our hands with a welcome that made us
know that no matter to what a extent a man's soul may live in the
heavens, his heart is tied with deathless ties to the relations on his
own side and to their pardners if they be congenial.

We stopped stun still and talked quite a spell about different things,
our health, the relations and so forth.

Anon I sez, "Cousin John Richard, you look wan and pale, but it is a
blessed work you are doin'."

He had opened a midnight mission, helpin' the weak and tempted and
overcome of both sects, preachin' the love of Christ and follerin' his
teachin' up by good works.

He told us all about it as we santered on and said he wuz not weary or
discouraged. And I could see that though his linement looked pale and
worn a deathless light shone in his deep kind eyes and I knew he wuz
endurin' as seein' Him who wuz invisible.

As we walked on he said, sadly pintin' to a barren lookin' spot sown
thick with graves, "In this deadly climate the Drink Demon has little
to do to assist his brother, Death. Our poor northern boys fall like
rotten leaves before a hurricane."

Sez I, lookin' up to the blue sky, "Why don't the heavens fall when
such things affront the light of day!"

"The patience of God," sez Cousin John Richard, "is one of the things
we cannot measure."

"Nor his pity nuther," sez I in heart-broken axents, for as I looked
at them thickly sown graves and thought of the mothers and wives and
sweethearts fur, fur away mournin' for them that wuz not, my tears
fell and I wiped 'em off with my snowy linen handkerchief.

Well, Cousin John Richard had an appointment in another part of the
city and we parted away from each other, he promisin' to come and see
us at our tarven before we left the city.

Well, we didn't make a long stay in Manila. But Arvilly beset me to go
with her to see General Grant, who was here on a tour of inspection,
on this subject so near to her heart, and which she had made her
lifework. She said that it wuz my duty to go.

But I sez, "Arvilly, you talk so hash; I can't bear to have the son of
the man who saved his country talked to as I am afraid you will if you
git to goin'."

Sez she, "I won't open my head. You know the subject from A to izzard.
I'll jest stand by and listen, but somebody ort to talk to him.
Hundreds and hundreds of American saloons in this one city! Forced
onto these islands by our country. Sunthin' has got to be done about
it. If you don't go and talk to him about it I shall certainly go
alone, and if I do go," sez she, "he will hear talk that he never
hearn before."

"I'll go, Arvilly," sez I hurriedly, "I'll go and do the best I can,
but if you put in and talk so hash it will jest throw me off the

"A promise is a promise," sez she; "I never did break my word yet."

Well, havin' made the necessary preliminary moves, we met General
Grant by appointment in his own quarters. Before we got inside the
lines we had to advance and give the countersign, which wuz Whiskey.
Arvilly planted herself right there like a balky mule and said she
would die in her tracks before she said it. But I, knowin' that it
wouldn't make nor break the traffick, sez, "Whiskey," and I added,
"May the Lord destroy it!" Arvilly sez, "Amen!" and we walked in past
the astounded sentry with out heads up. (General Grant hadn't nothin'
to do with that countersign; it wuz some officer's doin's.) Well,
General Grant seemed quite pleased to see us. He's a real good-lookin'
man, and if he hadn't any properties of his own he would be beloved
for his pa's sake, but he has properties of his own. He is a good man
and a smart one. Well, the first compliments bein' passed, I lanched
out into my bizness.

Sez I, "Brigadier General Grant, I have come to you on the most
important mission any ambassador ever travelled on."

Sez he, "What sovereign, madam, do you represent, and from what
country do you come?" Sez I, "Brigadier General Grant, my mission is
from the Lord of Hosts, and the country I come to plead for is your
own native land--the United States--the land your own illustrious pa
saved with the Lord's help."

He wuz deeply affected I see and invited us to set down, consequently
we sot. And I sez, plungin' to once into my bizness as my way is in
Jonesville or the Antipathies: "Brigadier General, everybody knows
that you are a brave man and a good man." He thanked me and looked
pleased, as well he might from such an enconium from one of the first
wimmen of the ages, and I resoomed: "General Grant," sez I, "are you
brave enough and good enough to tackle the worst foe America ever

Sez he, "What foe do you allude to, mam?"

Sez I, "The foe that slays one hundred thousand a year, and causes ten
thousand murders every year, steals the vittles and clothes from
starvin' wimmen and children, has its deadly grip on Church and State,
and makes our civilization and Christianity a mock and byword amongst
them that think."

"You allude to Intemperance, I presume," sez he. He's dretful smart;
he knew it in a minute from my description.

"Yes," sez I, "a foe a million times as dangerous as any your army
ever faced, and a million times as hard to chase out of its

Sez I, "Frederic (I thought mebby it would sound more convincin' and
friendly if I called him Frederic, and I wanted to convince him; I
wanted to like a dog), I don't believe in war, but when your men died
in battle they didn't moulder out a livin' death, chained to tender
hearts, dragged along the putrid death path with 'em. Their country
honored 'em; they wuzn't thrust into dishonored graves, some as
paupers, some as criminals swingin' from scaffolds. Their country
mourns for 'em and honors 'em. It wuzn't glad to cover their faces
away from the light, brutish faces to hant 'em with reproach, I should
think, knowin' how they died. Try to think of that, Frederic; try to
take it to heart."

I hearn Arvilly behind me breathin' hard and kinder chokin' seemin'ly,
and I knew she wuz holdin' herself in as tight as if she had a rope
round her emotions and indignations to keep her from breakin' in and
jinin' our talk, but she wuz as true as steel to her word and didn't
say nothin' and I resoomed:

"You've got to take such things to hum to realize 'em," sez I. "Owin'
to a sweet mother and a good father your boy mebby is safe. But
spozein' he wuzn't, spozein' you and his sweet ma had to look on as
millions of other pas and mas have to and see his handsome, manly
young face growin' red, dissipated, brutal; his light, gay young heart
changed to a demon's, and from bein' your chief pride you had to hide
him out of sight like the foul and loathsome leper he had become.
Millions of other pas and mas that love their boys as well as you love
yours have to do this. And if it wuz your boy what would you say of
the legalized crime that made him so? Wouldn't you turn the might of
your great strength aginst it?"

He didn't speak out loud, but I see from his looks that he would.
"Then," sez I, "do, do think of other pas and mas and sisters and
sweethearts and wives weepin' and wailin' for husbands, sons and
brothers slain by this enemy! I spoze," sez I reasonably, "that you
think it is an old story and monotonous, but Love is an old story and
Grief and Death, but they are jest as true as at the creation and jest
as solemn." I thought he looked a good deal convinced, but he looked
as if he wuz thinkin' of the extreme difficulty of reachin' and
vanquishin' this foe intrenched as it is in the lowest passions of
men, hidin' behind the highest legal barriers and barricaded behind
meetin' house doors, guarded by the ballots of saint and sinner; I
read these thoughts on his forehead, and answered 'em jest as if he'd

Sez I, "When your illustrious father come up face to face with a foe
no other general could manage, did he flinch and draw back because it
had been called onmanageable by everybody else? No, he drawed a line
between good and evil, black and white, and says, 'I'll fight it right
out on this line.' And he did, and before his courage and bravery and
persistence the foe fell. Now, Frederic, here is the biggest foe that
the American people are facin' to-day; here are weak generals and
incompetent ones. Nobody can manage it; them high in authority wink at
it and dassent tackle it, and so on down through all the grades of
society--Church and State--they dassent touch it. And what is the
burnin'est shame, them that ort to fight it support it with all the
political and moral help they can give it. Here is a chance, Frederic,
for you to do tenfold more for your country's good than ever your
revered father did, and you know and I know that if it wasn't for this
great evil and a few others, such as the big Trusts and a few other
things, our country is the greatest and best that the sun ever shone
on. If we loved our country as we ort to we would try to make her do
away with these evils and stand up perfect under the heavens. It is
the ma that loves her child that spanks her into doin' right if she
can't coax her, and now do lay hold and help your country up onto the
highest pedestal that a country ever stood on, and I'll help boost all
I can." I hearn behind me a loud "amen," turned into a cough. Arvilly
wuzn't to blame; it spoke itself onbeknown to her.

Sez I, "This is a hard job I am askin' you to tackle. The foe your
father fit was in front of him, but this foe is within and without,
and has for allies, powers and principalities and the Prince of
Darkness. And now will you, bearin' the name you do, of General Grant,
will you flinch before this black-hearted foe that aims at the heart
and souls of your countrymen and countrywomen, or will you lead the
Forlorn Hope? I believe that if you would raise the White Banner and
lead on this army of the Cross, Church and State would rally to your
battle-cry, angels would swarm round your standard and the Lord of
Hosts go forward before you."

He didn't say he would, I spoze he wuz too agitated. But he sez
sunthin' in a real polite way about what a good Ambassador his country
had in me.

But I sez sadly, "I can't do much, Frederic. I am a woman, and the
only weepon that is able to slay this demon is hung up there in
Washington, D. C. Wimmen can't reach up to it, they can't vote. But
you can; your arm is longer, and with that you can slay this demon as
St. George slew the dragon. And heaven itself would drop down heavenly
immortelles to mix with our laurel leaves to crown your forehead.
Think on it, Frederic, no war wuz ever so holy, no war on earth wuz
ever so full of immortal consequences."

And here I riz up, for I felt that I must leave the Presence, not
wantin' to make the Presence twice glad. I reached out my right hand
and sez, "Good-by, and God bless you, for your own sake and for the
sake of your noble pa."

He looked earnest and thoughtful, that allusion to the boy he loved
so, named after his illustrious grandpa, had touched his very soul. I
felt that I had not lost my breath or the eloquence I had lavished. I
felt that he would help save other bright young boys from the demon
that sought their lives--the bloody demon that stalks up and down our
country wrapped in a shelterin' mantilly made of the Stars and
Stripes--oh, for shame! for shame that it is so! But I felt that
General Grant would come up to the help of the Lord aginst the mighty,
I felt it in my bones. But I wuz brung down a good deal in my feelin's
as Arvilly advanced to the front. She had kep' her word as to talkin',
though the indignant sniffs and sithes behind me showed how hard it
had been for her to keep her word, but now she advanced and sez, as
she drew out her two books from her work bag: "General Grant, I have
two books here I would like to show you, one is the 'Twin Crimes of
America: Intemperance and Greed,' that subject so ably presented to
you by Samantha; the other is 'The Wild, Wicked and Warlike Deeds of

Sez General Grant, risin' up: "I haven't time, madam, to examine them,
but put me down as a subscriber to both." Arvilly wuz in high sperits
all the way back. As we wended our way to the tarven agin who should
we find but Waitstill Webb, and we wuz dretful glad on't, for we wuz
layin' out to leave Manila in a few days, and this would be our last
meetin' for some time, if not forever. Though I wuz glad to see when
questioned by me about her return that she didn't act so determined as
she had acted about devotin' her hull life to nursin' the sick.

She told Arvilly confidential that she had had a letter from Ernest
White since we had seen her. Arvilly knew that he had wanted to make
her his bride before she left Jonesville. But the two ghosts, her
murdered love and her duty, stalked between 'em then, and I spozed
wuz stalkin' some now. But as I said more previous, the sun will melt
the snow, and no knowin' what will take place. I even fancied that the
cold snow wuz a little more soft and slushy than it had been, but
couldn't tell for certain.


A dretful thing has happened! I am almost too agitated to talk about
it, but when I went down with my pardner and Tommy to breakfast ruther
late, for we wrote some letters before we went down, Miss Meechim
broke the news to me with red eyes, swollen with weepin'. Aronette,
that dear sweet little maid that had waited on all on us as devoted as
if we wuz her own mas and mas, wuz missin'. Her bed hadn't been slep'
in for all night; she went out early in the evenin' on a errent for
Dorothy and hadn't come back.

She slept in a little room off from Dorothy's, who had discovered
Aronette's absence very early in the morning, and they had all been
searching for her ever sence. But no trace of her could be found; she
had disappeared as utterly as if the earth had opened and swallowed
her up. Dorothy wuz sick in bed from worry and grief; she loved
Aronette like a sister; and Miss Meechim said, bein' broke up by
sorrow, "Next to my nephew and Dorothy I loved that child."

And anon another dretful thing wuz discovered. Whilst we wuz talkin'
about Aronette, Elder Wessel rushed in distracted, with his neck-tie
hangin' under one ear, and his coat buttoned up wrong and the feathers
of his conceit and egotism and self-righteousness hangin' limp as a
wet hen.

Lucia had gone too; had disappeared jest as Aronette had, no trace
could be found of her; her bed had not been slept in. She, too, had
gone out on an errent the evening before. She and Aronette had been
seen to leave the hotel together in the early evening. Elder Wessel,
half distracted, searched for them with all his strength of mind and

I started Josiah off a huntin' the minute he had got through eatin'.
He refused pint blank to go before. "Eat," sez I, "who can eat in such
a time as this?"

Sez he, "It goes agin my stomach every mou'ful I take (which was true
anyway), but we must eat, Samantha," sez he, helpin' himself to
another cake. "We must eat so's to keep up our strength to hunt high
and low."

Well, I spozed he wuz in the right on't, but every mou'ful he consumed
riled me. But at last the plate wuz emptied and the coffee pot out and
he sot off. And we searched all that day and the next and the next,
and so did Miss Meechim and Arvilly, with tears runnin' down her face
anon or oftener.

Robert Strong, led on, Miss Meechim said by her anxiety, but I thought
mebby by the agony in Dorothy's sweet eyes as well as his own good
heart, didn't leave a stone unturned in his efforts to find 'em. But
they had disappeared utterly, no trace could be found of 'em. They had
been seen during the evening with the two young men they had got
acquainted with and that I didn't like. They had been seen speaking
with them as they came out of the shop where Dorothy had sent
Aronette, and the young men could not be found.

Well, we had all searched for three days without finding any trace of
the two missing girls. Everything wuz ready for our departure, but
Dorothy said that she could not, could not go without Aronette, but
Robert Strong said and believed that the child was dead. He had come
to the belief that she and Lucia by some accident had fallen into the
water and wuz drowned. Dorothy had cried herself sick and she looked
wan and white, but bein' so sweet dispositioned she give up when we
all said that we must go before long, and said that she would go too,
though I knew that her heart would remain there wanderin' round in
them queer streets huntin' for her lost one. The morning of the third
day after they wuz lost I wuz down in the parlor, when a man come in
and spoke to Robert Strong, and they both went out together talking
earnestly, and I see in Robert's face a look of horrow and surprise
that I had never seen in it before; and the first time Robert saw me
alone after that he told me the dretful news. He said that the man
that spoke to him was a detective he had employed, and the evening
before he had come acrost a man who had been out of town since the
night Aronette wuz lost. This man told the detective that he saw her
and Lucia and the two young men coming out of a saloon late at night,
staggering and reeling they all wuz, and they disappeared down a cross
street towards another licensed house of ruin. Licensed by Christian
America! Oh, my achin' heart to think on't! "I wonder if our govermunt
is satisfied now," I broke out, "since it has ruined her, one of the
sweetest girls in the world. But how did they ever entice 'em into
that saloon?" sez I.

"They might have made them think it was respectable, they do serve
lunches at some of them; of course they didn't know what kind of a
place it was. And after they wuz made stupid drunk they didn't know or
care where they went."

"I wonder if America is satisfied now!" I sez agin, "reachin' out her
long arms clear acrost the Pacific to lead them sweet girls into the
pit she has dug for her soldiers? Oh!" sez I, "if she'd only been
drownded!" And I wiped my streamin' eyes on my linen handkerchief.

And Robert sithed deep and sez, "Yes, if she had only died, and," he
sez, "I can't tell Dorothy, I cannot."

And I sez, "There is no need on't; better let her think she's dead.
How long," sez I, turning toward him fierce in my aspect, "how long is
the Lord and decent folks goin' to allow such things to go on?"

And he sez, "Heaven knows, I don't." And we couldn't say more, for
Dorothy wuz approachin', and Robert called up a smile to his troubled
face as he went forward to meet her. But he told me afterwards that
the news had almost killed Elder Wessel. He had to tell him to help
him in his search. He wuz goin' to stay on there a spell longer. He
had to tell him that Lucia had been seen with Aronette staggering out
of a saloon with two young men late at night, reeling down a by-street
to that other licensed house which our Christian govermunt keeps nigh
the saloon, it is so obleegin' and fatherly to its men and boys.

When he told him Elder Wessel fell right down in his chair, Robert
said, and buried his face in his hands, and when he took his hands
down it wuz from the face of an old man, a haggard, wretched,
broken-down old man.

The People's Club House didn't wear the kindly beneficent aspect it
had wore. He felt that coffee and good books and music would have been
safer to fill the Poor Man's Club with; safer for the poor man; safer
for the poor man's family. Tea and coffee seemed to look different to
him from whiskey, and true liberty that he had talked about didn't
seem the liberty to kill and destroy. The license law didn't wear the
aspect it had wore to him, the two licensed institutions Christian
America furnished for its citizens at home and abroad seemed now to
him, instead of something to be winked at and excused, to be two
accursed hells yawning for the young and innocent and unsuspicious as
well as for the wicked and evil-minded. Ungrateful country, here wuz
one of thy sons who sung the praises of thy institutions under every
sky! Ungrateful indeed, to pierce thy most devoted vassal with this
sharp thorn, this unbearable agony.

"For how was he goin' to live through it," he cried. How was he? His
beautiful, innocent daughter! his one pet lamb! It was not for her
undoing that he had petted and smiled on these institutions, the
fierce wolves of prey, and fed them with honeyed words of excuse and
praise. No, it wuz for the undoing of some other man's daughter that
he had imagined these institutions had been raised and cherished.

He wuz an old broken man when he tottered out of that room. And whilst
we wuz moving heaven and earth hunting for the girls he wuz raving
with delerium with a doctor and trained nurse over him. Poor man!
doomed to spend his hull life a wretched wanderer, searching for the
idol of his heart he wuz never to see agin--never!

Well, the time come when we wuz obleeged to leave Manila. Robert
Strong, for Dorothy's sake as well as his own, left detectives to help
on the search for the lost ones, and left word how to communicate with
him at any time. Waitstill Webb, bein' consulted with, promised to do
all in her power to help find them, but she didn't act half so shocked
and horrified as I spozed she would, not half so much as Arvilly did.
She forgot her canvassin' and wep' and cried for three or four days
most all the time, and went round huntin', actin' more'n half crazy,
her feelin's wuz such. But I spoze the reason Waitstill acted so calm
wuz that such things wuz so common in her experience. She had
knowledge of the deadly saloon and its twin licensed horror, dretful
things was occurring all the time, she said.

The detectives also seemed to regard it as nothing out of the common,
and as to the saloon-keeper, so much worse things wuz happenin' all
the time in his profession, so much worse crimes, that he and his rich
pardner, the American Govermunt, sees goin' on all the time in their
countless places of bizness, murders, suicides, etc., that they
evidently seemed to consider this a very commonplace affair; and so of
the other house kep' by the two pardners, the brazen-faced old hag and
Christian America, there, too, so many more terrible things wuz
occurrin' all the time that this wuz a very tame thing to talk about.

But to us who loved her, to us whose hearts wuz wrung thinkin' of her,
mournin' for her, cryin' on our pillers, seekin' with agonized,
hopeless eyes for our dear one, we kep' on searchin' day and night,
hopin' aginst hope till the last minute of our stay there. And the
moon and stars of the tropics looked in night after night to the room
where the old father lay at death's door, mourning for his beautiful
innocent daughter who wuz lost--lost.

But the hour come for us to go and we went, and right by us, day or
night, in sun or shade, from that hour on a black shadder walked by
the side on us in place of the dimpled, merry face of the little maid.
We didn't forgit her in the highest places or the lowest. And after
days and days had passed I felt guilty, and as if I hadn't ort to be
happy, and no knowin' where she'd drifted to in the cruel under world,
and wuz like sea-weed driftin' in the ocean current. And when we wuz
out evenin's, no matter where I wuz, I watched the faces of every
painted, gaudy dressed creeter I see, flittin' down cross streets,
hoping and dreading to see Aronette's little form. Arvilly and Miss
Meechim openly and loudly, and Dorothy's pale face and sorrowful eyes,
told the story that they too wuz on the watch and would always be. But
never did we catch a glimpse of her! never, never.

As we drew nigh to the city of Victoria on Hongkong island we see that
it wuz a beautiful place. Big handsome houses built of gray stun,
broad roads tree-bordered, leadin' up from terrace to terrace, all
full of trees, covered with luxuriant tropical foliage. It wuz a fair
seen clear from the water's edge, with its tall handsome houses risin'
right up from the edge of the bay, clear up to the top of Victoria
mountain, that stands up two thousand feet, seemin'ly lookin' over the
city to see what it is about. And this is truth and not clear simely,
for the Governor General and Chief Justice have houses up there which
they call bungalows, and of course they have got to see what is goin'
on. The hull island is only nine milds long and three wide. And here
we wuz ten thousand milds from home. Did the Hongkongers ever think
on't, that they wuz ten thousand milds from Jonesville? I hope they
didn't, it would make 'em too melancholy and deprested.

We all went to a comfortable tarven nigh by, and after partakin' of
nourishin' food, though kinder queer, and a good night's rest, we felt
ready to look round and see what we could. Josiah and I, with little
Tommy, wuz the first ones up in the mornin', and after breakfast we
sallied out into the street. Here I proposed that we should take a
jinrikisha ride. This is a chair some like a big willow chair, only
with a long pole fastened to each side and two men to carry you round.
Josiah wuz real took with the looks on 'em, and as the prize wuz low
we got into the chairs, Tommy settin' in Josiah's lap, and wuz carried
for quite a ways through the narrer streets, with shops juttin' out on
each side, makin' 'em still narrerer.

Josiah gin orders that I overheard to "go at a pretty good jog past
the stores where wimmen buy sooveneers," but I presoomed that they
didn't understand a word he said, so it didn't do any hurt and I
laid out to git some all the same. But what a sight them streets
wuz; they wuz about twenty feet wide, and smooth and clean, but
considerable steep. To us who wuz used to the peaceful deacons of
Jonesville and their alpaca-clad wives and the neighbors, who
usually borry sleeve and skirt and coat and vest patterns, and so
look all pretty much alike, what a sight to see the folks we did in
goin' through just one street. Every sort of dress that ever wuz
wore we see there, it seemed to me--Europeans, Turks, Mohomadeans,
Malays, Japanese, Javanese, Hindoos, Portuguese, half castes, and
Chinese coolies. Josiah still called 'em "coolers," because they wuz
dressed kinder cool, but carryin' baskets, buckets, sedans, or
trottin' a sort of a slow trot hitched into a jinrikisha, or
holdin' it on each side with their hands, with most nothin' on and
two pigtail braids hangin' down their backs, and such a jabberin'
in language strange to Jonesville ears; peddlers yellin' out their
goods, bells ginglin', gongs, fire-crackers, and all sorts of work
goin' on right there in the streets. Strange indeed to Jonesville
eyes! Catch our folks takin' their work outdoors; we shouldn't call
it decent.

We went to the Public Gardens, which wuz beautiful with richly colored
ornamental shrubbery. I sez to Josiah:

"Did I ever expect to see allspice trees?"

And he sez: "I can't bear allspice anyway."

"Well," sez I, "cinnamon trees; who ever thought of seein' cinnamon

An' he looked at 'em pretty shrewd and sez: "When I git home I shan't
pay no forty cents a pound for cinnamon. I can tell 'em I've seen the
trees and I know it ort to be cheaper." Sez he, "I could scrape off a
pound or two with my jack-knife if we could carry it."

But I hurried him on; I wuzn't goin' to lug a little wad of cinnamon
ten thousand milds, even if he got it honest. Well, we stayed here for
quite a spell, seein' all the beautiful flowers, magnificent
orchids--that would bring piles of money to home, jest as common here
as buttercups and daisies in Jonesville, and other beautiful exotics,
that we treasure so as houseplants, growin' out-doors here in grand
luxuriance--palms, tree-ferns, banian trees, everything I used to
wonder over in my old gography I see right here growin' free. Tommy
wuz delighted with the strange, beautiful flowers, so unlike anything
he had ever seen before. We had got out and walked round a spell here,
and when we went to git into our sedan chairs agin, I wuz a little
behind time, and Josiah hollered out to me:

"Fey tea, Samantha!"

"Tea?" sez I. "I hain't got any tea here." And I sez with dignity, "I
don't know what you mean."

"Fey tea," he sez agin, lookin' clost at me.

And I sez agin with dignity, "I don't know what you mean." And he sez
to me: "I am talkin' Chinese, Samantha; that means 'hurry up.' I shall
use that in Jonesville. When you're standin' in the meetin' house door
talkin' about bask patterns and hired girls with the female sisters,
and I waitin' in the democrat, I shall holler out, 'Fie tea,
Samantha;' it will be very stylish and uneek."

I didn't argy with him, but got in well as I could, but havin' stepped
on my dress and most tore it, Josiah hollered out, "See sum! see sum!

And I, forgittin' his fashionable aims, sez to him, "See some what,

"See sum, Samantha. That means 'be careful.' I shall use that too in
Jonesville. How genteel that will make me appear to holler out to
Brother Gowdey or Uncle Sime Bentley, in a muddy or slippery time,
'See sum, Brother Gowdey; see sum, Uncle Sime!' Such doin's will make
me sought after, Samantha."

"Well," sez I, "we'd better be gittin' back to the tarven, for Arvilly
will be wonderin' where we are and the rest on 'em."

"Well, just as you say, Samantha," and he leaned back in his chair and
waved his hand and says to the men, "Fey tea, fey tea; chop, chop."

I expect to see trouble with that man in Jonesville streets with his
foreign ways.

Well, we wuz passin' through one of the narrer streets, through a
perfect bedlam of strange cries in every strange language under the
sun, so it seemed, and seein' every strange costoom that wuz ever
wore, when, happy sight to Jonesville eyes, there dawned on my weary
vision a brown linen skirt and bask, made from my own pattern.

Yes, there stood Arvilly conversin' with a stately Sikh policeman. She
held up the "Twin Crimes" in a allurin' way and wuz evidently
rehearsin' its noble qualities. But as he didn't seem to understand a
word she said she didn't make a sale. But she wuz lookin' round
undanted for another subscriber when she ketched sight of us. And at
my request we dismissed the jinrikishas and walked back to the tarven
with her.

Dorothy and Miss Meechim and Robert Strong come back pretty soon from
a tower of sight-seein', and they said we'd all been invited to tiffen
with the Governor-General the next day. Well, I didn't have the least
idee what it wuz, but I made up my mind to once that if tiffenin' wuz
anything relatin' to gamblin' or the opium trade, I shouldn't have a
thing to do with it. But Josiah spoke right up and sez he had rather
see tiffen than anybody else in China, and mistrustin' from Robert's
looks that he had made a mistake, he hastened to add that tiffenin'
wuz sunthin' he had always hankered after; he had always wanted to
tiffen, but hadn't the means in Jonesville.

Sez Robert, "Then I shall accept this invitation for breakfast for all
our party." And after they went out I sez: "I'd hold myself a little
back, Josiah. To say that you'd never had means to take breakfast in
Jonesville shows ignorance and casts a slur on me."

"Oh, I meant I never had any tiffen with it, Samantha; you'll see it
don't mean plain breakfast; you'll see that they'll pass some tiffen,
and we shall have to eat it no matter what it's made on, rats or mice
or anything. Whoever heard of common breakfast at twelve M.?"

Well, it did mean just breakfast, and we had a real good time. We went
up in sedan chairs, though we might have gone on the cars. But we
wanted to go slower to enjoy the scenery.

I had thought the view from the hill back of Grout Nickleson's wuz
beautiful, and also the Pali at Honolulu, but it did seem to me that
the seen we looked down on from the top of Victoria mountain wuz the
most beautiful I ever did see. The city lay at our feet embowered in
tropical foliage, with its handsome uneek buildin's, its narrer
windin' streets stretchin' fur up the mountain side, runnin' into
narrerer mountain paths covered with white sand. The beautiful houses
and gardens of the English colony clost down to the shore. The tall
masts of the vessels in the harbor looking like a water forest with
flowers of gayly colored flags. And further off the Canton or Pearl
River, with scores of villages dotting its banks; glittering white
temples, with their pinnacles glistening in the sunlight; pagodas,
gayly painted with gilded bells, rising up from the beautiful tropical
foliage; broad green fields; mountains soarin' up towards the blue
heavens and the blue waters of the sea.

A fair seen, a fair seen! I wished that sister Henzy could see it, and
told Josiah so.

And he sez with a satisfied look, "Wait till I describe it to 'em,
Samantha. They'd ruther have me describe it to 'em than see it
themselves." I doubted it some, but didn't contend.

The breakfast wuz a good one, though I should have called it dinner to
home. Josiah wuz on the lookout, I could see, for tiffen to be passed,
but it wuzn't, so he ort to give up, but wouldn't; but argyed with me
out to one side that "they wuz out of tiffen, and hadn't time to buy
any and couldn't borry."

Well, the Governor-General seemed to be greatly taken with Dorothy. A
relation on his own side wuz the hostess, and Miss Meechim acted real
relieved when it turned out that he had a wife who wuz visiting in

I sot at the right hand of the Governor-General and I wanted to talk
to him on the opium question and try to git him to give up the trade,
but concluded that I wouldn't tackle him at his own table. But I kep'
up a stiddy thinkin'.

That very mornin' I read in the daily paper that two missionaries had
arrived there the day before, and on the same steamer three hundred
chests of opium.

Poor creeters! didn't it seem mockin' the name of religion to help
convert the natives and on the same steamer send three hundred chests
of the drug to ondo their work and make idiots and fiends of 'em.

It seemed to me some as if I should read in the Jonesville "Augur" or
"Gimlet" that our govermunt had sent out three or four fat lambs to
help the starvin' poor and sent 'em in the care of thirty or forty
tigers and wild cats.

No doubt the lambs would git there, but they would be inside the wild
cats and tigers.

Such wicked and foolish and inconsistent laws if made by women would
make talk amongst the male sect, and I wouldn't blame 'em a mite; I
should jine with 'em and say, "Sure enough it is a proof that wimmen
don't know enough to vote and hain't good enough; let 'em drop the
political pole, retire into the background and study statesmanship and
the Bible, specially the golden rule." But to resoom.

Arvilly tried to turn the conversation on the "Twin Crimes" of
America, but didn't come right out and canvass him, for which I wuz
thankful. They all paid lots of attention to Tommy, who had a great
time, and I spoze Carabi did too.

We had fruits and vegetables at the table, all gathered from the
Governor-General's garden--fresh fruit and vegetables in February,
good land! Pickin' berries and pineapples while the Jonesvillians'
fruit wuz snowballs and icesuckles; jest think on't!

Well, Robert Strong thought we had better proceed on to Canton the
next day and we wuz all agreeable to it.

After we all went back to the tarven and I had laid down a spell and
rested, I went out with Arvilly and Tommy for a little walk, Miss
Meechim, and Dorothy, and Robert Strong havin' gone over to Maceo, the
old Portuguese town on the mainland. They wanted to see the place
where Camoens wrote his great poem, "The Lusiad," and where he writ
them heart-breakin' poems to Catarina. Poor creeters! they had to be
separated. King John sent him off from Lisbon, wantin' the girl
himself, so I spoze. Catarina died soon of a broken heart, but Camoens
lived on for thirty years in the body, and is livin' now and will live
on in the Real Life fer quite a spell.

Yes, his memory is jest as fresh now as it ever wuz in them streets he
wandered in durin' his sad exile, while the solid stun his feet trod
on has mouldered and gone to pieces, which shows how much more real
the onseen is than the seen, and how much more indestructible. Iron
pillars and granite columns aginst which his weary head had leaned
oft-times had all mouldered and decayed. But the onseen visions that
Camoens see with his rapt poet's eye wuz jest as fresh and deathless
as when he first writ 'em down. And his memory hanted the old streets,
and went before 'em and over 'em. How much more real than the tropical
birds that wheeled and glittered in the luxuriant tropical foliage,
though they couldn't lay hands on 'em and ketch 'em and bring a few to
me, much as I would liked to have had 'em. But these bein' the real,
as I say, they wuz also with me way over in Hongkong. I thought a
sight on him all the time they wuz gone, and afterwards I thought of
the honor and dignity his noble verse had gin to his country, and how
princely the income they had gin him after they let him return from
his exile. Twenty-one dollars a year! What a premium that wuz upon
poesy; the Muse must have felt giddy to think she wuz prized so high,
and his native land repented of the generosity afterwards and stopped
the twenty-one dollars a year.

But then after his starved and strugglin' life wuz ended his country
acted in the usual way, erected monuments in his honor, and struck off
medals bearin' his liniment. The worth of one medal or one little
ornament on the peak of one of his statutes might have comforted the
broken heart and kep' alive the starved body and gin him some comfort.
But that hain't the way of the world; the world has always considered
it genteel and fashionable to starve its poets, and stun its prophets,
with different kinds of stuns, but all on 'em hard ones; not that it
has done so in every case, but it has always been the fashionable

Dorothy and Robert talked quite a good deal about the sad poet and his
works, their young hearts feelin' for his woe; mebby sunthin' in their
own hearts translatin' the mournful history; you know plates have to
be fixed jest right or the colors won't strike in. It is jest so in
life. Hearts must be ready to photograph the seens on, or they won't
be took. Some hearts and souls are blank plates and will always
remain so. Arvilly seemed lost in thought as they talked about the
poet (she hain't so well versed in poetry as she is in the license
laws and the disabilities of wimmen), and when she hearn Robert Strong
say, "Camoens will live forever," she sez dreamily:

"I wonder if he'd want to subscribe for the 'Twin Crimes'?" And sez
she, "I am sorry I didn't go over with you and canvass him." Poor
thing! she little knew he had got beyend canvassin' and all other
cares and troubles of life two hundred years ago. But Miss Meechim wuz
dretful worked up about the gambling going on at Maceo, and she sez it
is as bad as at Monte Carlo. (I didn't know who he wuz, but spozed
that he wuz a real out and out gambler and blackleg). And sez she,
"Oh, how bad it makes me feel to see such wickedness carried on. How
it makes my heart yearn for my own dear America!" Miss Meechim is good
in some things; she is as loyal to her own country as a dog to a root,
but Arvilly sez:

"I guess we Americans hadn't better find too much fault with foreign
natives about gambling, when we think of our stock exchanges, huge
gamblin' houses where millions are gambled for daily; thousands of
bushels of wheat put up there that never wuz growed only in the minds
of the gamblers. Why," sez Arvilly, warmin' up with her subject, "we
are a nation of gamblers from Wall Street, where gamblin' is done in
the name of greed, down to meetin' houses, where bed-quilts and tidies
are gambled for in the name of religion. From millionaires who play
the game for fortunes down to poor backwoodsmen who raffle for turkeys
and hens, and children who toss pennies for marbles."

Sez Miss Meechim, "I guess I will take a little quinine and lay down a
spell." Arvilly tosted her head quite a little after she retired and
then she went out to canvass a clerk in the office. Arvilly is
dantless in carriage, but she is too hash. I feel bad about it.


Arvilly and I went out for a walk, takin' Tommy with us. We thought we
would buy some sooveneers of the place. Sez Arvilly, "I want to prove
to the Jonesvillians that I've been to China, and I want to buy some
little presents for Waitstill Webb, that I can send her in a letter."

And I thought I would buy some little things for the children, mebby a
ivory croshay hook for Tirzah Ann and a paper cutter for Thomas J.,
and sunthin' else for Maggie and Whitfield. It beats all what
exquisite ivory things we did see, and in silver, gold, shell, horn
and bamboo, every article you can think on and lots you never did
think on, all wrought in the finest carvin' and filigree work.
Embroideries in silk and satin and cloth of gold and silver, every
beautiful thing that wuz ever made you'd see in these shops.

I wuz jest hesitatin' between a ivory bodkin with a butterfly head and
a ivory hook with a posy on the handle, when I hearn the voice of my
pardner, seemin'ly makin' a trade with somebody, and I turned a little
corner and there I see him stand tryin' to beat down a man from Tibet,
or so a bystander told me he wuz, a queer lookin' creeter, but he
understood a few English words, and Josiah wuz buyin' sunthin' as I
could see, but looked dretful meachin and tried to conceal his
purchase as he ketched my eye. I see he wuz doin' sunthin' he ort not
to do, meachinness and guilt wuz writ down on his liniment. But my
axent and mean wuz such that he produced the object and tried hard to
explain and apologize.

It wuz a little prayer-wheel designed for written prayers to be put in
and turned with a crank, or it could be hitched to water power or a
wind-mill or anything, and the owner could truly pray without ceasing.
Oh how I felt as he explained! I felt that indeed the last straw wuz
bein' packed onto my back, but Josiah kep' on with his apoligizin'.

"You needn't look like that, Samantha; I can tell you I hain't gin
up religion or thought on't. I want you to know that I am still a
strong, active member of the M. E. meetin' house, but at the same
time," sez he, "if I--if there--spozein' there wuz, as it were, some
modifications and conveniences that would help a Christian perfessor
along, I don't know as I would be to blame to avail myself of 'em."

Sez I, "If you're guiltless what makes you look so meachin?"

"Well, I most knew you wouldn't approve on it, but," sez he, "I can
tell you in a few short words what it will do. You can write your
prayers all out when you have time and put 'em into this wheel and
turn it, or you can have it go by water, you can hitch it to the
windmill and have it a-prayin' while you water the cattle in the
mornin', and I thought, Samantha, that in hayin' time or harvestin'
when I am as busy as the old Harry I could use it that way, or I could
be a turnin' it on my way to the barn to do the chores, or I could
hitch it onto the grin'stone and Ury and I could pray for the whole
family whilst we wuz whettin' the scythes."

"Not for me," sez I, groanin' aloud, "not for me."

"You needn't look like that, Samantha; I tell you agin I wuzn't goin'
to use it only when I wuz driv to death with work. And I tell you it
would be handy for you when you expected a houseful of company, and
Philury wuz away."

"No, indeed!" sez I; "no such wicked, wicked work will be connected
with my prayers."

"Well," sez Arvilly, "I d'no as it would be much wickeder than some
prayers I've hearn when folks wuz in a hurry; they would run their
thanksgivin's into their petitions and them into their amens, and
gallop through 'em so there wuzn't a mite of sense in 'em. Or take so
much pains to inform the Lord about things. I hearn one man say," sez

"'O Lord, thou knowest by the morning papers, so and so.' I d'no as a
prayer turned off by a wheel would look much worse or be much less

Josiah looked encouraged, and sez he to me, _soty vosey_, "Arvilly
always did have good horse sense."

Sez I, "They wuzn't run by machinery--wicked, wicked way. A boughten
machine!" sez I, shettin' up my eyes and groanin' agin.

"No," sez Josiah eagerly, "I wuz agoin' to tell you; I've got a wheel
to home and a cylinder that come offen that old furnace regulator that
didn't work, and I thought that with a little of Ury's help I could
fix one up jest as good as this, and I could sell this for twice what
I gin for it to Deacon Henzy or old Shelmadine, or rent it through
hayin' and harvestin' to the brethren, or----"

Sez I, "You would disseminate these wicked practices, would you, in
dear Christian Jonesville? No, indeed."

"I tell you agin I wuzn't a-goin' to use it only in the most hurryin'

But I sez, "I will hear no more; give it back to the man and come with
your pardner!"

And I linked my arm in hisen and motioned to the man to move off with
his wheels. And my looks wuz that dignified and lofty that I spoze it
skairt him and he started off almost immegiately and to once.

And I hain't hern no more about it, but don't know how much more
trouble I may have with it. No knowin' what that man may take it into
his head to do in Jonesville or China. But prayer-wheels! little did I
think when I stood at the altar with Josiah Allen that I should have
to dicker with them.

It only took six hours to sail from Hongkong up to Canton. The scenery
along the Pearl River is not very interesting except the rice fields,
banana groves with pagodas risin' amongst 'em anon or oftener, and
the strange tropical foliage, cactuses that we raise in little jars
riz up here like trees.

The native villages along the ruther flat shore looked kinder
dilapidated and run down, but yet they looked so different from
Jonesville houses that they wuz interestin' in a way. The forts that
we passed occasionally looked as if they would stand quite a strain.
But the queerest sight wuz the floatin' houses that we had to sail
through to land. Two hundred thousand folks live on them boats, are
born on 'em, grow up, marry, raise a family and die, all right there
on the water, just as other folks live on the land.

If a young man courts a girl he takes her and her setting out, which
is mebby a extra night gown, or I don't know what they do call
'em--their dresses look like night gowns. Well, she will take that and
a rice kettle and go into his junk and mebby never leave it through
her life only to visit her friends. The children swarmed on them boats
like ants on a ant-hill, and they say that if they git too thick they
kinder let 'em fall overboard, not push 'em off, but kinder let 'em go
accidental like, specially girls, they kinder encourage girls fallin'
off. And the Chinese think that it is wrong to save life. If any one
is drownin', for instance, they think that it is the will of the
higher Power and let 'em go. But they look down on girls dretfully. If
you ask a Chinaman how many children he has got he will say "Two
children and two piecee girl." Jest as if boys was only worthy to be
called children, and girls a piece of a child. Miss Meechim wuz
indignant when that way of theirs wuz mentioned; she considers herself
as good if not better than one man and a half. Sez she: "The idee of
calling a boy a child, and a girl a piece of a child, or words that
mean that."

But Arvilly sez, "Well, how much better is it in the United States--or
most of 'em? Girls don't even have the comfort of thinkin' that
they're a piece of a person; they're just nothin' at all in the eyes
of the law--unless the law wants to tax 'em to raise money." Sez she,
"I would be thankful 'lection day if I wuz a piece of a woman, so that
five or six of us would make a hull citizen." Miss Meechim had never
thought on't before, she said she hadn't, but nobody could git her to
say a word aginst American customs no more than they could aginst
herself. She thinks that she and America are perfect, but puts herself
first. Well, America is the best land under the sun; I've always said
so. But I feel towards it as I do towards Josiah: what faults it has I
want to talk it out of, so that it will stand up perfect among nations
as Josiah could amongst men if he would hear to me. Arvilly likes to
stir Miss Meechim up; I believe she sez things a purpose sometimes to
set Miss Meechim off; but then Arvilly talks from principle, too, and
she is real cute.

There wuz all sorts of boats, theatre junks and concert junks and
plain junks, and Josiah wuz dretful took with this floatin' city, and
sez to once that he should build a house boat as soon as he got
home--he and Ury. He said that he could use the old hay-rack to start
it--that and the old corn-house would most make it.

"Where will you put it?" sez I.

"Oh, on the creek or the canal," sez he. "It will be so uneek for us
to dwell when we want to, on the briny deep."

"I guess there hain't much brine in the creek or the canal," Josiah.

"Well, I said that for poetical purposes. But you know that it would
be very stylish to live in a boat, and any time we wanted to, when
onexpected company wuz comin', or the tax collector or book agent,
jest hist the sail and move off, it would be dretful handy as well as

"Well, well," sez I, "you can't build it till you git home." I felt
that he would forgit it before then. Arvilly looked thoughtfully at
'em and wondered how she wuz goin' to canvass 'em, and if they would
do as Josiah intimated if they see her comin'. Miss Meechim wondered
if they could git to meetin' in time, they seemed to move so slow,
and Robert Strong said to Dorothy:

"Well, a poor man can feel that he owns the site his home stands on,
as well as the rich man can, and that would be a hopeless attempt for
him in our large American cities, and he can't be turned out of his
home by some one who claims the land."

And Tommy wondered how the little boys could play ball, and if they
didn't want to slide down hill, or climb trees, or pick berries, and
so on and so on. And every one on us see what wuz for us to see in the
movin' panoramy.

Canton is a real queer city. The streets are so narrer that you can
almost reach out your hands and touch the houses on both sides, they
are not more than seven or eight feet wide. There are no horses in
Canton, and you have to git about on "shanks's horses," as Josiah
calls it, your own limbs you know, or else sedan chairs, and the
streets are so narrer, some on 'em, that once when we met some big
Chinese man, a Mandarin I believe they called him, we had to hurry
into one of the shops till he got by, and sometimes in turnin' a
corner the poles of our chairs had to be run way inside of the shops,
and Josiah said:

"I would like to see how long the Jonesvillians would stand such
doin's; I would like to see old Gowdey's fills scrapin' my cook stove,
it is shiftless doin's, and ort to be stopped."

But I knew he couldn't make no change and I hushed him up as well as I
could. Robert Strong got quite a comfortable tarven for us to stay in.
But I wuz so afraid all the time of eatin' rats and mice that I
couldn't take any comfort in meat vittles. They do eat rats there, for
I see 'em hangin' in the markets with their long tails curled up,
ready to bile or fry. Josiah said he wished he had thought on't, he
would brung out a lot to sell, and he wuz all rousted up to try to
make a bargain to supply one of these shops with rats and mice. Sez

"It will be clear profit, Samantha, for I want to get rid on 'em, and
all the Jonesvillians do, and if I can sell their carcasses I will
throw in the hide and taller. Why, I can make a corner on rats and
mice in Jonesville; I can git 'em by the wagon load of the farmers and
git pay at both ends." But I told him that the freightage would eat up
the profits, and he see it would, and gin up the idee onwillin'ly.

Though I don't love such hot stuff as we had to eat, curry, and red
peppers, and chutney, not to home I don't, but I see it wuz better to
eat such food there on account of the climate. Some of our party had
to take quinine, too, for the stomach's sake to keep up, for you feel
there like faintin' right away, the climate is such.

It must be that the Chinese like amusements, for we see sights of
theatres and concert rooms and lanterns wuz hangin' everywhere and
bells. And there wuz streets all full of silk shops, and weavers, and
jewelry, and cook shops right open on either side. All the colors of
the rainbow and more too you see in the silks and embroideries, and
jewelry of all kinds and swingin' signs and mat awnings overhead, and
the narrer streets full of strange lookin' folks, in their strange
lookin' dresses.

We visited a joss house, and a Chinaman's paradise where opium eaters
and smokers lay in bunks lookin' as silly and happy as if they
wouldn't ever wake up agin to their tawdy wretchedness. We visited a
silk manufactory, a glass blowing shop. We see a white marble pagoda
with several tiers of gilded bells hangin' on the outside. Inside it
wuz beautifully ornamented, some of the winders wuz made of the inside
of oyster shells; they made a soft, pleasant light, and it had a
number of idols made of carved ivory and some of jade stun, and the
principal idol wuz a large gilded dragon.

Josiah said the idee of worshippin' such a looking creeter as that.
Sez he, "I should ruther worship our old gander." And Miss Meechim wuz
horrified, too, at the wickedness of the Chinese in worshippin'

But Arvilly walked around it with her head up, and said that America
worshipped an idol that looked enough sight worse than that and a
million times worse actin'. Sez she, "This idol will stay where it is
put, it won't rare around and murder its worshippers."

And Miss Meechim sez coldly, "I don't know what you mean; I know that
I am an Episcopalian and worship as our beautiful creed dictates."

Sez Arvilly, "Anybody that sets expediency before principle, from a
king to a ragpicker; any one who cringes to a power he knows is vile
and dangerous, and protects and extends its influence from greed and
ambition, such a one worships a far worse idol than this peaceable,
humbly-lookin' critter and looks worse to me enough sight."

I hearn Miss Meechim say out to one side to Dorothy, "How sick I am of
hearing her constant talk against intemperance; from California to
China I have had to hear it. And you know, Dorothy, that folks can
drink genteel."

But Dorothy, with her sweet lips trembling and her white dimpled chin
quivering, sez, "I should think we had suffered enough from the
Whiskey Power, Auntie, to hear anything said against it, and at any

And Robert Strong jined in with Dorothy, and so Miss Meechim subsided,
and I see a dark shadder creep over her face, too, and tears come into
her pale blue eyes. She hain't forgot Aronette, poor little victim!
Crunched and crushed under the wheels of the monster Juggernaut
America rolls round to crush its people under. I wuz some like
Arvilly. When I thought of that I didn't feel to say so much aginst
them foreign idols, though they wuz humbly lookin' as I ever see. And
speakin' of idols, one day we see twelve fat hogs in a temple, where
they wuz kept as sacred animals, and here agin Miss Meechim wuz
horrified and praised up American doin's, and run down China, and agin
Arvilly made remarks. Sez she:

"The hogs there wallowing in their filth are poor lookin' things to
kneel down and worship, but they're shut up here with priests to tend
to 'em; they can't git out to roam round and entice innocents into
their filthy sties and perpetuate their swinish lives, and that is
more than we can say of the American beastly idols, or our priesthood
who fatten them and themselves and then let 'em out to rampage round
and act."

Miss Meechim sithed deep and remarked to me "that the tariff laws wuz
a absorbin' topic to her mind at that time." She did it to change the

We went to a Chinese crematory and the Temple of Longevity, where if
you paid enough you could git a promise of long life. Josiah is clost,
but he gin quite a good deal for him, and wuz told that he would live
to be one hundred and twenty-seven years of age. He felt well. Of
course we had a interpreter with is who talked for us. Josiah wanted
me to pay, too, for a promise. Sez he with a worried look:

"I shall be wretched as a widower, Samantha; do patronize 'em, I had
ruther save on sunthin' else than this."

So to please him I gin 'em a little more than he did, and they
guaranteed me one hundred and forty years, and then Josiah worried
agin and wanted me to promise not to marry agin after he wuz gone. He
worships me. And I told him that if I lived to be a hundred and forty
I guessed I shouldn't be thinkin' much about marryin', and he looked
easier in his mind.

One day we met a weddin' procession, most a mild long, I should say.
The bride wuz ahead in her sedan chair, her dress wuz richly
embroidered and spangled, a veil fringed with little pearls hung over
her face. Pagodas with tinkling gilt bells, sedan chairs full of silk
and cloth and goods of all kinds wuz carried in the procession by
coolies. Idols covered with jade and gilt jewelry, a company of little
children beatin' tom-toms and gongs, and the stuffed bodies of animals
all ornamented with gilt and red paper riggers wuz carried, and at
the tail end of the procession come the friends of the family.

The bridegroom wuzn't there, he wuz waitin' to hum in his own or his
father's house for the bride he'd never seen. But if the bride's feet
wuz not too large he would most likely be suited.

Miss Meechim said, "Poor young man! to have to take a wife he has
never seen; how widely different and how immeasurably better are such
things carried on in America."

Sez Arvilly, "What bridegroom ever did see his bride as she really
wuz? Till the hard experience of married life brought out her hidden
traits, good and bad? Or what wife ever see her husband's real temper
and character until after years of experience?"

Sez I, "That's so; leaves are turned over in Josiah Allen's mind now
as long as we've been pardners that has readin' on 'em as strange to
me as if they wuz writ in Chinese or Japan."

But then it must be admitted that not to see your wife's face and know
whether she's cross-eyed or snub-nosed is tryin'. But they say it is
accordin' to the decree of Feng Shui, and therefore they accept it
willingly. They have a great variety of good fruit in Canton--some
that I never see before--but their vegetables don't taste so good as
ours, more stringy and watery, and their eggs they want buried six
months before usin' 'em. I believe that sickened me of China as much
as anything. But then some folks at home want their game kep' till it
hain't fit to eat in my opinion. But eggs! they should be like Cæsar's
wife, above suspicion--the idee of eatin' 'em with their shells all
blue and spotted with age--the idee!


We wuz all invited one day to dine with a rich Chinaman Robert Strong
had got acquainted with in San Francisco. Arvilly didn't want to go,
and offered to keep Tommy with her, and the rest of us went. The house
wuz surrounded with a high wall, and we entered through a small door
in this wall, and went into a large hall openin' on a courtyard. The
host met us and we set down on a raised seat covered with red cloth
under some big, handsome lanterns that wuz hung over our heads.
Servants with their hair braided down their backs and with gay dresses
on brought in tea--as good as any I ever drank--and pipes. Josiah
whispered to me:

"How be I agoin' to smoke tobacco, Samantha? It will make me sick as
death. You know I never smoked anything but a little catnip and mullen
for tizik. I wonder if he's got any catnip by him; I'm goin' to ask."

But I kep' him from it, and told him that we could just put the stems
in our mouths, and pretend to smoke enough to be polite.

"Hypocrasy," sez Josiah, "don't become a deacon in high standin'. If I
pretend to smoke I shall smoke, and take a good pull." And he leaned
back and shut his eyes and took his pipe in his hand, and I guess he
drawed on it more than he meant to, for he looked bad, sickish and
white round his mouth as anything. But we all walked out into the
garden pretty soon and he looked resuscitated.

It was beautiful there; rare flowers and exotics of all kinds, trees
that I never see before and lots that I had seen, sparklin' fountains
with gold fish, grottos all lit up by colored lanterns, and little
marble tablets with wise sayings. Josiah said he believed they wuz
ducks' tracks, and wondered how ducks ever got up there to make 'em,
but the interpreter read some on 'em to us and they sounded first
rate. Way up on a artificial rock, higher than the Jonesville steeple,
wuz a beautiful pavilion with gorgeous lanterns in it and beautiful
bronzes and china.

In the garden wuz growin' trees, trimmed all sorts of shapes, some on
'em wuz shaped like bird cages and birds wuz singin' inside of 'em.
There wuz one like a jinrikisha with a horse attached, all growin',
and one like a boat, and two or three wuz pagodas with gilt bells
hangin' to 'em, another wuz shaped like a dragon, and some like fish
and great birds. It wuz a sight to see 'em, all on 'em a growin', and
some on 'em hundreds of years old. Josiah says to me:

"If I ever live to git home I will surprise Jonesville. I will have
our maple and apple trees trimmed in this way if I live. How uneek it
will be to see the old snow apple tree turned into a lumber wagon, and
the pound sweet into a corn house, and the maples in front of the
house you might have a couple on 'em turned into a Goddess of Liberty
and a statter of Justice, you are such a hand for them two females,"
sez he. "Of course we should have to use cloth for Justice's eye
bandages, and her steelyards I believe Ury and I could trim out,
though they might not weigh jest right to the notch."

And I sez, "Justice has been used to that, to not weighin' things
right, it wouldn't surprise her." But I told him it would be sights of
work and mebby he'll give it up.

Soon afterwards we wuz all invited to dinner in this same house. And
so ignorant are the Chinese of Jonesville ways that at a dinner the
place of honor is at the left instead of the right of the host.
Everything that can be in China is topsy tervy and different from us.
I wuz chose for that honorable place at the left of our host. We all
stood for quite a while, for it is China table etiquette to try to
make the guest next to us set down first, but finally we all sot down
similtaneous and at the same time. Josiah thinks that it is because
China is right down under us the reason that she gits so turned over
and strange actin', but 'tennyrate, endin' our dinner as we do with
sweets, it didn't surprise me that we begun our dinner by havin'
sweetmeats passed, each one helpin' ourselves with chop sticks, queer
things to handle as I ever see, some like the little sticks I have
seen niggers play tunes with. Josiah seemed to enjoy hisen the best
that ever wuz, and to my horrow he took both on 'ern in his right hand
and begun to play Yankee Doodle on 'em.

I stepped on his foot hard under the table, and he broke off with a
low groan, but I spoze they would lay it to a foreigner's strange
ways. After the sweetmeats wuz partook of we had dried melon seeds,
the host handin' 'em round by the handful. Josiah slipped his into his
pocket. I wuz mortified enough, but he said:

"Of course he wants us to plant 'em; nobody but a fool would expect us
to eat melon seeds or horse feed."

I wuz glad Josiah didn't speak in China, I guess they didn't
understand him. A rice-wine wuz passed with this, which of course I
did not partake of. Much as I wanted to be polite I could not let this
chance pass of holdin' up my temperance banner. I had seen enough
trouble caused by folks in high station not holdin' up temperance
principles at banquets, and I wuzn't to be ketched in the same way, so
I waived it off with a noble and lofty jester, but Miss Meechim
drinked wine every time it wuz passed, and she got real tonguey before
we went home, and her eyes looked real kinder glassy--glassier than a
perfessor's eyes ort to look. Then we had bird's-nest soup, which is
one of the most costly luxuries to be had in Canton. They are found on
precipitous rocks overhanging the sea, and one must risk his life to
get them. It didn't taste any better to me than a chip. It seemed to
be cut in little square yeller pieces, kind of clear lookin', some
like preserved citron only it wuz lighter colored, and Josiah
whispered to me:

"We can have bird's-nest soup any day to hum, Samantha. Jest think of
the swaller's nest in the barn and robin's nest and crow's nest, why
one crow's nest would last us a week."

"It would last a lifetime, Josiah, if I had to cook it; sticks and

"Well, it would be real uneek to cook one, or a hornet's nest, and
would be a rarity for the Jonesvillians, and in the winter, if we run
out of bird's-nest, you could cook a hen's nest."

But I sez, "Keep still, Josiah, and let's see what we'll have next."

Well, we had ham, fish, pigeon's eggs and some things I didn't know
the name of. The host took up a little mess of sunthin' on his chop
stick and handed it to me. I dassent refuse it, for he meant it as a
honor, but I most know it wuz rat meat, but couldn't tell for certain.
I put my shoulder blades to the wheel and swallered it, but it went
down hard.

Bowls of rice wuz passed round last. Between the courses we had the
best tea I ever tasted of; only a few of the first leaves that open on
the tea plant are used for this kind of tea, and a big field would be
gone over for a pound of it. After it is cured it is flavored with the
tea blossom. I had spozed I had made good tea to home on my own hot
water tank, and drinked it, but I gin up that I had never tasted tea

On our way home we went through the Street of Benevolence and I wuz
ashamed to run Miss Meechim in my mind.

They name their streets real funny; one street is called Everlasting
Love, or it means that in our language, and there is Refreshing
Breezes, Reposing Dragons, Honest Gain, Thousand Grandsons, Heavenly
Happiness, and etc., etc.

Josiah said that he should see Uncle Sime Bentley and Deacon Henzy
about naming over the Jonesville streets the minute he got home. Sez
he, "How uneek it will be to trot along through Josiah's Never Ending
Success, or Prosperous Interesting Josiah, or the Glorious Pathmaster,
or the Divine Travellin' Deacon, or sunthin' else uneek and well

Sez I, "You seem to want to name 'em all after yourself, Josiah. Uncle
Sime and Deacon Henzy would probable want one or two named after

"Well," sez he, "we could name one Little Uncle, and one Spindlin'
Deacon, if they insisted on't."

Josiah wuz in real good sperits, I laid it partly to the tea, it wuz
real stimulating; Josiah said that it beat all that the Chinese wuz so
blinded and out of the way as to do things so different from what they
did in Jonesville. "But," sez he, "they're politer on the outside than
the Jonesvillians, even down to the coolers."

Sez I, "Do you mean the coolies?"

"Yes, the coolers, the hired help, you know," sez he. "Catch Ury
fixin' his eye on his left side coat collar when he speaks to me not
dastin' to lift it, and bowin' and scrapin' when I told him to go and
hitch up, or bring in a pail of water, and catch him windin' his hair
in a wod when he wuz out by himself and then lettin' it down his back
when he came to wait on me."

Sez I, "Ury's hair is too short to braid."

"Well, you can spozen the case, can't you? But as I wuz sayin', for
all these coolers are so polite, I would trust Ury as fur agin as I
would any on 'em. And then they write jest the other way from we do in
Jonesville, begin their letters on the hind side and write towards
'em; and so with planin' a board, draw the plane towards 'em. I would
like to see Ury try that on any of my lumber. And because we
Jonesvillians wear black to funerals, they have to dress in white.
Plow would I looked at my mother-in-law's funeral with a white night
gown on and my hair braided down my back with a white ribbin on it?
It would have took away all the happiness of the occasion to me.

"And then their language, Samantha, it is fixed in such a fool way
that when they want a word different, they yell up the same word
louder and that makes it different, as if I wuz to say to Ury kinder
low and confidential, 'I shall be the next president, Ury;' and then I
should yell up the same words a little louder and that would mean,
'Feed the brindle steer;' there hain't no sense in it. But I spoze one
thing that ails them is their havin' to stand bottom side up, their
feet towards Jonesville. Their blood runs the wrong way. Mebby I
shouldn't do any better than they do if I stood so the hull of the
time; mebby I should let my finger nails grow out like bird's claws
and shake my own hands when I meet company instead of theirn. Though,"
sez Josiah, dreamily, "I don't know but I shall try that in
Jonesville; I may on my return from my travels walk up to Elder
Minkley and the bretheren in the meetin'-house, and pass the
compliments with 'em and clasp my own hands and shake 'em quite a
spell, not touchin' their hands. I may, but can't tell for certain; it
would be real uneek to do it."

"Well," sez I, "Josiah, every country has its own strange ways; we
have ourn."

Sez he, "How you would scold me if I wuz to wear my hat when we had
company, and here it is manners to do it, and take off your specs. Why
should I take off my specs to meet Elder Minkley?"

"Well," sez I, "there hain't anything out of the way in it, if they
want to."

Sez Josiah, "You seem to take to China ways so, you and Arvilly, that
I spoze mebby you'll begin to bandage your feet when you git home, and
toddle round on your big toes."

And I sez, "I d'no but I'd jest as soon do that as to girt myself down
with cossets, or walk round with a trailin' dress wipin' up all the
filth of the streets to carry home to make my family sick."

But it is a awful sight. I had the chance right there in Canton to see
a foot all bound up to make it the fashionable size.

The four small toes wuz twisted right under the ankle, and the broken,
crushed bones of the foot pressed right up where the instep should be.
The pain must have been sunthin' terrible, and very often a toe drops
off, but I spoze they are glad of that, for it would make the little
lump of dead flesh they call their feet smaller. They wear bright
satin shoes, all embroidered and painted, and their little pantelettes
cover all but the very end of the toe. They all, men and wimmen, wear
a loose pair of trowsers which they call the foo, and a kind of jacket
which they call a sham.

"A fool and a sham," Josiah called 'em all the time. The wimmen have
their hair all stuck up with some kind of gum, making it as good as a
bunnet, but I would fur ruther have the bunnet. Sometimes they wear a
handkerchief over it. Wimmen hain't shut up here as they are in
Turkey, but no attention is paid to their education and they are
looked down on. Men seem to be willin' to have wimmen enjoy what
religion they can, such as they have. But her husband won't let her
set to the table with him, and he can whip her to death and not be
touched for it, but if she strikes back a single blow he can get a
divorce from her.

I thought wimmen wuz worse off here than they wuz in America, but
Arvilly argyed that our govermunt sold stuff and took pay for it that
made men beat their wives, and sold the right to make wicked wimmen
and keep 'em so, and took wimmen's tax money to keep up such laws. And
she went over such a lot of unjust laws that I didn't know but she wuz
right, and that we wuz jest about as bad off in some things. They
marry dretful young in China. Little babies are engaged to be married
right whilst they're teethin', but they can't marry I guess till they
are ten or twelve years old.

From Canton we went back to Hongkong, intendin' to go from there to
Calcutta. But Dorothy felt that she must see Japan while she wuz so
near, and we concluded to go, though it wuz goin' right out of our way
in the opposite direction from Jonesville. But when Dorothy expressed
a wish Robert Strong seemed to think it wuz jest as bindin' on him as
the law of the Medes and Persians, whatever they may be, and Miss
Meechim felt so too, so though as I say it wuz some as though I should
go to she that wuz Submit Tewksberrys round by the widder Slimpsey's
and Brother Henzy's. We found some mail here to the tarven, letters
from the dear children and our help. Thomas J. and Maggie wuz gittin'
better, and the rest well, and all follerin' our journey with fond
hearts and good wishes. Philury and Ury writ that everything was goin'
well on the farm and the Jonesvillians enjoyin' good health. Arvilly
got a paper from Jonesville and come in to read it to us. It had been
a long time on the road. It said that a new bill was a-goin' to be
introduced to allow wimmen to vote, but she didn't seem to be
encouraged about it much. Sez she: "The law won't do anything about
that as long as it is so busy grantin' licenses to kill folks via
Saloon and other houses of death and ruin and canals and trusts and
monopolies to protect to steal the people's money."

But I sez, "I do hope the bill will pass for the sake of Justice, if
nothin' else. Justice," sez I, "must have been so shamed to see such
things goin' on that she wuz glad she wore bandages over her eyes; and
her hands have shook so she hain't weighed even for some time; to see
her sect taxed without representation, punished and hung by laws she
has no voice in makin'."

Josiah sez, "I admit that that is ruther hard, Samantha, but that
hain't the nick on't. The pint is that wimmen hain't got the
self-control that men has. The govermunt is afraid of her emotional
nater; she gits wrought up too quick. She is good as gold, almost a
angel, in fact, as we male voters have always said. But she is too
hasty; she hain't got the perfect calmness, the firm onmovable sense
of right and wrong, the patience and long sufferin' that we men have;
she flies off too sudden one way or t'other; govermunt well fears she
would be a dangerous element in the body politick."

Jest as Josiah finished this remark Arvilly read out a thrillin'
editorial about the war between Russia and Japan; the editor commented
on the wickedness of men plungin' two great empires into warfare,
slaughterin' thousands and thousands of men, bringin' ontold
wretchedness, distress, pestilence and destitution just to gratify
ambition or angry passion. For it wuz this, he said, in the first
place, whatever it became afterward.

A war of defence, of course, argued an aggressor, and he talked
eloquent about Courts of Arbitration which would do away with the
wholesale butchery and horror of war. And he called eloquent on Peace
to fly down on her white wings bearing the olive branch, to come and
stop this unutterable woe and crime of war.

(Arvilly left off readin' to remind Josiah that Peace wuz always
depictered as a female, and then resoomed her readin'.)

In conclusion, the editor lamented the fact that in the annals of our
nation men so often forgot the Golden Rule and gin vent to voylent
passions and onbecomin' behavior.

Sez Josiah, "I guess I will take Tommy and go out for a little walk,
Samantha, I feel kinder mauger."

"I should think you would!" sez Arvilly, lookin' hull reams of by-laws
and statutes at him.

And I sez, "Whilst you're walkin', dear Josiah, you might meditate on
the danger to the govermunt from wimmen's emotional nature, and the
patience and long sufferin' of men voters." I said it real tender and
good, but he snapped me up real snappish.

Sez he, "I shall meditate on what I'm a minter. Come, Tommy," and they
went out.


And the next day we started for Yokohama. I had felt kinder dubersome
about goin' through countries that wuz plunged in a great war, but we
got along all right, nobody shot at us or made any move to, and we
didn't see anybody hurt. But knowed that the warfare wuz ragin' away
somewhere out of our sight.

Death wuz marchin' along on his pale horse in front of the army, and
hearts wuz breakin' and the light of the sun and of life darkened in
thousands and thousands of grand and humble homes.

I felt dretful when I thought on't, but hain't goin' to harrow up the
reader's feelin's talkin' about it, knowin' it won't do any good, and
anyway they've all read the particulars in the daily papers.

Well, we reached Yokohama with no fatal casualties to report, though
my pardner wuz real seasick, but brightened up as we drew nigh to
shore. Here and there a little village with quaint houses could be
seen, and anon a temple or shrine riz up above the beautiful tropical
foliage and further off the Fujiyama, the sacred mountain, riz up
above the other mountains.

We come into the harbor about half-past three and arrove at our tarven
about five. When we drew nigh the shore almost naked boatmen come out
to meet us in their sampans, as they call their little boats (Josiah
called 'em "sass pans" right to their face, but I don't spoze they
understood it). They wuz to take us into the shore and they wuz
yellin' to each other fearful as they pushed their boats ahead. Their
toilettes consisted mostly of figgers pricked into their skins,
dragons and snakes seemed their favorite skin ornaments, the color wuz
blue mostly with some red. Josiah sez to me as we looked down on 'em
from the dock:

"Them coolers wouldn't have to carry a Saratoga trunk with 'em when
they travel; a bottle of ink and a pin would last 'em through life."
It wuz a real hot day, and Josiah continered, "Well, their clothin' is
comfortable anyway, that's why they are called coolers, because
they're dressed so cool," and, sez he, "what a excitement I could make
in Jonesville next summer in dog-days by introducin' this fashion."

I looked on him in horrow, and he added hastily, "Oh, I should wear a
short tunic, Samantha, comin' down most to my knees, with tossels on
it, and I shouldn't wear snakes or dragons on my skin, I should wear
some texts of Scripter, or appropriate quotations, as Josiah the fair,
or Josiah the pride of Jonesville, runnin' down my legs and arms, and
I shouldn't have 'em pricked in, I could have 'em painted in gay

"Oh, heavens!" sez I, lookin' up to the sky, "what won't I hear next
from this man!"

"I hadn't said I should do it, Samantha; and 'tennyrate it would be
only through dog-days. I said what a excitement it would make if I
concluded to do it."

Sez I, "It is a excitement that would land you in Jonesville jail, and
ort to."

But at that minute Arvilly and Miss Meechim come up to us and broke
off the conversation. Japan boatmen jest wear a cloth round their
loins, and some of 'em had a little square of matting fastened by a
rope round their necks to keep the rain offen their backs.

After goin' through the custom house, where we got off easy, we went
to a tarven called the Grand Hotel and had a good night's rest.


The next mornin', after tiffen, which wuz what they call breakfast,
bein' just so ignorant of good Jonesville language, Josiah and I and
Tommy sallied out to see what we could see, the rest of our party
havin' gone out before.

Wantin' to go a considerable ways, we hired two jinrikishas, and I
took Tommy in my lap, and I must say that I felt considerable like a
baby in a baby carriage carryin' a doll; but I got over it and felt
like a grandma before I had gone fur. How Josiah felt I don't know,
though I hearn him disputin' with the man about his prices--we had
took a interpreter with us so we could know what wuz said to us. The
price for a jinrikisha is five sen, and Josiah thought it meant five
cents of our money, and so handed it to him. But the man wuz so
ignorant he didn't know anything about Jonesville money, and he kep'
a-callin' for sen, and the interpreter sez "Sen," holdin' up his five
fingers and speakin' it up loud, and I hearn Josiah say:

"Well, you fool, you, I have given you five cents! What more do you
want?" But at last he wuz made to understand; but when Josiah made him
know where he wanted to go the interpreter said that the sedan
carriers wanted a yen, and my poor pardner had another struggle. Sez

"You consarned fool, how do you spoze I can give you a hen? Do you
spoze I can git into my hen house ten thousand milds off to git you a
hen? Or do you want me to steal one for you?"

"A yen," sez the interpreter, and the way he said it it did sound like

"Well, I said hen, didn't I?" said my pardner.

But I leaned out of my baby cart and sez, "Y-e-n, Josiah. A yen is
their money, a dollar."

"Oh, why don't they call it a cow or a brindle calf?" He wuz all het
up by his efforts to understand. They call one of their dollars a yen,
a sen is a cent, and a rin is the tenth part of a cent. Josiah fell in
love with the copper rins with square holes in the centre. Sez he:

"How I would love to furnish you with 'em, Samantha, when you went to
the store in Jonesville. I would hand you out five or six rins and you
could string 'em and wear 'em round your neck till you got to the

"Yes," sez I, "half a cent would go a good ways in buyin' family

"Well, it would have a rich look, Samantha, and I mean to make some
when I git home. Why, Ury and I could make hundreds of 'em out of our
old copper kettle that has got a hole in it, and I shouldn't wonder if
I could pass 'em."

Miss Meechim had a idee that the Japans wuz in a state of barbarism,
but Arvilly who wuz always at swords' pints with her threw such a lot
of statistics at her that it fairly danted her. There are six hundred
newspapers in Japan. The Japanese daily at Tokio has a circulation of
300,000. She has over 3,000 milds of railroads and uses the American
system of checking baggage. Large factories with the best machinery
has been built late years, but a great part of the manufacturing is
done by the people in their own homes, where they turn out those
exquisite fabrics of silk and cotton and rugs of all the colors of the
rainbow, and seemingly as fadeless as that bow. Slavery is unknown,
and there is very little poverty with all the crowded population. The
Japans are our nearest neighbors acrost the Pacific and we've been
pretty neighborly with 'em, havin' bought from 'em within the last ten
years most three hundred millions worth of goods. She would miss us if
anything should happen to us.

Yokohama is a city of 124,000 inhabitants, most all Japans, though in
what they call the settlement there are fifteen or twenty thousand
foreigners. There are beautiful homes here with flower gardens
containing the rarest and most beautiful flowers, trees and shrubs of
all kinds.

The day Josiah had his struggle with the interpreter and Japan money
we rode down the principal streets of Yokohama. And I would stop at
some of the silk shops, though Josiah objected and leaned out of his
jinrikisha and sez anxiously:

"Don't spend more'n half a dozen rins, Samantha, on dress, for you
know we've got more than 10,000 milds to travel and the tarven bills
are high."

Sez I in real dry axents, "If I conclude to buy a dress I shall have
to have as much as a dozen rins; I don't believe that I could git a
handsome and durable one for less." My tone was sarcastical. The idee
of buyin' a silk dress for half a cent! But I didn't lay out to buy; I
wuz jest lookin' round.

I saw in those shops some of the most beautiful silks and embroideries
that I ever did see, and I went into a lacquer shop where there wuz
the most elegant furniture and rich bronzes inlaid with gold and
silver. They make the finest bronzes in the world; a little pair of
vases wuz fifteen hundred dollars and you couldn't get 'em for less.
But why shouldn't there be beautiful things in a country where every
one is a artist?

We stopped at a tea house and had a cup of tea, delicious as I never
spozed tea could be and served by pretty young girls with gay colored,
loose silk suits and hair elaborately dressed up with chains and
ornaments; their feet and legs wuz bare, but they wuz covered with
ornaments of brass and jade. Afterwards we passed fields of rice where
men and wimmen wuz working, the men enrobed in their skin toilette of
dragons and other figures and loin cloth and the wimmen in little
scanty skirts comin' from the waist to the knees. Their wages are
eight cents a day. I wondered what some of our haughty kitchen rulers,
who demand a dollar a day and the richest of viands would say if they
wuz put down on a basis of eight cents a day and water and rice diet.

The little bamboo cottages are lovely lookin' from the outside with
their thatched roofs, some on 'em with little bushes growin' out on
the thatch and little bunches of grass growin' out under the eaves.
The children of the poor are entirely naked and don't have a rag on
'em until they're ten or twelve. A lot of 'em come up to the
jinrikishas and called out "oh-hi-o" to Josiah, and he shook his head
and sez affably:

"No, bub, I'm from Jonesville."

But the interpreter explained oh-hi-o means good mornin'; and after
that for days Josiah would say to me as soon as I waked up, "Ohio,"
and wanted to say it to the rest, but I broke it up.

One thing Josiah thought wuz wicked: a Japanese is not allowed to wear
whiskers till he is a grandpa, so old bachelors have to go with smooth

Sez Josiah, "What if Cousin Zebedee Allen couldn't wear whiskers?
Why," sez he, "his whiskers are his main beauty, and naterally Zeb is
more particular about his looks than if he wuz married. Such laws are
wicked and arbitrary. Why, when I courted my first wife, Samantha, my
whiskers and my dressy looks wuz what won the day. And I d'no," sez he
inquiringly, "but they won your heart."

"No," sez I, "it wuzn't them, and heaven only knows what it wuz; I
never could tell. I've wondered about it a sight."

"Well," sez he, "I didn't know but it wuz my whiskers."

We passed a number of temples where the people worship. The two
principal religions are the Shinto and the Buddhist. The Shinto means,
"The way of the gods," and they believe that their representative is
the Mikado, so of course they lay out to worship him. The Buddhists
preach renunciation, morality, duty, and right living. Bein' such a
case to cling to Duty's apron strings I couldn't feel towards the
Buddhists as Miss Meechim did. Sez she, "Oh, why can't they believe as
we do in America? Why can't they all be Episcopalians?"

But 'tennyrate all religions are tolerated here, and as Arvilly told
Miss Meechim when she wuz bewailin' the fact that they wuzn't all
Episcopals and wuzn't more like our country.

Sez Arvilly, "They don't drownd what they call witches, nor hang
Quakers, nor whip Baptists, nor have twenty wives. It don't do
for us to find too much fault with the religion of other nations,
Miss Meechim, specially them that teaches the highest morality,
self-control and self-sacrifice."

Miss Meechim was huffy, but Arvilly drove the arrer home. "Gamblin' is
prohibted here; you wouldn't be allowed gamble for bed-quilts and
afghans at church socials, Miss Meechim."

Miss Meechim wouldn't say a word. I see she wuz awful huffy. But
howsumever there are lots of people here who believe in the Christian

We passed such cunning little farms; two acres is called a good farm,
and everything seemed to be growin' on it in little squares, kep' neat
and clean, little squares of rice and wheat and vegetables.

And Josiah sez, "I wonder what Ury would say if I should set him to
transplantin' a hull field of wheat, spear by spear, as they do here,
set 'em out in rows as we do onions. And I guess he'd kick if I should
hitch him onto the plow to plow up a medder, or onto the mower or
reaper. I guess I'd git enough of it. I guess he'd give me my

"Not if he wuz so polite as the Japans," sez I.

"And what a excitement it would make in Jonesville," sez Josiah, "if I
should hitch Ury and Philury onto the mowin' machine. I might," he
continered dreamily, "just for a change, drive 'em into Jonesville
once on the lumber wagon."

But he'll forgit it, I guess, and Japan will forgit it too before
long. Their tools are poor and fur behind ourn, and some of their ways
are queer; such as trainin' their fruit trees over arbors as we do
vines. Josiah wuz dretful took with this and vowed he'd train our old
sick no further over a arbor. Sez he, "If I can train that old tree
into a runnin' vine I shall be the rage in Jonesville."

But he can't do it. The branches are as thick as his arm. And I sez,
"Children and trees have to be tackled young, Josiah, to bend their
wills the way you want 'em to go." They make a great fuss here over
the chrysantheum, and they are beautiful, I must admit. They don't
look much like mine that I have growin' in a kag in the east winder.

Their common fruits are the persimmons, a sweet fruit about as big as
a tomato and lookin' some like it, with flat black seeds, pears, good
figs, oranges, peaches, apples. There is very little poverty, and the
poorest people are very clean and neat. Their law courts don't dally
for month after month and years. If a man murders they hang him the
same week.

But mebby our ways of lingerin' along would be better in some cases,
if new evidence should be found within a year or so, or children
should grow up into witnesses.

We went into a Japanese house one day. It is made on a bamboo frame,
the roof and sides wuz thatched with rye straw, the winders wuz
slidin' frames divided into little squares covered with thin white
paper. The partitions wuz covered with paper, and movable, so you
could if you wanted to make your house into one large room. Josiah
told me that he should tear out every partition in our house and fix
'em like this. "How handy it would be, Samantha, if I ever wanted to

And I told him that I guessed our settin' room would hold all that
would come to hear him preach, and sez I, "How would paper walls do
with the thermometer forty below zero?" He looked frustrated, he had
never thought of that.

The house we went into wuz sixteen feet square, divided into four
square rooms. It wuz two stories high, and little porches about two
feet wide wuz on each story, front and back. There wuz no chimney;
there wuz a open place in the wall of the kitchen to let the smoke out
from the little charcoal furnace they used to cook with, and one
kettle wuz used to cook rice and fish; no spoons or forks are needed.
The doors and frame-work wuz painted bronze color. There wuzn't much
furniture besides the furnace and tea-kettle that stands handy to make
tea at any time. A few cups and saucers, a small clock, a family idol,
and a red cushioned platform they could move, high and wide enough for
a seat so several can set back to back, is about all that is

Their floors are covered with a lined straw matting, soft as carpet;
they sleep on cotton mats put away in the daytime; their head-rest is
a small block of wood about one foot long, five inches wide and eight
inches high. A pillow filled with cut rye straw and covered with
several sheets of rice paper isn't so bad, though I should prefer my
good goose feather pillows. The Japanese are exceedingly neat and
clean; they could teach needed lessons to the poorer classes in

We one day made an excursion twenty milds on the Tokiado, the great
highway of Japan. It is broad and smooth; five hundred miles long, and
follers the coast. Part of the way we went with horses, and little
side trips into the country wuz made with jinrikishas. Quaint little
villages wuz on each side of the road, and many shrines on the
waysides. That day we see the famous temple of Diabutsu with its
colossal bronze idol. It wuz fifty feet high and eighty-seven feet
round. The eyes three feet and a half wide. One thumb is three and a
half feet round. He seemed to be settin' on his feet.

A widder and a priest wuz kneelin' in front of this idol. The priest
held in one hand a rope and anon he would jerk out melancholy sounds
from a big bronze bell over his head. In his other hand he held some
little pieces of wood and paper with prayers printed on 'em. As he
would read 'em off he would lay one down on the floor, and the widder
would give him some money every time. I thought that wuz jest about
where the prayers went, down on the floor; they never riz higher, I
don't believe.

Josiah wuz kinder took with 'em, and sez he, "How handy that would be,
Samantha, if a man wuz diffident, and every man, no matter how bashful
he is, has more or less wood chips in his back yard. Sometimes I feel
diffident, Samantha."

But I sez, "I don't want any wooden prayers offered for me, Josiah
Allen, and," sez I, "that seen shows jest how widders are imposed

"Well," sez he, "she no need to dickered with the priest for 'em if
she hadn't wanted to."

And I did wish that that little widder had known about the One ever
present, ever living God, who has promised to comfort the widder, be a
father to the orphan, and wipe away all tears.

But the Sunrise Land is waking up, there is a bright light in the

    In the beauty of the lilies Christ is born acrost the sea,
    With a glory in his bosom that transfigures you and me.

With the sweet gentleness and amiable nater of the Japans what will
not the divine religion of the Lord Jesus do for them? It will be
plantin' seed in good ground that will spring up a hundredfold.

I spoze that it wuz on Robert Strong's account (he is acquainted with
so many big Chinamen and Japans) that we wuz invited to a elegant
tiffen in one of the Mikado's palaces at Tokio. The grounds wuz
beautiful, the garden containing some of the most beautiful specimens
of trees, trained into all shapes, some on 'em hundreds of years old,
but havin' their faculties yet, and growin' jest as they wuz told to,
and all the beautiful flowers and shrubs that Japan can boast of, and
palm trees, bananas, giant ferns and everything else beautiful in the
way of vegetation.

The palace is one of the oldest in Tokio. It wuz only one story high,
but the rooms wuz beautiful. The fan chamber wuz fifty feet square,
the walls covered with fans of every size and shape and color. The
only furniture in this room wuz two magnificent cabinets of lacquer
work and four great, gorgeous bronze vases.

The tiffen wuz gin by a high official; there wuz fifty guests. The
hour was two in the afternoon. There wuz ten ladies present--two
beautiful Japanese ladies, dressed in the rich toilette of Japan. The
lunch cards wuz little squares of scarlet paper, with black Japanese
writing. Josiah looked at the card intently and then whispered to me:

"How be I goin' to know what I am eatin' from these duck tracks?"

But I whispered, "Le's do what the rest do, Josiah, and we'll come out
all right."

But we had a dretful scare, for right whilst we wuz partakin' of the
choice Japan viands a loud rumblin' sound wuz hearn, and I see even as
we rushed to the door the timbers of the ceilin' part and then come
together agin and the great bronze chandelier swing back and forth. My
pardner ketched hold of my hand and hurried me along on a swift run
and wouldn't stop runnin' for some time. I tried to stop him, for I
got out of breath, but he wuz bound to run right back to Yokohama,
thirty miles off. But I convinced him that we would be no safer there,
for you can't argy with earthquake shocks and tell when they're
comin', they are very common in all parts of Japan. After the first
heavy shock there wuz two lighter ones, and that ended it for that
time. But though we all went back to the table, I can't say that I
took any great comfort in the tiffen after that.

A blow has fell onto me I wuzn't prepared for. We found a number of
letters waitin' for us here at the tarven that Robert Strong had
ordered to be forwarded there. It seemed so good, whilst settin'
under a palm tree, seein' jinrikishas go by, and Chinas and Japans, to
set and read about the dear ones in Jonesville, and the old mair and

The letters wuz full of affection and cheer, and after readin' 'em I
gathered 'em up and sought my pardner to exchange letters with him, as
I wuz wont to do, and I see he had quite a few, but what was my
surprise to see that man sarahuptishushly and with a guilty look try
to conceal one on 'em under his bandanna. And any woman will know that
all his other letters wuz as dross to me compared to the one he was
hidin'. I will pass over my argyments--and--and words, before that
letter lay in my hand. But suffice it to say, that when at last I read
it and all wuz explained to me, groans and sithes riz from my burdened
heart deeper and despairener than any I had gin vent to in years and

And I may as well tell the hull story now, as I spoze my readers are
most as anxious about it as I wuz. Oh, Josiah! How could you done it?
How I do hate to tell it! Must I tell the shameful facts? Oh, Duty!
lower thy strongest apron strings and let me cling and tell and weep.
And there it had been goin' on for months and I not mistrustin' it.
But Duty, I will hold hard onto thy strings and tell the shameful

Josiah owned a old dwellin' house in the environs of Jonesville, right
acrost from Cap'n Bardeen's, who rented it of him to store things in.
The town line runs right under the house, so the sink is in Zoar, and
the cupboard always had stood in Jonesville. But owin' to Ernest
White's labors and prayers and votes, his and all other good ministers
and earnest helpers, Jonesville went no-license now jest as Loontown
did last year.

And jest as Satan always duz if he gits holt of souls that he can't
buy or skair, he will try to cheat 'em, he is so suttle. It seems that
after we got away that Cap'n Bardeen moved that cupboard over to the
other side of the room into Zoar and went to sellin' whiskey out
on't. Awful doin's! The minute I read the letter I sez:

"Josiah Allen, do you write this very minute and stop this wicked,
wicked works!" Sez I: "No knowin' how many Jonesvillians will feel
their religion a-wobblin' and tottlin' just by your example; naterally
they would look up to a deacon and emulate his example--do you stop it
to once!"

"No, Samantha," sez he, "Cap'n Bardeen and his father owns more cows
than any other Jonesvillians. If I want to be salesman agin in the
Jonesville factory I mustn't make 'em mad, and they pay a dretful high

"I wouldn't call it rent," sez I, "I'd call it blood-money. I'd run a
pirate flag up on the ruff with these words on it, 'Josiah Allen,

He wuz agitated and sez, "Oh, no, Samantha; I wouldn't do that for the
world, I am so well thought on in the M. E. meetin' house."

"Well, you won't be well thought on if you do such a thing as this!"
sez I. "Jest think how Ernest White, that good devoted minister, has
labored and prayed for the good of souls and bodies, and you tryin'
your best to overthrow it all. How could you do it, Josiah?"

"Well, I may as well tell you, Samantha, I writ to Ury and kinder left
it to him. He knows my ambitions and my biziness. He knows how handy
money is, and he fixed it all straight and right."

"Ury!" sez I, "why should you leave it to Ury? Does he keep your
conscience and clean it off when it gits black and nasty by such
doin's as this?"

"No, Samantha, I've got my conscience all right. I brought it with me
on my tower."

"Why should you leave it to Ury? He's your hired man, he would do as
you told him to," sez I. "For a Methodist deacon such acts are
demeanin' and disgustin' for a pardner and Jonesville to witness, let
alone the country." And agin I sez, "You can stop it in a minute if
you want to, and you know right from wrong, you know enough to say
yes or no without bringin' Ury into the scrape; Ury! spozein' you git
him into it, I can tell you he won't bear the brunt of it before the
bar of this country or that bar up above. You'll have to carry the
responsibility of all the evil it duz, and it will be a lastin'
disgrace to you and the hull Methodist meetin-house if you let it go

Agin he sez, "Ury fixed it all right."

"How did Ury fix it?" sez I, in the cold axents of woman's skorn and

"Well, Ury said, make Bardeen stop sellin' whiskey out of the
cupboard, make him sell it out of the chist. There is a big chist
there that Bardeen bought to keep grain in, sez Ury; let Bardeen move
that cupboard acrost the room back into Jonesville, set the chist up
on the sink in Zoar and sell it out of that. Ury said that in his
opinion that would make it all right, so that a perfessor and a
Methodist deacon could do it with a clear conscience."

Sez I, "Do you write to once, Josiah Allen, and tell Bardeen to either
stop such works, or move right out."

"Well," sez he blandly, real bland and polite, "I will consider it,
Samantha, I will give it my consideration."

"No, no, Josiah Allen, you know right from wrong, truth from
falsehood, honesty from dishonesty, you don't want to consider."

"Yes, I do, Samantha; it is so genteel when a moral question comes up
to wait and consider; it is very fashionable."

"How long do you lay out to wait, Josiah Allen?" sez I, coldly.

"Oh, it is fashionable to not give a answer till you're obleeged to,
but I will consult agin with Ury and probable along by Fall I can give
you my ultimatum."

"And whilst you are a considerin' Bardeen will go on a sellin' pizen
to destroy all the good that Ernest White, that devoted minister of
Christ, and all the good men and wimmen helpers have done and are a

"Well," sez Josiah, "I may as well tell you, you would probably hear
on't, Ernest White writ me some time ago, and sent me a long petition
signed by most all the ministers and leadin' men and wimmen, beggin'
me to stop Bardeen."

"Well, what did you tell him, Josiah Allen?"

"I told him, Samantha, I would consider it."

"And," sez I, "have you been all this time, months and months, a

"Yes, mom," sez he, in a polite, genteel tone, "I have."

"Well, do you stop considerin' to once, Josiah Allen."

"No, Samantha, a pardner can do a good deal, but she can't break up a
man's considerin'. It is very genteel and fashionable, and I shall
keep it up."

I groaned aloud; the more I thought on't, the worse I felt. Sez I, "To
think of all the evils that are a flowin' out of that place, Josiah,
and you could stop it to once if you wuz a minter."

"But," sez Josiah, "Ury sez that if it wuzn't sold there by Cap'n
Bardeen the factory folks would go over into Zoar and git worse likker
sold by low down critters."

Sez I, "You might as well say if Christians don't steal and murder, it
will be done by them of poor moral character. That is one strong
weepon to kill the evil--confine the bizness to the low and vile and
show the world that you, a Methodist and a deacon, put the bizness
right where it belongs, with murder and all wickedness, not as you are
sayin' now by your example, it is right and I will protect it."

"Well," sez Josiah, as sot as a old hen settin' on a brick bat, "it is
law; Ury has settled it."

My heart ached so that it seemed to clear my head. "We'll see," sez I,
"if it can't be changed. I'll know before a week has gone over my
head." And I got up and dragged out the hair trunk, sithin' so deep
that it wuz dretful to hear, some like the melancholy winter winds
howlin' round a Jonesville chimbly.

"What are you a goin' to do, Samantha?" sez Josiah anxiously.

"I am goin' back home," sez I, "to-morrer to see about that law."

"Alone?" sez he.

"Yes, alone," sez I, "alone."

"Never!" sez Josiah. "Never will I let my idol go from Japan to
Jonesville unprotected. If you must go and make a town's talk from
China to Jonesville I'll stand by you." And he took down his hat and

"What would you do if you went back?" sez I. "I should think you had
done enough as it is; I shall go alone."

"What! you go and leave all the pleasures of this trip and go alone?
Part from your pardner for months and months?"

"Yes," sez I wildly, "and mebby forever. It don't seem to me that I
can ever live with a man that is doin' what you are." And hot tears
dribbled down onto my sheep's-head night-caps.

"Oh, Samantha!" sez he, takin' out his bandanna and weepin' in
consort, "what is money or ambition compared to the idol of my heart?
I'll write to Ury to change the law agin."

"Dear Josiah!" sez I, "I knew, I knew you couldn't be so wicked as to
continue what you had begun. But can you do it?" sez I.

Sez he cheerfully, as he see me take out a sheep's-head night-cap and
shet down the trunk led, "What man has done, man can do. If Ury can
fix a law once, he can fix it twice. And he done it for me." Sez he,
"I can repeal it if I am a minter, and when I am a minter." And he got
up and took a sheet of paper and begun to write to repeal that law. I
gently leggo the apron-string dear Duty had lowered to me; it had
held; pure Principle had conquered agin. Oh, the relief and sweetness
of that hour! Sweet is the pink blush of roses after the cold snows of
winter; sweet is rest after a weary pilgrimage.

Calm and beautiful is the warm ambient air of repose and affection
after a matrimonial blizzard. Josiah wuz better to me than he had been
for over seven weeks, and his lovin' demeanor didn't change for the
worse for as many as five days. But the wicked wrong wuz done away

I writ a letter to Ernest White tellin' him I never knowed a word
about it till that very day, and my companion had repealed the law,
and Cap'n Bardeen had got to move out or stop sellin' whiskey. He
knows how I worship Josiah; he didn't expect that I would come out
openly and blame him; no, the bare facts wuz enough.

I ended up the letter with a post scriptum remark. Sez I: "Waitstill
Webb is sweeter lookin' than ever and as good as pure gold, jest as
she always wuz, but the climate is wearin' on her, and I believe she
will be back in Jonesville as soon as we are, if not before. She is a
lovely girl and would make a Christian minister's home in Loontown or
any other town a blessed and happy place."

I thought I wouldn't dast to do anything more than to give such a
little blind hint. But to resoom. Folks seem to have a wrong idee
about the education of the Japanese. There are twenty-eight thousand
schools in Japan, besides the private and public kindergartens.
There are over three million native students out of a school
population of seven million. There are sixty-nine thousand teachers,
all Japanese, excepting about two hundred and fifty American, German
and English. Nearly ten million dollars (Japanese) is raised annually
for educational purposes from school fees, taxes, interest on funds,
etc. They have compulsory school laws just like ours. And not a
drunken native did we see whilst in Japan, and I wish that I could
say the same of New York for the same length of time or Chicago or

And for gentle, polite, amiable manners they go as fur ahead of
Americans as the leaves of their trees duz, and I've seen leaves there
more'n ten feet long. The empire of Japan consists of three thousand
eight hundred islands, from one eight hundred milds long to them no
bigger than a tin pan, and the population is about forty-three
million. I don't spoze any nation on earth ever made faster progress
than Japan has in the last thirty years: railways, telegraph postal
system. It seems as if all Japan wanted wuz to find out the best way
of doin' things, and then she goes right ahead and duz 'em.

Robert Strong wuz talking about what the word Japan meant, the Sunrise
Land. And he said some real pretty things about it and so did Dorothy.
They wuz dretful took with the country. Robert Strong has travelled
everywhere and he told me that some portions of Japan wuz more
beautiful than any country he had ever seen. We took several short
journeys into the interior to see the home life of the people, but
Robert Strong, who seemed to be by the consent of all of us the head
of our expedition, thought that we had better not linger very long
there as there wuz so many other countries that we wanted to visit,
but 'tennyrate we decided to start for Calcutta from Hongkong,
stopping on the way at Shanghai.


We wuz a goin' to stop for a day or two at Shanghai and I wuz real
glad on't, for I felt that I must see the Empress, Si Ann, without any
more delay, and I hearn she wuz there visitin' some of her folks.

Yes, I felt the widder Hien Fong ort to hear what I had to say to her
with no further delay, I felt it wuz a duty that I owed toward the
nation and Josiah.

The voyage from Yokohama to Shanghai is very interesting, a part of it
is through the inland sea, mountains and valleys on both sides, many
islands and large and small towns all along the shores. Our hull party
kep' well and all enjoyed all the strange picturesque scenery, most as
new to us as if we wuz on another planet. Yes, I d'no as Jupiter would
look any stranger to us than the country did, or Mars or Saturn.

We wuz over a day crossin' the Yaller Sea, well named, for its water
is as yaller as the sands on its shores. I'd hate to wash white
clothes in it. And as we drew near Shanghai it wuz all alive with
Chinese junks full of men, wimmen and children. The children here on
these boats seem to be tied up with ropes, givin' 'em room to crawl
round, same as I have tied up Jonesville hens that wanted to set.

Shanghai means, "approaching the sea," and I spoze it might just as
well mean approaching from the sea, as we did. Old Shanghai is
surrounded by a wall and moat and is entered by six gates, the roads
are only ten feet wide and dirty and bad smellin', and most of its
houses are small, though there are a few very fine buildings,
according to their style, lots of little piazzas jutting out
everywhere with the ends turned up, that seems to be their taste; why
a ruff or a piazza straight acrost would have been a boon to my
Jonesville trained eyes. The houses on the principal streets are used
for shops; no winders on the first floor; they are all open in front
during the day and closed by heavy latticework at night.

The favorite carriage here is a wheelbarrow, the wheel in the centre
and a seat on each side. Josiah and I got into one, he carryin' Tommy
in his lap, but he sez with a groan:

"I never spozed that I should git down to this, Samantha, to ride in a
wheelbarrow. What would Ury say! I am glad he can't see it, or Deacon
Henzy or any of the other Jonesville brothers and sistern."

The furrin suburbs are laid out like a European city, with broad
streets, well lighted and clean. We went on the Bubbling Well Road,
named from a boiling spring a few miles out. The road is broad and
smooth as glass with beautiful villas along the way; we also passed a
great number of small burying places. They have to bury folks
according to the rules of Feng Shui. If Feng Shui should order a
burial place in a dooryard it would have to be there. It rules
buildings, customs, laws, everything. I asked a Chinaman who could
talk English what this Feng Shui wuz that they had to obey it so
strictly, and he described it as being like the wind and water: like
wind because you don't know where it come from nor when it would go or
where; and like water because you could never know how to grasp it, it
would elude you and slip away and you would have nothing in your hand
to show. Miss Meechim cried out about the enormity of such a law and
laid it to the evil doin's of furriners, but Arvilly said that it wuz
some like the laws we had in America, for we found out on inquiry that
money would most always appease this great Feng Shui and git it to
consent to most anything if it wuz paid enough, just as it did in

Josiah said he had a good mind to set up some such thing in
Jonesville when he got back, sez he, "I wouldn't name it Feng Shui
just like this, I might call it Fine Shue or sunthin' like that. And
jest see, Samantha, how handy it would be if the meetin' house went
aginst me I would jest git up and lift up my hand and say, 'Fine Shue
has decided. It will be as I say.' Or on 'lection day, if I wuzn't put
up for office, or when they elect somebody besides me, or at the
cheese factory if they put up another salesman, or on the beat, if
they wanted another pathmaster, I'd jest call on the Fine Shue and
there I'd be. Why, Samantha," sez he, gittin' carried away in his
excitement, "I could git to be President jest as easy as fallin' off a
log if I could make the Fine Shue work."

"Yes," sez I, "but that is a big if; but do you want to, Josiah, turn
back the wheels of our civilization that are creaky and jolty enough,
heaven knows, back into worse and more swampy paths than they are
runnin' in now?"

"I d'no," sez Josiah, "but it would be all right if it wuz run by a
man like me; a Methodist in full standin', and one of the most
enlightened and Christian men of the times."

But I lifted my hand in a warnin' way and sez, "Stop, Josiah Allen, to
once! such talk is imperialism, and you know I am sot like a rock
aginst that. Imperialism is as much out of place in a republic as a
angel in a glue factory."

Well, I am in hopes that ten thousand milds of travel will jolt some
idees out of his mind.

Being in Shanghai over Sunday, we attended service held by a
missionary. It wuz a beautiful service which we all enjoyed. The words
of this good Christian man in prayer and praise sounded to our ears as
sweet as the sound of waters in a desert land. Over a hundred wuz
present, and after service the pulpit wuz moved off and several wuz
baptized in water jest as they do in America.

The rich and poor seem to live side by side more than they do in our
country, and rich merchants live over their shops; mebby it is to
protect them from the Feng Shui, for if that gits on track of a rich
man a great part of his wealth is appropriated by the government; it
very often borrys their money--or what it calls borryin'.

Shanghai wuz the first place where I see men carryin' fans. When
they're not fannin' themselves they put the fan at the back of their
neck, for a ornament I guess.

Josiah made a note in his pocket diary: "Mem--To git a fan the day
after I git home, to carry it to Jonesville to meetin', to fan myself
with it on the way there before Elder Minkley and Brother Henzy.
Mem--A red and yaller one." But of this fan bizness more anon.

There are not many wimmen in the streets here. The poorer class of
Chinese let their feet grow to the natural size; it is only the
aristocracy who bind up their feet.

But my mission to the Empress wore on me. I felt that I must not delay
seekin' a augience. And, as it happened, or no, not happened--it wuz
to be--one day whilst Josiah and Arvilly and Tommy and I wuz walkin'
in a beautiful garden, the rest of the party bein' away on another
tower after pleasure and instruction, Josiah and Tommy had gone to see
the fish in a fountain a little ways off, and Arvilly wuz some
distance away, when all of a sudden I heard a bystander say in a low,
awe-struck voice, "There is the Empress."

She wuz walkin' through the garden with two ladies-in-waiting, and a
elegant carriage wuz goin' slow a little ways off, givin' her a chance
for excercise, I spoze. She wuz dressed in a long, colored silk
night-gown--or it wuz shaped like one--though they wear 'em day times,
all embroidered and glitterin' with precious stuns. She didn't have
her crown on--mebby it wuz broke and away to be fixed--but her hair
wuz combed dretful slick and stuck full of jewelled pins and stars,
etc. I knowed her by her picture, and also by my feelin's, and I sez
to myself, Now is the time for me to onburden myself of the important
mission that had been layin' so heavy on my chist. Yes, Duty's apron
strings jest drawed me right up in front of her, and I advanced,
holdin' out my hand in as friendly a way as if she had come for a
all-day's visit to me in Jonesville. Her ladies-in-waitin' kinder fell
back, and as I advanced I bowed real low--as low as I dasted to, for I
felt that I wouldn't have ketched my feet in the facin' of my dress
and fell down at that time for a dollar bill. She's smart; she
recognized my lofty sperit, and her greetin' wuz considerable cordial,
though held back by her Chinese education.

Sez I, "Empress Si Ann (I d'no but I ort to call her Sarah Ann, that's
probable her name docked off by her folks to pet her. But I thought I
wouldn't meddle with a pet name; I'd call her Si Ann)."

Sez I, "I set out from Jonesville with a important message for you,
and I've bore it over the ocean on a tower and now I lay it at your

I here paused to give her a chance to wonder what it wuz, and get some
excited, then I went on, "I felt that I must see you on my own account
and Josiah's and the nation's, and tell you not to, oh, not to lay
that Piece Conference to us. I have laid awake nights worryin' about
it, for fear you'd think that Josiah and I, bein' prominent Americans,
had jined in and wuz tryin' to cut China to pieces. But we hadn't a
thing to do with it."

I meant to keep Josiah in the background, knowin' the Chinese aversion
to mix up the sects in company, but he'd come back and he had to put
in his oar here and sez he, "No, they couldn't git me to jine 'em. I
wuz down with a crick at the time and Samantha had to nuss me. We had
our hands full and we couldn't have jined 'em anyway," he sez.

I wunk at him and stepped on his toe, but nothin' could stop him, and
he went on, "I wouldn't have jined 'em anyway, Miss Hein Fong, I
wouldn't treat a neighbor so."

"Neighbor?" sez she wonderin'ly.

"Yes," sez he, "you know our land jines on the under side. China
jines my paster in the middle, though owin' to the way our land lays
we can't neighbor much, and," sez he, "you're enough sight better
neighbors than some I've got, your folks are old settlers and have
always tended to their own bizness and kep' their cattle and hens to
hum, which is more than I can say for all the neighbors whose land
jines mine."

But I could see that the ladies-in-waitin' wuz oneasy at havin' a man
talkin' to 'em so free and I kinder advanced in front of him and sez:

"Josiah and I wuz dretful tickled with the idee at first when we
spozed that conference meant real p-e-a-c-e and tryin' to bring the
most beautiful gift of God and joy of heaven nigher to earth. Why, it
jest riz us right up, we felt so highly tickled with it. But when we
see 'em begin to spell it p-i-e-c-e, and quarrel over the pieces, why,
then we turned right agin 'em. Why, good land! even if it wuz right,
Josiah has got all the land he wants to work and more too, and as I
tell him, what is the use of him or the nation havin' a great lot of
land to stand idle and pay taxes on, and keep a gang of hired men to
watch. Men and nations can git land poor, I believe."

I see she liked what I said about the Peace Commission, but I wuz
afraid she didn't git my idee jest right, so I sez, "I believe in the
first on't the Zar's idee come right down from heaven, filtered into
his comprehension mebby through a woman's apprehension. But you know
how it is, Si Ann, in the berry lot now if there are bushes hangin'
full of big ones jest over the fence and somebody else is gittin' 'em
all, you kinder want to jine in and git some on 'em yourself, though
you may be a perfesser and singin' a Sam tune at the time, specially
if the fence is broke down that separates you. I can see how it wuz
with that Piece Commission and make allowances for 'em, but we didn't
have a thing to do with it and we don't want any of the pieces." My
axent carried conviction with it; I see she looked relieved. She
didn't say it right out, but I felt that we hadn't fell in her
estimation, and I went on:

"And I don't want you to blame Uncle Sam either, Si Ann. I believe he
will help you all he can, help you in the right way, too; help you to
help yourselves. But your folks have got to brace up and do their
part; Uncle Sam will neighbor with you if you give him a chance. He's
real good-hearted, though bein' so easy and good-natered, he is
deceived lots of times and influenced and led around by them that want
to make money out of him, such as the trusts and the liquor power. But
he stands ready to neighbor with you, and don't turn your back on him,
Si Ann. Don't do anything to get him huffy, for though he hain't quick
to git mad, he's got a temper when it's rousted up."

She said sunthin' about Uncle Sam turnin' her folks out and not
lettin' 'em step their feet on our sile. I couldn't deny it, and it
kinder danted me for a minute how I wuz goin' to smooth that over, but
concluded that as in every other emergency in life, the plain truth
wuz the best, and I sez in a real amiable voice:

"Si Ann, there is two sides to that jest as there is to every national
and neighborhood quarrel. Uncle Sam hain't liked the way your folks
have acted with him, and though I dare presoom to say he's some to
blame, yet I can see where your folks have missed it. They would flock
right over to our place, crowdin' our own folks out of house and home,
and expect Uncle Sam to protect 'em, and then they would jest rake and
scrape all they could offen us and go home to spend their money;
wouldn't even leave one of their bones in our ground. They didn't want
to become citizens of the United States, they seemed to kinder want to
set down and stand up at the same time, which hain't reasonable if it
is done by an American or a Chinee."

She said sunthin' about the masses of other foreigners that Uncle Sam
allowed to crowd into our country.

"Well," sez I, "they're willin' to become citizens, the German and
English and Irish and Russian and Italian babies grow up Americans.
But it wuzn't so with your folks, Si Ann. From the children's little
pig-tails down to their little wooden shues they wuz clear China,
soaked in, dyed in the wool, born so, and as long as their bones hung
together and afterwards, clear China. They kep' themselves jest as fur
from American institutions and beliefs as ile stays away from water
and wouldn't mix any more. Their bodies stayed on our shores whilst
they could make money out of us. But their souls and minds wuz jest as
fur removed from our institutions and constitutions as if they wuz
settin' in Jupiter with their legs hangin' off. It wuz galdin' to
Uncle Sam and finally he had to stop it. But he didn't do it out of
meanness. He jest had to, for of course you know your own folks come

And thinkin' mebby I'd been too hash describin' her folks I went on,
"I spoze mebby that high stun wall of yourn has kinder stiffened and
hardened the nature of your folks and made it harder for 'em to
change. But you're on the right track now, Si Ann, you have begun to
break down that big wall, you've begun to be more neighborly. And
don't you ever crouch down and hide behind that great stun wall agin;
you jest keep right on bein' neighborly and Uncle Sam will help you."

Si Ann looked real good and as if she took every word I said in good
part; bein' naterally so smart she would recognize the onselfishness
and nobility of my mission, but I see that there wuz a real pert look
on one of the ladies' faces as she said sunthin' to one of the other
ones, and I mistrusted that they didn't like what I had said about
that wall of theirn, and I went on to say to Si Ann:

"Of course you may say that a nation or a woman has a right to do as
they've a mind to, but common sense must be used if you are goin' to
enjoy yourself much in this world. Now, we had a neighbor in
Jonesville that sot out in married life determined not to borrow or
lend, dretful exclusive, jest built a high wall of separation round
herself and family. But after tryin' it for a year or so she wuz glad
to give it up, and many is the cup of tea and sugar I've lent her
since, and she borries and lends her washtub now or biler, or settin'
hens, or anythin'. And she sez that she and her family takes as much
agin' comfort now and are doin' as well agin', for of course the
neighbors didn't set so much store by 'em as they did when their ports
wuz open, as you may say, and they wuz more neighborly."

I could see by Si Ann's face that she not only enjoyed all I said, but
believed a good share on't, and bein' such a case for justice, I felt
that I ort to let her know I realized our own nation's short-comin's,
as well as hern. Sez I, "I hain't got a word to say to you, Si Ann,
about the different castes in your country, when the wimmen in my own
land build up a wall between themselves and their kitchen helpers
higher than the highest peak of your stun wall and harder to git over,
and I don't want to say a word about your folks bindin' down their
children's feet to make 'em small as long as our own females pinch
down their waists till they're in perfect agony and ten times as bad
as to pinch their feet, for the life, the vital organs don't lay in
the feet, or hain't spozed to, and so it don't hurt 'em half so much
to be tortured. And as long as they drag round yards of silk and
velvet through the streets to rake up filth and disease to carry home
and endanger their own lives and their families; no, as long as our
females do all this I hain't nothin' to say about your dress and
customs here, nor I hain't a goin' to cast reflections agin you about
your men wearin' night gowns and braidin' their hair down their backs.
Good land, Si Ann! you and I know what men be. We are married wimmen
and seen trouble. You couldn't stop 'em if you tried to. If Josiah
Allen took it into his head to braid his hair down his back, I should
have to let it go on unless I broke it up sarahuptishly by cuttin' it
off when he wuz asleep, but thank fortin' he hain't got enough so that
the braid would be bigger than a pipe stale anyway if he should let it
grow out, and he is so dressy he wouldn't like that. But I've tried to
break up his wearin' such gay neckties for years and years, and if he
should go out and buy one to-day it would most likely be red and

[Illustration: I withdrawed him, bowin' very low and smilin' at
her.--Page 219.]

I felt that China hadn't been used exactly right; I knowed it. Younger
nations--new-comers, as you may say--had made light on her and abused
her, usin' the very type the Chinese had invented to say they didn't
know anything and usin' the gunpowder they had invented to blow 'em up
with. I had felt that the Powers hadn't treated 'em well, and I had
made up my mind some time ago that when I see the Powers I should tell
'em what I thought on't. Then there wuz the opium trade--a burnin'
shame! I wanted to sympathize with her about that, but thought mebby
it wuz best to not harrer up her feelin's any more, so I sez in a real
polite way:

"I have nothin' further to say now, Si Ann, only to bid you adoo and
to tell you that if you ever come to Jonesville be sure and come and
see me; I'll be proud and happy to have you."

Here Josiah had to put in his note: "Good-by, Widder!" sez he. If I
had had time I would have tutored him; he spoke just as he would to
widder Gowdey. I wanted him to act more courtly and formal, but it wuz
too late, it wuz spoke. "Good-by, Widder; we'll have to be a-goin'.
We've had quite a spell of weather, but it looks some like rain now,
and I have a important engagement to-night, and we'll have to be
gittin' hum."

But I gently withdrawed him, bowin' very low myself and lookin'
dretful smilin' at her.

Like all great monarchs, she wanted to make her visitors a present,
and she proposed to send us several drawin's of tea of the kind she
used, and a little hunk of opium, though, as I told her, I should
never use it in the world only to smoke in a pipe for the toothache;
and she also proposed to send us a china sugar-bowl and a piece of
the Chinee wall, which last I told her I should value high as a sign
that the old things wuz passin' away and better days comin'.

And then I made some more real low bows and Josiah did, bein' wunk at
by me, and we withdrawed ourselves from the Presence. But Josiah,
always overdoin' things, takin' out his bandanna and a-wavin' it
towards her as he bowed most to the ground. But what wuz my surprise
as we walked away kinder backward, Josiah mutterin' to me that he
should fall flat if he backed off much furder! What wuz my horrow to
see Arvilly advance with a copy of her books and present 'em to the
Empress. One of the ladies-in-waiting, who seemed to talk English
quite considerable, looked at the books and read their titles to her
Majesty, who immediately signified her desire to purchase 'em, and
before she left the group Arvilly had sold three copies of the "Twin
Crimes" and two of the "Wild and Warlike."

Poor Empress! Poor Si Ann! Well might she treasure the last-named
book, "The Wild, Wicked and Warlike Deeds of Men." Poor thing! I am
afraid she will see plenty of it herself. Them Powers, sometimes, when
they git to goin', act like the Old Harry.


The engagement my pardner had spoke on wuz to meet a Chinaman that wuz
comin' to see Robert Strong that evenin'. Robert had met him in
California, and Josiah seemed dretful anxious to git home so as to
dress up for his reception. And I sez, "There is time enough; I
shouldn't think it would take you more than two hours to wash your
hands and change your neck-tie."

"Well," sez he, in a evasive way, "I--I don't want to be scrimped for

So, as Tommy and I wanted to stop along on the way, he left us and
went home. Robert had told us a good deal about this man, Mr.
Hi-wal-hum; about his wealth and high official standing, and Josiah
had been talkin' more or less about him all day; he looked forrered to
it. He had said to me: "Samantha, this man is a Potentate, and it
stands us in hand to be polite always to Potentates."

Well, I couldn't dispute him nor didn't want to. When we arriv home I
thought I would have jest about time to go to my room and wash my face
and hands and put on a clean collar and cuffs and change Tommy's
clothes. Tommy went on a little ahead of me, and I see him bend down
and stretch his little neck forrered and look through the door as if
he wuz agast at some sight. And as I come up he put his little fingers
on his lips, as I spoze he'd seen me do, and whispered: "Keep still,
Grandma; I don't know what Grandpa is doin'."

I looked over his shoulder and thought to myself I should think as
much, I should think he wouldn't know. There stood Josiah Allen before
the glass and of all the sights I ever see his dress went ahead. He
had got on a red woolen underskirt and his dressin' gown over it
kinder floated back from it, and he had took out of my trunk a switch
of hair that Tirzah Ann had put in, thinkin' mebby I would want to
dress my head different in foreign countries; I hadn't wore it at all,
and it wuz clear in the bottom of my trunk, but he had got at it
somehow and had fastened it onto his head, and it hung down his back
and ended with a big broad, red ribbin bow; it was one of Tommy's
neck-ties. And he'd got all my jewelry--every mite on't--and had
fastened it onto him on different places, and all of Tommy's ribbins
to tie his collar with, wuz made into bows and pinned onto him, and my
C. E. badge and W. C. T. U. bow of white ribbin, and he had got my big
palm leaf fan and had tied a big, red bow on't, and he wuz standin'
before the glass fannin' himself and cranin' his neck one way and
tother to see how he looked and admire himself, I spoze. And anon he
tried to put the fan over his right ear. The idee! a palm leaf fan
that wouldn't shet. And he spoke out to himself:

"No, I can't do that, but I can be fannin' myself, all the time
fannin' and bowin'." And then he stepped forrerd towards the glass and
made a bow so low that his switch flopped over and ketched on the
rocker of a chair and he couldn't move either way without jerkin' his
braid off.

"Goodness gracious!" I hearn him say, "I never yet tried to be genteel
without its being broke up some way," and he gin a jerk and left his
switch on the floor. He took it up tenderly and smoothed it out and
wuz tryin' to attach it to his head agin. It wuz fastened on by a red
ribbin comin' up over his head and tied on top. But at that minute he
ketched sight of me and he looked some meachin', but he begun
immegiately pourin' our profuse reasons for his costoom and manners.

Sez he, "You know, Robert wants us to meet that high official, and I
felt that it would help our relations with China if I should dress up
China fashion."

Sez I, "It will help one of your relations if you'll take off that
red petticoat of hern, and ribbins and cameos and badges and things."

Sez he, "I am doin' this for political reasons, Samantha, and can't be
hampered by domestic reasons and ignorance." And he kep' on tyin' the
bow on his foretop.

Sez I, "For the sake of your children and grandchildren won't you
desist and not put 'em to shame and make a laughin' stock of yourself
before Miss Meechim and Arvilly and all the rest?"

"I shall do my duty, Samantha," sez he, and he pulled out the ribbin
of the bow, so that it sot out some like a turban over his forward.
"Of course I look very dressy and pretty in this costoom, but that is
not my reason for wearin' it; you and Arvilly are always talking about
political men who don't come up to the mark and do their duty by their
constituents. I am a very influential man, Samantha, and there is no
tellin' how much good I shall do my country this day, and the sneers
of the multitude shall not deter me."

Sez I, almost fearfully, "Think of the meetin' house, Josiah, where
you're a deacon and looked up to; what will they say to hear of this,
passin' yourself off for a Chinaman; dressin' up in petticoats and red

Sez he, cranin' his neck round to see the bow hangin' down his back,
"Our old forefathers went through worse trials than this when they eat
their cartridge boxes and friz themselves at Valley Forge," and he
fingered some of them bows and ornaments on his breast agin with a
vain, conceited smirk of satisfaction. I wuz at my wits' end; I
glanced at the door; there wuz no lock on it; what should I do?
Religion and common sense wouldn't move him, and as for my sharpest
weepon--good vittles--here I wuz hampered, I couldn't cook 'em for
him, what could I do?

Sez he agin, "I only do this for patriotism; I sacrifice myself on the
altar of my country," and he fanned himself gracefully, lookin'
sarahuptishly into the glass.

"Well," sez I, growin' calm as I thought of a forlorn hope, "mebby it
is best, Josiah, and I hain't a-goin' to be outdone by you in
patriotism. I too will sacrifice myself." And I proceeded to comb my
hair with a firm look on my face. He looked alarmed.

"What do you mean, Samantha?" sez he.

"I won't let you go ahead of me in sacrificing yourself, Josiah. No, I
will go fur ahead of what you or anybody else would do; it will most
probable kill me, but I shall not falter."

"What is it, Samantha?" sez he, droppin' the fan and approachin' me
with agitated mean. "What are you goin' to do? If it is to throw
yourself in front of any idol and perish, I will save you if I shed
the last drop of blood in my system!"

"Yes," sez I, "you could do great bizness in savin' me, togged out as
you are, made helpless by your own folly; but," sez I, in a holler,
awful axent, "it hain't that, Josiah; it is fur worse than losin' my
life; that wouldn't be nothin' in comparison."

He looked white as a piller case. Sez he: "Tell me to once what you
lay out to do."

"Well," sez I, "if you must know, I spoze that it might help our
relations with China if I should part with you and wed a China
potentate. It would kill me and be bad for the potentate, but if your
country's welfare is at stake, if it would help our relations I----"

"Let the relations go to Jericho, Samantha! every one on 'em, and the
Potentates! every one on 'em!" and he kicked off them robes quicker
than I can tell the tale.

Sez I, "Josiah, you needn't tear every rag you've got on; take 'em off
quietly." He'd put 'em on over his own clothes. He obeyed me
implicitly, and sez he anxiously, as he laid 'em all on the bed:

"You've gin up the idee, hain't you, Samantha?"

Sez I, "I have for the present, Josiah, I wuz only doin' it to
emulate your sacrifice; if you don't sacrifice yourself any further, I

He hadn't been so good to me for sometime as he wuz for the rest of
that day. I only done it to stop his display, and my conscience hain't
been quite at rest ever sence about it, but then a woman has to work
headwork to keep her pardner within bounds. I wuzn't goin' to have him
make a fool of himself before Arvilly and Miss Meechim. Arvilly would
never let him hearn the end on't nor me nuther.

Well, we met the potentate in our own clothes and he met us in his own
clothes, jest as he and we had a right to. He wuz a real sensible man,
so Robert Strong said, and he understood a good deal of his talk and
ort to know.

Well, from Shanghai we sailed for Hongkong and then embarked for Point
de Galle on the island of Ceylon, expectin' to stop on the way at
Saigon in Cochin-China and Singapore.

It wuz dretful windy and onpleasant at first. It is much pleasanter to
read about a monsoon in Jonesville with your feet on a base burner
than to experience one on a steamer. Everything swayed and tipped and
swung, that could, even to our stomachs. We only made a short stop at
Saigon--a hotter place I wuz never in. I thought of the oven in our
kitchen range and felt that if Philury wuz bakin' bread and meat and
beans and got into the oven to turn 'em, she knew a little about the
climate we wuz enjoying.

As we ascended the river our ship got a little too near the shore and
kinder run its prow into a jungle where the monkeys hung from the
tree-tops and made fun of us, I spoze, mad at our invadin' their
domain and wanted us to pay, 'tennyrate the muskeeters sent in their
bills, sharp ones. Saigon is a pretty place set in its tropical
scenery; it has eighty or ninety thousand inhabitants and belongs to
France. The natives are small and slower than time in the primer.

Singapore is an island in the straits of Malacca and is twenty-four
milds long and fourteen wide; it is a British province ruled by
native princes under the Queen. Here the days and nights are of equal
length and it rains about every day; it has a mixed population,
Chinamen, Malays, Europeans and a few Americans, mebby a hundred
thousand in all.

We didn't stay long here, but rode out in what they called a Jherry
lookin' like a dry goods box drawed by a couple of ponies.

Josiah sez to me, "I am glad that the Malay coolers wear a little more
than the Japans." And the coolies here did wear besides their red loin
cloth a narrer strip of white cotton cloth hangin' over their left
shoulders. Our hotel wuz a very comfortable one; it consisted of
several buildin's two stories high connected by covered halls; it wuz
surrounded by handsome trees and beautiful ornamental shrubbery and

The wide verandas wuz very pleasant, with their bamboo chairs and
couches and little tables where you could have tea served. Birds of
the most beautiful plumage soared and sung in the trees, and
butterflies that looked like flowers on wings fluttered about. You
can't tell men from wimmen by their clothes. They all wear earrings
and bracelets and nose-rings. Josiah sez to me:

"I have always said, Samantha, that men didn't dress gay enough; a few
bracelets and breastpins and earrings would add to a man's looks
dretfully, and I mean to set the fashion in Jonesville. It would take
ten years offen my age. Jest see how proud the men walk; they feel
that they're dressed up; it gives 'em a lofty look."

The men did seem to have a different gait from the females; the wimmen
looked more meek and meachin. We didn't stay long in Saigon, but we
visited the Whampoo garders and found that they were perfectly
beautiful, made by Mr. Whampoo, a rich Chinaman. There wuz fifty acres
under most perfect cultivation. Here the Chinese fad of dwarfing and
training trees wuz carried to perfection; there wuz trees trained
into all sorts of shapes. One wuz a covered carriage about three feet
high, with a horse, all tree, but natural as life; and then there wuz
pagodas and men and wimmen and animals and birds all growin' and
havin' to be trimmed by the patient Chinese gardener. The tree they
can use best is a evergreen with a little leaf and a white flower not
much bigger than the head of a pin. But there wuz not only every
tropical tree you could think on, palm, cocoanut, nutmeg, cinnamon,
tea, coffee, and clove bush, but trees and plants from every part of
the world, some from America.

Here wuz a Victoria lily in its full beauty, the dark green leaves
edged with brown and red, as big round as our washtub, and turned up
on the edges about two inches. Each plant has one leaf and one flower.
And we see the most lovely orchids here; Dorothy thought them the most
beautiful of all. Well, in a day or two we sot out for Ceylon's isle.

As we drew nigh to Ceylon I sez to Josiah: "Did you ever expect,
Josiah Allen, to feel

    "'The balmy breezes
      That blow from Ceylon's Isle
    Where every prospect pleases,
      And only man is vile?'"

And he sez, holdin' on his hat, "I shouldn't call these breezes very
bammy, and you no need to lay such a powerful stress on _man_,
Samantha, that term, man, means wimmen too in this case."

"Yes," sez Arvilly, who wuz standin' nigh, "that term, man, always
includes wimmen when there is any blame or penalty attached, but when
it sez 'Man is born free and equal,' it means men alone."

"Yes," sez Josiah, smilin' real pleasant, "you've happened to hit it
jest right, Arvilly."

"Well," sez I, "do look and enjoy the beauty that is spread out right
before you." Our good ship made its way into the harbor of Colombo,
through a multitude of boats with men of every color and size at their
oars and all gesticulating and jabbering in axents as strange to us as
Jupiter talk would be. Some of the boats wuz queer lookin'; they are
called dugouts, and have outriggers for the crew to set on. They carry
fruit and provision to the steamers in the bay, and take passengers to
and fro.

Bein' took by one to terry firmy, we soon made our way through the
chatterin' strange lookin' crowd of every color and costoom to a
tarven where we obtained food and needed rest, and the next mornin' we
sallied out some as we would if we had jest landed on the shores of
another planet to explore a new world.

We walked through the streets by big gardens that seemed jest ablaze
with color and swoonin' with perfume. The low white houses wuz banked
up with drifts of blossom and verdure as the Jonesville houses wuz
with snow drifts on a winter day. Sweet voiced birds in gayest plumage
swung and soared aloft instead of the ice-suckles that hung from the
eaves of Jonesville houses. And instead of Ury clad in a buffalo coat
and striped wool mittens walking with icy whiskers and frost-bitten
ears to break the ice in the creek, wuz the gay crowd of men, wimmen
and children dressed in all the rich colors of the rainbow, if they
wuz dressed at all. Solid purple, yellow, green, burnin' colors
palpitating with light and cheer under the warm breezes and glowin'

Sometimes the children wuz in jest the state that Adam and Eve wuz
when they wuz finished off and pronounced good. Sometimes a string and
a red rag comprised their toilette, but they all seemed a part of the
strange picture, the queer, mysterious, onknown Orient. The gorgeous
colorin' of the men's apparel struck Josiah to the heart agin; he
vowed that he would show Jonesville the way for men to dress if he
ever got home agin. Sez he, "I will show Deacon Henzy and Uncle Sime
Bentley that a man can wear sunthin' besides that everlastin' black or
gray." Sez he:

"I can dress gay with small expense; I can take one of your white
woolen sheets and color it with diamond dye a bright red or a green or
yeller at a outlay of ten cents per sheet, and one of my bandannas
will make a crackin' good turban. Let me walk into the Jonesville
meetin' house with that gorgeous drapery wropped round me, why I
should be the lion of the day."

"Yes," sez I, "you would break up the congregation as quick as a real
lion would."

"Well, I'll tell you, Samantha, there is beauty in such a costoom that
our sombry coats and pantaloons and vests can't come nigh to."

I spoze Ceylon is the most beautiful place in the world, such glow and
richness of color, such aboundin' life in the verdure, in the animal
and vegetable kingdom. No wonder so many think it wuz the original
Garden of Eden; no shovelin' snow for Adam or bankin' up fruits and
vegetables for winter's use. No, he could step out barefoot in the
warm velvety grass in December, and pick oranges and gather sweet
potatoes and cucumbers, and strawberries if Eve took it into her head
she wanted a shortcake pie. And little Cain could cut up cane
literally, and every way, in January, and Abel pile flowers and fruit
on his altar all the year round. But I wonder which of their
descendants built these immense magnificent cities layin' fur below
forests and billows of turf and flowers.

I wonder how they looked and what language they spoke and what their
politics wuz. Arvilly thought they must have been temperance folks.
Sez she, "Any city that has reservoirs twenty milds long believed in
drinkin' water." We had took a tower to see one of them dug up cities,
and sure enough the water reservoir wuz twenty milds long; jest think
from that what the size of the hull city must have been, when their
waterin' trough, as you may say, wuz as long as America's biggest
city. Stately stairways, up which twenty carriages big as our democrat
could pass side by side if horses could climb stairs.

A row of tall pillers, ten milds in length, line the roads to some of
them cities, and I sez:

"Oh, good land! How I wish I could be a mouse in the wall and see who
and what passed over them roads, and why, and when, and where."

And Josiah sez, "Why don't you say you wish you wuz a elephant and
could look on? your simely would seem sounder."

And I sez, "Mebby so, for hull rows of carved marble elephants stand
along them broad roads; I guess they worshipped 'em."

And he sez, "I wuz alludin' to size."

Robert Strong looked ruther sad as we looked on them ruins buried so
deep by the shovel of time. But I sez to him in a low voice:

"There is no danger of the city you're a-rarin' up ever bein' engulfed
and lost, for justice and mercy and love shine jest as bright to-day
as when the earth was called out of chaos. Love is eternal, immortal,
and though worlds reel and skies fall, what is immortal cannot

He looked real grateful at me; he sets store by me.

Everywhere, as you walk through the streets, you are importuned to buy
sunthin'; some of the finest jewels in the world are bought here. The
merchants are dretful polite, bowin' and smilin', their hair combed
back slick and fastened up with shell combs. They wear white, short
pantaloons and long frocks of colored silk, open in front over a red
waistcoat; sometimes they are bare-footed with rings on their toes;
they wear rings in their nose and sometimes two on each ear, at the
top and bottom.

Josiah studied their costoom with happy interest, but a deep shade of
anxiety darkened his mean as they would spread out their wares before
me, and he sez with a axent of tender interest:

"If you knew, Samantha, how much more beautiful you looked to me in
your cameo pin you would never think of appearin' in diamonds and

I sez, "I guess I won't buy any nose-rings, Josiah, my nose is pretty
big anyway."

"Yes," he interrupted me eagerly, "they wouldn't be becomin',
Samantha, and be in the way eatin' sweet corn on the ear and such."

There are lots of men carryin' round serpents, and I sez to Josiah,
"Who under the sun would want to buy a snake unless they wuz crazy?"

"Yes," said Josiah, "Eve made a big mistake listenin' to that serpent;
there probable wuzn't but one then, and that's the way they have jest
overrun the garden, her payin' attention and listenin' to it. Females
can't seem to look ahead."

And I sez, "Why didn't Adam do as you always do, Josiah, ketch up a
stick and put an end to it?" I always holler to Josiah if I see a
snake and he makes way with it.

But such talk is onprofitable. But Josiah hadn't a doubt but this was
the Garden of Eden and talked fluent about it.

One odd thing here in Ceylon is that foxes have wings and can fly.
Josiah wanted to get one the worse way; he said that he would
willin'ly carry it home in his arms for the sake of havin' it fly
round over Jonesville, and sez he, "They are so smart, Samantha, they
will git drunk jest as naterally as men do, they would feel to home in
America." And they say they do steal palm wine out of bowls set to
ketch it by the natives and are found under the trees too drunk to git
home, not havin' wives or children willin' to lead 'em home, I spoze,
or accomidatin' policemen.

But I sez, "Don't you try to git the animals in America to drinkin',
Josiah Allen." Sez I, "I should be mortified to death to see the old
mair or Snip staggerin' round as men do, lookin' maudlin and silly; I
should despise the idee of lowerin' the animals down to that state."

"Well, well, I don't spoze I can git one of these foxes anyway, though
I might," sez he dreamily, "git one real drunk and carry it." But I
guess he'll gin it up.

The jungles all round us wuz, I spoze, filled with wild animals.
Elephants, tigers and serpents, big and little, besides monkeys and
more harmless ones. The snake charmers did dretful strange things with
'em, but I didn't look on. I always said that if snakes would let me
alone, I would let them alone. But they brought all sorts of things to
sell: embroideries of all kinds, carved ivory, tortoise shell and all
kinds of jewels. Paris and London gits some of their finest jewels

Men and wimmen are all bejewelled from head to foot, children up to
ten years of age are almost always naked, but wearin' bracelets,
anklets and silver belts round their little brown bodies, sometimes
with bells attached. Some of the poorer natives chew beetle nuts which
make their teeth look some like an old tobacco chewer's. They eat in
common out of a large bowl and I spoze they don't use napkins or
finger bowls. But unlike the poor in our frozen winter cities, as
Arvilly said, there is little danger of their starving; warm they will
be from year's end to year's end, and the bread tree and cocoanut palm
supply food, and the traveller's palm supplies a cool, delicious
drink. There is one palm tree here--the talipot--that blooms when
about forty years old with a loud noise and immegiately dies. Arvilly
said that they made her think of some political candidates.

Dorothy and Robert Strong and Miss Meechim wanted to go to Kandy, the
capital of Ceylon, only seventy milds away, to see the tooth of
Boodha. Miss Meechim said she wanted to weep over it. She is kinder
romantic in spots, and Josiah hearn her and said, soty vosey, to me,
"You won't ketch me weepin' over any tooth unless it is achin' like
the Old Harry."

But I kinder wanted to see the tooth. I had hearn Thomas J. read a
good deal about Prince Siddartha, Lord Buddha, and how he wuz "right
gentle, though so wise, princely of mean, yet softly mannered, modest,
deferent and tender hearted, though of fearless blood," and how he
renounced throne and wealth and love for his people, to "seek
deliverance and the unknown light."

I had always pictured him as looking more beautiful than any other
mortal man, but of this more anon.

Josiah and Arvilly concluded to go too; it wuz only a four hours'
ride. We passed coffee plantations, immense gardens and forests full
of ebony trees, the strange banion tree that seems to walk off all
round itself and plant its great feet solidly in the earth, and then
step off agin, makin' a hull forest of itself, and satin wood trees,
and India rubber, bamboo, balsam, bread fruit, pepper and cinchony or
quinine bushes, tea and rice plantations. Our road led up the mountain
side and anon the city of Kandy could be seen sot down in a sort of a
valley on the mountain. We had our dinner at the Queen's Hotel, and
from there sallied out to see the sights. Not fur from the hotel wuz a
artificial lake three milds round, built by some king. His very name
is forgotten, whilst the water of this little lake he dug out splashes
up on the shore jest as fresh as ever. All round the lake is a
beautiful driveway, where all sorts of vehicles wuz seen. Big
barouches full of English people, down to a little two-wheeled cart
drawed by one ox. Crowds of people, jewels, bright color, anon a poor
woman carrying her baby astride her hip, men, wimmen, children, a
brilliant, movin' panorama.

The tooth of Buddha is kep' in a temple called Maligawa, or Temple of
the Tooth, and I laid out to have a considerable number of emotions as
I stood before it. But imagine a tooth bigger than a hull tooth brush!
What kind of a mouth must Lord Buddha have had if that wuz a sample of
his teeth? Why, his mouth, at the least calculation, must have been as
big as a ten-quart pan! Where wuz the beauty and charm of that
countenance--that mouth that had spoke such wise words?

I don't believe it wuz his tooth. I hain't no idee it wuz. No human
bein' ever had a mouth big enough to hold thirty odd monsters like
that, let alone this noble prince, "with godlike face and eyes
enwrapped, lost in care for them he knew not, save as fellow lives."
There is a mistake somewhere. There wuz lots of natives round
worshippin' it. But I felt that if Prince Siddartha could speak out of
Nirvana he would say:

"Don't worship that tooth, Josiah Allen's wife; it hain't mine
nor never wuz; but worship the principles of love and compassion
and self-sacrifice I tried to teach to my people." And almost
instinctively I sez, "I will, Prince Siddartha, I will."

And Josiah sez: "What say, Samantha?" And I sez:

"Let's go out, Josiah, and see the sacred tree, Bo, that they

"I'll go," sez Josiah, "but you won't git me to worship no tree, I can
tell you that. I've cleared off too many acres and chopped and sawed
too much cord wood to worship a tree."

"Did I ask you to, Josiah?" sez I. "It would break my heart to see you
bend your knee to any idol. But this is the oldest tree in the world;
it is over two thousand years old."

"Wall, it ort to be cut down, Samantha, if it is that age; it is
seasoned and would make crackin' good lumber."

Oh, how oncongenial Josiah Allen is by spells; he seemed to be quite a
distance off from me as he made them remarks. But Robert Strong and
Dorothy shared my feelin's of reverence for a tree whose mighty
branches might have shaded the head of our Lord and whose leaves might
have rustled with the wind that swept the brow of Napoleon and Cæsar
and Pharo for all I knew. There wuz some natives burnin' camphor
flowers before it and some on 'em had hung up little lamps in its
branches. They say that one hundred thousand pilgrims visit it each
year. Well, we driv round some, seein' all the strange, picturesque
sights; past tea plantations and a tea factory, the botanical gardens
where we driv milds through its beautiful tree shaded avenoos; there
are twenty-five thousand kinds of plants here in this garden; some say
it is the finest collection in the world. And we driv past some of the
native dwellings, and some beautiful villas where Europeans live
durin' the warm season, past the library, a beautiful building
standing on pillars on the shores of the lake, and by the Governor's
palace, handsome enough for any king and queen, and we got back to
Colombo middlin' late and tired out. But as tired as Josiah wuz he
talked considerable to me about "Bud," as familiar as if he wuz well
acquainted with him, but I sez, "You mean B-u-d-d-h, Josiah." But I
thought to myself as the Chinese have five thousand different names
for him one more wouldn't neither make nor break him.

Well, the next day we embarked for Calcutta. Our steamer stopped two
milds off from Madras. The wind was so high we couldn't get any
nearer. None of our party went ashore but Robert Strong. He wuz tied
into an arm-chair and swung off by ropes down into a little boat that
wuz dashin' up and down fur below.

I wouldn't done it fur a dollar bill. The surf boats are deep, made of
bark and bamboo, shaped some like our Indian canoes. But no matter how
much the winds blew or the boats rocked, lots of native peddlers come
aboard to sell jewelry, fans, dress stuffs; and snake charmers come,
and fakirs, doin' their strange tricks, that I d'no how they do, nor
Josiah don't.

Madras has more than half a million inhabitants, and it looked well
from the steamer: handsome villas, beautiful tropical trees, and hull
forests of cactus ablaze with their gorgeous blossoms. It bein' Sunday
whilst on our way from Madras to Calcutta the captain read service,
and afterwards made his Sunday inspection of the crew. The sailors
and cooks wuz Hindus, the stewards English and Scotch. The crew had on
short white trousers, long white jackets and white caps, all on 'em
wuz barefooted.

We sailed acrost the Bay of Bengal, where I spoze Bengal tigers wuz
hidin' in the adjacent jungles, though we didn't meet any and didn't
want to. And so on to the Hoogly River; one of the mouths of the
Ganges, and on to Calcutta.

Calcutta is over four thousand milds from Hongkong. And oh, my heart!
how fur! how fur from Jonesville. Most fourteen thousand milds from
our own vine and apple trees and the children. It made my head turn
round so that I tried to furgit it.


As we approached Calcutta we seemed to be travellin' through big
gardens more beautiful than our own country can boast of; rich,
strange, tropical trees and shrubs and flowers grew luxuriant around
the pleasant villas. The English district with its white two-story
houses made me think some of an American village. We went to the Great
Eastern Hotel, right opposite the gardens of the Viceroy's palace.

We had pleasant rooms that would have been pretty hot, but great fans
are swung up in our room and the hired help swing 'em by a rope that
goes out into the hall. It beats all how much help there is here, the
halls seemed full on 'em, but what would our hired help say if we made
'em dress like these Hindus? They wear short pantaloons that don't
come down to their knees and then they wind a long strip of white
cloth round their thighs and fasten it round their waist, leavin'
their right shoulder and arm bare naked. An American family of four
livin' in Calcutta have thirty servants, ten of 'em pullin' at these
punkeys or fans. They don't eat in the house of their employer; but in
a cabin outside.

There is a long, beautiful street called The Strand, shaded by banyan
and palm trees; on one side on't is the park so lovely that it is
called the Garden of Eden, full of beautiful trees, shrubs and
flowers, pagodas, little temples and shrines. Josiah and I and Tommy
went there in the evenin' and hearn beautiful music. Josiah wanted to
ride in a palanquin. It is a long black box and looks some like a
hearse. I hated to see him get in, it made me forebode. But he enjoyed
his ride, and afterwards I sot off in one, Josiah in one also nigh by
with Tommy. One side of it comes off so you can git in and set on a
high cushion and read or knit. I took my knittin' and most knit one of
Josiah's heels whilst I rid by palaces and elephants and camels and
fakirs and palm trees. Oh, Jonesville yarn! you never expected to be
knit amid seens like this. I can knit and admire scenery first rate,
and my blue and white yarn seemed to connect me with Jonesville in
some occult way, and then I knew Josiah would need his socks before we
got home.

Seein' that the other ladies did so I had throwed my braize veil
gracefully over my head instead of my bunnet. The natives are as fond
of jewels here as they are in Ceylon. Women with not a rag on down to
their waists will have four or five chains on, and bangles on their
naked arms. They spend all their earnin's on these ornaments and wear
'em day and night. Well, seein' they don't have any other clothes
hardly, mebby it is best for 'em to keep holt on 'em.

We went by some wimmen preparin' manure for fuel; it wuz made into
lumps and dried. The wimmen wuz workin' away all covered with chains
and bangles and rings; Josiah looked on 'em engaged in that menial and
onwelcome occupation, and sez he:

"To see wimmen to work in the barnyard, Samantha, has put a new idee
into my head."

I never asked him what it wuz, but spozed it had reference to Philury
and mebby me, but I shall never go into that work, never.

One day we went to the American mission school and see the native
children settin' flat on the floor. Josiah wuz awful worked up to see
'em settin' down in such a oncomfortable posture, and he said to me
that if he had some tools and lumber he would make 'em some seats. But
that is their way of settin' to study their lessons.

Among 'em wuz a little girl with a red spot on her forward, indicatin'
that she wuz married, but don't spoze that she had gone to keepin'
house yet. Girls are married sometimes at six or seven, but their
husbands don't claim 'em till they're ten or twelve. Good land!
they're nothin' but babies then; I used to hold Tirzah Ann on my lap
at that age. Widders never marry again, and are doomed to a wretched
life of degradation and slavery; I guess that is the reason why some
on 'em had ruther be burnt up with their relics than to live on to
suffer so. How much they need the religion of love and mercy our
Saviour come to teach! Our missionaries are doin' a blessed work,
literally loosin' the chains of the captives, and settin' at liberty
them that are bound.

One evenin' we met a bridal procession, the groom was ridin' in a
peacock-shaped gilt chariot drawed by four horses, accompanied by a
band of music; a big crowd of friends follered him, and coolies
bearing torches; it seemed as if he wanted to show himself off all he
could. When they got to the house of the bride, they took her in a
closed palanquin and meached away to the house of the groom. As in
some other countries, females play a minor part in the tune of life;
wimmen and children can't eat at the table with their husband and
father, and he sets to the table and she sets down on the floor.

Miss Meechim exclaimed loudly about the awful position of wimmen here,
but Arvilly told her that "though wimmen at home had crep' up a little
so she could set to the table and pour the tea, yet at banquets of
honor she wuz never seen and at the political table, where men proudly
sot and partook, wimmen still sot on the floor and couldn't git a

Miss Meechim didn't dain a reply, but turned her talk onto the dretful
idee of widders bein' burnt with their dead husbands. The English
won't allow it where they can help it, but it is still practised in
way back regions, and Arvilly said that she believed that some
American widders, who had had their property took from them by the
family of the deceased and had their unborn children willed away from
'em by law, suffered enough sight more than they would if they had
burnt themselves up with their relics; to say nothin' of widders bein'
burnt up twice in America, first through their own fiery agony, and
then seein' their children sot fire to by whiskey dealt to 'em by the
will of the rulers of the land.

Arvilly always would have the last word. Miss Meechim kinder snorted
and tosted her head and held in.

I spoze it wuz partly on Robert Strong's account, he bein' high
connected and rich, that we wuz all invited to a garden party gin by
Mr. and Miss Curzon, she that wuz Miss Leiter, who used to be one of
our neighbors, as you may say, out in Chicago, U.S. And then I spoze
that it wuz partly on my account, they'd hearn of me, without any
doubt, and craved a augience. Josiah thought that it wuz on his
account that we wuz invited; he thinks he is a ornament to any festive

But 'tennyrate invited we wuz, and go we did, the hull caboodle on us,
all but Tommy, who stayed to home with the good English maid that Miss
Meechim had hired to take Aronette's place, but never, never to fill

Oh, Aronette! sweet girl! where are you? Where are you? So my heart
called out time and time agin; sometimes in the dead of night on my
wakeful pillow, and anon when I wuz lookin' for her in places that I
didn't want to find her. So did Dorothy's heart call out to her. I
knew she wuz lookin' for her always, seekin' her with sad eyes full of
tears, looking, longing for the playmate of her childhood, the loving,
gentle helper and companion of her youth.

Miss Meechim didn't speak of her so often as she thought of her, I
believe; but she grew thin after her loss, and when grief for a person
ploughs away your flesh you can call yourself a mourner. She lost five
pounds and a half in less than a month; next to Dorothy she loved

[Illustration: We wuz all invited to a garden party, gin by Mr. and Miss
Curzon.--Page 240.]

Arvilly openly and often bewailed the loss of the one she loved next
to Waitstill Webb; I wuzn't anywhere in Arvilly's affections to what
she wuz, though she sets store by me, and Tommy cried himself to sleep
many a night talking about her, and wonnerin' where she wuz, and if
somebody wuz abusin' her, or if she wuz to the bottom of the ocean.
Why, he would rack my mind and pierce my heart so I would have to give
him candy to get his mind off; I used pounds in that way, though I
knew it wuz hurtful, but didn't know what to do.

We often thought and spoke of poor Lucia, too, and that poor
broken-hearted father who wuz searching through the world for her and
would never stop his mournful search till he found her, or till death
found him, but our hearts didn't ache for her as they did for the loss
of our own.

Martha wuz a kind, good girl, but she wuzn't Aronette, our dear one,
our lost one. She wuz jest a helper doin' her work and earnin' her
wages, that wuz all, but she was good natured and offered to look
after Tommy, and we all went to the Viceroy's reception and garden
party and had a real good time.

The palace of the Viceroy is a beautiful structure. It is only two
stories high, but each story full and running over with beauty. I d'no
but the widder Albert's house goes ahead of this, but it don't seem as
if it could, it don't seem as if Solomon's or the Queen of Sheba's
could look any better. Though of course I never neighbored with Miss
Sheba, bein' considerable younger than she, and never got round to
visit the widder Albert, though I always wanted to, and spoze I
disappointed her that year when I wuz in London, and kep' by business
and P. Martin Smythe from visitin' her.

Miss Curzon is a real handsome woman, and always wuz when she was a
neighborin' girl, as you may say, in Chicago, but the high position
she's in now has gin nobility to her mean, and the mantilly of dignity
she wears sets well on her.

She seemed real glad to see me; she had hearn on me, so she said, and
she said she had laughed some when she read my books, and had cried
too, and I sez, "I hope you didn't cry because you felt obleeged to
read 'em, or somebody made you."

And she sez, "No," and she went on furder to say how they had soothed
the trials of a relative, aged ninety, and had been a stay and solace
to one of her pa's great aunts.

And a bystander standin' by come up and introduced himself and said
how much my books had done for some relations of his mother-in-law who
had read 'em in Sing Sing and the Tombs. And after considerable such
interestin' and agreeable conversation Miss Curzon branched off and
asked me if there wuz any new news at home.

And I sez, "No; things are goin' in the same old way. Your pa's folks
are in good health so fur as I know, and the rest of the four hundred
are so as to git about, for I hear on 'em to horse shows and huntin'
foxes acrost the country and playin' tee or tee he."

She said, "Yes, golf wuz gettin' to be very popular in America." And I
went on with what little news I could about the most important folks.
Sez I:

"Mr. and Miss Roosvelt are well, and well thought on. He is a manly
man and a gentle gentleman. The sample of goodness, loyalty and common
sense they are workin' out there in the White House ort to be copied
by all married men and their wives. If they did the divorce lawyers
would starve to death--or go into some other business.

"I set store by 'em both. Theodore tries to quell the big monopolies
and look out for the people. I've advised him and he has follered my
advice more or less. But you can't do everything in a minute, and the
political bosses and the Liquor Power are rulin' things about the same
as ever. Big trusts are flourishin', Capital covered with gold and
diamonds is settin' on the bent back of Labor, drivin' the poor
critter where they want to, and the Man with the Hoe is hoein' away
jest as usual and don't get the pay for it he'd ort to." And here
Arvilly broke in (she had been introduced), and sez she, "Uncle Sam is
girdin' up his lions and stands with a chip on his shoulder ready to
step up and take a round with any little republic that don't want to
be benevolently assimilated."

But I spoke right up, and sez, "He is a good-hearted creeter, Uncle
Sam is, but needs a adviser time and agin, and not bein' willin' to
let wimmen have a word to say, I d'no what will become on him; bime-by
mebby he'll see that he had better hearn to me."

Jest then we hearn a bystander standin' nigh by us talkin' about the
last news from Russia, and I sez to Miss Curzon, "It is too bad about
the war, hain't it?" And she sez, "Yes indeed!" She felt dretful about
it, I could see, and I sez, "So do I. You and I can't stop it, Miss
Curzon; a few ambitious or quarrelsome or greedy politicians will make
a war and then wimmen have to stand it. There hain't nothin' right in
it, seein' they are half of the world, and men couldn't have got into
the world at all if it hadn't been for wimmen, and then when wimmen
has got 'em here, and took care on 'em till they can run alone, then
they go to bossin' her round the first thing and makin' her no end of
trouble, makin' wars and things." And she said she felt jest so, too.
"But," sez I, "excuse me for introducin' personal and political
matters on festive boards" (we wuz standin' on a kind of a platform
built up on the green and velvety grass). Sez I, "I am real glad to
see you lookin' so well, and your companion, too." She did look
handsome as a picter, and handsomer enough sight than some, chromos
and such. And seein' that she had so many to talk to, I withdrawed
myself, but as I kinder backed myself off I backed right into Arvilly,
who wuz takin' out the "Twin Crimes" out of her work-bag, and I sez,
"Arvilly, you shall not canvass Miss Curzon to-night."

And she sez, "I'd like to see you stop me, Josiah Allen's wife, if I
set out to do anything." She looked real beligerent. But I got her
into a corner and appealed to her shiverly and pity, and finally I got
her to put her book up in her work-bag. Arvilly is good-hearted if
you know how to manage her. I knew Miss Curzon would be tired enough
to drop down before we all got away, without being canvassed, if she
has got two hundred hired help in the house.

Well, we roamed along through the beautiful walks, sweet with perfume
and balmy with flowers, brilliant with innumerable lights, and
thronged with a gaily dressed crowd and the air throbbing with
entrancing strains of music.

Robert Strong looked noble and handsome that night; I wuz proud to
think he belonged to our party. He didn't need uniforms and ribbons
and stars and orders to proclaim his nobility, no more than his City
of Justice needed steeples. It shone out of his liniment so everybody
could see it. It seemed that he and Mr. Curzon wuz old friends; they
talked together like brothers.

Dorothy wuz as sweet as a posy in her pretty pink frock, trimmed with
white rosies, and her big, white picture hat--the prettiest girl
there, I thought; and I believe Robert thought so, too--he acted as if
he did. And Miss Meechim wuz in her element. The halls of the noble
and gay wuz where her feet loved to linger. And she seemed to look up
to me more than ever after she see my long interview with Lady Curzon,
as she called her.

Josiah and I returned to our tarven, but the rest of the party wanted
to stay some later. We wanted dretfully to go to Benares, and on to
Agra so's to see that wonderful monument to Wedded Love--the Taj
Mahal--I spoze the most beautiful building in the hull world; and
certainly it is rared up to as noble a sentiment; and its being a kind
of rareity, too, made me want to see it the worst kind.

But we had loitered so on our travels that we had to hurry up a little
in order to arrive at the Paris Exposition the Fourth of July--United
States day. I felt that I couldn't bear to git there any later and
keep France a-waitin' for us, a-worryin' for fear we wouldn't git
there at all, so we went post-haste from Calcutta to Bombay and from
there to Cairo and on to Marseilles; though we laid out to stop long
enough in Cairo to take a tower in Jerusalem. Holy Land, wuz I,
indeed, to see thee?

We wuz considerable tired when we got to Bombay. The railroads in Injy
are not like the Empire Express; though, as we drew near Bombay, the
scenery wuz grand; some like our own Sierra Nevada's.

Only a few milds back from the railroad, tigers, panthers and all
sorts of fierce animals wuz to home to callers, but we didn't try to
visit 'em. At some places the trees along the road wuz full of
monkeys, chatterin' and talkin' in their own language which they
understood, so I spoze; and there wuz the most beautiful birds I ever
saw. The climate wuz delightful, some like June days in dear

Bombay is on an island, with many bridges connecting it to the
mainland. We went to a tarven close to Bombay Bay; the wide verandas
full of flowers and singin' birds made it pleasant. We got good things
to eat here; oh, how Josiah enjoyed the good roast beef and eggs and
bread, most as good as Jonesville bread. Though it seemed kinder queer
to me, and I don't think Miss Meechim and Arvilly enjoyed it at all to
have our chamber work done by barelegged men.

I told Josiah that I didn't know but I ort to have a Ayah or maid
whilst I wuz there, and he said with considerable justice that he
guessed he could ayah me all that wuz necessary.

And so he could, I didn't need no other chaperone. But the Bombay
ladies never stir out without their Ayah, and ladies don't go out in
the streets much anyway.

The market here in Bombay wuz the finest I ever see; it has a
beautiful flower garden and park attached to it, and little rills of
clear water run through the stun gutters. Tropical fruit and
vegetables of all kinds wuz to be seen here. The native market wimmen
didn't have on any clothes hardly, but made it up in jewelry. Some on
'em weighin' out beef to customers would have five or six long gold
chains hanging down to their waist. Bombay has a population of about
a million, a good many English, some Hindus, Persians, Chinese,
Siamese, Turks, and about one-tenth are Parsees, sun-worshippers. They
are many of them wealthy and live in beautiful villas a little out of
the city; they are very intelligent and firm friends of the English.

The Parsees dress in very rich silks and satin, the men in pantaloons
of red or orange and long frocks of gorgeous colored silk; they wear
high-pinted black caps, gold chains and rings and look dretful

Josiah loved their looks dearly, and he sez dreamily, "What a show
such a costoom would make in Jonesville; no circus ever went through
there that would attract so much attention," and he added, "their
idees about the sun hain't so fur out of the way. The sun duz give all
the heat and light we have, and it is better to worship that than
snakes and bulls."

My land! had that man a idee of becomin' a Parsee? I sez, "Josiah
Allen, be you a Methodist deacon, or be you not? Are you a-backslidin'
or hain't you?" Sez I, "You had better ask the help of him who made
the sun and the earth to keep you from wobblin'."

He wuz real huffy and sez, "Well, I say it, and stick to it, that it
is better to worship the sun than it is to worship snakes," and come
to think it over, I didn't know but it wuz.

The Parsees live together in big families of relations, sometimes

They do not bury their dead, but put 'em up in high towers, called
Towers of Silence. And I believe my soul that I'd ruther be put up in
the sky than down in the mouldy earth.

Jest a little way from this Tower of Silence is the spot where the
Brahmans burn their dead; there are so many that the fires are kep'
burnin' all the time. And a little ways off is the place where the
English bury their dead.

And I d'no but one way is as good as another. The pale shadder of the
real tower of silence has fell on 'em all and silenced 'em. It don't
make much difference what becomes of the husk that is wropped round
the wheat. The freed soul soarin' off to its own place wouldn't care
what become of the wornout garment it dropped in its flight.

But to resoom: We all went out for a drive through the streets; Josiah
and I and Arvilly and little Tommy in a little two-wheeled cart
settin' facin' each other drawed by two buffalo cows. Robert and
Dorothy and Miss Meechim occupied another jest ahead on us. The driver
sot on the tongue of the wagon, and would pull their tails instead of
whippin' 'em when he wanted 'em to go faster. The cows' ears wuz all
trimmed off with bells and gay streamers of cotton cloth, and their
tails had big red bows on 'em, and Josiah whispered to me:

"You see, Samantha, if I don't get some ear and tail trimmin' for old
Brindle and Lineback when I git home; our cows are goin' to have some
advantage of our tower if they couldn't travel with us. And," sez he,
"what a show we could make, Samantha, ridin' in to meetin' behind 'em;
bells a-jinglin' and ribbins a-flyin', I dressed in a long silk frock
and you all covered with jewelry."

"Well," sez I (wantin' to break up the idee to once), "if we do that,
I must be buyin' some jewelry right away."

"Oh, Samantha," sez he anxiously, "can't you take a joke? I wouldn't
drive anything but the old mair for love or money. And your cameo pin
is so beautiful and so becoming to you."

We went by a good many Parsees in that drive, and Arvilly sez, "They
look so rich somehow, I believe I shall try to canvass some on 'em."
And that afternoon about sundown she seein' one on 'em goin' into a
little garden she follered him in; he wuz dressed in such a gorgeous
way that she wuz almost sure of a customer, but jest as she wuz
gettin' the "Twin Crimes" out of her work-bag, he took off his outer
frock, lain it down on the ground and knelt down, facin' the sunset,
and sprinkled his head, breast and hands three times from a little
dish he had with him, and then begun to pray and kep' up his devotions
for half an hour, and Arvilly of course not wantin' to break up a
meetin' put her book into her work-bag and went away. I kinder like
the idee of their worshippin' under the blue dome of heaven, though of
course I didn't like their idee of worshippin' the created instead of
the Creator. In travellin' through these countries more and more every
day did I feel to thank the Lord that I wuz a member of the M. E.
meetin' house in Jonesville, U. S., a humble follower of him who went
about doing good, but I didn't feel like goin' on as Miss Meechim did.
How she did look down on the Parsees and compared 'em to the Piscopals
to their immense disadvantage.

But Arvilly, the iconoclast, sez, "These Parsees boast that there is
not a pauper or woman of bad character in the hull of their sect, and
I wonder if any other religious sect in America could say as much as
that, Miss Meechim?"

Miss Meechim turned her head away and sniffed some; she hates to enter
into a argument with Arvilly, but she wuz gittin' real worked up and I
don't know how it would have ended, but I spoke right up and quoted
some Bible to 'em, thinkin' mebby that it might avert a storm.

Sez I, "Charity vaunteth not itself. Charity thinketh no evil,
suffereth long and is kind."

I meant both on 'em to take it, and I meant to take some on't myself.
I knowed that I wuz sometimes a little hash with my beloved pardner.
But a woman, if she don't want to be run over has to work every way to
keep a man's naterel overbeariness quelled down. I worship him and he
knows it, and if I didn't use headwork he would take advantage of that
worship and tromple on me.

But though Arvilly didn't canvass the Parsee, she sold several copies
of the "Twin Crimes" to English residents who seemed to hail the idee
of meeting a Yankee book-agent in the Orient with gladness.


Dorothy and Miss Meechim and Robert Strong went over to an island on
the bay to see the caves of Elephanta, the great underground temple,
one hall of which is one hundred and fifty feet long, the lofty
ceilin' supported by immense columns, and three smaller halls, the
walls of all on 'em richly sculptured.

Whose hands made them statutes? I don't know nor Josiah don't and I
guess nobody duz. There wuz a thoughtful look on Dorothy's sweet face
when she came home, and Robert Strong too seemed walkin' in a reverie,
but Miss Meechim wuz as pert as ever; it takes more than a cave to
dant her.

One place in Bombay I liked first rate, a hospital for dumb animals,
it is kep' by a sect called the Jains. Sick animals of all kinds are
cared for: horses, cows, dogs, cats, rats and I spoze any ailin'
creeter from a mouse up to a elephant is nursed with tender care.

Sez Josiah, "No matter what her creed is, Samantha, that Jane is a
good creeter and is doin' a great work, I would send the old mair here
in a minute if she wuz took with consumption or janders or anythin',
if it wuzn't so fur, and I'd tell Jane jest how much I thought on her
for her goodness."

Sez I, "Josiah, it is a sect, not a female."

But he wouldn't gin in and talks about Jane a sight now when he
recalls about the horrers of vivisection or when he sees animals
abused and horses driv too hard and overloaded--he always sez:

"I would like to have Jane see that, I guess Jane would put a stop to
that pretty lively."

Well, it shows Josiah's good heart.

The Hindus have several temples in Bombay. One of the great days is
the Festival of the Serpents. Snake charmers bring to this place the
deadly snakes which are then fed to propitiate them, by the priests, I

Oh, how Miss Meechim went on about the idee of worshippin' snakes, and
it wuz perfectly dretful to me too, I must confess. But Arvilly always
puttin' her oar in and always hash on our govermunt, sez:

"Why, what is this different from what we do in America?"

Miss Meechim's eyes snapped, she wuz madder than a wet hen, but
Arvilly went on, "Every 'lection time hain't the great serpent of the
liquor power fed and pampered by the law-makers of our country?"

Miss Meechim didn't reply; I guess she dassent, and I didn't say
anything, and Arvilly went on:

"Our serpent worship is as bad agin as these Hindus', for after their
snakes are fed and worshipped they shet 'em up agin so they can't do
any harm. But after lawmakers propitiate the serpent with money and
influence, they let it loose to wreathe round the bright young lives
and noble manhood and crunch and destroy 'em in its deadly folds,
leavin' the slime of agony and death in its tracks all over our
country from North to South, East to West. It don't look well after
all this for an American to act horrified at feedin' a snake a little
milk and shettin' it up in a box." She wuz fairly shakin' with
indignation, and Miss Meechim dast as well die as dispute her agin.
And I didn't say a word to harrer her up any more, for I knew well
what she had went through.

We only stayed a few days in Bombay, and then took the steamer and
went straight acrost the Arabian Sea, stopping at Aden for a little
while, and then up the Red Sea; on one side on us, Arabia, and on the
other, Africa.

Aden, where we stopped for a short time, is a dreary lookin' little
place with seventy or eighty thousand natives livin' a little back
from the shore, while the few English people there live near the
coast. Beautiful ostrich feathers are obtained there from the many
ostrich farmers living near, as well as the Mocha coffee, which made
over a Jonesville stove by a Jonesville woman has so often cheered the
heart and put to flight the worrisome passions of a Josiah. But in
most of these tropical countries, where you'd think you could git the
best, I didn't find coffee half so good as I made it myself, though
mebby I ortn't to say it.

We saw some wonderful jugglers here. They will draw out great bunches
of natural flowers from most anywhere that you wouldn't expect 'em to
be, and call birds down or out of some place onseen by us; mebby they
come from the mysterious gardens of a Carabi's home, and those great
bunches of roses, I d'no from what invisible rose bushes they wuz
picked; mebby they growed up tall and stately on either side of the
Ether avenues that surround us on every side. Mebby Carabi lives right
under the shade of some on 'em, but 'tennyrate some of these flowers
they made out of nothin' I took right into my hands, great, soft, dewy
roses, with seemin'ly the same dew and perfume on 'em they have when
picked in our earthly gardens. And we saw some wonderful divers there;
they did such strange things that it wuz fairly skairful to see 'em.
If you would throw a small coin down into the water, they would dive
way down, down with both hands full of balls and bring up the coin in
their teeth, showing that they picked it up offen the bottom without
touching their hands to it. Good land! I couldn't do it to save my
life in our cistern or wash bowl, let alone the deep, deep sea.

As we entered the Red Sea we passed through the narrer channel called
The Straits of Bab-el-Mandeb, Gate of Tears, named so on account of
the many axidents that have happened there. But we got through safely
and sailed on towards Suez.

So we went on past the coasts of Abyssinia, Nubia. Fur off we see
Mount Sineii, sacred mount, where the Law wuz given to Moses.

Oh, my soul, think on't! To see the very spot where Moses stood and
talked to the Almighty face to face. It is only three hundred milds
from Suez.

We sailed directly over the place where the Israelites passed over dry
shod whilst their enemies, the Egyptians, wuz overwhelmed by the
waters. The persecuted triumphant and walkin' a-foot into safety,
while Tyranny and Oppression wuz drownded.

I wish them waters wuz swashin' up to-day and closin' in on the
Oppressor, not to drownd 'em, mebby, but to give 'em a pretty good
duckin'. But I spoze the walls of water like as not is risin' on each
side on 'em onbeknown to them, and when the time comes, when the bugle
sounds, they will rush in and overwhelm the armies of Greed and
Tyranny and the oppressed. Them that are forced to make brick without
straw, or without sand hardly, will be free, and go on rejoicin' into
the land of Promise.

But to resoom: It is three thousand milds from Bombay to Suez, but it
wuz all safely passed and we found ourselves in Cairo in a most
comfortable hotel, and felt after all our wanderings in fur off lands
that we agin breathed the air of civilization almost equal to

We found some letters here from home. I had a letter from Tirzah Ann
and one from Thomas Jefferson. His letter wuz full of gratitude to
heaven and his ma for his dear little boy's restored strength and
health. He and Maggie wuz lookin' and waitin' with eager hearts and
open arms to greet us, and the time wuz long to 'em I could see,
though he didn't say so.

Tirzah Ann's letter contained strange news of our neighbor, Miss
Deacon Sypher. Her devotion to her husband has been told by me more
formally, it is worthy the pen of poet and historian. She lived and
breathed in the Deacon, marked all her clothes, M. D. S., Miss Deacon
Sypher. Her hull atmosphere wuz Deacon, her goal wuz his happiness,
her heaven his presence.

Well, a year ago she got hurt on the sidewalk to Jonesville, and the
Deacon sued the village and got five hundred dollars for her broken
leg. He took the money and went out to the Ohio on a pleasure trip,
and to visit some old neighbors. It made talk, for folks said that
when she worshipped him so he ort to stayed by her, but he hired she
that wuz Betsy Bobbett to stay with her, and he went off on this
pleasure trip and had a splendid good time, and with the rest of the
money he bought a span of mules. Miss Sypher wuz deadly afraid of 'em.
But the Deacon wanted 'em, and so they made her happily agonized, she
wuz so afraid of their heels and their brays, and so highly tickled
with the Deacon's joy. Well, it turned out queer as a dog, but just
after we started on our trip abroad Tirzah said that the Deacon fell
and broke his leg in the same place and the same spot on the sidewalk;
the Jonesvillians are slack, it wuzn't mended proper. And Miss Sypher
thought that she would git some money jest as he did. She didn't think
on't for quite a spell, Tirzah writ. She wuz so bound up in the Deacon
and never left his side night or day, nor took off her clothes only to
wash 'em for two weeks, jest bent over his couch and drowged round
waitin' on him, for he wuz dretful notional and hard to git along
with. But she loved to be jawed at, dearly, for she said it made her
think he would git along, and when he would find fault with her and
throw things, she smiled gladly, thinkin' it wuz a good sign.

Well, when he got a little better so she could lay down herself and
rest a little, the thought come to her that she would git some money
for his broken leg jest as he had for hern. She thought that she would
like to buy him a suit of very nice clothes and a gold chain, and
build a mule barn for the mules, but the law wouldn't give Miss Deacon
Sypher a cent; the law said that if anything wuz gin it would go to
the Deacon's next of kin, a brother who lived way off in the

The Deacon owned her bones, but she didn't own the Deacon's!

And I wonnered at it as much as Tommy ever wonnered over anything why
her broken limb, and all the emoluments from it, belonged to him, and
his broken leg and the proprietary rights in it belonged to a man way
out in the Michigan that he hadn't seen for ten years and didn't speke
to (owin' to trouble about property), and after Miss Deacon Sypher had
worshipped him and waited on him for thirty years like a happy surf.

Well, so it wuz. I said it seemed queer, but Arvilly said that it
wuzn't queer at all. She sez: "One of my letters from home to-day had
a worse case in it than that." Sez she, "You remember Willie Henzy,
Deacon Henzy's grandchild, in Brooklyn. You know how he got run over
and killed by a trolley car."

"Yes," sez I, "sweet little creeter; Sister Henzy told me about it
with the tears runnin' down her cheeks. They all worshipped that
child, he wuz jest as pretty and bright as he could be, and he wuz the
only boy amongst all the grandchildren; it is a blow Deacon Henzy will
never git over. And his ma went into one faintin' fit after another
when he wuz brought home, and will never be a well woman agin, and his
pa's hair in three months grew gray as a rat; it 'most killed all on

"Well," sez Arvilly, "what verdict do you think that fool brought

"What fool?" sez I.

"The law!" sez Arvilly sternly. "The judge brought in a verdict of one
dollar damages; it said that children wuzn't wage-earners and
therefore they wuzn't worth any more."

I throwed my arms 'round Tommy onbeknown to me, and sez I, "Millions
and millions of money wouldn't pay your grandma for you." And Tommy
wonnered and wonnered that a little boy's life wuzn't worth more than
a dollar.

"Why," sez I, "the law gives twenty dollars for a two-year-old

"Yes," sez Arvilly, "the law don't reckon Willie Henzy's life worth so
much as a yearlin' calf or a dog. But they can do jest as they please;
these great monopolies have spun their golden web round politicians
and office-seekers and office-holders and rule the whole country. They
can set their own valuation on life and limb, and every dollar they
can save in bruised flesh and death and agony, is one more dollar to
divide amongst the stockholders."

"Well," sez I, "we mustn't forgit to be megum, Arvilly; we mustn't
forgit in our indignation all the good they do carryin' folks from
hether to yon for almost nothin'."

"Well, they no need to act more heartless than Nero or King Herod. I
don't believe that old Nero himself would done this; I believe he
would gin two dollars for Willie Henzy."

And I sez, "I never neighbored with Mr. Nero. But if I could git holt
of that judge," sez I, "he would remember it to his dyin' day."

"He wouldn't care for what you said," sez Arvilly; "he got his pay.
There hain't any of these big monopolies got any more soul than a

It is only nine hours from Suez to Cairo. How often have I spoke of
the great desert of Sarah in hours of Jonesville mirth and sadness,
little thinkin' that I should ever cross it in this mortal spear, but
we did pass through a corner on't and had a good view of the Suez
Canal, about which so much has been said and done. For milds we went
through the Valley of the Nile, that great wet nurse of Egypt. The
banks on either side on't stand dressed in livin' green. There wuz a
good many American and English people at the tarven in Cairo, but no
one we knew. In the garden at the side of the tarven wuz a ostrich pen
where a number of great ostriches wuz kep', and also several pelicans
walked round in another part of the garden.

Tommy and I stood by the winder, very much interested in watchin' the
ostriches, and though I hain't covetous or proud, yet I did wish I had
one or two of them satiny, curly feathers to trim my best bunnet in
Jonesville, they went so fur ahead of any sisters in the meetin'

Josiah hadn't see 'em yet; he wuz layin' on the lounge, but he sez: "I
don't see why you're so took up with them geese."

"Geese!" sez I; "look here, Josiah Allen"--and I took a cookie I had
got for Tommy--"see here; see me feed these geese ten feet from the
ground." He could see their heads come up to take it out of my hand.

"Good land!" sez he, "you don't say they stretch their necks clear up
here." And he jined in our astonishment then and proposed that he
should be let down from the winder in a sheet and git me a few
feathers. But I rejected the idee to once. I sez: "I'd ruther go
featherless for life than to have a pardner commit rapine for 'em."

And he sez: "If some Egyptian come to Jonesville and wanted a
rooster's tail feather, we wouldn't say nuthin' aginst it."

But I sez: "This is different; this would spile the looks of the

And he said there wuz sunthin' said in the Bible about "spilin' the
Egyptians." But I wouldn't let him wrest the Scripters to his own
destruction, and told him I wouldn't, and then sez I, "I never could
enjoy religion settin' under a stolen feather."

As you pass through these picturesque streets memories of them that
have made this city historic crowd upon your mind. You think of
Saladin, Christian, Mameluke and Islamite.

You think of the Bible and you think of the "Arabian Nights," and you
almost expect to see the enchanted carpet layin' round somewhere, and
some one goin' up to the close shet doors sayin', "Open sesame."

And as you stroll along you will hear every language under the sun, or
so it seems, and meet English, Italian, French, Bedowins, soldiers,
footmen, Turks, Arabs, all dressed in their native costumes. Anon
close shet up carriages in which you most know there are beautiful
wimmen peerin' out of some little corner onbeknown to their folks;
agin you meet a weddin' procession, then a trolley car, then some
Egyptian troops, then some merchants, then mysterious lookin' Oriental
wimmen, with black veils hangin' loose, then a woman with a donkey
loaded with fowls, then some more soldiers in handsome uniform.

Agin every eye is turned to see some high official or native prince
dressed in splendid array dashin' along in a carriage with footmen
runnin' on before to clear the way. And mebby right after comes a man
drivin' a flock of turkeys, they feelin' jest as important and
high-headed to all appearance.

The air is delightful here, dry and warm. No malaria in Egypt, though
nigh by are sulphur baths for anybody that wants them, and also a cure
for consumptive folks.

In goin' through the streets of Cairo you will see bazars everywhere;
slipper bazars, carpet and rug, vase and candle, and jewelry bazars;
little shops where everything can be bought are all on sides of you.

But if you go to buy anything you get so confused as to the different
worth of a piaster that your head turns. In some transactions it is as
much agin as in others. Josiah got dretful worked up tryin' to buy a
silk handkerchief. Sez he to the dealer:

"What do you mean by it, you dishonest tike, you? If you should come
to Jonesville to buy a overcoat or a pair of boots, and we should
wiggle round and act as you do, I wouldn't blame you if you never come
there to trade a cent with us agin."

The man kep' bowin' real polite and offered some coffee to him and a
pipe, and Josiah sez:

"I don't want none of your coffee, nor none of your pipes, I want
honesty, and I can tell you one thing that you've lost my trade, and
you'll lose the hull of the Jonesville trade when I go home and tell
the brethren how slippery you be in a bargain."

The man kep' on bowin' and smilin' and I told Josiah, "I presoom
he thinks you're praisin' him; he acts as if he did." And Josiah
stopped talkin' in a minute. But howsumever he wouldn't take the

Miss Meechim and I--and I spoze that Robert Strong wuz to the bottom
of it--but 'tennyrate, we wuz invited to a harem to see a princess,
wife of a pasha. Robert thought that we should like to see the inside
of an Indian prince's palace, and so we did.

Miss Meechim of course woudn't consent to let Dorothy go anywhere nigh
such a place, and I guess she disinfected her clothes before she see
Dorothy when she got back; 'tennyrate, I see her winder up and her
dress hangin' over a chair. Arvilly didn't want to go, and as she
wuzn't invited, it made it real convenient for her to not want to. And
of course I couldn't take my pardner. Why, that good, moral man would
be flowed from by them wimmen as if he had the plague. Dorothy and
Robert wuz a-goin' to Heliopolis and offered to take Tommy with 'em.
And Miss Meechim and I accordin'ly sot off alone.

The palace stood in beautiful grounds and is a noble-lookin' building.
We wuz met at the entrance to the garden by four handsome native girls
with beautiful silk dresses on, handsome turbans, satin slippers and
jewelry enough for a dozen wimmen.

They took our hands, each on us walkin' between two on 'em, for all
the world as if we wuz prisoners, till we got to the gates of the
palace, and here two black males, dressed as rich as a president or
minister, met us, and four more gayly dressed female slaves.

These girls took Miss Meechim's cape and my mantilly and laid 'em
away. Then we went through a long hall and up a magnificent marble
staircase, with a girl on each side on us agin jest as if we wuz bein'
took to jail. We then went into a large beautiful room where the
Princess' Lady of Honor wuz tryin', I spoze, to be jest as honorable
as she could be. But to my surprise she handed us the first thing some
coffee and pipes to smoke. But such a pipe never entered Jonesville.
Why, the pipe stem was six feet long, amber and gold, diamonds and
rubies. Good land! it wuz most enough to get a perfessor and a member
of the W.C.T.U. to smokin'. But I wuzn't to be enticed; I sort o'
waved it off graceful and drinked a little coffee, which wuz good, and
if you'll believe it the little holders that held our cups wuz all
covered with diamonds. Then six more slaves, jest as pretty, with jest
as fine clothes and with as many jewels, came to tell us the Princess
would see us. And we went with them through room after room, each one
seemin'ly more elegant than the others, till we reached the door of a
great grand apartment, and here the Princess wuz surrounded by more
slaves, dressed handsomer than any we'd seen yet.

She come forward to meet us and led the way to a beautiful divan,
where we sot down. Here they offered us some more of the beautiful
jewelled pipes agin, and agin I stood firm and so did Miss Meechim,
but the Princess smoked a little. But the tobacco wuz perfumed so
delightfully that there wuz no tobacco smell to it.

Then coffee wuz passed agin in a jewelled cup and agin I sipped a
little on't, thinkin' like as not it would keep me awake it wuz so
strong, but knowin' that I had got to be polite anyway in such a time
as this.

She talked quite good English and we had a pleasant visit with her,
and anon she took each on us by the hand--for all the world they
acted as if we wuz infants and couldn't walk alone--and led us through
the magnificent rooms with lofty mirrors, furniture covered with
costly Persian cloth embroidered with gold and silver, great rugs of
the most exquisite color and texture, mounds of flowers, baskets and
vases everywhere running over with them, makin' the air sweet with
their perfume.

In one room there wuz no winders, the walls bein' made of glitterin'
mirrors sot in gilded frames, light comin' down through stained glass
in the gilded ceiling.

On the Princess' toilet table wuz a large gold tray holdin' a basin of
perfumed water, and white silk towels embroidered in gold and silver.

I remembered my crash and huck-a-buck towels and thought to myself I
didn't know what she would do if she ever come to see me, unless I
took one of Josiah's silk handkerchiefs for her to wipe her hands on.
But concluded I would do that if she ever paid my visit. And I thought
the minute I got home I would paint the bowl of the pipe we had used
for tizik, a pale blue or pink, and dry some extra fine mullen leaves
and catnip blows, they smell real sweet to me, and I knew they would
be good for her bronkial tubes anyway. And I laid out to make up in a
warm welcome what we lacked in luxury.

Well, the last room we went into we wuz served in tiny cups with a
delicate drink. Lemonade, I guess it wuz, or orange and fruit juice of
some kind. It wuz served to us in jewelled cups and we had gold
embroidered napkins. Here the Princess thanked us for our visit and
retired, followed by the slaves who had gone with us through the

And we went down the staircase with a girl on each side on us jest as
we went up, so if Miss Meechim and I had had any mind to break away
and act, we couldn't, and went to our carriage waited on jest as when
we come. Miss Meechim said as we started back:

"Did you ever see the like? Was you prepared to see such magnificence,
Josiah Allen's wife?"

And I told her I wuz partly prepared, for I had read the Arabian
Night's Entertainment.

"Well," sez she, "it goes fur beyend my wildest dreams of luxury."

When we got back to the tarven we found that Robert Strong had been
delayed by a visitor and wuz jest startin' for Heliopolis, and Miss
Meechim and I bein' all ready we turned round and went with 'em.

Heliopolis hain't so grand lookin' as its name. It is a little Arab
town six miles from Cairo. The low houses are made of mud and nasty
inside, I believe; they don't look much like Jonesville houses. The
oldest and greatest college once stood here. Here, too, wuz the hant
of that immortal bird, the Phenix, who raised himself to life every
five hundred years. (Josiah don't believe a word on't, and I don't
know as I do.) But we do spoze that wuz the very place where Joseph
married the daughter of Mr. Potiphar, doin' dretful well, it wuz
spozed by her folks, but he wuz plenty good enough for her, I think,
and so Josiah duz.

And right in this neighborhood Alexander the Great marched round and
camped on his way to Memphis. So you can see it wuz interestin' in a
good many ways.

But the Virgin's Tree wuz what we wanted to see. It is a fig sycamore;
its trunk is twenty feet in diameter and its branches spread out and
cover a great space. But its size wuzn't what we went to see. Under
this tree Joseph and Mary rested whilst they wuz fleeing to Egypt from
them that sought the young Child's life. Our Lord himself had been
under this very tree that wuz bendin' over me. My emotions wuz such
that I didn't want any on 'em to see my face; I went apart from 'em
and sot down on a little seat not fur off from the fence that protects
this tree from relic hunters. And I had a large number of emotions as
I sot there lookin' up into the green branches.

I wondered how Mary felt as she sot there. She knowed she wuz carryin'
a sacred burden on her bosom. The Star that had guided the wise men to
the cradle of her Baby had shone full into his face and she'd seen the
Divinity there. Angels had heralded His birth; the frightened king
looked upon Him as one who would take his kingdom from him, and an
angel had bidden them to take the Child and flee to Egypt.

And how happy Joseph and Mary wuz as they sot down under this tree.
All their journey over the weary rocky roads, over the mountains,
through the streams and the valleys, and over the sandy desert they
dassent rest, but wuz lookin' behind 'em all the time as they pressed
forward, expectin' to hear the gallopin' steeds of the king, and to
hear the cruel cries of his blood-thirsty soldiers. Why, just think
on't: every other baby boy in the country put to death jest to be sure
of makin' way with the child that she held to her bosom. How would any
mother have felt; how would any mother's heart beat and soul faint
within 'em as they plodded away on a donkey, knowin' that the swiftest
horses of the king wuz mebby follerin' clost behind? But it wuz all
past now; under the shade of this noble old tree Mary sot down,
happiness in her tired eyes, ontold relief in the weary heart on which
the Child leaned.

I believe they laid down there under the starry heavens and went to
sleep; mebby the Star shone down on 'em as they slep', seein' they wuz
safe now and Herod couldn't touch 'em even if he wuz clost to 'em.

Egypt, blessed be thy turf and thy skies forever more, since thou hast
sheltered the Lord!

And while back in Jerusalem the blood-thirsty soldiers wuz rushin' to
and fro seekin' for the young Child that they might destroy him, and
in his palace King Herod lay in troubled sleep under the close-drawn
curtains of the royal couch, slaves watchin' outside the room, slaves
watchin' his fearful thorn-strewn pillow, the little Child that he
feared and sought to destroy, slept with the clear midnight sky
bendin' over his sweet slumber, its matchless blue curtain looped up
with stars, hung with the great silver night lamp of the crescent
moon. His bed-chamber the broad plains and mountains and valleys of
the world Which should yet own his peaceful sway. His guard the
shining angels that had flown down to herald His coming on the fields
of Bethlehem. Sleep well, little Child, with thy kingdom outstretched
about thee, the hull grief-smitten world, upon which thou wast to lay
thy hands and heal its woes and wounds. The divine clothin' itself in
the sad garments of humanity that it might lift it up into heavenly

Well, we stayed there quite a spell. Robert, I could see, felt a good
deal as I did and so did Dorothy; I read in her sweet eyes the tender
light that meant many things. But Miss Meechim had doubts about the
tree. She looked all round it, and felt of the low, droopin' branches
and looked clost at the bark. She is a great case for the bark of
things, Miss Meechim is, you know some be. They will set their
microscopes on a little mite of bark and argy for hours about it, but
don't think of the life that is goin' on underneath. The divine
vitality of truth that animates the hidden soul of things. They think
more of the creeds, the outward husks of things than the inside life
and truth. Miss Meechim said with her eye still on the bark that no
tree could live two centuries and still look so vigorous.

But I sez, "Mount Sinai looks pretty firm and stiddy, and the Red Sea
I spoze looks jest about as red and hearty as it did when the
Israelites crossed it."

She wuz examinin' the bark through her eye glasses, but she said
mountains and seas could stand more than a tree And I said I guessed
the hand that made a tree could keep it alive.

And I knew that it didn't make any difference anyway. This wuz the
road they come and they had to rest anyway, and it stood to reason
they would rest under a tree, and I felt that this wuz the tree,
though it might have been another one nigh by. And while Miss
Meechim's mind was all taken up lookin' at the bark of that tree, my
mind wuz full of this great fact and truth, that the Child wuz saved
from his enemies. And while the kingdom of the wicked king has been
covered and lost from sight under the sands of time for centuries, the
kingdom of the Holy Child stands firmer to-day than ever before, and
is broadening and widening all the time, teaching the true brotherhood
of man, and fatherhood of God. This is the great truth, all the
branching creeds and arguments and isms, they are only the bark.

Nigh by the tree stands a tall piller sixty-four feet high, covered
with strange writin'. As I looked at it I thought I would gin a dollar
bill to have read that writin', no knowin' what strange secrets of the
past would have been revealed to me. But I couldn't read it, it is
dretful writin'. Josiah sometimes makes fun of my handwritin' and
calls it ducks' tracks, but I thought that if he'd seen this he'd
thought that mine wuz like print compared to it. They say that this is
the oldest obelisk in Egypt, and that is sayin' a good deal, for Egypt
is full of former greatness old as the hills.

Here in the East civilization begun, and gradual, gradual it stalked
along towards the West, and is slowly, slowly marchin' on round the
world back to where it started from, and when the round world is
belted with knowledge and Christianity, then mebby will come the
thousand years of peace, the millennium the Scriptures have foretold,
when the lamb shall lay down with the lion and a young child shall
lead them. I spoze the young child means the baby Peace that shall
bime-by lead the nations along into the World Beautiful. And there
shall be no more war.


Cairo is different from any other city under the sun, and after you've
been there when you shet you eyes and see it agin in memory, the
brilliant colorin' sheds its picturesque glow over the brilliant seen.
The deep bright blue of the sky, the splendor of the sunlight, the
dazzlin' white of the buildings, the soft mellow brown of the desert
and the green of the tropical foliage always comes back to brighten
the panorama.

And the crowds of people from all parts of the world, each dressed in
his and her natural costume, every style of dress and every color
under the sun. And the milds of bazars, little booths about ten feet
square but all runnin' over with the richest embroideries, silken
fabrics, gold, silver, amber and everything else gorgeous. Then there
is the new part of Cairo, the broad, long streets lined with
magnificent buildin's. The great Citadel of Cairo and the Alabaster
Mosque up on a rocky height, six hundred feet above the city. The
Citadel wuz built by Saladin in 1100, most a thousand years ago. Where
is Mr. Saladin and his folks? and his dynasty? All forgot centuries
ago, but the work he thought out is here still. The Mosque is the only
building' in the world built of alabaster; it wuz begun by Mehemet
Ali, the great-grandfather of the Khedive. The alabaster looks like
satin, amber and white color, mebby some of my readers have got a
little alabaster box or figger that they set store by, it is so costly
and fine. Then think of a hull buildin' three hundred feet square
built of it. The ruff is uplifted by alabaster columns; the alabaster
galleries are a hundred feet above the floor. The gilded dome can be
seen twenty or thirty milds away. The view from the terrace in front
is so beautiful that you don't want to leave it. The city lies before
you and a long view of the Nile, rich gardens, green fields, towering
palms, the pyramids standin' like ghosts out of the past, Memphis,
oldest city of the world. Turn your head and there is the land of
Goshen; how many times amidst the overwhelmin' cares of a Jonesville
kitchen have we mentioned "Land of Goshen," but solemn now to look at
and contemplate as the home of the patriarchs. Only two milds off down
the Nile is the spot where Napoleon fought with the Mamelukes and won
the Battle of the Pyramids. And jest under you as you look down, you
see the ruff of the Egyptian Museum where the body of Ramesis lays,
once rulin' with a high hand he and his folks, as many as a dozen of
'em, over all the land our stranger eyes looked down on. But now
they're nothin' but a side show, as you may say in a museum.

Josiah wuz dretful took with the sights of shops on either side of the
narrow streets of old Cairo and all sorts of trades bein' carried on
there right out doors: goldsmiths and silversmiths makin' their
jewelry right there before you, and Josiah sez: "I lay out to have a
shop rigged out doors to hum and make brooms and feather dusters; and
why don't you, Samantha; how uneek it would be for you to have your
sewin'-machine or your quiltin'-frames in the corner of the fence
between us and old Bobbett's, and have a bedquilt or a crazy blanket
draped behind you on the fence. You could have a kind of a turban if
you wanted to; I would lend you one of my bandannas. I'm goin' to wear
'em in my bazar when I rig one up, and my dressin'-gown, and I shall
have Ury wear one and sandals. I can make some crackin' good sandals
for us all out of shingles, and lace 'em on with colored ribbins. How
dressy they will make me look. I shall lace my sandals on with yeller
and red baby ribbin, them colors are so becomin' and make my
complexion look fairer. We shall jest coin money out of my bazar, and
I shall write to Ury to put in a piece of broom corn, and mebby we
shall make jewelry; we could make some good mournin' jewelry out of
coal and lam-black."

Well, I didn't argy with him, thinkin' most probable that he'd forgit
it, but Arvilly, who wuz with us, sez: "I guess it would be mournin'
jewelry in good earnest if you made it; I guess it would make anybody
mourn to see it, let alone wearin' it."

"Wait till you see it," sez he.

And she sez, "I am perfectly willin' to wait."

"But I shan't set on the floor as they do here," sez he, "I am sorry
for some of them poor old men that can't afford chairs, and I would be
perfectly willin' to make 'em some stools if they'd furnish the

Sez I, "It's their way, Josiah, they like it."

"I don't believe it," sez he; "nobody loves to scrooch down flat with
their legs under 'em numb as sticks." But right whilst we were talkin'
we met a funeral procession. The head one had hard work to git through
the crowd crying out:

"There is no deity but God! Mohammed is his apostle!" Then come some
boys singin' a funeral him; and then the bier, borne by friends of the
corpse and covered by a handsome shawl. Then come the hired
mourners--wimmen--for I spoze they think they're used to mournin' and
can earn their money better. 'Tennyrate, these screeched and wailed
and tore their hair and beat their breast-bone as if they meant to
earn their money. Then come the relatives and friends. Of course, they
no need to have wep' a tear, havin' hired it done. But they did seem
to feel real bad, they couldn't have wept and wailed any more if they
had been hired to. Josiah sez:

"Samantha, when I'm took, if you hire anybody to mourn get some better
lookin' females than these. I had almost ruther die onlamented than to
have such lookin' creeters weepin' over my remains; now some fair
lookin' females such as sister Celestine Bobbett and she that wuz
Submit Tewksbury----"

But I interrupted him by telling him truly that no hired tears would
fall on his beloved face if I outlived him, and no boughten groans
would be hearn. Sez I, "The tears of true love and grief would bedew
your forward."

"Well," sez he, "it would be my wishes."

As we wended our way along we met several water-carriers with leather
bottles, jest such a one as Hagar took with her and Ishmael out in the
desert, and it wuz on this same desert whose sands wuz siftin' in
about us every chance it had that she lay the child down to die and
angels come and fed him. And, also, it bein' along towards night we
met several shepherds; one wuz carryin' a tired lamb in his arms. They
wuz patriarkal in appearance and dressed jest like the Bible pictures.
I felt as though I had met Abraham or Isaac onbeknown to them.

Another sight that impressed my pardner fearfully wuz the howlin'
dervishes--we'd hearn about 'em a sight, and so we thought we would go
and hear 'em howl. By payin' a little backsheesh (which is money) we
got permission to attend one of their religious meetin's. There wuz a
chief or Sheik, which Josiah always called a "shack"--and I d'no but
he wuz well named--and about twenty or thirty howlers in long white
robes. They made a low bow to the Shack and then knelt round him in a
circle; then they bowed agin a number of times clear to the floor and
begun to sing or pray. I d'no what you would call it, but the axents
wuz dretful and the music that accompanied it harrowin' in the
extreme. Then they got up and bowed agin to the Shack and begun to
shake their heads and their arms and their feet rapid and voylent, all
keepin' time to the music, or what I spoze they called music, their
hair hangin' loose, their yellin' fearful, and then they begun to
whirl like a top spinnin' round, faster and faster, whirlin' and
howlin' and shriekin' till they couldn't howl or whirl any longer.
Then the meetin' broke up as you may say, they formed a half circle
agin round the Shack, bowed to the ground before him and fell down
perfectly wore out on the floor. I should have thought they'd died.
Why, I couldn't have stood it and lived nor Josiah couldn't; it wuz
all we could stand to see it go on.

One day Miss Meechim and I visited an American Mission School for Arab
and Egyptian children, and it wuz from one of these very schools that
one of the Rajahs or native princes took his wife. She wuz a little
donkey driver, and the teacher of the Mission, liking her and pitying
her, got permission of her mother (a poor donkey driver of Cairo
living in a mud hut) to take the child into her school. When she wuz
about fourteen years old the Rajah, who had accepted the Christian
religion, visited this school, and the little girl wuz teaching a
class of barefooted Egyptian girls, sittin' on the floor about her.

Who can tell the mysteries of love? Like lightning it strikes where it
will and must. Why should this Prince, educated in England, a friend
of Queen Victoria, who had seen beautiful women all his days onmoved,
why should he fall in love with this little girl, late a donkey driver
in the streets of Cairo?

I d'no, but so it wuz, and he told the lady in charge of the school
that he wanted to make her his wife. She wuz greatly surprised, and
not knowin' he wuz what he said he wuz, asked him polite to go away
and select some other bride. But the next day he come back, sent in
his card and a autograph letter from Queen Victoria, and agin
expressed his desire to marry the bright-eyed little Egyptian.

When the subject wuz broached to her she wep' and pleaded not to be
sold into slavery, spozin' that wuz what it meant. But the Prince made
her understand that he wanted her for his wife, and she consented to
be educated in a fitting manner, and at last the weddin' took place at
the home of the teacher.

The Prince took his wife to London, where she wuz presented at Court,
and makes him a good wife, so fur as I know, and they say she's
dretful good to the poor; 'tennyrate the Prince must think a good deal
of her, for he presented every year one thousand pounds to help on the
school where he found his Princess. This story is true and is stranger
than most lies.

I spoze that from that time on all the dark-eyed little Egyptian maids
in that school wuz lookin' out anxiously to see some prince comin' in
and claim 'em and make a royal princess of 'em. But one swallow don't
make a spring; I don't spoze there has been or will be agin such a

Josiah said that we must not leave Cairo without seein' Pharo. Josiah
said he felt real well acquainted with him, havin' read about him so
much. Sez he, "He wuz a mean creeter as ever trod shoe-leather and I'd
love to tell him so."

They keep him in the Museum of Cairo now, a purpose, I spoze, to scare
folks from doin' what he did, for a humblier lookin' creeter I never
see, and hard lookin'; I don't wonder a mite at the bad things I've
hearn tell on him; why, a man that looked like that wuz sure to be
mean as pusley. He looked as if he wuz bein' plagued now with every
single plague that fell on him for his cruelty and I d'no but he is. I
wonder that the Israelites got along with him so long as they did;
Josiah wouldn't have stood it a week, he's that quick-tempered and
despises the idee of bein' bossed round, and how Pharo did drive them
poor children of Israel round; ground 'em right down to his terms,
wouldn't let 'em say their soul wuz their own, worked 'em most to
death, half starved 'em, wouldn't give 'em any rights, not a single
right. But as I sez to Josiah, he got his come-up-ance for his
heartless cruelty, he got plagued enough and drownded in the bargain.

He's a mummy now. Yes, as Josiah sez when he looked on him:

"You've got to be mum now, no givin' orders to your poor overworked
hired help in your brick-fields, not lettin' 'em have even a straw
that they begged for to lighten their burden. The descendants of them
folks you driv round can stand here and poke fun at you all day and
you've got to keep your mouth shet. Yes," sez he, "you've got to a
place now where you can't be yellin' out your orders, you've got to be
mum, for you're a mummy."

I didn't love to have Josiah stand and sass Pharo right to his face,
but it seemed so gratifyin' to him I hated to break it up, and I felt
towards him jest as he did, and Arvilly and Miss Meechim felt jest as
we did about it; they loathed his looks, hatin' what he'd done so bad.
But I thought from what I hearn Robert Strong sayin' to Dorothy that
he had doubts about his being the real Bible Pharo, there wuz quite a
lot of them kings by the same name, you know. But Miss Meechim hearn
him and assured him that this was the very Pharo who so cruelly
tortured the Israelites and who was drownded by the Lord for his
cruelty, she knew it by her feelings. And she said she was so glad
that she had seen for herself the great truth that the Pharo spirit of
injustice and cruelty wuz crushed forever.

But Robert said that Pharo's cruelty sprang from unlimited power and
from havin' absolute control over a weaker and helpless class; he said
that would arouse the Pharo spirit in any man. That spirit, he said,
was creeping into our American nation, the great Trusts and Monopolies
formed for the enrichment of the few and the poverty of the many; what
are they but the Pharo spirit of personal luxury and greed and
dominion over the poor?

I knew he was thinkin' of his City of Justice, where every man had the
opportunity to work and the just reward of his labor, where Charity (a
good creeter Charity is too) stayed in the background, not bein'
needed here, and Justice walked in her place. Where Justice and Labor
walked hand in hand into ways of pleasantness and paths of peace. He
didn't say nothin' about his own doin's, it wuzn't his way, but I
hearn him say to Dorothy:

"The Voice is speaking now to America as it did to Egypt, Let my
people go, out of their helpless bondage and poverty into better, more
just and humane ways, but America doesn't listen. The rich stand on
the piled up pyramid of the poor, Capital enslaves Labor and drives it
with the iron bit of remorseless power and the sharp spur of Necessity
where it will. But there must be a day of reckoning; the Voice will be
heard, if not in peace with the sword:

    'For the few shall not forever sway
      The many toil in sorrow,
    We'll sow the golden grain to-day,
      The harvest comes to-morrow.'"

But the greatest sight in Cairo and mebby the hull world is the

I d'no as I had so many emotions in the same length of time durin' my
hull tower as I did lookin' at them immense structures. It don't seem
as if they wuz made by man; they seem more like mountains placed there
by the same hand that made the everlastin' hills. They say that it
took three hundred thousand men twenty years to build the biggest one.
And I don't doubt it. If I had been asked to draw up specifications I
wouldn't have took the job for a day's work less. Why, they say it
took ten years to build the road over which them stuns wuz brought
from the Nile, and good land! how did they ever do it? No hands nor no
machinery that we know anything about at the present day could move
one of them stuns, let alone bringin' 'em from heaven knows where.
They couldn't have been got into any boat, and how did they do it? I
d'no nor Josiah don't. Mebby the sphynx knows, most probable she duz,
but she's a female that don't git herself into trouble talkin' and
gossipin'. Lots of wimmen would do well to foller her example.

From the first minute we got to Cairo and long enough before that we
had lotted on seein' the Pyramaids, Josiah had talked about 'em a
sight, and told me time and agin that he did want to see the spink, he
had got to see the spink.

Sez I, "You mean the Sphynx, Josiah."

"Yes," sez he, "the spink; I'm bound to see that. I want to tell
Deacon Henzy and Brother Bobbett about it; they crowed over me quite a
little after they went to Loontown to see them views of the spink and
the Pyramaid of Chops. You know I wuz bed-sick at the time with a
crick in my back. I guess they'll have to quirl down a little when I
tell 'em I've walked round the spink and seen old Chops with my own

Well, I know lots of folks travel with no higher aim than to tell
their exploits, so I didn't argy with him. And the hull party of us
sot off one pleasant day to view them wonders; they're only six miles
from Cairo. The Pyramaid of Cheops is higher than any structure in
Europe; the Strassburg Cathedral is the highest--that is four hundred
and sixty feet, and Cheops is four hundred and eighty feet high. Each
of its sides is seven hundred and sixty feet long above the sand, and
I d'no how much bigger it is underneath. The wild winds from the
desert piles up that sand everywhere it can; it was blowin' aginst
that pyramaid three or four thousand years before Christ wuz born, and
has kep' at it ever sense; so it must have heaped up piles about it.
The pyramaid is made of immense blocks of stun, and I hearn Josiah
explainin' it out to Tommy. Sez he, "It is called Chops because the
stun is chopped off kinder square."

But I interrupted and sez, "Josiah Allen, this wuz named after Cheops,
one of the kings of Egypt; some say it wuz his tomb."

Miss Meechim sez, "They say it took three hundred thousand men twenty
years to build it," and she remarked further, "How many days' work
this king did give to the poor, and how good it wuz in him!" And
Robert Strong said:

"Their work has lasted while the king is forgotten; labor against
capital, labor ahead."

Dorothy looked dreamily up onto the immense pile and said nothin'.

Arvilly said if she had a long whitewash brush she would advertise her
book, the "Twin Crimes," by paintin' a drunken man in a hovel beatin'
his wife and children, whilst America wuz furnishin' him with the
clubs, and the "Wild and Warlike Deeds of Men" in different wild and
warlike attitudes.

And little Tommy wonnered if he could climb up on it and wonnered what
anybody could see from the top.

And I looked on it and felt as if I could almost see the march of the
centuries defile by its stubborn old sides, and I wondered like Tommy
what one could look off and see from the top, gazing out acrost our
centuries so full of wonders and inventions, into the glowin'
mysteries of the twentieth century.

Robert Strong said that some thought it wuz built for astronomical
purposes, for there is a passage down three hundred and twenty feet
from the bed rock from which you can view the sky.

"And some think," sez Dorothy, "it wuz built to measure distances
correctly, it stands true east, north, south, west."

And Miss Meechim sez, "I believe it wuz built for religious purposes:
the interior passages have many stones and symbols that are a mystery
to every one unless it is explained in this way."

Sez Arvilly, "I believe it wuz made to shet up folks in that got drunk
and acted. Probable there wuz some even in that fur-off time that made
fools of themselves jest as they do now, and old Chops built it to
shet 'em up in, and mebby he wuz shet up in it, too; mebby he took to
drinkin'. I wish I could have sold him the 'Twin Crimes'; it would
have helped him a sight, but I wuzn't born soon enough," sez she,

Tommy stood back a little, lookin' up and seein' some people half-way
to the top, lookin' like flies on the side of the meetin' house,

"I wonner, oh, I wonner who made it and what it wuz made for, and oh,
how I do wonner how they ever got them big stones to the top."

And I sez to myself, "the child is wiser than any of us. He don't try
to measure his weak surmises on them great rocks and problems, but
jest wonders at it all," and I thought I would foller his example, and
I felt considerable better after I gin up.

Robert Strong and Dorothy and Arvilly clumb clear to the top, helped
by Arab lifters and boosters. Arvilly and Dorothy wuz tuckered when
they come down and they both said they wouldn't have undertook it if
they had known what a job it wuz, but they said the view from the top
wuz wonderful, wonderful! and I spoze it wuz, but I thought I would
ruther hear 'em tell on't than to go through what they did gettin' up
and down, and Miss Meechim, I guess, felt so too.

The other two pyramaids in this group wuz smaller than Cheops and
stood not fur away. The Sphynx stands about a quarter of a mild off,
lookin' off towards the east, facin' the risin' sun. I wonder if she
expects the sunrise of civilization to dawn ag'in into her sight.
'Tennyrate she seems to be lookin' out for sunthin'.

There she has sot, meditatin' all these years. She wuz old, old as the
hills when Christ wuz born. What hain't them old eyes seen if she
senses anything?

From Cairo we went to Alexandria, where we made a short stay; we
couldn't stay long anyway, we had loitered so on the journey. Here it
wuz June. Jerusalem and Bethlehem and Nazareth we must visit, and
still how could we hurry our footsteps in these sacred places that our
soul had so longed to see?

Alexandria was considerable interestin' on several accounts; it wuz
the home of Cleopatra, and the home of Hypatia, the friend and
teacher of women. A smart creeter Hypatia Theon wuz, handsome as a
picter, modest, good appearin', and a good talker. 'Tennyrate the
rooms where she lectured on philosophy and how to git along in the
world wuz crowded with appreciative hearers, and I spoze Mr. Cyrel,
who wuz preachin' there at the time, and didn't get nigh so many to
hear him, wuz mad as a hen at her for drawin' away the head men and
wimmen. 'Tennyrate she wuz killed and burnt up some time ago, a-goin'
on two thousand years. Yes, they burnt up all they could of her; they
couldn't burn up her memory, nor liberty, nor the love of wimmin for
talkin', and her stiddy practice on't when she gits a chance, not
bein' able to. But to resoom:

The evenin' we got there Josiah looked out of our winder and see a
camel kneelin' to take on its load, and sez Josiah: "If I could train
the old mair to kneel down in front of the Jonesville meetin' house
for me to git onto her back, how uneek it would look."

Sez I coldly, "Then you lay out to go to meetin' horseback, do you?
And where should I be?"

"Oh, I might rent a camel for you from some circus; you know what big
loads camels can take on, they can carry a ton or more, and it could
carry you all right."

I despise such talk, I don't weigh nigh so much as he makes out.

But Josiah went on, "I d'no but a camel could carry both on us, I
wouldn't add much to the load, I don't weigh very hefty."

"No," sez I, "you're not very hefty anyway."

But good land! I knew he couldn't rent any camel; circuses need 'em
more than we do.

The next day we all went out to see Pompey's Piller which we had seen
towerin' up before we landed, all on 'em ridin' donkeys but me, but I
not being much of a hand to ride on any critter's back, preferred to
go in a chair with long poles on each side, carried by four Arabs.
Pompey's Piller is most a hundred feet high. Cleopatra's Needles wuz
brought from Heliopolis. One is standing; the other, which lay for a
long time nearly embedded in the drifting sand, wuz given as a present
by Egypt to America, where it stands now in Central Park, New York. To
see the mate to it here made us feel well acquainted with it and
kinder neighborly. But we couldn't read the strange writin' on it to
save our life. Some say that they wuz raised by Cleopatra in honor of
the birth of her son, Cæsarion. But I d'no if she laid out to write
about it so's I could read it, she'd ort to write plainer; I couldn't
make out a word on't nor Josiah couldn't.

Cleopatra wuz dretful good lookin', I spoze, and a universal favorite
with the opposite sect. But I never approved of her actions, and I
wished as I stood there by that piller of hern that I could gin her a
real good talkin' to. I would say to her:

"Cleopatra," sez I, "you little know what you're a-doin'. Mebby there
wouldn't be so many Dakota and Chicago divorces in 1905 if it wuzn't
for your cuttin' up and actin' in B. C. I'd say stealin' is stealin',
and some wimmen think it is worse to steal their husbands away from
'em than it would be to steal ten pounds of butter out of their
suller. And that, mom, would shet any woman up in jail as you well
know. And you know, Cleopatra," sez I, "jest how you went on and
behaved, and your example is a-floatin' down the River of Time to-day,
same as you sailed down the Sydnus in that barge of yourn. And to-day
your descendants or influence posterity sail down the River of Time in
picture hats and feather boas, makin' up eyes and castin' languishin'
glances towards poor unguarded men till they steal their hearts and
souls right out of their bodies; steal all the sweetness and
brightness out of some poor overworked woman's life, and if they don't
take the body of their husband nothin' is said or done. Good land!
what would I care for Josiah Allen's body if his love had been stole.
I would tell the woman to take that in welcome sence she had all the
rest. But they sail along down the River of Life, coquettin' with
weak, handsome male Antonys, who had better be to home with their own
lawful Octavias. So it goes." I always hated Cleopatra's doin's. And I
wondered as I looked dreamily at that writin' of hern, if she wuz
sorry for her actions now in that spear of hern, wherever it wuz, and
wanted to ondo it.


We stayed there for some time, and on our way home a dretful thing
happened to me. After we all got started, sunthin' happened to one of
the poles of my chair, and with as much motionin' and jabberin' as a
presidential election would call for, they at last got it fixed agin.
By that time the party had all disappeared, and the bearers of my
vehicle started off at their highest speed right acrost ploughed land
and springin' crops and everything, not stoppin' for anything.

Where wuz they takin' me? Wuz I to perish in these wilds? Wuz they
carryin' me off for booty? I had on my cameo pin and I trembled. It
wuz my pride in Jonesville; wuz I to lose my life for it? Or wuz it my
good looks that wuz ondoin' of me? Did they want to make me their
brides? I sez to them in agonizin' axents, "Take me back instantly to
my pardner! He is the choice of my youth! I will never wed another!
You hain't congenial to me anyway! It is vain for you to elope with me
for I will never be your brides!"

But they jabbered and motioned and acted and paid no attention only to
rush along faster than ever.

I then tried a new tact with 'em. With tremblin' fingers I onpinned
the cameo pin, and with a noble jester that would have become Jeptha
as he gin his only daughter for a sacrifice, I handed it out to 'em.
And sez I, "If that is what you want, take it, and then bear me back
safely to my beloved pardner agin."

But they never touched it. They only jabbered away louder and more
fierce like and yanked me along faster than ever.

Oh, the agony of that time! Dear Josiah, should I never see thee agin?
and the children and the grandchildren? Hills and dells of lovely
Jonesville! Would they never dawn on my vision more! Would the old
mair never whinner joyfully at my appearance, or Snip bark a welcome?

I thought of all the unfortunate Hebrew wimmen who would have been
neighbors to me then if I had been born soon enough. Ruth, Esther,
Hagar, they all had suffered, they had all most likely looked off onto
the desert, even as I wuz lookin' for help, and it didn't come to some
on 'em. And by this time to add to my sufferin's, the mantilly of
night was descendin' over the seen, the tropical night that comes so
swift, so fast, oh, what should I do? Every move I made, every
despairin' jester only seemed to make 'em go faster, so it wuz plain
to be seen that my help wuz not in man. I thought of that pillar of
fire that had lighted that sad procession of Hebrews acrost that very
desert. And, like a cool, firm hand, laid on a feverish, restless
foretop, come agin the thought of them three wise men that had trod
that desert waste. No path, no guide to lead 'em, only the Star, and I
sez in my inmost heart:

"That Star hain't lost its light; it remains jest as bright and clear
to-day as it did then to light true believers acrost the darkness in
the hour of their need." And jest as plain as though they wuz spoke to
me come these beautiful words: "I will lift up mine eyes to the hills
from whence cometh my help."

And I lifted my streamin' eyes accordin', for by this time I wuz
cryin' and sheddin' tears. I could see by the faint light in the west
that there wuz considerable of a hill on the east of me, and as my
weepin' eyes wuz lifted in that direction my heart almost stood still
as I beheld all of a sudden a glowin' star of light shine out of the
darkness right on the top of that hill and rapidly desend in my
direction nearer and nearer.

Oh, joy! oh, bliss! it wuz my own pardner with a lantern. His devoted
love had bore him back. Settin' on a donkey bearin' a lantern, he
looked to me like an angel. It wuz the star of love, indeed it wuz!
the brightest star of earth come to light my dark pathway. And I bust

"Oh, Josiah Allen! you are not one of the wise men, but you look
better to me than any of 'em could."

And he sez, "It don't look very pretty for you, after hangin' out till
this time o' night, to run the one who has come way back after you
with a lantern, and talk about his not knowin' anything."

"Run you, Josiah," sez I, "you look more beautiful to me than words
can tell."

That mollified him and he sez with a modest smile, "I spoze I am very
pretty lookin', but I worried about you a sight."

It seems that they had went on a pretty good jog, and seein' my
bearers had got belated with me they had took a short cut acrost the
fields to overtake 'em. But it was a eppisode not to be forgot, and I
told Josiah not to be separated away from me a minute after this. Sez
I, "I almost feel like purchasin' a rope and tyin' myself to you for
the rest of the tower."

Sez he, "That would make talk, Samantha, but I will keep my eye on you
and not let you git carried off agin; for the feelin's I felt when I
missed you I would not go through agin for a dollar bill."

Well, we soon come up with the rest of the party. It seemed that they
had been talkin' and havin' such a good time they hadn't missed me for
quite a while. But when they did, Arvilly said Josiah acted some as he
did when she and he pursued me acrost the continent; sez she, "He
acted like a fool; I knew you couldn't be fur behind."

And I sez, "Arvilly, spiritual things are spiritually discerned; love
is spiritual and love has to interpret it."

"Well," sez she, "I am glad he found you so soon, for, to tell the
truth, I wuz beginnin' to worry a little myself."

Miss Meechim said she thought I had gone into some shrine to worship.

That was a great idee! off with four Arabs huntin' a shrine at that
time of night!

The next day we started for Jerusalem by way of Joppa and Ismalia. It
wuz on a fair evenin', as the settin' sun made strange reflections on
earthly things, we entered through the gate into Jerusalem, city of
our God. Nineteen centimes since, the Star moved along through the
December night and stood over the lonely manger in Bethlehem where a
Babe wuz born. The three wise men wuz the first visitors to that
Child. Now fifteen thousand visitors come yearly from every part of
the world to look upon this sacred place where the Man of Sorrows
lived his sorrowful life of good to all, suffered and died, and the
heavenly King burst the bonds of the tomb and ascended into heaven.

In these streets did sad-eyed prophets walk to and fro, carrying the
message of the coming of the King. They were stunned by the
gain-sayin' world, jest as it stuns its prophets to-day, only with
different kinds of stuns mebby, but hard ones. Here they wuz
afflicted, tormented, beaten, sawn asunder for uttering the truth as
God made it known to them, jest as they are to-day, of whom the world
wuz not worthy. Just like to-day. Here after centuries had gone by,
the truth they had foretold become manifest in the flesh. Jest as it
shall be. After hundreds of years had gone by, he whom the prophets
had foretold wuz born in Bethlehem, and the three wise men, fur apart,
knowin' nothin' of each other, wuz warned of his birth and wuz told to
foller the Star. They obeyed the heavenly vision and met on the
pathless desert, as the soul's and heart's desires of all good men and
wimmen meet who follow the Star!

Oh, sacred place! to be thus honored. What emotions I felt as my own
feet trod these roads, my own eyes looked on these sacred places.

The next morning after our arrival we went up to the Mount of Olives,
and from a tower two hundred feet high looked down on Jerusalem. The
Mount of Olives is a long, low ridge on the east of the city. The
Garden of Gethsemane is down on the foot of Olivet near the brook
Kedron. Here eight great olive trees much larger than the rest form a
sacred grove from whose melancholy shadows might well come that
agonizing cry to his disciples for human sympathy and love:

"Could ye not watch with me one hour?"

Here did Judas come over the brook Kedron with the hungry, cruel mob
and betray Him with a kiss. It wuz in this place that our Lord give
that glorious promise that lightens life and death:

"After I be risen I will go before you."

Every leaf of the old olive trees seemed trembling and full of
memories of that hour. To the west was the valley of Jehosiphet,
beyend is the city of the King. Back of you is Bethany, the home of
the friends of Jesus where he tasted sometimes the human sweets of
friendship, in the home of Lazarus and his sisters, Mary and Martha. A
beautiful soul Mary wuz, and Martha, poor creeter! I've always been
sorry for her, workin' away doin' the housework when she would much
rather, no doubt, set and listen as Mary did, but somebody had to be
cookin'. So she jest drouged round the house.

You can see the Dead Sea and the river Jordan, where our Lord wuz
baptized and the Dove descended out of the gardens of heaven and lit
on him, whilst the voice of the father God spoke, "This is my beloved
Son in whom I am well pleased."

Not far away from there is Jericho. On the southwest rises the Hill of
Zion, one of the four hills on which Jerusalem stands. As I looked on
it I spoke to my pardner almost onbeknown to me, "Oh, Josiah! how
many times we've sung together:

    'The Hill of Zion yields a thousand sacred sweets,
    Before we reach the heavenly fields or walk the golden streets.'

"But," sez I, "did you ever expect to set your mortal eyes on't?" He
wuz affected, I could see he wuz, though he tried to conceal it by
nibblin' on some figs he had bought that mornin'.

Miss Meechim wuz all carried away with the seen as the guide pinted
out the different places. Robert Strong and Dorothy didn't seem to
want to talk much, but their faces wuz writ over with characters of
rapt and reverential emotion.

Arvilly for once seemed to forgit her canvassin' and her keen bright
eyes wuz softened into deep thought and feeling. Tommy, who had heard
us talkin' about Herod walling in that part of the city, wonnered how
any man could be so wicked as the cruel king who killed all the little
children, and he wonnered if there ever wuz another king in the hull
world so wicked.

And my Josiah soothed his childish feelings by assuring him that all
such wicked rulers wuz dead and buried ages ago.

And so queer is Arvilly's mind since what she's went through that she
spoke right up and told Tommy that there wuz lots of rulers to-day
jest as wicked and fur wickeder. Sez she, "There are plenty of men in
every city in America that get the right from the rulers of the
country to destroy children in a much worse way than to cut their
heads off."

Sez she, "There are men who entice young children to smoke cigarettes,
drugged on purpose to form a thirst for strong drink, then enticed
into drinking-dives, where goodness and innocence are murdered and
evil passions planted and nursed into life, for the overthrowing of
all their goodness, for the murder of their family's safety and
happiness and making them the nation's menace and greatest danger."

And Tommy wonnered and wonnered what could make men do so, and so did

And Arvilly sez, "What is cuttin' off the heads of twenty or thirty
babies compared to the thousands and thousands of murders that this
licensed evil causes every year?"

Tommy's pretty face looked sad and he sez: "Why do good folks let it
go on?"

And Arvilly sez, "Heaven knows--I don't. But I've cleared my skirts in
the matter. There won't be any innocent blood on my skirts at the last

And Tommy bent his head and looked intently at the bottom of her
dress; and I see my pardner furtively glance at the bottom of his own
pantaloons; he acted guilty.

It is about two milds and a quarter round the city; the walls are
thirty or forty feet high; there are thirty-four towers on the walls,
and the city has eight gates. It has a population of one hundred
thousand, more Jews than any other race; for according to the
Scripture, jest as the Jews wuz scattered to the four winds of heaven,
they have of late been flocking home to Jerusalem jest as the old
prophets predicted exactly.

During their hours of prayer, many Jews wear phylactrys bound to their
forwards and arms, and Robert Strong said he saw one nailed to a

It is a long, narrer case, shaped some like a thermometer, with a
round hole towards the top of it covered with a lid which they can
lift up and see a few words of the ancient parchment inside, some as
the little boy had his prayer printed on the head-board, and on cold
nights would pint to it, sayin', "O Lord, them's my sentiments."

But these Jews did it to carry out Moses' command to bind the words of
the law for a sign on their arms, their heads and their doorposts.

The writing on these phylactrys is so perfect that you can hardly
believe that it is done with a pen. The Jews are extremely careful in
copying the oracles of God. They still write copies of their Old
Testament Scriptures, and every page must have jest so many lines, and
jest the same number of words and letters.

Robert Strong said that this was a great proof of the truth of the
Scriptures. Sez he: "Our Saviour said that one jot or tittle of the
law shall not fail."

Tommy wanted to know what that meant, and Robert told him that "jot"
wuz the smallest letter in the Hebrew alphabet, and "tittle" meant the
little horn-shaped mark over some of the letters.

And I sez: "I never knew what that meant before." But Miss Meechim
said she did--she always duz know everything from the beginning,
specially after she's hearn some one explain it. But to resoom: We
went to the Church of the Holy Sepulchre, where many different
religious sects come to worship. The place where many think the body
of our Lord wuz lain when he wuz taken down from the cross is covered
with a slab worn down by the worshippers, and in the little chapel
round it forty-three lamps are kep' burning night and day.

But I felt more inclined to think that the place where the body of our
Lord wuz lain wuz outside the city where the rocky hill forms a
strange resemblance to a human skull, answering to the Bible
description. Near there a tomb, long buried, has been found lately
that corresponds with the Bible record, which sez: "Now in the garden
was a new tomb wherin no man had been lain." There wuz places in this
tomb for three bodies, but only one had been finished, and scientists
say that no body has ever crumbled into the dust that covers this
tomb. Ruins show that ages back an arched temple once covered this
spot. But what matters the very spot where his body lay, or from where
he ascended into the heavens. Mebby it can't be told for certain after
all these years; but we know that his weary feet trod these dusty
roads. And as we travelled to Bethlehem and Bethany and Nazareth, his
presence seemed to go before us.

It wuz a lovely morning when we left Jerusalem by the Jaffa gate and
went down acrost the valley of Hinnom, up acrost the hill of Evil
Council, and acrost the broad plain where David fought many a battle
and Solomon went about in all his glory.

We stopped a few minutes at the convent of Mar Elias to see the fine
view. From here you can see both places where the Saviour wuz born and
where he died. It is a very sightly spot, and I hearn Josiah tell

"This is a beautiful place, Tommy; it wuz named after Miss Elias; her
children built it to honor their Mar; and it ort to make you think,
Tommy, that you must always mind your Mar."

"Mar?" sez Tommy inquirin'ly, "Do you mean my mamma or my grandma?"

I wuz glad the rest of the party wuz some distance away and didn't
hear him. Josiah always jest crowds his explanations, full and runnin'
over with morals, but he gits things wrong. I hated to hurt his
feelin's, but I had to tell Tommy this wuz named, I spozed, from the
prophet Elijah, who wuz, they say, helped by angels on this very spot
as he flowed away from Jezabel; they gin him water and food, such good
food that after eating it he could travel forty days and forty nights
without eating agin.

Jezabel wuzn't a likely woman at all; I wouldn't been willin' to
neighbor with her.

Rachel's tomb is a little furder on. It is a long, rough-lookin'
structure with a round ruff on the highest end on't. Christian, Jew
and Moslem all agree that this is Rachel's tomb. It wuz right here
that little Benoni wuz born and his ma named him while her soul wuz
departing, for she died.

I heard Josiah talkin' with Tommy about "little Ben." I hated to have
him call him so, but didn't know as it would do much hurt this late
day. Right about here dwelt Ruth and Naomi. A sweet girl Ruth wuz; I
always thought she wuz plenty good enough for Boaz, but then I d'no
but he wuz good enough for her. 'Tennyrate, her actions wuz a perfect
pattern to daughter-in-laws.

Here on these sands the giant, Goliath, strode out pompously to be
slain by a stun from a sling sent by David when he wuz a shepherd boy.
"How I wished I had some of them stuns to slay the evil giants of
1900," sez I. "If a stun could be aimed at Intemperance and another at
the big monopolies and destroy'em as dead as Goliath, what a boon it
would be."

And Arvilly sez, "Where will you git your sling, and where will you
git your Davids?"

Sez I, "The ballot is a good sling that could kill'em both stun dead,
but I d'no where I could git any Davids at present," and she didn't
nor Josiah, but I felt in hopes that there would be one riz up, for
always when the occasion demands, the Lord sends the right man to fill
the place.

Well, presently we arrov at Bethlehem (House of Bread). I mentioned
its meaning, and Josiah sez:

"I do hope I'll get some yeast risin' here that will taste a little
like yourn, Samantha."

So little did he dwell on the divine meanin' that wuz thrillin' my
heart. House of Bread, sacred spot from which proceeded the living
bread, that if any one should eat he should never more hunger.

The Church of the Nativity, the place that we sought first in the
village, is the oldest Christian church in the world. It wuz built by
Helena, mother of Constantine, 330 A.D. It is owned by a good many
different sects who quarrel quite considerable over it, as they would
be likely to in Jonesville if our M. E. church wuz owned too by
Baptists and Piscopalians, etc.

We spoze this church wuz built on the site of the tarven where our
Lord wuz born. Goin' down the windin' staircase we come to the Grotto
of the Nativity, which is a cave in the rock. There are several holy
chapels here, but this one where they say Christ wuz born is about
thirty-eight feet long and ten or eleven feet wide, and covered inside
with costly carving and sculpture. A star in the floor shows the place
where the manger wuz where the Holy Child wuz born, a silver star
glitters above it and around the star sixteen lights are burning night
and day. All about here the caves in the rocks are used as stables,
specially when the tarvens are full, as the Bible expressly states
they wuz the night our Lord wuz born. 'Tennyrate, way back almost to
the time He wuz born, historians accepted this spot as the place of
His birth. But as I said more formerly, what if it wuz not this very
spot, or some other nigh by, we know that it wuz in this little city
our Lord wuz born. It wuz of this city that centuries before the
prophets said: "And thou, Bethlehem Ephratah, though thou be little
amongst the thousands of Judea, yet out of thee shall he come forth
that shall be ruler of Israel, whose goings forth has been from old

Then and there wuz founded on earth that invisible and spiritual
kingdom so much stronger and mightier than any visible kingdom that
wuz ever thought on. The gorgeous throne of Herod and the long line of
kings and emperors since him have crumbled into dust, but that lowly
cradle in the stable of Bethlehem is onmoved. The winds and storms of
eighteen hundred years have not been able to blow a straw away from
that little bed where the Baby Christ lay. The crowns of kings and
emperors have disappeared, covered by the dust of time, but the rays
of light that shone round that Baby's brow grow brighter and brighter
as the centuries sweep by. The deepest love, the strongest emotions of
the hearts of an uncounted host keep that Bethlehem birthplace green
and changeless. The Herods, the Pilates, the Cæsars are dead and
buried under the driftin' centuries, but our Lord's throne stands more
firm and powerful to-day than ever before. Hatred, malice, the cross
of agony, the dark tomb could not touch that immortal life. Great
monarch and tender, overturnin' and upbuildin' empires at will,
blowing away cruel and unjust armies by a wave of his fingers, helping
the poor slave bear his heavy burden by pouring love into his heart,
wiping the widow's tears, soothing the baby's cries, marking even the
sparrow's fall.

Oh, what a kingdom! foretold by ages, begun on earth in that little
rocky stable that December night in Bethlehem. And it is secure; it
cannot be moved, its white pillers are enthroned in the secret
chambers of the soul.

And how strong and changeless his prime ministers, Love, Justice and
Mercy, are, who carry his messages and do his will. How quiet and
peaceable and yet how strong, makin' no fuss and show; but what
majesty is writ down on their forwards as they mirror the will of
their Master. How firm they stand, jest as they've stood for ages; no
wobblin', no turnin' this way and that to git adherents and followers.
No, calm and mighty and holy they stand before that sacred throne jest
as they did at Jerusalem before Herod and Pilate.

Oh, how many emotions I did have as I stood in that sacred spot, twice
as many at least as I ever had in the same length of time in any other
place. I didn't want to speak, I didn't want to see even my dear
Josiah. No, I wanted to be silent, to think, to meditate, to pray "Thy
kingdom come." Nigh by in the same grotto is what they call the tomb
of a relation of ourn on both sides. Yes, they say Adam, our grandpa
(removed) wuz buried here. I felt considerable sceptical about that,
but Josiah beheld it complacently, and I hearn him say to Tommy:

"Yes, here Adam lays, poor creeter!" And sez Josiah, puttin' down his
cane kinder hard, "Oh, what a difference it would have made to
Jonesville and the world at large if Adam had put his foot right down
just as I put my cane to-day, and not let his pardner eat that apple,
nor tease him into eatin' it, too."

And Tommy looked at him in wonder, "Did the apple make him sick,

"Yes, Tommy, it made him sick as death, sin-sick, and he knowed it

"Well, then what made him eat it, grandpa?"

And Josiah said, "These things are too deep for you to understand now;
when you git a little older grandpa will explain 'em all out to you."

And Arvilly sez, "I'd love to be there when you explained it, Josiah
Allen. Layin' the blame onto the wimmen, jest as men do from Adam and
Alpha to Omega."

Sez Josiah, "We'll walk out, Tommy, and see how it looks on the

But Arvilly kept mutterin' and kinder scoldin' about it long after
they had departed. "Why didn't Adam take the apple away from her and
throw it away? He hankered after it jest as much as she did, that's
why. Cowardly piece of bizness, layin' it all to her."

And she sniffed and stepped round sort o' nervous like, but sweet
Dorothy drawed her attention off onto sunthin' else.

On the pleasant hills about the village shepards could be seen tendin'
their flocks as they did on the night when the angels and the
multitude of the heavenly hosts appeared to them bearing tidings of
great joy that that night a Saviour wuz born.

"Glory to God in the highest and on earth peace, goodwill to men."

We felt that we must see Nazareth, where our Lord's early years wuz
spent, and we set off on a pleasant day; we approached it from the
north by way of Cana. The road wuz hard and rocky, but on turning a
corner we see the little town like a city set on a hill, only this wuz
on the side of the hill with hills above it and below it. Nazareth has
only a few hundred houses, but they are white and clean looking,
mostly square and flat roofed. As we drew nigh we see the tall minaret
of a mosque, the great convent buildings and the neat houses of the
village looking out of gardens of figs and olives with white doves
playing about the roofs; there wuz great hedges of prickly pears and
white orange blossoms and scarlet pomgranites to make it pleasant.

On the road we wuz travelin' the child Jesus no doubt often passed in
play with other children or at work. I wonder how he felt as he stood
amongst his playmates and if a shadow of what wuz to come rested on
his young heart? I spoze so, for he wuz only twelve when he reasoned
with the wise doctors.

There is one fountain that supplies the town and always has, and we
see stately dark-eyed wimmen carryin' tall jars of water on their
heads (how under the sun they ever do it is a mystery to me; I should
spill every drop), but they seem to carry 'em easy enough. Children
often ran along at their sides. And I knew that in this place the
young child Jesus must often have come with his mother after water.

Stood right here where we stood! what emotions I had as I thought
on't. Dorothy and Robert looked reverently about them and dipped their
hands in the clear water just as Joseph and Mary might when they wuz
young and couldn't look into the futer.

Miss Meechim said she had a tract to home that dealt on this spot and
wished she had brought it, she would have liked to read it here on the

Arvilly said she wuz glad enough to see that they had plenty of good,
pure water here and didn't have to depend on anything stronger.

And Josiah said in his opinion the water would make crackin' good
coffee, and he wished he had a good cup and a dozen or so of my


We visited a carpenter shop which wuz, I spoze, about like the shop of
Joseph, lots of different tools on shelves and nails on the side on't,
some like Jonesville shops.

But carpenter there has a different meaning from what it has in
Jonesville, it means different kinds of work, carving, making
furniture, plows, shovels, as well as buildin' houses. In some such a
shop as this our Lord worked with achin' back and blistered hands no
doubt, for He worked faithful and stiddy when He wuz subject to his
father, Joseph. I suppose his dress wuz much like other Jewish
peasantry save in one thing he wore, and this wuz the seamless
garment, suggestive, I spoze, of wholeness, holiness. As I thought
on't I instinctively murmured these words of our poet:

    "The healing of that seamless dress
      Is by our beds of pain,
    We feel it in life's care and stress--
      And we are strong again."

I looked up to the brow of the hill whereon this city is built, and my
mind wuz all wrought up thinkin' of how the Christ stood up in the
synagogue and told for the first time of his mission in these
incomparable words so dear to-day to all true ministers and lovers of
God's words, and all earnest reformers from that day down:

"The spirit of the Lord is upon me because he hath anointed me
to preach the gospel to the poor. He hath sent me to heal the
broken-hearted, to preach deliverance to the captive, and recovery
of sight to the blind, to set at liberty them that are bruised."

Oh, what a divine mission! not to the great and lofty and happy, but
to the poor, the broken-hearted, the bruised and the blind. How his
heart yearned over them even as it duz to-day. And how did the world
receive it? Just as Truth is received to-day, anon or oftener; they
thrust Him out of the synagogue, dragged Him to the brow of this very
hill that they might cast Him off. But we read that He passed through
the midst of them and went his way, just as Truth will and must. It
can't be slain by its opposers; though they may turn it out of their
high places by force, it will appear to 'em agin as an accuser.

But oh, what feelin's I felt as I looked on that very hill, the very
ground where He passed through their midst unharmed! I had a great
number of emotions, and I guess Josiah did, although his wuz softened
down some and dissipated by hunger, and Tommy, dear little lamb! he
too wuz hungry, so we all went to a little tarven where we got some
food, not over good, but better than nothin'.

The roads all about Nazareth and Jerusalem are very stony and rocky,
so we can see how hard it wuz, in a physical sense, for our Lord to
perform the journeys He did, for they wuz almost always on foot.

Well, that evenin' at the tarven in Jerusalem, Miss Meechim and
Dorothy and I wuz in the settin' room, and Dorothy set down to the
little piano and played and sung some real sweet pieces, and several
of the English people who had come on the steamer with us gathered
round her to hear the music, and amongst them wuz two young gentlemen
we had got acquainted with--real bright, handsome young chaps they
wuz--and they looked dretful admirin' at Dorothy, and I didn't wonder
at it, for she looked as pretty as a new-blown rose, and her voice had
the sweetness and freshness of a June mornin' in it, when the air is
full and runnin' over with the song of bird and bee, and the soft
murmur of the southern breeze amongst the dewy flowers. She wuz
singin' old Scottish and English ballads, and more than one eye wuz
wet as she sang about "Auld Joe Nicholson's Bonnie Nannie," and "I'm
Wearin' Away, Jean," and the dear old "Annie Laurie."

Miss Meechim looked worried and anxious, and sez she: "Oh, how I do
wish Robert Strong wuz here. Oh, dear! what a trial it is to keep
young folks apart."

And I sez: "What makes you try to? It is jest as nateral for 'em to
like each other's company as it is for bluebirds and robins to fly
round together in the spring of the year, and no more hurt in it, as I
can see."

Sez she impressively: "Haven't I told you, Josiah Allen's wife, my
wearing anxiety, my haunting fear that in spite of all my efforts and
labors Dorothy will marry some one in spite of me? You know how
invincibly opposed I am to matrimony. And you can see for yourself
just how much admiration she gits everywhere, and one of those young
men," sez she, frowning darkly on a handsome young Englishman, "I am
sure is in earnest. See the expression of his face--it is simply
worship. He would throw himself on his knees in front of her this
minute if there were not so many round. Oh, why don't Robert come and
protect her?"

Her face looked fairly haggard with anxiety, but even as I looked the
anxious lines wuz smoothed from her worried face like magic, and I see
Robert Strong come in and approach the group at the piano.

Miss Meechim leaned back in her chair in a restful, luxurious
attitude, and sez she: "Oh, what a relief! What a burden has rolled
off from me! Robert knows just how I feel; he will protect her from
matrimony. Now I can converse with ease and comfort," and she turned
the subject round on missionary teas and socials and the best way to
get 'em up.

The next mornin' Arvilly didn't appear to breakfast. I waited some
time for her, for I wanted her to go sightseeing with me, and Arvilly
wuz as punctual as the sun himself about gittin' up in the mornin',
and about as early.

I thought to myself: "Is Arvilly a-goin' to come up missin', as our
dear Aronette did?" I wuz agitated. I sent to her room, but no answer.
My agitation increased. I then went to her room myself, but my knock
at her door elicited no reply. I then spoke in anxious, appealin'

"Arvilly, are you there? And are you sick a-bed? Or are you dead?
Answer me, Arvilly, if either of my conjectures are true!"

My axent was such that she answered to once, "I hain't dead, Josiah
Allen's wife, and I hain't sick, only heart-sick."

Sez I, "Let me in then; I can't have you there alone, Arvilly."

"I hain't alone!" sez she. "Grief is here, and everlastin' shame for
my country."

It come to me in a minute, this wuz the anniversary of her husband's
death, the day our govermunt's pardner, the licensed saloon, had
murdered him down in Cuba.

I sez, "May God help you, Arvilly!" And I turned onto my heel and
left. But I sent up a tray of good vittles which wuz refused, and I
d'no as she eat a mou'ful that day.

At night I went agin to the door, and agin I hearn the sound of
weepin' inside.

Sez I, "Arvilly, let me in; I've got a letter for you from Waitstill

Sweet little creeter! She remembered her agony, and dropped this
flower onto the grave of Arvilly's happiness. Oh, how she, too, wuz
suffering that day, wherever she wuz, and I wondered as much as Tommy
ever did about the few cents the govermunt received for the deadly
drink that caused these murders and the everlastin' sorrow that flowed
out of 'em.

Well, Arvilly told me to put the letter under the door, which I did.
But nothin' more could I git out of her; and though I sent up another
tray of food to her, that too come down untouched; and as I told
Josiah, I didn't know as I could do anything more for her, as bad as I
felt, only to think of her and pray for her.

"Yes," sez he, "we will remember Sister Arvilly at the throne of grace
at evenin' worship." And after we went to our room he did make a able
prayer, askin' the Lord to look down onto the poor heart of our
afflicted sister, and send peace and comfort to her. It wuz a good
prayer, but even in that solemn time come the thought: "If you and
other church-members had voted as you prayed, Arvilly no need to be
shet up there alone with her life agony."

But it wuz no time to twit a pardner when we wuz both on our knees
with our eyes shet, but when it come my turn I did say:

"O righteous God, do help good men everywhere to vote as they pray."

Josiah said "Amen" quite loud, and mebby he duz mean to vote
different. He voted license to help Jonesville, most of the bizness
men of the town sayin' that it would help bizness dretfully to have
license. Well, it has helped the undertaker, the jail and the

Well, the next day Arvilly come down lookin' white and peaked, but
didn't say anything about her eclipse; no, the darkness wuz too awful
and solemn to talk about. But she showed me Waitstill's letter. In it
she said she had been for several days caring for a very sick woman
for half the night, and at midnight she would go back to the hospital,
and every night for a week she had seen a bent figure creeping along
as if looking for something, payin' no attention to anything only what
he had in the searchin' eyes of his mind.

It wuz Elder Wessel lookin' for Lucia, so Waitstill said. It wuz Love
waitin' and lookin' out, hoping and fearing. Poor father--poor girl!
Both struck down by a blow from the Poor Man's Club. She writ
considerable about Jonesville news to Arvilly, knowin', I spoze, how
welcome it would be, and said she got it from Ernest White.

Wuz things comin' out as I wanted 'em to come? My heart sung a joyful
anthem right then and there. Oh, wouldn't I be glad to see Ernest and
Waitstill White settled down and happy and makin' everybody round 'em
happy in the dear persinks of Jonesville and neighbor with 'em!

Ernest White wrote to Waitstill how successful his Help Union was and
how his dear young people wuz growin' better and dearer to him every

And we talked about it how he wuz carryin' everyday reason and common
sense into Sunday religion. Sez Arvilly, "He teaches young voters that
while prayers are needful and necessary, votes are jest as needful,
for bad or careless votin' destroys all the good that Christian effort
duz, all that prayer asks for and gits from a pityin' God. Every
saloon is shet up in Loontown and folks flock to hear him from as fur
off as Zoar and the town of Lyme. He don't have standin'-room in his
meetin'-house, let alone settin'-room, and they have got to put on an

And I sez agin what I had often said before, "What a object lesson
Elder White's work in Jonesville is, and how plainly it teaches what I
have always known, that nothin' can stand aginst the united power of
the church of Christ, and if Christian folks banded together and voted
as they prayed, the Saloon, the Canteen, the Greedy Trusts, the
licensed house of shame, monument of woman's disgrace, would all have
to fall."

"But they won't do it," sez Arvilly in a mad cross axent. "They'll
keep right on preachin' sermons against wrong and votin' to sustain
it, if they vote at all. Gamblin' for bed-quilts and afghans to git
money to send woollen clothin' to prespirin' heathens in torrid
countries, while our half-clad and hungry poor shiver in the cold
shadder of their steeples oncared for and onthought on."

I sez, "Don't be so hash, Arvilly; you know and I know that the church
has done and is doin' oncounted good. And they're beginnin' to band
themselves together to help on true religion and goodness and peace."

"Well," sez Arvilly, "I should think it wuz time they did!"

I see a deep shadder settlin' down on her eye-brow, and I knowed she
wuz a thinkin' of what she had went through.

Well, the next day we sot out for Paris, via Marseilles. We had a
pleasant trip up the beautiful blue Mediterranean, a blue sky
overhead, a blue sea underneath. Once we did have quite a storm,
makin' the ship rock like a baby's cradle when its ma is rockin' it
voylent to git it to sleep.

I wuzn't sea-sick at all nor Tommy, but my poor companion suffered,
and so did many of the passengers. There wuz a young chap who wuz the
picture of elegance when he come aboard, and dretful big feelin' I
should judge from his looks and acts. But, oh, how low sea-sickness
will bring the hautiest head! I see him one day leanin' up agin the
side of the ship lookin' yeller and ghastly. His sleek clothes all
neglected lookin', his hat sot on sideways, and jest as I wuz passin'
he wuz sayin' to the aristocratic lookin' chap he wuz travellin'

"For Heaven's sake, Aubrey, throw me overboard!"

His mean wuz wild, and though I didn't like his words I made excuses
for him, knowin' that mankind wuz as prone to rampage round in
sickness and act as sparks are to fly up chimbly. But, take it as a
whole, we had a pleasant voyage.

We only made a short stay in Marseilles, but long enough to drive
round some and see the most noted sights of the city, which is the
principal seaport of France.

On the northern part is the old town with narrer windin' streets and
middlin' nasty and disagreeable, but interestin' because the old Roman
ramparts are there and a wonderful town hall. A magnificent avenue
separates the old part from the new, a broad, beautiful street
extendin' in a straight line the hull length of the city. Beyend is
the Prado, a delightful sea-side promenade.

The new city is built round the port and rises in the form of an
amphitheatre; the hills all round are covered with beautiful gardens,
vineyards, olive groves and elegant country houses. Just acrost from
the harbor is the old chateau where Mirabeau wuz imprisoned, poor
humbly creeter! but smart. He didn't do as he'd ort to by his wife,
and Mary Emily realized it and wouldn't make up with him, though he
argued his case powerful in their lawsuit. But he wuz a smart soldier
and writ quite eloquent things. He stood for the rights of the people
as long as he could, till they got too obstropulous, as they sometimes
will when they git to goin'. But I presoom he did desire his country's
good. His poor body wuz buried with pomp and public mourning, and then
a few years after taken up and laid with criminals. But good land!
he'd got beyend it all. He had gone to his place wherever it wuz, and
it didn't make any difference to him where the outgrown garment of his
body wuz.

But to resoom: The Cathedral is quite a noble lookin' edifice, built
so I hearn, on the spot where a temple once stood where they
worshipped Diana; not Diana Henzy, Deacon Henzy's sister. Josiah
thought I meant her when I spoke on't, and said the idee of anybody
worshippin' that cranky old maid, but as I told him it wuz another old
maid or bachelor maid, as I spoze she ort to be called, some years
older than Diana Henzy. Sez I, "This Diana wuz a great case to live
out-doors in groves and mountains." Sez I, "Some say she was the
daughter of Zeus, and twin of Apollo."

And Josiah said them two wuz nobody he ever neighbored with.

And I sez, "No, you hain't old enough." And that tickled him; he duz
love to be thought young.

There is a French Protestant church, where the English residents
worship, and churches and synagogues where other sects meet.

We went to an Arab school, a museum, library and botanical garden,
where we see beautiful native and foreign trees and shrubs and
flowers. It has a splendid harbor, consisting of at least two hundred
acres. The manufactures are principally glass, porcelain, morocco and
other leathers, soap, sugar, salt, etc., etc. The city has had many
ups and downs, plagues, warfares, sieges and commotions, but seems
quite peaceful now.

Mebby it put its best foot forrerd and tried to behave its very best
because we wuz there. Naterally they would, comin' as we did from
Jonesville, the pride and centre of the Universe and America.

But 'tennyrate everything seemed peaceful and composed.

We only stayed there two days of rest and sightseeing and then rest
agin, and then sot sail for Paris.

Our first mornin' in Paris dawned clear and beautiful. It was the
Fourth of July. 'Tain't often I do it, but I put my cameo pin on
before breakfast, thinkin' that I could not assume too much grandeur
for the occasion. The pin wuz clasped over a little bow of red, white
and blue, and in that bow and gray alpacky dress I looked exceedingly
well and felt so.

Josiah put on a neck-tie bearin' all the national colors, with more
flamin' stars on it, I guess, than we've got States, but I didn't
censure him, knowin' his motives wuz good.

We all had comfortable rooms in the tarven. Arvilly wuz dressed in
black throughout; I hinted to her she ort to wear some badge in honor
of the day, and she retired to her room and appeared with a bow made
of black lute string ribbin and crape. I felt dretful. I sez,
"Arvilly, can't you wear sunthin' more appropriate to the occasion?"

Sez she, "I know what I am about," and her looks wuz such that I
dassent peep about it. But mebby she meant it for mournin' for her
pardner. I dassent ask. Josiah wuz readin' his Guide Book as earnest
as he ever searched the Skripters, and he sez, with his finger
markin' the place, "Where shall we go first?"

Of course, we all wanted to visit the most noted sights of Paris. And
all on us fell in love with the gay, bright, beautiful, happy
city--though Josiah fell in with French ways more than I did, owin' to
his constant strivin's after fashion. Why, I didn't know but he would
git to drinkin' whilst he wuz there, observin' the French custom of
drinkin' their light wines at their meals.

He intimated that he should most probable have cider on the table in
bottles when he got home. "You know," sez he, "that there is a hull
box of old medicine bottles to the barn."

But I told him that nothin' stronger than root beer, made by my own
hands out of pignut and sassparilla, should ever be sot on my table.
But I may see trouble with him in that way. Whilst we wuz talkin'
about it, I brung up to illustrate the principles I wuz promulgatin',
the ivory tankard Arvilly pinted out to us in the American exhibit.

It wuz a big ivory tankard holdin' enough liquor to intoxicate quite a
few. Two big, nasty, wreathin' snakes (signifyin' the contents on't in
my mind) dominated one side and made the handle, and held the laurel
wreath surroundin' it (signifyin' office-holders, so I spozed), in its
big hungry mouth. On top of the hull thing stood a rarin' angry brute,
illustratin' the cap-stun and completed mission of the whiskey

Arvilly talked more'n half an hour to Miss Meechim about it, and I wuz
glad on't.

But when I brung that up, Josiah waved the subject off with a shrug of
his shoulders in the true French way, though a little too voyalent.

I had ketched him practicin' that movement of the shoulders before the
glass. He had got so he could do it first rate, I had to own to
myself, though I hated to see him practise it so much, mistrustin'
that it wuz liable to bring on his rumatiz.

And I see in a letter he writ home: "Be sure, Ury, and weed the
_jardin_, specially the onions," and he ended the letler: "_Oh revwar,
mon ammy._"

I knowed that it would make Ury crazy as a hen, and Philury, too,
wonderin' what it meant, but couldn't break it up. But speakin' of
"jardins," we went to several on 'em, the last one we see the most
beautiful seemin'ly of the lot. Jardin de Luxemburg Palais Royal,
Tuilleries, Acclimation, Jardin des Plantes. There are hundreds of 'em
scattered through the city, beautiful with flowers and shrubbery and
statutes and fountains and kept in most beautiful order and bloom at
public expense.

And we visited cathedrals, missions, churches, museums, the sewers,
libraries, went through the galleries of the Louvre--milds and milds
of beauty and art, as impossible to describe as to count the leaves in
Josiah's sugar-bush or the slate stuns in the Jonesville creek, and as
numerous as if every one of them leaves and slate stuns wuz turned
into a glorious picter or statute or wondrous work of ancient or
modern art. I hain't a-goin' to try to describe 'em or let Josiah try,
though he wouldn't want to, for he whispered to me there in a sort of
a fierce whisper: "Samantha Allen, I never want to set my eyes agin on
another virgin, if I live to be as old as Methulesar or a saint."
Well, there wuz sights on 'em, but they looked real fat and healthy,
the most on 'em; I guess they enjoyed good health.

And one afternoon when the sky wuz blue, the sun shone and the birds
sung merrily, we went to that dretful place, the Paris morgue. There
wuz a crowd before the doors, for the Seine had yielded a rich harvest
that mornin'; there wuz five silent forms, colder than the marble they
lay on, one a young woman with long hair falling about her white
shoulders. Amongst the crowd that pressed forward to look at that
unfortunate wuz a bent, haggard form that I thought I recognized. But
if it wuz a father watching and waiting in dretful hope and still more
dretful fear for the best beloved, I couldn't tell, for the crowd
pressed forward and he disappeared almost before I saw him. And I too
wuz agitated, for when I catched sight of the clustering hair, the
pretty rounded arms and form, an awful fear clutched my heart that I
trembled like a popple leaf and I see Dorothy turn white as a sheet
and Arvilly and Miss Meechim looked like them that sees a tragedy and
so did Robert Strong and Josiah.

But a closter look made us know that it wuz no one that we ever see.
It wuz not the dear one who wuz in our hearts day and night, it wuz
not our sweet Aronette and it wuz not Lucia. Poor father! doomed to
hunt in vain for her as long as his tremblin' limbs could carry him to
and fro under foreign skies and the sun and stars of his own land.
Poor seekin' eyes, turnin' away at the very last from visions of green
pastures and still waters to look once more down the sin-cursed
streets of earth for his heart's treasure! Dying eyes, dim with a
black shadow, blacker than the shadow of the Valley, cast from Agony
and Sin, sold to the crazed multitude for its undoing by sane men for
the silver of Judas. Love stronger than life, mightier than death,
never to be rewarded here. But we read of a time of rewards for deeds
done in the body. At whose dying beds will these black forms stand,
whose shadows torment humanity, to claim their own and go out with
them to their place they have prepared here for their soul's dwelling?
Hard question, but one that will have to be answered.

Robert Strong and Dorothy wanted to visit the Pantheon; specially the
tomb of Victor Hugo. It is a great buildin' with a dome that put me
some in mind of our own Capitol at Washington, D. C. It is adorned
with paintings and statutes by the most eminent artists and sculptors,
and the mighty shades of the past seem to walk through the solemn
aisles with us, specially before the statute of Victor Hugo. I felt
considerable well acquainted with him, havin' hearn Thomas J. read his
books so much. And as I stood there I had a great number of emotions
thinkin' what Victor had went through from his native land from first
to last: abuse, persecutions, sent off and brung back, etc., and I
thought of how his faithful "Toiler of the Sea" went through
superhuman labors to end in disappintment at last. And Jean Valjean,
the martyr, seemed to walk along in front of me patiently guardin' and
tendin' little Cossette, who wuz to pierce his noble, steadfast heart
with the sharpest thorn in the hull crown of thorns--ingratitude,
onrequited affection, and neglect.

And we stood before the Column Vendome and meditated on that great,
queer creeter, Napoleon. Who but he would think of meltin' the cannons
he had took in battle from his enemies and makin' a triumphal monument
of 'em a hundred and forty feet high, with his own figger on top.


Well, Miss Meechim wanted to see the Goblin tapestry, so we visited
the Goblin manufactory. These tapestries are perfectly beautiful,
fourteen thousand shades of wool are used in their construction. What
would Sister Sylvester Bobbett say? She thought the colors in her new
rag carpet went ahead of anything, and she didn't have more'n fourteen
at the outside, besides black and but-nut color. But fourteen thousand
colors--the idee!

Yes, we rid through the marvellously beautiful streets under triumphal
arches and more warlike ones and visited all the most beautiful sights
in the city and the adjacent country, and who do you spoze I met as I
walked along in the Bois de Boulogne? It wuz the Princess Ulaly. The
rest of our party wuz some little distance off and I wuz santerin'
along charmed with the beauty about me when who should I meet face to
face but Ulaly. Yes, it wuz Ulaly Infanty.

I wuz highly tickled, for I considered her a likely young woman and
sot store by her when I met her to home at the World's Fair. She
knowed me in a minute and seemed as glad to see me as I wuz her, and I
sez to her most the first thing after the compliments wuz passed, "Who
would have thought, Ulaly, when we parted in Chicago, U. S., that the
next time we should meet would be in Paris?"

"Yes, indeed!" sez she, "who would have thought it." And I went on to
say, for I see she looked real deprested:

"Ulaly, things hain't come out as I wanted 'em to; I felt real bad
about it after your folks sold their jewelry to help discover us. I
dare presume to say they have been sorry time and agin that they ever
found us, and I wouldn't blame 'em, for as Josiah sez to me:

"'Where would we be to-day if it hadn't been for Columbus? Like enough
we shouldn't been discovered at all.' Sez he, 'Most probable we should
be Injins.' But don't lay it to Josiah or me, Ulaly, we hain't to
blame, we didn't do a thing to bring on the trouble. Of course we
remembered the _Maine_ some, we had to, and your folks couldn't blame
us for it. Josiah and me felt real provoked and mortified to think
that after folks had gin their jewelry to discover us they should blow
us up in that way. But I sez to Josiah, 'Because three hundred are
sent onprepared into eternity it hain't no reason three thousand
should be.' We are great cases for peace, Josiah and I be, and would
have managed most any way, even been run on some and imposed upon a
little ruther than to have rushed into the onspeakable horrors of

"And I don't want you to blame William, either; he held onto the dogs
of war with both hands a tryin' to hold 'em in."

"William?" sez she inquirin'ly.

"Yes, William McKinley, our President. He jest held onto them dogs
till they wuz likely to tear him to pieces, then he had to leggo. Them
dogs wuz jest inflamed by havin' yellow literatoor shook in their
faces, and yells from greedy politicians and time servers, till they
wuz howlin' mad and would have barked themselves blind if he hadn't
leggo. But he didn't want to, William didn't, he wanted peace
dreadfully." And she said real sweet, that she knew he did.

"Well, it turned out jest as it did, Ulaly. But I think just as much
of you as I did before you lost your propputy, and I d'no as the
propputy Uncle Sam got hold of in the dicker is a goin' to do him much
good, not for quite a spell anyway. There is such a thing as bein'
land poor, taxes are heavy, hired help hain't to be relied on and the
more you have the more you have to watch and take care on, though of
course it is a pleasure to a certain set of faculties and some
particular bumps in your head, to own a path as you may say, most
round the world, steppin' off from California to Hawaii and then on to
the Philippines, ready to step off from there, Heaven knows how fur or
when or where. It is a pleasure to a certain part of your mind, but
other parts of your head and heart hold back and don't cheer in the
procession. But howsumever, Ulaly, that is neither here nor there. I
hope your folks are so as to git round. I wuz sorry enough to hear
that you and your pardner don't live agreeable. But though it is a
pity, pardners have had spats from Eden to Chicago and I d'no but they
always will. The trouble is they take pardners as boons instead of
dispensations, and don't lean hard enough on scripter.

"But this is not the time or place for sermons on how to be happy,
though married. How is Christina and Alfonso? I'm afraid he's gittin'
obstropolous, and I d'no but Christina will have to give him a good
spankin' before she gits through. Of course, spankin' a king seems
quite a big job to tackle, and of course he's pretty old for it. But
it don't do to let children have their heads too much. One good
spankin' will strike in truth when reams of sermons and tearful
expostulations will fail. You might just mention to Christina what
I've said, and then she can do as she wants to with fear and

But I see my folks passin' down a distant path, and I sez: "I will now
bid you adoo, Ulaly, as time and Arvilly and Josiah are passin' away."
She bid me a real pleasant good-by, and I withdrawed myself and jined
my folks.

One day the hull of our party visited Fontainbleu and went through the
apartments of kings and queens and popes and cardinals. The rooms of
Napoleon wuz full of the thrilling interest that great leader always
rousted up, and always will, I spoze, till history's pages are torn up
and destroyed. And in the rooms of Marie Antoinette we see the lovely
costly things gin to this beautiful queen when the people loved her,
and she, as she slept under the beautiful draperies gin by the
people, never dreamed, I spoze, that the hands that wrought love and
admiration into these fabrics would turn on her and rend her.

But Marie didn't do right. Carelessness, oppression, neglect of the
people's rights, a few grasping the wealth of the nation while the
people suffer and starve, weave bloody colors into the warp and woof
of life from Paris to New York and Washington, D. C., and so on to
Jonesville. And we went through the apartments of Louis Philippe,
Francis I., Louis XIII., etc., and Madam Maintenon's apartments and
Diana de Poyter's, and seen her monogram decorating the apartment
interwoven with the king's. I hated to see it, but couldn't do nothin'
to break it up at this late day. Miss Meechim walked through these
apartments with her nose in the air, having sent Dorothy into the
garden with Robert Strong and Tommy, and Arvilly wouldn't cross the
thresholt, and I didn't blame her, though havin' my lawful pardner by
my side I ventered.

But Arvilly led off into the beautiful gardens, where we found her
settin' with Robert Strong and Dorothy and Tommy by the fountain.

We wanted to explore the forests of Fontainbleu, but only had time for
a short drive through it, but found it most picturesque and beautiful
what we see of it.

Bein' such a case for freedom, Arvilly wanted to see the Column of
July riz up on the site of the old prison of the Bastile. And I did,
too. I felt considerable interested in this prison, havin' seen the
great key that used to lock up the prisoners at Mount Vernon--a
present to our own George Washington from that brave Frenchman and
lover of liberty, Lafayette.

A brave man held in lovin' remembrance by our country, and I spoze
always will be, as witness his noble statute gin by our school
children to France this present year. That his statute and G.
Washington's should be gin to France by America, and that Josiah
Allen's wife and Josiah should also be permitted to adorn their
shores simeltaneous and to once, what a proud hour for France! Well
might she put her best foot forrerd and act happy and hilarious!

But to resoom: The last afternoon of our stay in Paris, Arvilly and I
went to see the Column of July, accompanied by my pardner, Miss
Meechim and Dorothy havin' gone to a matinée, and Robert Strong havin'
took Tommy with him to see some interestin' sight. And I had a large
number of emotions as we stood there and thought of all the horrows
that had took place there, and see way up on top of the lofty column
the Genius of Liberty holdin' in one hand the broken chains of
captives and holdin' up in her other hand the torch of liberty.

But I methought to myself she's got to be careful, Liberty has, or
that torch will light up more'n she wants it to. Liberty is sometimes
spelt license in France and in our own country, but they don' mean the
same thing, no, indeed! We hung round there in that vicinity seein'
the different sights, and Josiah took it in his head that we should
take our supper outdoors; he said he thought it would be real
romantic, and I shouldn't wonder if it wuz. 'Tennyrate, that is one of
the sights of Paris to see the gayly dressed throngs happy as kings
and queens, seemin'ly eatin' outdoors. Lights shinin' over 'em, gay
talk and laughter and music sparklin' about 'em.

Well, Josiah enjoyed the eppisode exceedingly, but it made it ruther
late when we started back to the tarven through the brightly lighted
streets and anon into a more deserted and quiet one, and on one of
these last named we see a man, white-headed and bent in figger,
walkin' along before us, who seemed to be actin' dretful queer. He
would walk along for quite a spell, payin' no attention to anybody
seemin'ly, when all at once he would dart up clost to some young girl,
and look sharp at her, and then slink back agin into his old gait.

Thinkses I is he crazy or is he some old fool that's love sick. But
his actions didn't seem to belong to either of the classes named. And
finally right under a lamp post he stopped to foller with his eager
eyes a graceful, slim young figger that turned down a cross street and
we come face to face with him.

It wuz Elder Wessel--it wuz the figger I had seen at the morgue--but,
oh, the change that had come over the poor creeter! Hair, white as
snow; form, bowed down; wan, haggard face; eyes sunken; lookin' at us
with melancholy sombry gaze that didn't seem to see anything. Josiah
stepped up and held out his hand, and sez: "Elder, I'm glad to see
you, how do you do? You don't look very rugged."

He didn't notice Josiah's hand no more than if it wuz moonshine. He
looked at us with cold, onsmilin', onseein', mean, some like them same
moonbeams fallin' down on dark, troubled waters, and I hearn him

"I thought I had found her! Where is Lucia?" sez he.

The tears run down my face onbeknown to me, for oh the hunted, haunted
look he wore! He wuz a portly, handsome man when we see him last, with
red cheeks, iron-gray hair and whiskers and tall, erect figger. Now he
had the look of a man who had kep' stiddy company with Death,
Disgrace, Agony and Fear--kep' company with 'em so long that he wuz a
stranger to anybody and everybody else.

He hurried away, sayin' agin in them same heart-breakin' axents:
"Where is Lucia?"

Arvilly turned round and looked after him as he shambled off.

"Poor creeter!" sez she. Her keen eyes wuz full of tears, and I knowed
she would never stir him up agin with the sharp harrer of her irony
and sarcasm if she had ever so good a chance. Josiah took out his
bandanna and blowed his nose hard. He's tender-hearted. We knowed
sunthin' how he felt; wuzn't we all, Dorothy, Miss Meechim, Arvilly,
Robert Strong, Josiah and I always, always looking out for a dear
little form that had been wrenched out of our arms and hearts, not by
death, no, by fur worse than death, by the two licensed Terrors whose
black dretful shadders fall on every home in our land, dogs the steps
of our best beloved ready to tear 'em away from Love and from Safety
and Happiness.

From Paris we went to Berne. I hearn Josiah tellin' Tommy: "It is
called Burn, I spoze, because it got burnt down a number of times."

But it hain't so. It wuz named from Baren (bears), of which more anon.
Robert Strong had been there, and he wanted Dorothy to see the
scenery, which he said was sublime. Among the highest points of the
Bernise Alps and the Jungfrau and the Matterhorn, which latter peak is
from twelve to fourteen thousand feet high. Good land! What if I had
to climb it! But I hadn't, and took comfort in the thought. Deep,
beautiful valleys are also in the Oberland, as the southern part of
the Canton is called, the Plain of Interlaken being one of the most

There are several railways that centre in Berne, and it stands at the
crossroads to France and Germany. And though it is a Swiss city, it
seemed much more like a German one, so Robert Strong said. The people,
the signs, the streets, the hotels and all, he said, was far more like
a German city than a Swiss one.

It is quite a handsome city of about fifty thousand inhabitants, with
straight, wide streets and handsome houses, and one thing I liked
first-rate, a little creek called the Gassel, has been made to run
into the city, so little rivulets of water flow through some of the
streets, and it supplies the fountains so they spray up in a noble

Josiah sez: "If Ury and I can turn the creek, Samantha, so it will run
through the dooryard, you shall have a fountain right under your
winder. Ury and I can rig up a statter for it out of stuns and mortar
that will look first-rate. And I spoze," sez he, "the Jonesvillians
would love to see my linimen sculped on it, and it might be a comfort
to you, if I should be took first."

"No, Josiah," sez I, "not if you and Ury made it; it would only add to
my agony."

We had quite a good hotel. But I see the hired girl had made a mistake
in makin' up the bed. Mebby she wuz absent minded or lovesick;
'tennyrate she had put the feather bed top of us instead of under us.

As Josiah laid down under it he said words I wouldn't have had Elder
Minkley heard for a dollar bill, and it didn't nigh cover his feet
anyway. What to do I didn't know, for it wuz late and I spozed the
woman of the house had gone to bed and I didn't want to roust her up.
And I knew anyway it would mortify her dretfully to have her help make
such a mistake. Good land! if Philury should do such a thing I should
feel like a fool. So I had Josiah git up, still talkin' language onfit
for a deacon and a perfessor, and I put the bed where it belonged,
spread the sheets over it smooth, put my warm woollen shawl and our
railway rug on it and made a splendid bed.

The food wuz quite good, though sassage and cheese wuz too much in
evidence, and beer and pipes and bears. I always kinder spleened
aginst bears and wuz afraid on 'em and wouldn't take one for a
present, but it beat all how much they seem to think of bears there,
namin' the place for 'em to start with, and they have bears carved and
painted on most everything. Bears spout water out of their mouths in
the fountains, they have dead ones in their museums, and they have a
big bear den down by the river where great live ones can growl and act
all they want to. And bears show off in a wonderful clock tower they
have built way back in the 'leventh century. I never see Tommy so
delighted with anything hardly as he wuz with that, and Josiah too.
Every hour a procession of bears come out, led, I believe, by a
rooster who claps his wings and crows, and then they walk round a old
man with a hour glass who strikes the hour on a bell. But the bears
lead the programmy and bow and strut round and act.

The manufactures of Berne are mostly cloth, silk and cotton, straw
hats, etc. It has a great university with seventy-three professors.
Good land! if each one on 'em knowed a little and would teach it they
ort to keep a first-rate school.

And it also uses a Referendum. Arvilly disputed me when I spoke on't;
she thought it wuz sunthin' agin 'em, but it hain't. It helps the
people. If they don't like a law after it passes the legislature they
have a chance to vote on it. And it keeps 'em from bein' fooled by
politicians and dishonest statesmen. I approve on't and Arvilly did
when she got more acquainted with the idee. I wish America would get
hold of one, and I guess she will when she gits round to it, though
Arvilly don't believe they will. Sez she: "Our statesmen ruther spend
their time votin' on the length of women's hat-pins, and discuss what
a peril they are to manhood." Sez she: "Why don't they vote agin men's
suspenders? Everybody knows a man could hang a woman with 'em, hang
'em right up on the bed post." Sez Arvilly: "Why not vote that men
shall fasten their trousers to their vests with hook and eyes, they
are so much less dangerous?" But I don't spoze they ever will. It is a
job to fasten your skirt to your waist with 'em. But they are real
safe and I wish men would adopt 'em. But don't spoze they will, they
hate to be bothered so.

Another thing I liked first-rate there and Arvilly did, the
corporation of the city is so rich it furnishes fuel for its citizens
free. Arvilly sez:

"Catch the rich corporations of our American cities furnishin' fuel
for even the poorest. No; it would let 'em burn up their old chairs or
bedsteads first, or freeze."

"Well," sez I, "mebby our country will take pattern of the best of all
other countries when she gits round to it; she's been pretty busy

And Arvilly sez, "She had better hurry up before her poor are all
starved or friz; but as it is," sez she, "her statesmen are votin' on
wimmen's hat-pins whilst Justice lays flat with her stillyards on top
of her and Pity and Mercy have wep' themselves sick."

America is good, her charities are almost boundless, but I think some
as Arvilly that Charity hain't so likely lookin' or actin' as Justice,
and Robert Strong thinks so too. But it is a great problem what to do
for the best in this case. Mebby Solomon knew enough to grapple with
the question, but Josiah don't, nor Arvilly, though she thinks she
duz. Robert Strong is gittin' one answer to the hard conundrum of
life, and Ernest White is figurin' it out successful. And lots of
other good and earnest souls all over the world are workin' away at
the sum with their own slates and pencils. But oh, the time is long!
One needs the patience of the Sphinx to set and see it go on, to labor
and to wait. But God knows the answer to the problem; in His own good
time He will reveal it, as the reward of constant labor, tireless
patience, trust and prayer. But to resoom forwards: One of the
picturesque features of the older part of Berne is that the houses are
built up on an arcade under which runs a footpath.

But its great feature is the enchantin' seenery. It stands on a
peninsula and the view on mountain and river is most beautiful.

From Berne we went direct to the city of Milan in Italy. And we found
that it wuz a beautiful city eight or nine milds round, I should
judge, with very handsome houses, the cathedral bein' the cap sheaf.
I'd had a picture on't on my settin' room wall for years, framed with
pine cones and had spent hours, I spoze, from first to last lookin' at
it, but hadn't no more idee of its size and beauty than a Hottentot
has of ice water and soap stuns.

From every point of view it is perfect, front side, back side, outside
and inside; specially beautiful are the gorgeous stained glass winders
in the altar.

Robert Strong and Dorothy and all the rest of the party but Josiah and
me and Tommy clumb up to the biggest tower, three hundred and thirty
or forty feet, and they said the view from there wuz sublime and you
couldn't realize the beauty of the cathedral until you saw it from
that place where you seemed to stand in a forest of beautifully carved
white marble. But I sez to 'em, "I can believe every word you say
without provin' it."

I never could have stood it to clumb so high, but they said you could
see way off the Appenines, the Alps, Mont Blanc, the Matterhorn, a
wonderful view. The cathedral is full of monuments to kings and queens
and saints and high church dignitaries. Its carving, statuary, fret
work is beyend description. It is said to be the most beautiful in the
world and I shouldn't wonder, 'tennyrate it goes fur, fur beyend the
M. E. meetin'-house in Jonesville or Zoar or Loontown.

Milan has beautiful picture galleries, and Miss Meechim and Arvilly
and I wuz restin' in one one day, for we wuz tired out sightseein',
when a young man and woman swep' by, both on 'em with glasses stuck in
their eyes, richly dressed and she covered with jewels, and their wuz
a maid carryin' wraps and a cushion, and a man carryin' two
camp-chairs, and a tall, slim tutor follerin' with a little boy.

I d'no as the Queen of Sheba and Mr. Sheba could have travelled with
any more pomp if they had took it into their heads to come to
Jonesville the Fourth of July. They didn't seem to be payin' any
attention to the pictures, though they wuz perfectly beautiful. There
wuz a group of titled people that had been pinted out to us, and their
eyes wuz glued on them, and they seemed to be kinder followin' 'em
round. They gin Miss Meechim a cool, patronizin' nod as they went by,
and she gurgled and overflowed with joy over it.

She said they wuz the Mudd-Weakdews, of Sacramento, Rev. Mr Weakdew's
only child, and they wuz on their way home from Paris; he had married
Augusta Mudd, a millionairess. "They are so exclusive, so genteel!"
sez Miss Meechim, "they will not associate with anybody but the very
first. He wuz a college mate of Robert's and so different from him,"
sez she.

"Yes," sez I, in a real dry tone, "I spoze he is, he looks different

"He is engaged in the same occupation Robert is," sez Miss Meechim,
"and he would no more do as Robert does than he would fly. He keeps
his workmen down in their place. Now Robert sells them land at a cheap
rate and encourages a building association amongst the workmen, so
most all of them own their own houses and gardens, and they cultivate
fruits and flowers, making their homes look more like a genteel,
wealthy person's than a laborer's; it makes them independent as you
please, heads right up, lookin' you right in the face, as if they wuz
your equals. Mudd-Weakdew don't let them own an inch of land; they
live in tenements that he owns and they pay high rents. The houses are
laborers' rooms, not genteel and comfortable as their employer's. He
says that he makes as much out of the rent of these houses as he does
from his factory, for I must say that Robert's workmen do more work
and better. But the Mudd-Weakdews live like a prince on a broad,
tree-shaded avenue with a long row of tenement houses on the alley
back of it, separated from the poor, and what I consider a genteel,
proper way.

"Of course his workmen complain that they do all the work and he lives
in a palace and they in a hovel, that he is burdened with luxuries and
is hoarding up millions, whilst they labor through their half-starved
lives and have the workhouse to look forward to. So unreasonable! How
can the poor expect the genteel pleasures of the wealthy, and when
their houses are low and old and the walls mouldy and streets narrow
and filthy and no gardens, and ten or fifteen in one room, they ought
not to expect the comfort and pure air of four people in one great
house set in a park. But such people can't reason."

"Who is the fourth?" sez I coldly, for I despised her idees.

"They have a little girl older than Augustus and very different from
him. Little Augustus is naturally very aristocratic and they encourage
him to look down on the tenement children and be sharp to them, for
they know that he will have to take the reins in his hands and control
rebellious workmen just as his pa does now, and conquer them just as
you would a ugly horse or dog."

"How is the little girl different?" sez I in cold, icy axents.

"Oh, she is a perfect beauty, older than Augustus and at boarding-school
now. She is the idol of their hearts--even the workmen love her, she
is so gentle and sweet. Her parents adore her and expect that she
will unite them to the nobility, for she is as beautiful as an angel.

"Little Augustus was terribly frightened just before we sailed, his
grand-pa told me; one of them impudent workmen who had been sick and
out of work for a spell rushed up to little Augustus, who was feeding
cakes to his pony and Italian greyhound, and demanded him to give him
some. The man's fierce looks was such that Augustus dropped the cakes
and ran away to his tutor. The man had the impudence to pick up the
pieces and rush away with them, muttering that his own boy was dying
for want of food, while this boy was throwing it away. What business
was it to him, I would like to know. The man was turned off, I
believe. Mudd-Weakdew will stand no impudence; he builds up a wall of
separation between himself and them that can't be broke down, just as
he has a right to."

Sez I, "Mebby it can't be broke down, but the wrongs and sufferin's of
one class is apt to react on the other."

"But it cannot here," sez she, "for Mudd-Weakdew is not like Robert,
mingling with his workmen, breaking down the wall of separation, that
always has and I believe always should exist between the genteel
wealthy and the poor."

"Well," sez I, "time will tell." And she went on.

"You ought to see the elegance of their house, thirty house servants
and Robert has only two; and won't let them be called servants; he
calls them helpers. Oh, they are so genteel! they mingle with the very
first, and Robert might do just so, but he actually seems happier
amongst his workmen trying to make them happier than he does with the
titled aristocracy. Mudd-Weakdew would no more mingle with his workmen
as Robert does, than he would fly."

I murmured onbeknown to myself, "The poor received Him gladly;"
"Except ye do these things ye cannot be my disciples." And I sez to
Miss Meechim, "How would the Mudd-Weakdews receive the carpenter's Son
if he should stop at their gate some afternoon while they wuz givin' a
garden party to nobility. If Jesus should enter there with his chosen
companions, the fishermen and the poor, all dusty from weary walks and
barefooted; if he should look through their luxury to the squalid
homes beyend with reproach and sorrow in his divine face, how would
they greet him?"

Miss Meechim said she didn't really know, they wuz so very, very
exclusive, but she felt that they would act genteel anyway. "And," sez
she, "they worship in a magnificent church built by millionaires and
used by them almost exclusively, for of course poor people wouldn't
feel at home there amongst the aristocracy."

But Arvilly said--I guess she had to say it--"Yes, they kneel and
worship the Christ they crucified while they tromple on his teachings;
hypocrites and Pharisees, the hull caboodle on 'em, Rev. Weakdew and
all!" I d'no but Arvilly wuz too hash, but mebby my groans spoke as
loud as her words; I felt considerable as she did and she knowed it.

"Oh! oh!" Miss Meechim fairly squeeled the words out, "Rev. Weakdew is
very thoughtful and charitable to the poor always. I have wept to hear
him tell of their home above, right in with the rich you know,
mingling with them; I have heard him say it, exclusive as he and his
family is, and how after starvation here how sweet the bread of life
would seem to them."

"In my opinion," sez Arvilly, "he better spend his strength tryin' to
feed 'em on earth; when they git to that country the Lord can take
care on 'em."

"Oh, he always has a collection taken up for the poor, Christmas and
Easter, and his congregation is very charitable and give largely in
alms and make suppers for the poor, Christmas, almost as good as the
wealthy enjoy."

Sez Arvilly, "You can't put out the ragin' fires of a volcano with a
waterin' pot; it will keep belchin' out for all of that little
drizzle; that seethin' kaldron of fire and ashes would have to be
cleaned out and the hull lay of the land changed in order to stop it.
What good duz it do to scatter a few loaves of bread to the hungry
while the Liquor Power and the mills of Monopoly are grindin' out
hundreds and thousands of tramps and paupers every year?"

Sez Miss Meechim, "the poor ye shall always have with you."

"We don't read," sez Arvilly, "of Martha Washington having to feed
tramps nor labor riots and strikers in the time of Jefferson. No, it
wuz when our republic begun to copy the sampler of old nations'
luxury, aristocracy and enormous wealth for the few and poverty and
starvation for the many. Copyin' the old feudal barons and thieves who
used to swoop down on weaker communities and steal all their
possessions, only they gained by force what is gained now by corrupt
legislation. Anybody would think," sez Arvilly, "that as many times as
that sampler has been soaked in blood, and riddled by bullets, our
country wouldn't want to foller it, but they do down to the smallest
stitch on't and how can they hope to escape their fate? They can't!"
sez Arvilly.

"But," I sez, "they can't unless they turn right round in their
tracts. But I am a good deal in hopes they will," sez I; "I am hopin'
that Uncle Sam will foller my advice and the advice of other
wellwishers of the human race--I see signs on't."

"Well," sez Arvilly, "you have fursightener specs than I have, if you
can see it."

And I sez, "You lay your ear to the ground, Arvilly, and you'll hear
the sound of a great approachin' army. It is the ranks of the Workers
for Humanity with voice and pen, with wealth and influence, the haters
of hate, lovers of love, breakers of shams and cruelties in creeds,
political and social life and customs. Destroyers of unjust laws, true
helpers of the poor. It is them that try to foller Christ's mission
and give liberty to the bound, sight to the blind. That great throng
is growin' larger, every hour, the stiddy, stiddy tromplin' of their
feet sounds nearer and nearer." And I sez in a rapt way, "Whilst you
are listenin' to 'em, Arvilly, listen, upward and you'll hear the
sound of wings beatin' the air. The faint music, not of warlike
bugles, but the sweet song of Peace. It comes nigher, it is the white
winged cohort of angels comin' down to jine the workers for humanity
and lead 'em to victory, and their song is jest the same they sung
when Christ the Reformer wuz born, 'Peace on earth, goodwill to

Sez Miss Meechim, "I guess you hear the crowd on the avenue going
home, and it is really time to go; it would not look genteel to stay

I looked at her, and through her, and smiled a deep forgivin' smile
for I thought she wuz a foreigner, how could she understand.


In the centre of the city of Milan is an artificial lake where the
Milanise dearly love to go out in beautiful pleasure yots, and in the
winter it serves for a skating rink. Milan is noted for its charitable
institutions, which owns property to the amount of forty or fifty
millions; it is a honor to her. It has flourishing colleges, lyceums,
observatories, gymnasiums, famous libraries, institutes and schools of
all kinds, and the Academy of Fine Arts is celebrated all over the
world. It has a beautiful triumphal arch, begun in 1807 and finished
in 1838. They take their own time, them old Milanise do, but when
their work is done, it is done.

Josiah thought most probable they worked by the day. Sez he, "Men are
most always more shiftless when you pay by the day."

It has very fine public gardens, and one day we went to the Campo
Santo. It is a beautiful spot; they say it has the finest sculpture
and statuary in the world. We spent some time wandering around,
resting our eyes on the beautiful marble forms on every side.

They wuz a quiet crowd, too; jest as calm and silent as them they kep'
watch over.

Some of the most celebrated pictures in the world are to be seen in
the picture galleries at Milan, the Marriage of Mary and Joseph, by
Raphael, is considered the most valuable. We went to see the fresco of
the Lord's Supper, by Leonardo da Vinci, on the walls of an old
convent. But the wall is crumbled and the picture is faded and worn;
besides artists have tried to retouch it with just about as much
success as Josiah would have if he undertook to paint the sky indigo
blue, or Ury tried to improve a white lily with a coat of whitewash.
But we loved to look on it for what it wuz before Time's hand had laid
so heavy on it and artists had tried to protect it.

We wuz in Milan over Sunday and so we went to the Cathedral to
service, and agin I realized its marvellous beauty and magnitude. Its
ruff is supported by fifty-two columns, and it has eight thousand
life-sized statutes inside and outside, plenty enough for comfort even
if it wuz over-fond of statutes.

The Lazaretto, once used as a plague hospital, is now used as an
apartment-house for the poor; it has one thousand two-roomed
apartments in it, a city in itself.

Napoleon, ambitious creeter! wuz crowned king of Italy in Milan. And I
guess old Charlemaigne himself wuz, 'tennyrate a good many kings here
had the iron crown set on their forwards. I d'no what made 'em have
iron crowns, though Josiah said it would be real handy sometimes. He
said if a king wuz in a hurry, and you know they are sometimes in a
dretful hurry to be crowned before their heads are took off, it would
be real handy, for they could take the rim to a stove griddle, and
stand up some velvet pints on it and it would fit most any head. He
also spoke of a coal-scuttle.

But I said that I guessed they used iron to show that crowns are so
heavy and bore down on their heads so.

We visited Lake Como, Dorothy specially wantin' to see the palace of
Carlotta. Poor, broken-hearted Carlotta, whose mind and happiness wuz
destroyed by the shot that put an end to Maximilian's brave, misguided

Poor Maximilian! poor Carlotta! victims of the foolish ambitions of an
empress, so they say. I wuz glad to throw the blossom of a pitying
thought onto their memory as I passed her house, opposite Belajio,
thinkin' that it wuz befittin' a American to do so. Tears stood in
Dorothy's eyes as we recalled the sad tragedy.

Lake Como deserves all that has been said of it, and more too. The
slopes of the mountains are dotted with vineyards, hamlets and
beautiful villas. And we see many little cabins where the familys of
organ-grinders live. Mebby the wife and children lived here of some
swarthy creeter that I've fed offen my own back steps in Jonesville
for grindin' out music for the children.

It is only a journey of eight hours from Milan to Venice, and Verona
is about half way. And it is almost like travellin' through a mulberry
grove. The valley of Lombardy is a silk-producing country and the diet
of silkworms is mulberry leaves and the trees also serve as handsome
props to the grape vines that hang from tree to tree.

Fur off, like cold, sad thoughts that will come in warm happy hearts,
we see the snow-capped mountains, and bime by it grew so cold that we
wuz glad and grateful when we had cans of hot water handed to us at
the station.

Josiah thought they wuz full of hot coffee and proposed to once that
we should take some to meetin' with us in Jonesville to warm our feet.
Sez he, "How delightful it would be, Samantha, to take a good drink of
hot coffee in meetin'."

"Yes," sez I, "it would look nice to be drinkin' in meetin'."

"Oh," sez he, "I mean to do it sly; I could scrooch down and pretend
to be fixin' my shues." But it proved to be nothin' but hot water in
the cans, but real comfortable to our feet. And the mulberry groves
put Josiah in mind of another innovation that might be made in
Jonesville ways.

Sez he, "These silk raisers git rich as mud and jest see the number of
caterpillars we have to hum; they might jest as well be put to work on
sunthin' that will pay as to be eatin' up young squashes and
cowcumbers for us to plant over." Sez he, "Their work is worse than
wasted on us."

Sez I, "These silkworms hain't like our caterpillars, Josiah."

"Well, they may make silk of a different color, but who cares for that
when diamond dyes are so cheap, and if we wanted red silk we could
try feedin' em on red stuff, beets, and red russets and such. Why,"
sez he, "with Ury's help I could start a caterpillar bizness that
would be the makin' of me. And oh, how I would love to robe your
figger, Samantha, in silk from my own caterpillars."

"Well, well," sez I, "let's not look ahead too much." Sez I, "Look
there up the mountain side and see the different shades of green
foliage and see what pretty little houses that are sot there and see
that lovely little village down in the valley."

So I got his mind off. The costooms of the peasant wimmen are very
pretty, a black bodice over a white chemise with short full sleeves
and bright colored shirts, and hat trimmed with long gay ribbons.

The men wear short, black trousers, open jackets and gay sashes,
broad-brimmed white hats with long blue ribbons streamin' down. Josiah
sez to me admirin'ly, "How such a costoom would brighten up our
cornfield if I and Ury appeared in 'em."

Sez I, "Ury would git his sash and hat ribbons all twisted up in his
hoe handle the first thing."

"They might be looped up," sez Josiah, "with rosettes."

We read about travel bein' a great educator, and truly I believe that
no tourist ever had any more idees about graftin' foreign customs onto
everyday life at home than Josiah Allen did. Now at Lake Como where we
see washerwomen at their work. They stood in the water with their
skirts rolled up to their knees, but they still had on their white
chemisettes and black bodices laced over them and pretty white caps
trimmed with gay ribbins.

And Josiah sez, "What a happy day it would be for me and Ury if we
could see you and Philury dressed like that for the wash-tub; it would
brighten the gloom of Mondays considerable."

Well, they did look pretty and I d'no but they could wash the clothes
jest as clean after they got used to it, but I shouldn't encourage
Philury to dress up so wash-days.

And it wuz jest so when we see on Lake Como its swarm of pleasure
gondolas glidin' hither and yon with the dark-eyed Italian ladies in
bright colored costooms and black lace mantillys thrown over their
pretty heads and fastened with coral pins, and the gondoliers in gay
attire keepin' time to the oars with their melogious voices. Josiah
whispered to me:

"What a show it would make in Jonesville, Samantha, to see you and me
in a gondola on the mill-dam, I with long, pale blue ribbins tied
round my best beaver hat and you with Mother Allen's long, black lace
veil that fell onto you, thrown graceful over your head, and both of
us singin' 'Balermy' or 'Coronation.' How uneek it would be!"

"Yes," sez I, "it would be uneek, uneeker than will ever come to

"Well, I d'no," sez he, "Ury and me could make a crackin' good gondola
out of the old stun boat, kinder hist it up in front and whittle out a
head on it and a neck some like an old gander's. We could take old
High Horns for a model, and we could make good oars out of old
fish-poles and broom-handles, and you own a veil, and blue streamers
don't cost much--nothin' henders us from showin' off in that way but
your obstinate sperit."

But I sez, "I shall never appear in that panoramy, never."

"Oh, well," sez he, gayly, "Jonesville has other females beside you,
more tractable and more genteel. Most probable Sister Celestine
Bobbett and she that wuz Submit Tewksberry would love to float in a
gondola by the side of one of Jonesville's leadin' men."

I looked full in his face and sez, "Has foreign travel shook your
morals till they begin to tottle? Have I got to see a back-slidden

Sez he, real earnest, "You are the choice of my youth, the joy of my
prime of life."

"Well, then," sez I, "shet up!" I wuz out of patience with his giddy
idees, and wouldn't brook 'em.

We laid out to go from Milan to Genoa till we changed our plans. I
thought it wuzn't no more'n right that we should pay Columbus that
honor, for I always wondered, and spoze always shall, what would have
become of us if we hadn't been discovered. I spoze we should have got
along some way, but it wouldn't have been nigh so handy for us. I
presoom mebby Josiah and I would have been warwhoopin' and livin' in
tepees and eatin' dogs, though it don't seem to me that any colored
skin I might have could have made me relish Snip either in a stew or
briled. That dog is most human.

I always felt real grateful to Columbus and knowed he hadn't been used
as he ort to be. And then Mother Smith left me a work-bag, most new,
made of Genoa velvet, and I awfully wanted to git a little piece more
to put with it so's I could make a bunnet out of it. But Dorothy
wanted to see Verona and her wish wuz law to the head of our party,
and when the head of a procession turns down a road, the rest of the
procession must foller on in order to look worth a cent. Miss Meechim
said that it wuz on her account that he favored Dorothy so. But it
wuzn't no such thing and anybody could see different if their eyes
wuzn't blinded with self-conceit and egotism. But take them two
together and there is no blinders equal to 'em. They go fur ahead of
the old mair's, and hern are made of thick leather.

Well, Robert thought we had better go on to Venice, stopping at Verona
on the way and so on to Naples, and then on our way back we could stop
at Genoa, and we all give up that it wuz the best way.

I always liked the name of Verona. Miss Ichabod Larmuth named her
twins Vernum and Verona. I thought it would be a real delicate
attention to her to stop there, specially as we could visit Genoa

Well, havin' such a pretty name I felt that Verona would be a real
pretty place, and it wuz. A swift flowing river runs through the town
and the view from all sides is beautiful. The fur off blue mountains,
the environin' hills, the green valleys dotted with village and
hamlet, made it a fair seen, and "Jocund day stood tip-toe on the
mountain tops."

But to sweet Dorothy and me, and I guess to the most of us, it wuz
interestin' because Juliet Montague, she that wuz Juliet Capulet, once
lived here. I spoke on't to Josiah, but he sez:

"The widder Montague; I don't remember her. Is she any relation of old
Ike Montague of North Loontown?"

But I sez: "She wuzn't a widder for any length of time. She died of
love and so did her pardner, Romeo Montague."

"Well," said Josiah, "that shows they wuz both sap heads. If they had
lived on for a spell they would got bravely over that, and had more
good horse sense."

Well, I spoze worldlings might mock at their love and their sad
doings, but to me the air wuz full of romance and sadness and the
presence of Juliet and Romeo.

The house where she once lived wuz a not over big house of brick, no
bigger nor better than Bildad Henzy's over in Zoar, and looked some
like it.

Josiah said it wuz so silly to poke clear over to Italy to see this
little narrer house when we could see better ones to home any day.

Miss Meechim said that it didn't look so genteel as she expected, and
Arvilly made a slightin' remark about it.

But Robert Strong said kinder low, "He laughs at scars who never felt
a wound." His eyes wuz on Dorothy's sweet face as he spoke.

And in her soft eyes as she looked at him I could almost see the
meanin' of Juliet's vow, "To follow thee, my lord, throughout the

We didn't go to Friar Laurence's cell where Mr. and Miss Romeo
Montague wuz married and passed away, not knowin' exactly where it
wuz, old Elder Laurence havin' passed away some time ago, but we did
go to the place they call her tomb; we rung a bell in the iron gate,
paid a little fee, and was led by the hired girl who opened the gate
to the place where they say she is buried. But I d'no as this is her
tomb or not; I didn't seem to feel that it wuz, 'tennyrate the tomb
don't look much like what her pa said he would raise above 'em:

"A statue of pure gold; that while Verona by that name is known, there
shall no figure at such rate be set as that of true and faithful
Juliet." Josiah not havin' come up to the mark in the way of sentiment
at the house of Capulet, overdid the matter here; he took out his
bandanna, and after flourishing it enough to draw everybody's
attention to it, pressed it to his eyes and sort o' sithed.

But I doubted his grief, though he made such elaborate preparations
for it, and I told him so afterwards. He acted real puggicky and sez:

"Can't I ever please you, Samantha? At the widder Montague's Pa's you
thought I wuzn't sentimental enough, and I thought you would be
tickled enough to have me shed tears at her tomb."

"Did you shed tears, Josiah?" sez I.

But he waved the question off and continued, "The guide told me that
folks usually wep' some there, and I expected you all would, you are
all so romantik and took up with the widder Montague and her pardner.
I took the lead, but none of you follered on."

"Well," sez I, "if you felt like weepin', Josiah, I wouldn't want to
break it up, but to me it looked fur more like a waterin' trough than
it did like a tomb."

"Well, you know how it is in the older part of the Jonesville
buryin'-ground, the stuns are all tipped over and broke. Mr. and Miss
Capulet have been dead for some time and probable the grave stuns have
gone down."

Well, being kinder rousted up on the subject, I quoted considerable
poetry about Romeo and Juliet, and Josiah bein' kinder huffy and
naterally hatin' poetry, and real hungry, too, scorfed at and made
light on me. He kep' it up till I sez:

"William Shakespeare said there wuz Two Gentlemen of Verona, and I
should be glad, Josiah Allen, to think you made the third one; but a
true gentleman wouldn't make light of his pardner or slight her

Sez he: "Reminescin' on a empty stomach is deprestin', and don't set

Well, it had been some time sence we had eat, and Tommy wuz gittin'
hungry, too, so we returned to the tarven.

In the afternoon we went to see the old Roman amphitheatre. It wuz
probably built not fur from A.D. Jest think on't! Most two thousand
years old, and in pretty good shape yet! It is marble, and could
accommodate twenty thousand people. All round and under it is a arch,
where I spoze the poor condemned prisoners wuz kep' and the wild
beasts that wuz to fight with 'em and kill 'em for the pleasure of the
populace. Miss Meechim got dretful worked up seein' it, and she and
Arvilly had words, comparin' old times and new, and the different wild
beasts they encourage and let loose on the public. Arvilly's views,
tinged and shadowed as they always are, by what she's went through,
they both got mad as hens before they got through.

There are ruins of a large aqueduct near, which wuz flooded with
water, I spoze, for acquatic sports way back, mebby back to Anna D, or
before her. Some say that early Christians were put to death in this
amphitheatre, but it hain't very clearly proved.

Well, we only stayed one day at Verona, and the next day we hastened
on to Venice.

Josiah told me that he wanted to go to Venice. Sez he: "It is a place
from what I hear on't that has a crackin' good water power and that is
always the makin' of a town, and then," sez he, "I've always wanted to
see the Bridge of Size and the Doggy's Palace." Sez he: "When a city
is good enough to rare up such a palace to dogs it shows there is
sunthin' good 'bout it, and I dare presoom to say there hain't a dog
amongst 'em any better than Snip or one that can bring up the cows any

Josiah thinks we've got the cutest dog and cat in the world. He has
spent hours trainin' 'em, and they'll both start for the cow paster
jest the right time and bring up the cows; of course, the cat can't do
much only tag along after the dog; she don't bark any, it not bein'
her nater to, but it looks dretful cunnin'. Sez Josiah, "I wouldn't be
ashamed to show Snip off by the side of any of the dogs in the Doggy's

Sez I, coldly, "How do you spell dogs, Josiah Allen?"

"Why, dog-es, doggys."

Sez I, "The palace was rared up by a man--a Doge--the Doges wuz great
men, rulers in Venice."

"I don't believe a word on't," sez he. "It is rared up for dogs, and
I'm thinkin' quite a little of rarin' up a small house with a steeple
on't for Snip. He deserves it."

Well, there wuzn't no use in argyin'; I knew he would have to give up
when he got there, and so he did. And it wuz jest so with the Bridge
of Sighs, that has, as Mr. Byron said, "A palace and a prison on each

Josiah insisted on't that it wuz called the Bridge of Size, because it
wuz the most sizeable bridge in the world. But it is no such thing; it
don't begin, as I told him, with the Brooklyn Bridge; why, it hain't
no longer than the bridge between Loontown and Zoar, or the one over
our creek, but I presoom them who passed over this bridge to execution
gin deep, loud sithes--it wuz nateral they should--so the bridge wuz
named after them sithes.

Josiah said if that wuz fashionable he should name the bridge down
back of the barn the Bridge of Groans, it wuz such a tug for the
horses to draw a load over it. Sez he, "I almost always give a groan
and so does Ury--Bridge of Groans." Sez he, "that will sound uneek
and genteel in Jonesville."

But mebby he won't do it; he often makes plans he don't carry out and
he gits things wrong--he did the very first minute we got there.

We arrove in Venice about the middle of the afternoon, and as Robert
had writ ahead for rooms, a man wuz waitin' with a sizeable gondola to
take us to our tarven.

When Josiah see it drawin' nigh he sez to me, _soty vosy_, "Never,
never, will I ride in a hearse; I wouldn't in Jonesville and I won't
in Italy; not till my time comes, I won't."

But I whispered back agin to keep still, it wuzn't a hearse. But, to
tell the truth, it did look some like one, painted black as a coal.
But, seein' the rest of us embark, he, too, sot sail in it. He didn't
have to go a great ways before it stopped at our tarven, which wuz
once a palace, and I kinder hummed to myself while I wuz washin' me
and puttin' on a clean collar and cuffs:

"'Mid pleasures and palaces though we may roam," puttin' the main
emphasis on palaces. But Josiah catched up the refrain and sung it
quite loud, or what he calls singin':

    Be it ever so humbly,
    There's no place like hum.

He looked round the vast, chilly, bare apartment, the lofty walls, the
marble floors, with here and there a rug layin' like a leaf on a
sidewalk, and I kinder echoed it. Sez he feelin'ly and sort of
plaintively, "I'd ruther have less ornaments and more comfort."

I sez, "It is very grand and spacious."

And he sez, "I'd give the hull of the space and throw in the grandeur
for a good big fire and a plate of your nut cakes."

But I sez soothin'ly, "It is sunthin', Josiah, to live in a palace;"
and I drawed his attention to the mosaic work on the floor, and the
massive furniture covered with inlaid work.

And he sez, "I'd ruther have less work laid into the furniture and
some decent food laid into my stomach."

Oh, what a appetite that man has got! It had kep' active all the way
from Jonesville around the world and wuz still up and a-doin'. Well,
he can't help it. He acted real obstrupulous and onhappy. He has such
spells every little while. I mistrusted and he just as good as owned
up to me that it wuz partly owin' to his bein' dressed up all the
time; it wuz a dretful cross to him. He wears frocks to hum, round
doin' the barn chores, and loose shues, but now of course he had no
reprieve from night till mornin' from tight collars and cuffs and his
best shues.

But then, he had restless spells to hum and onhappy ones, and acted;
and I told him he did and he disputed me right up and down. He didn't
feel very well, anyway; he had told me that mornin' early how he pined
for Jonesville, how he longed to be there, and how he didn't care for
a thing outside of them beloved presinks. And I told him it wuzn't
reasonable. Sez I, "Enjoy Jonesville while you are there and now enjoy
Europe whilst you are here."

Sez he, with a real sentimental look, "Oh, Jonesville, how happy I'll
be if I ever see thee agin! How content, how blessed!"

Sez I, "You wuzn't always happy there, Josiah; you oft-times got
restless and oneasy there."

"Never!" sez he, "never did I see a onhappy or a tired day there in my

But he did. He got down-casted there jest as he did here. I knowed how
often I had soothed and comforted his sperits by extra good meals. But
he wouldn't own up to it, and seein' he looked so gloomy and deprested
I went to work and episoded some right there, whilst I wuz comin' my
hair and dressin', in hopes that it would bring a more happy and
contented look onto his liniment, for what will not a devoted pardner
do to console her consort?

Sez I, "Josiah, life is a good deal like the Widder Rice's yarn I've
heard Ma Smith tell on. She wuzn't a smooth spinner and there would be
thick bunches in her yarn and thin streaks; she called 'em gouts and
twits. She'd say, 'Yes, I know my yarn is full of gouts and twits, but
when it's doubled most likely a gout will come aginst a twit and make
it even.'"

And I eppisoded to myself and to Josiah, "That is a good deal like
life. The good of this world seems onequally divided some times, but
the rich has troubles and the poor have compensations. The poor man
has to git up early and toil all day, but if he hates to leave his bed
so early mornings, his sleep is sweet while he rests, and his labor
makes his food taste good and nourishes his strength, while the rich
man who can lay till noon, turns on his restless pillow and can't
sleep night or day. And while he has plenty to buy rich viands he has
no appetite to eat or health to digest his food.

"The morning song of the lark sounds sweet to the laborer as it rises
over the dew-spangled fields, as he goes forth to his daily toil,
while the paid songs the rich man hears palls on his pleasure-tired
senses. At home you have rest of body, and in travel you have
education and variety; yes, the gouts and twits in life even up pretty
well and the yarn runs pretty smooth offen the reel of Time to the
traveller and the stay-at-home, the rich and the poor."

Josiah wuz brushin' his back hair with two brushes (one would have
been plenty enough), and he kep' on with his employment and sez
without lookin' up:

"I wonder where the Widder Rice's grandson, Ezra, is? He wuz out to
the West the last I hearn on him."

There it wuz! My eloquence had rolled offen him like water from a tin
eavespout; hadn't touched him at all nor uplifted him, though I felt
real riz up. You know you can talk yourself up onto quite a hite if
you try; but Josiah wuzn't moved a mite from the place he'd stood on.

Well, that wuz one of the gouts in my yarn of life, but a twit wuz
near by--it had its compensation. He worships me! And I went on and
eppisoded to myself to bring myself up to the mark as I wadded up my
back hair. Sez I to myself: "If Josiah had the eye to see the onseen
eagles soarin' up in the sky above his head, mebby he would also see
my faults too plain. If he could hear in winter midnights the murmur
of dancin' waters and the melogious voice of the south wind blowin'
over roses and voyalets, he might also hear the voice of Distrust. If
he had the wisdom of Solomon he might also have his discursive
fancies, his various and evanescent attachments. But as it is, his
love is stiddy and as firm as a rock. So the gouts and the twits
evened each other up after all, and the yarn run pretty smooth."


The next mornin' Tommy wuz delighted with the idee of goin' in a boat
after some hair-pins for me and a comb for him--he had broke hisen. It
wuzn't fur we went, and I spoze we might have walked by goin' a little
furder; but variety is the spice of life, and it seemed to kinder
refresh us.

Floating in a gondola on the Grand Canal of Venice is a beautiful
experience when the soft light of the moon and stars is restin' on the
stately old marble palaces, the tall pillars of St. Theodore and the
Winged Lion, obelisk and spire. With other gondolas all about you, you
seem to be on a sea of glory, with anon music from afar coming sweetly
to your ears from some gondola or palace, and far up some narrow water
street opens with long shafts of light flashing from the gondolier's
lantern or open window. It is all a seen of enchantment.

Though if you should foller up some of them narrow water streets by
daylight, you would see and smell things that would roust you up from
your dream. You would see old boats unloadin' vegetables, taking on
garbage, water-boats pumpin' water into some house, wine shops, cook
shops; you would see dilapidated houses with poorly clad people
standin' in the doorways; ragged, unkempt children looking down on you
from broken windows, and about all the sights you see in all the
poorer streets of any city, though here you see it from a boat instead
of from a hack or trolley car. Green mould would be seen clinging to
the walls, and you would see things in the water that ortn't to be
throwed there.

Moonlight and memory rares up its glittering walls, but reality and
the searchin' life of the present tears 'em down. Where are the three
thousand warships, the three thousand merchant ships, that carried the
wealth and greatness of Venice back in the fifteenth century;
fifty-two thousand sailors, a thousand nobles and citizens and working
people according? Gone, gone! Floated way off out of that Grand Canal
and disappeared in the mists and shadows of the past, and you have to
go back there to see 'em.

The Rialto, which we had dremp about, looked beautiful from the water,
with its one single arch of ninety-one feet lifting up six arches on
each side. But come to walk acrost its broad space you find it is
divided into narrow streets, where you can buy anything from a crown
to a string of beads, from macaroni to a china teapot.

The great square of St. Mark wuz a pleasant place on an evening.
Little tables set out in the street, with gayly-dressed people
laughing and talking and taking light refreshments and listening to
the music of the band, and a gay crowd walking to and fro, and
picturesque venders showing their goods.

But to Tommy nothing wuz so pretty as the doves of St. Mark, who come
down to be fed at two o'clock, descending through the blue sky like a
shower of snow.

The Campanile or bell-tower towers up more than three hundred feet
above the pavement; way up on the tower two bronze statutes stand with
hammers and strikes off the hours. Why is it that the doves pay no
attention to any other hour they may strike but when the hour of two
sounds out, a window on the north side of the square opens and some
grain is thrown out to 'em (the Government throws it to 'em, dretful
good natered to think on't)? But how did them doves know two from
three? I d'no nor Josiah don't. I had provided Tommy with some food
for 'em and they flowed down and lighted on him and Dorothy, who also
fed 'em; it wuz a pretty sight. And Robert Strong thought so too, I
could read it in his eyes as he looked at Dorothy with the pretty
doves on her shoulder and white hands.

I got some sooveneers for the children at Venice, some little ivory
gondolas and photographs, etc., and Miss Meechim and Dorothy got
sights of things, Venetian jewelry, handsome as could be, and Arvilly
got a little present for Waitstill and a jet handkerchief pin for
herself. She mourns yet on the inside and outside, yes, indeed! and I
d'no but she always will.

And as you can git a relic of most everything at some of the shops I
told Josiah I would love to git hold of one of them old rings that the
Doges married the Adriatic with. And if you'll believe it that man
didn't like it; sez he real puggicky:

"I hope you hain't any idee of marryin' the Jonesville creek,
Samantha, because it won't look well in a M. E. sister and pardner."

Jealous of the creek! That's the last thing I ever thought that man
would be jealous on. The idee! I only wanted it out of curiosity.

We visited the Arsenal, another spot where the greatness of Venice in
the past hanted our memory, when she had twenty thousand workmen there
and now not two thousand. But we see queer lookin' things there--suits
of armor, crossbows, helmets. Josiah took quite a fancy to one wore by
Attila, king of the Huns, and wanted to put it on. Good land! his head
went right up into it just as it would into a big coal-scuttle. What a
mind Mr. Attila must have had if his brains wuz accordin' to his

And we see infernal machines, thumb screws, spiked collars, and other
dretful implements of torture like black shadders throwed from the
past. A piece of the boat that the Doge went to his weddin' in when he
married the water wuz interestin'; weddin's always did interest
females and males too, no matter whether the bride wuz formed out of
dust or nothin' but clear water, and we also see a model of the boat
Columbus sailed in to discover us.

Robert Strong who wuz always interested in the best things, said that
the first newspaper ever published appeared in Venice three hundred
years ago, and the first bank was started there.

You can walk all over Venice if you want to take the time to go furder
round and cross the bridges and walk through narrer, crooked little
streets, some on 'em not more'n five or six feet wide, but the easiest
and quickest way is to take a boat, as well as the most agreeable.

Venice is built on seventy-two islands besides the Grand Canal which
takes the place of our avenues and streets. There is a charm about
Venice that there is not about any other city I ever see. You dream
about it before you see it and then you dream on and keep dreamin' as
long as you stay there, a sort of a wakin' dream, though you keep your

Memories of the past seem to hant you more, mebby it is because them
old memories can slip along easier over them glassy streets, easier
than they can over our hard rocky pavements. 'Tennyrate they meet you
on every side and stay right with you as long as you are there and
hant you. As you float down them liquid roads you seen face to face
sweet, wise Portia, "fair and fairer than that word;" and gallant
Bassanio who made such a wise choice, and Shylock, the old Jew. And if
you happen to git put out with your pardner, mebby he'll find fault
with you, and say demeanin' words about wimmen or sunthin' like that,
whilst sweet Portia's eyes are on you, if you feel like reprovin' him
sharp, then you'll remember: "The quality of mercy is not strained, it
droppeth like the gentle rain from heaven, it blesseth him that gives
and him that takes."

And so you forgive him. And then beautiful, sad Beatrice de Cenci will
meet you by moonlight in front of some of them old marble palaces and
her pa, about as mean a man as they make, and his sister, Lucretia de
Borgia, that wicked, wicked creeter. Why, it beats all what mean folks
Beatrice's relation wuz on her pa's side.

And you thought of any number of queer old Doges, rainin' and pizenin'
and actin', some on 'em, and marryin' the Adriatic; a poor match in my
opinion and one that you couldn't expect to turn out well, the bride
bein' slippery and inconstant and the bridegroom mean as pusley, cruel
and cunning, besides bein' jest devoted to the Council of Ten. Queer
works them Ten--made and cut a great swath that won't be forgot and
they needn't expect it. The page of history is sticky and bloody with
their doin's. But they move along in front of you, the Doges, the Ten
and the Three. And any number of conquerors and any number of Popes
and Kings down to Victor Emanuel.

And I d'no as I thought of anybody or anything there in Venice so much
as I did of John Ruskin, who give even the stuns of Venice a language
that will go on speakin' long after the stuns have mouldered back into
dust. And then the dust will keep his memory green, and folks will
ponder the "Ethics of the Dust" long after that dust has passed into
other changing forms and disappeared.

Great mind, great lovin' heart, who had but one thought, to make the
world more full of beauty, knowledge, sincerity and goodness. His
pure, bright intellect, his life white as the lilies, his living
thoughts and noble idees they rap at the human heart, as well as mind,
with their powerful sesame, and you have to open your heart's door and
take them in. Prophet of earth and heaven, the air, the clouds, the
birds and trees, the rocks and waters, translatin' the marvellous
words so our duller eyes and ears can see and hear.

As I walked along over them stones of Venice, and in the Galleries of
Modern Painters and ancient ones, my heart kep' sayin' onbeknown to
myself and them round me, "John Ruskin, noble soul, great teacher,
childlike, wise interpreter of the beauty and ministry of common
things, hail and farewell!" For he had gone--it wuz true that he who
had loved the flowers so and said to a friend who had sent him some:
"I am trying to find out if there are flowers that do not fade." He
had found out now, wreathes of heavenly immortelles are laid on his
tired forward, not tired now, and he has his chance to talk to Moses
and Plato, as he said he wanted to, and he is satisfied. Love and
Sympathy that he longed for comforts and consoles him, and Beauty and
Goodness wait on him.

Robert Strong felt just as I did about Ruskin, their idees about
helpin' the poor, and the brotherhood of man, and fatherhood of God,
wuz as congenial and blent together like sun and dew on a May morning.
Robert Strong said no other writer had done him the good Ruskin had.

And I guess Dorothy thought so too; she almost always thought jest as
Robert did.

In wanderin' round this uneek city Josiah said the most he thought on
wuz of tellin' Deacon Henzy and Uncle Sime Bentley about what he see
there. And shadowy idees seemed to fill his mind about tryin' to turn
the Jonesville creek through the streets and goin' from our house to
Thomas Jefferson's in a gondola.

Arvilly said she would gin anything to canvas some of them old Doges
for the "Twin Crimes". But I told her I guessed they didn't need to
learn anything about crime, and she gin up they didn't.

The first thing Miss Meechim wanted to see wuz the church of St. Mark,
so we all set off one day to see it. San Marco, as they call it, is
one of the most interestin' churches to visitors on the Continent. It
wuz begun way back in the tenth century, and it has been in process of
building ever since, and I don't know how long they lay out to keep at
it. They have spent thirty millions on it, so I hearn, and the news
come pretty straight to me, and I d'no but they'll spend as much agin
before they git through. But when you see all its magnificent
sculpture, columns, statutes, mosaic work, ornaments of every kind,
its grand arches, its five domes and spires and all the exquisite work
on it I d'no as I'd took the job for any less, and so I told Josiah.

But he kep' up his old idee he had voiced in many a similar spot, that
it wuz done by day's works and the workmen didn't hurry, and that it
would have been cheaper to had it done by the job. But how could they,
dribblin' along as they did ten hunderd years?

The four horses over the main entrance are very noted. They are said
to have been carved way, way back by Augustus to celebrate a triumph
over Antony and to have passed through the hands of Nero, Constantine
and Napoleon. Napoleon, a greedy creeter always, took 'em to Paris,
but had to bring 'em back.

For horses that are so old and have been driv round and showed off by
so many conquerors, they look pretty sound and hearty. But Josiah
didn't like their looks nigh so well as he duz the mair's, and sez he,
"That off one looks balky."

But I sez, "Distance lends enchantment; the mair can't begin with

The altar piece is said to have cost three million. It is of gold and
silver, and full of precious stuns. It was made in Constantinople a
thousand years ago, and has got inscriptions on it that I presoom read
well if anybody could read 'em. But I couldn't nor Josiah. But Robert
Strong read some on 'em to Dorothy, for I heard him. They are writ in
Latin and Greek.

When we got back to the tarven that night we found a hull pile of
letters from Jonesville, and amongst the rest I got a letter from
Elder Minkley, good old man of God, and Arvilly got one too; he sets
store by Arvilly now, he and his wife duz, and they pity her dretfully
for what she has went through, and make allowances for her hashness,
but never shall I forgit the way she talked to him right in my own
settin' room when she first come home from Cuba after her husband had
been murdered by the licensed Canteen.

She come to our house one day, and Elder Minkley, good old soul, come
in just after she did for a all-day's visit, poor creeter! I guess he
wuz sorry enough he come, some of the time; I guess he wished he wuz
back in his study perusin' the book of martyrs or anything else
deprestin', and would have thought 'em fur livelier than what he got

The way on't wuz, Arvilly had met Miss Deacon Sypher at the gate and
she bein' dretful onfaculized with no more tact than a settin' hen,
had tackled Arvilly for a contribution to buy a flag to send to our
boys in Cuba, and talked enthusiastic about the war's holy mission.
And I spoze Sister Sypher wuz skairt almost into fits to hear Arvilly
go on, 'tennyrate she left her sudden and to once, and started home
'cross lots almost on the run, and Arvilly come into the house talkin'
and mutterin'.

"Drusilly Sypher knows a sight about it; our army gone to redress
wrongs and protect innocence! they better look to home and redress
wrongs here; half the citizens of this country in legal bondage, and
the hull country cowering under a crime and danger protected and
legalized; if I didn't want to make myself a mark for demon laughter
I'd quit such talk till I repented my sins in sackcloth and ashes."

"Well, well, Arvilly, set down, set down," sez I, for she wuz
rampagin' round the room back and forth, "set down, and here," sez I,
handin' her a bottle, "smell of the camfire, Arvilly, you look bad,"
and she did look frightful bad, pale and fiery, and burnin' mad at
sunthin' or somebody.

But she waived it off with scorn: "Camfire can't heal the smart, or
sweeten the air of the country; no, it needs fire from on high to burn
it out. And it will come," sez she, "it will come."

Why, she acted real wild and by the side of herself, and I pitied her
like a dog, and wuz at my wit's end what to say to her, and I wuz glad
enough to see Elder Minkley, good old saint, comin' up the steps and I
went to open the door with alacrity and my left hand, my right hand
wuz in the dough, I wuz makin' fried cakes, and I shook hands with him
the same, and I sez:

"How glad I am to see you this morning, Brother Minkley," little
thinkin' what wuz to come.

He took off his hat and overcoat and hung 'em up in the hall and
looked in the glass in the hall rack with his mild, benevolent eyes,
and brushed his thin, gray hair up on the bald spot over his benign
forward, and follered me into the settin' room, and I sez, "Here is
she that wuz sister Arvilly Lanfear."

And the good old soul advanced with a warm, meller smile on his face,
and sez:

"How do you do, Sister Arvilly."

But Arvilly's eyes snapped worse than ever; she never noticed his
outstretched hand, and she sez, "Don't you sister me."

"Why! why!" sez he, "what is the matter?" His welcomin' hand dropped
weakly by his side, and bein' dretful confused and by the side of
himself, he sez:

"I hain't seen you before sence you--you----"

"Deserted from the army," sez she, finishin' the sentence for him.
"Yes, I deserted, I am proud to say; I never had a right before under
this nation's laws and I took that right; I deserted and they couldn't
help themselves; mebby them men see how it would feel to grin and bear
for once, just as wimmen have to all the time."

Brother Minkley had by this time begun to find and recover himself,
and he sez with real good nature, "I meant to say, dear sister, that I
hadn't seen you before since you lost your husband."

"Since you murdered him," sez she.

"I--I murder a man?" He looked pale and trembled like a popple leaf.

"Yes, you and all other good men who stood by like Pilate, consentin'
to his death," Arvilly went on.

Elder Minkley looked too dazed and agitated to speak, and Arvilly
continued: "Do you pretend to say, Elder Minkley, that there is an
evil law on the face of the earth that the Church of Christ couldn't
overthrow if it chose to do so?"

He sez, "The power of the Church is great, Sister Arvilly, but
no-license laws don't stop drinking; liquor is sold somehow; folks
that want it will get it."

"What a argument!" sez Arvilly, liftin' her eyes to heaven. "But you
hain't answered my question," sez she, short as pie crust, mince pie
crust, "Is there an evil law existing to-day that the Church of Christ
could not overthrow if it tried to?"

"Well, no," he admitted, "I believe that the Church of Christ is

"Do you vote, Elder Minkley?"

"Well, no, as it were, Sister Arvilly, I have felt for years that
politics was too vile for me to mix myself with."

Sez Arvilly, "Do you believe in following the Lord Jesus Christ?"

Sez Elder Minkley, his good natured face lighting up, "My Divine
Master; yes, I will follow him to the stake, to the death, if need

"Did he turn away from sinners and the evils of the sinful world and
say they wuz too vile for him to mix with?"

"I--I--Sister Arvilly--I why--I don't know what you mean."

"Yes, you do know what I mean!" sez the intrepid but agonized

"By your criminal indifference and neglect, you encourage the evil
power that rules and ruins."

Elder Minkley's face began to look red--red as blood--and sez he, "You
present the subject in a way I never thought on before, Sister
Arvilly. I will think of it; I will pray over it."

"Will you vote as you pray?" sez Arvilly anxiously.

"I will!" sez Elder Minkley, solemnly, "I will!"

Arvilly come forward and took holt of his hand. Her stern mean
softened; there wuz tears in her keen eyes; she looked different. Sez
she, "Next Sunday I shall set under your preachin', Elder; I hain't
felt like settin' under it before." And, sure enough, she did go to
meetin' the next Sunday and from that day they have been the best of

But to resoom forwards: I had a letter from Philury, she said she wuz
all well.

It wuz a letter that brought me some comfort and quite a lot of care;
it wuz some like a peppermint lozenge, considerably sweet with a sharp
tang to it, makin' me think of the sweetness and repose of home with
its accompaniment of anxiety and labor.

The children writ real good letters to their pa and me, full of
affection and thoughtfulness. Thomas J. told us considerable about the
Help Union and the good that Ernest White and his helpers wuz
accomplishing in Loontown and Jonesville. And Tirzah Ann wanted to
know if reveres had gone out and hoops comin' in; she had hearn so and
felt anxious. There had been a rumor in Jonesville to that effect, but
she couldn't place full dependence on it.

Thomas J.'s and Maggie's letters wuz full of gratefulness for Tommy's
restored health and what I'd done for him. No matter what else they
said that idee wuz runnin' along under the rest of their thoughts,
some like the accompaniment of a melodean to a sam tune in meetin'.
And Tommy himself had letters from his pa and ma full of love and good
advice, about half and half.

One of the most interestin' places in Venice is the Doges Palace, and
I spoze Josiah never gin up his idee about it until we stood right in
front of it. But when he see that marble front, full of noble columns,
elaborate carvin', arches, balustrades and base reliefs, he had to gin
up such a place as that wuz never rared up to a dog or to any number
on 'em, though he said when I convinced him of his mistake: "Snip wuz
too good to mingle with 'em, he was likelier than any Doge that ever
lived there, no matter whether you spelt 'em dog or doge."

And I sez soothin'ly: "Like as not and 'tennyrate how I would love to
hear Snip bark out a welcome to us once more."

"Yes," sez Josiah, "it will be the happiest hour of my life when I
behold Snip and the cat and the children and grandchildren and the
rest of the Jonesvillians once more."

Here in the marble pavement are two great bronze cisterns elegantly
sculptured, and you can look up the Grand Staircase with two statutes
at the top on either side, Neptune and Mars; and that wuz the place
where the old Doges wuz crowned.

On the staircase on each side are beautiful statutes and columns,
elaborate carving and richly colored marbles. The Hall of the Great
Council is one hundred and seventy-five feet long and most a hundred
in width, broad enough and high enough to entertain broader and nobler
views than wuz promulgated there. But it contains costly and beautiful
pictures; one by Tintoretto is eighty-four feet wide and most forty
feet high, the largest picture on canvas in the world so I've hearn,
and others by Paul Veronese and the other great masters.

All round the wall, like a border in a Jonesville parlor, are the
portraits of the Doges of Venice in their red robes and round-topped
caps. But where Marino Faliero should have hung wuz a black curtain.
Well, he wuz a mean creeter; it is a good thing he can be shut out
with a curtain. Josiah said he thought it would be a crackin' good
plan to have a black curtain hung before the pictures of some of our
public men, but Arvilly said, in a real dry tone, that "If we begun
that it would bring up the price of black cloth enormously."

She mourns yet quite a good deal in her best dresses, and looked
ahead, and didn't want the price of crape and bombazine riz.

Among the pictures of these old Doges wuz one who led the army in an
attack on Constantinople at the age of ninety-seven, when most old men
are bedrid with a soap-stun and water gruel. And Francesco Foscari,
who worked nobly for thirty-five years and wuz then abused shameful by
the Ten and turned out of office.

Them old Doges had their ups and downs; riz up to power, throwed down
agin. Mean as the Old Harry, some on 'em, and some workin' well for
the public. And some after servin' the public for years wuz banished,
some beheaded, some had their eyes put out, one died of vexation, one
who wuz deposed died when the bell rung in his successor. A few died
in battle, but only a few on 'em passed away in their beds after a
lingerin' and honorable sickness with their one wife and children
weepin' about 'em.

You can see the open place in the wall where the written complaints
wuz put aginst somebody or anybody, guilty or innocent, and wuz pretty
sure to be acted upon by the dretful Ten settin' there in their black
robes and black masks, fit color for their dark and cruel deeds.

We went down to see the dungeons, dark, cramped, filthy holes in the
solid wall: only a little light sifted in from the corridor through a
narrow slit. It seemed as if them places wuz so awful we couldn't bear
to look at 'em. But we went down into still deeper dungeons way below
the canal, dretful places where you can't hardly draw a breath. We see
dim traces of writings on the walls some wretched prisoner waitin' for
death had writ there. How did he feel when he writ it? I didn't want
to know, nor have Josiah know.

We didn't make a very long stay in Venice, but journeyed on to
Florence--Florence the beautiful. It lays in a quiet, sheltered valley
with the Apennine Mountains risin' about it as if to keep off danger.
The river Arno runs through it, spanned by handsome bridges. The old
wall that used to surround it with its eight gates, has been destroyed
some years ago.

As I say, it is a beautiful city, although it wuz more grand and
populous when it wuz the capital of Italy. Dorothy said it was well
named the City of Flowers, for there wuz flowers everywhere, the
markets full of 'em, flower girls at every turn, balconies and windows
overrunning with them, public gardens and private gardens sweet with
their brightness and perfume.


The next morning after we arrived at Florence we sallied out
sightseeing. We all went out together, but separated after a while,
promising to meet at luncheon time at our tarven, but we all went
together as fur as the Cathedral. It is a noble buildin', covered with
red, white and black marble, elegantly ornamented with panels and
sculpture. And the hull meetin'-house is so beautiful, that it wuz
remarked that "it ort to be kep' in a glass case."

Inside, the ceiling is one hundred and thirty-five feet high--good
land! I told Josiah I wuz glad I did not have to whitewash or paper it
overhead, for it 'most killed us Methodist Episcopal sisters to paper
our meetin'-house ceilin' which wuz only twenty feet high, and put a
hundred and fifteen feet on top of that and where would we be, we
never could done it in the world. The interior is full of statutes and
pictures by Michael Angelo and other great sculptors and famous

The Campanile or bell tower near it is most three hundred feet high,
and a beautiful view is to be seen from the top way off onto the
fur-off mountains, the city and the valley of the Arno, or that is I
hearn so; I didn't climb up myself to see, bein' more'n willin' to
take Dorothy's word and Robert Strong's to that effect.

The bronze doors in the Baptistry are a sight to see. Michael Angelo
said they wuz worthy to be the gates of paradise, but I could tell Mr.
Angelo, and would if he had said it to me, that he little knew how
beautiful them gates are and we ortn't to compare anything earthly to
'em. Jest think, Mr. Angelo, I'd say, of an immense gate being made
of one pearl, the idee! we can't hardly git into our heads any idees
here below, and never will till the winds of heaven blow aginst our
tired senses and brighten 'em up.

But I wuzn't neighbor to Mr. Angelo; he died several years before I
wuz born, four or five hundred years before, so of course I couldn't
advise him for his good. He lost a sight and never knowed it, poor

The Ufizzi and Pitti galleries contain enough pictures and statutes to
make 'em more'n comfortable, I should think; beautiful pictures and
beautiful statutes I must say. One of the most interestin' things to
me in the hull collection wuz the original drawings of the old masters
with their names signed to 'em in their own handwritin'. It wuz like
liftin' up the mysterious curtain a little ways and peerin' into the
past. Michael Angelo's sketches in chalk and charcoal; Titian's
drawings, little buds, as you may say from which they bloomed into
immortal beauty; Rubens, Albert Durer and a throng of others. And then
there wuz the autograph portraits of the great painters, Guido,
Rembrandt, De Vinci, Vandyke, Raphael, and also the greatest works of
all these painters. It wuz a grand and inspirin' sight never to be
forgot. Robert Strong and Dorothy wanted to see the statute of Dante;
they set store by his writings. It is a splendid statute of white
marble riz up in the Piazza Sante Croce; I hearn 'em talkin' about its
bein' on a piazza and spozed it wuz built on some stoop and mistrusted
he deserved a better pillow.

But it wuzn't on the piazza of a house, it wuz out-doors, and the
pedestal wuz over twenty feet high, all covered with carvin's of seens
took from his "Divinia Commedia," and some lions, and the arms of
Italy, and things. It wuz a good-lookin' statute, better lookin' as
fur as beauty goes than Dante himself; he wuz kinder humbly I always
thought, but then, I spoze, he didn't always wear that wreath on his
head; mebby he looked better in a beaver hat or a fur cap. 'Tennyrate,
Thomas J. always sot store by him. It wuz a noble statute, more'n
fifty feet high, I presoom, with two figures standin' on each side and
one on top. The one on the left seemed to have her hand outstretched
telling to all the world just how Dante wuz used whilst he wuz alive,
and the one on the right had just throwed herself down and wuz cryin'
about it, and Dante, settin' on top, wuz leanin' his hand on his head
and meditatin'. What his meditations wuz, I don't know, nor Josiah
don't. Mebby he wuz thinkin' of Beatrice.

Thomas J. had read Dante's books a sight to his pa and me. "The Divine
Comedy," "The Inferno," "Bernadiso," "New Life," etc., etc. Thomas
Jefferson thought "The Divine Comedy" a powerful work, showing the
story of how a man wuz tempted, and how sorrow lifts up the soul to
new hites.

I never approved of his praisin' up Beatrice quite so much under the
circumstances, and I dare presoom to say that he and Gemma (his
pardner) had words about it. But then I couldn't hender it, it havin'
all took place five or six hundred years before I wuz born.

Robert Strong said that his writings wuz full of eloquence, wit and
pathos. His native land sets great store by his memory, though they
acted in the usual genteel and fashionable way, and banished and
persecuted him during his life. One thing he said I always liked. He
wuz told he might return to his country under certain pains and
penalties, but he refused and said:

"Far from a preacher of justice to pay those who have done him wrong
as a favor. Can I not everywhere behold the mirrors of the sun and
stars? Speculate on sweetest truths under any sky."

Robert Strong said his poetry wuz far finer in the original.

And I said, "Yes, he wuz very original, for Thomas Jefferson always
said so."

He is buried in Ravenna, and the Florentines have begged for his ashes
to rest in Florence. If when they burnt up some of his books to show
their contempt of him they had done as they wanted to, dug up his body
and burnt it, there wouldn't have been any ashes to quarrel about, for
of course scornin' him so they would have cast his ashes to the winds.
But now they worship him when his ear is dead to their praise, the
great heart silent that their love would have made beat with ecstasy.
Well, such is life. They treated Tasso just about the same who writ
"Jerusalem Delivered," they imprisoned him for a lunatic, and now how
much store they set by him.

And I had these same thoughts, only more extreme ones, as we stood in
the cell of that noble preacher of righteousness and denouncer of sin,
Savonarola. He wuz so adored by the populace, and so great a crowd
pressed to see him to kiss his robe and applaud him, that he had to
have a guard. And then this same adoring crowd turned against him,
imprisoned him for heresy, tortured him, burnt him to the stake. And
when he stood on the fagots, which wuz to be his funeral bed of flame,
and the bishop said to him:

"I excommunicate you from the church militant," he answered: "Thou
canst not separate me from the Church Triumphant."

A great life and a great death. I thought of this a sight as I looked
on his tomb. I sot store by Mr. Savonarola.

In the Church of Sante Croce we see the tomb of Machiavelli, a very
wise, deep man and a wise patriot, but a man lied about the worst kind
by them that hate liberty; the tomb of the poet, Alfieri, with Italy
weepin' over it; the tombs of Michael Angelo and Galileo; the mother
of the Bonapartes, and many, many others. Galileo's monument wuz a
sizeable one, but none too big for the man who discovered the
telescope and the motion of the earth. But just as the way of the
world is because he found new stars and insisted that the earth did
move, his enemies multiplied, he wuz persecuted and imprisoned. I sot
great store by him, and so did Robert Strong, and I sez to him,
"Robert, you too are discovering new and radiant stars in your City
of Justice and proving that the world does move." And I gin a queer
look onto Miss Meechim and sez:

"I hope you won't be persecuted for it."

Miss Meechim looked some like her sirname with the last letter changed
to n. But to resoom: The galleries of Florence contains priceless
pictures and statuary, so many of 'em that to enjoy them as you
should, and want to, would take years. Why, in the hall of Niobe I
wanted to stay for days to cry and weep and enjoy myself. I took my
linen handkerchief out of my pocket to have it ready, for I laid out
to weep some, and did, the mother's agony wuz so real, holdin' one
child while the rest wuz grouped about her in dyin' agony. One of the
sons looked so natural, and his expression of despair and sufferin'
wuz so intense that Arvilly said:

"I believe he drinked, his face shows a guilty conscience, and his ma
looks jest as the mother of drunkards always looks."

I told her that the death of Niobe's children wuz caused by envy and
jealousy, which duz just such things to-day as fur as they dast all
the way from New York to Jonesville, and so on through the surroundin'
world. Sez I, "Apollo and Diana killed 'em all just because Niobe had
such beautiful children and so many of 'em and wuz naterally proud and
had boasted about 'em some, and Apollo and Diana didn't want their ma
looked down on and run upon because she had only two children, and
probable their ma bein' envious and jealous sot 'em up."

But Arvilly wouldn't give up; she said a ma would always try to cover
up things and insisted on it to the last that she should always
believe they drinked and got into a fight with Latony's boy and girl.

"No," sez I agin, "it wuz Envy and Jealousy that took aim and did this
dretful deed."

Josiah sez: "Why didn't Ni-obe keep her mouth shet then?"

Well, it wuz vain to enjoy deep emotions in the face of such
practicality. I put up my handkerchief and moved off into another

Besides pictures, these galleries contain rare gems of art in bronze,
crystal, precious stones, coins, arms, helmets, etc., etc. Enough as I
say to keep one's mind rousted up and busy for years and years.

Dorothy said she couldn't leave Florence without seeing the house
where Elizabeth Barrett Browning lived and writ her immortal poems and
I felt jest so; I felt that I must see the place sanctified by her
pure spirit and genius. So Robert Strong got a carriage and took
Dorothy and me there one fine afternoon. A plate let into the front of
the house tells where she lived in body. But in sperit she inhabited
the hull world, and duz now. Her home is in the hearts of all who love
pure and exalted poetry.

Here she lived her happy life as the wife of Robert Browning and
mother of her boy. Here she passed on up to the higher school, for
which she had prepared her sweet soul below, graduated in the earth
school and promoted up to the higher one above.

I had a sight of emotions here and Robert and Dorothy quoted from her
all the way back to our tarven, and so I did. I thought more of such
poems as "Mother and Poet," and "The Sleep," etc. But they quoted a
sight from "Geraldine's Courtship" and "Portuguese Songs," for so
every heart selects its own nutriment. Their young hearts translated
it into glowing language I mistrusted, though I didn't say nothin'.

From Florence we went to Rome. I had read a sight about Rome and how
she sot on her seven hills and from her throne of glory ruled the
world. But them hills are lowered down a good deal by the hand of
Time, just as Rome's glory is; she don't rule the world now, fur from

There is in reality ten hills, but the ruins of old Rome--the Rome of
Julius Cæsar--has filled in the hollers a good deal and the new city
has grown old agin, as cities must, and I, and Josiah, and everybody
and everything.

Robert Strong had writ ahead and got us some comfortable rooms in a
tarven on the Corso. When Robert Strong first spoke on't Josiah looked
agitated. He thought it wuz a buryin' ground. But it didn't have
anything to do with a corse.

The Corso is one of the finest streets in Rome, and handsome shops are
on each side on't, and carriages and folks in fine array and them not
so fine are seen there. Most all of the big crowd wuz dressed as they
do in Jonesville and Paris and London, though occasionally we met
Italians in picturesque costooms.

There are three hundred and eighty Catholic meetin'-houses in Rome,
quite a few on 'em dedicated to the Virgin Mary, and lots of costly
gifts are laid on her altar. But the one I wanted to see and so did
the rest of our party wuz the one that stood on the spot where once
the circus of Nero stood, weak, mizable creeter. The most agreeable
actin' to him and his cruel pardner wuz the death struggles of martyrs
and bloodshed and agony.

What a inspiring idee it is to think that right on that very spot,
that bloody pagan pleasure house of hissen is changed into the biggest
meetin'-house in the world. Of course we had seen St. Peter's from a
distance ever since we'd got nigh the city, and we sot out the very
next mornin' after we got there, to see it at clost view.

Now I had thought, comparin' it to the Jonesville meetin'-house, which
I guess is about fifty by sixty feet, and will, on a pinch, set four
hundred and fifty, and comparin' that with the cathedral in New York I
had thought that that Catholic Cathedral in New York was about as big
a meetin'-house as a minister could handle easy; but the area of that
is forty-three thousand, whilst St. Peter's at Rome is two hundred
and twelve thousand.

The difference these figgers make in the two meetin'-houses is bigger
than my writin' can show you, no matter how big a pen I use or how
black my ink is.

As I stood in St. Peter's Church in Rome I had a great number of
emotions and large, very large in size. Right here where Mr. Nero (the
mean, misable creeter) got hilarious over the dyin' struggles of the
Christian martyrs, right here where St. Peter met his death with the
glory of heaven lightin' up his dyin' eyes (I am just as sure on't as
if I see it myself) stands this immense meetin'-house.

Three hundred years of labor and sixty millions of dollars have been
expended on it and the end is not yet. But I would not done it for a
cent less if I had took the job, I couldn't afford it nor Josiah

Why, when we stood in front on't I didn't feel no bigger than the head
of a pin, not a hat pin or a shawl pin, but the smallest kind they
make, and Josiah dwindled down so in size as compared to the edifice
that I 'most thought I should lose him right there with my eyes glued
onto his liniment.

You go through a large double door which shuts up behind you as
noiselessly and securely as if you wuz walled in to stay. My first
feelin' after I entered wuz the immensity of the place. Some of the
statutes you see that didn't look so big as Josiah, when you come
clost up to 'em you found wuz sixteen feet high. And the little
cherubs holdin' the shell of holy water at the entrance you see are
six feet high. You look fur down the meetin'-house as you look down
the road into a big piece of woods, only here the distant trees turn
into statutes and shrines and altars and things. Fur off like distant
stars shinin' down into the forest you see the lamps, one hundred and
twelve of 'em, burnin' day and night around the tomb of St. Peter.

As you stand under the dome and look up it is like looking at the very
ruff of the sky. It is supported by four great pillars and the
interior of the immense globe is one hundred and thirty-nine feet in
circumference measured on the inside.

All the houses in Jonesville could be piled up on top of each other in
this immense space and Zoar and Shackville piled onto them and not
half fill it.

As we stood under the great dome the canopy over St. Peter's tomb
seemed to us no bigger than the band stand in Jonesville. But when we
got up to it we see that it wuz 'most a hundred feet high, for fur up
the mosaic medallions of the four evangelists lookin' none too big for
the place come to examine 'em, the pen of St. Luke is six feet long
and his nose is big enough for a spare bedroom. The writing that runs
along under the dome each letter is six feet high, higher than Thomas
Jefferson on tip toes, or Josiah on stilts. The idee!

I don't spoze that Peter, that earnest, hot-tempered fisherman
ever spozed he would have such a buildin' erected to his honor, and
I wondered as I looked through the immense distances of this
meetin'-house how many turned their thoughts from the glory about 'em
onto Peter's inspired words when he wuz here in the flesh. This
huge pile seemed as if Time could have no power over it, but his
own words rung in my ear:

"The day of the Lord shall come as a thief in the night and all
these things shall be dissolved. Nevertheless we according to his
promise look for a new heaven and a new earth wherein dwelleth

And as I thought of his death right here on this very spot agin his
words sounded in my heart:

"Beloved, think it not strange concerning this fiery trial which is to
try you--But rejoice--Partakers of Christ's suffering--"

And even as I listened to the chantin' of the priests I methought I
heard Peter speaking of the Voice which come down from Heaven which
they heard who wuz with Him on the mount. I thought of the sure word
of prophecy. "The light shining in a dark place"--"Until the day
dawns and the day star arise in our hearts."

Yes, the real Peter wuz enshrined in my heart as I trod the grand
aisles of that meetin'-house of hisen, and I didn't think nothin' at
all in comparison of that statute of Peter settin' on a white stun
throne holdin' his foot out for the masses to kiss.

He sets up there with a queer lookin' thing on his head. Josiah said
it wuz a sass pan, and I sez: "No, Josiah, it is a halo." And he sez:

"Samantha, if I'm ever sculped and sot up in the Jonesville
meetin'-house, I don't want any halo on my head."

And I told him I guessed there wuzn't any danger of his ever wearin' a
halo on this earth.

And Josiah said before the subject wuz broached that never, never
should he kiss that toe. And he sez it to me in reproachful axents as
if I'd been teasin' him to. But I hadn't thought on't and told him so.
But right whilst we stood there we see folks of all classes from
peasants to nobles and of all ages from childhood to old age walk up
and kneel and kiss that onconscious big toe and go into some chapel
countin' the beads of their rosaries.

Good land! Peter don't care anything about that mummery unless he has
changed for the worse since he left this mortal spear, which hain't
very likely bein' the man he wuz. And as I thought of the evil things
done in the name of the power that rared up that figger, I methought I
hearn him say:

"The time has come when judgment must begin at the house of the

I had lots of emotions as I walked to and fro and didn't want to talk
to anybody or hear the talkin' round me.

I hearn Tommy talkin' sunthin' to Carabi and I catched these words, "I
wonner, oh, I wonner what good it duz 'em to kiss that toe." And
Arvilly and Josiah jined in in sharp criticism. And agin Josiah sez:
"I know I am a leadin' man in Jonesville and have been called more'n
once a pillar in the meetin'-house, but never, never do I want to be
made a statter with a sass pan on my head, and the bretheren and
sistern kissin' my toes."

And agin I sez, "It hain't a sass pan." But they kep' on to that
extent that I had to say, "Josiah and Arvilly, the one that figger
represents, said: 'Above all things have charity, for charity covers a
multitude of sin.'"

Miss Meechim and Dorothy and Robert Strong clumb clear up into the
dome twice as high as Bunker Hill monument or ruther walked up for
they hain't stairs, but a smooth wooden way leads up, up to that hite.
Miss Meechim told me when they come down that though there wuz a high
railin' it seemed so frightful to look down that immense height she
didn't hardly dare to look off and enjoy herself, though the view wuz

But I can't describe St. Peter's no more than a ant can describe the
Zodiac, I mean an a-n-t, not mother's sister. Why, the great side
chapels are big enough for meetin'-houses and fur grander than we
shall ever see in Jonesville or the environin' townships. And the tomb
and monuments and altars, etc., are more gorgeous than I could ever
tell on if I should try a year.

There wuz one statute by Canova of Clement XIII that is lovely, the
marble figure of the pope and on each side kneelin' figures of
Religion and Death. Down below as if guardin' the tomb stands two
noble lions.

And Pope Innocent, I d'no whether his name agreed with his nater or
not, but he sets there holdin' the lance that pierced the side of our
Lord, so they say. But I don't believe that it wuz the same one nor
Robert Strong don't; I should have had different feelin's when I
looked at it if it had been the one.

Besides this relic they claim to have at St. Peter's a piece of the
cross and the napkin that wuz laid to our Lord's face when he wuz
faintin' under the burden of the cross, and that still holds the
imprint of his face, so they say. They are shown on sacred days. They
say that there is confessionals at St. Peter's where folks of every
language in the world can confess and be absolved by a priest that
understands 'em. Well, I shouldn't wonder, it is big enough, it seems
like a world in itself. But I couldn't help thinkin' of our great High
Priest whose confessional is broad and high as the needs and sorrows
of a world and the "silent liftin' of an eye can bring us there to
be," and who understands not only every language under the sun, but
every secret and hidden thought and aspiration of the soul, good or
evil, and whose forgiveness and compassion never fails the penitent
soul. I couldn't help thinkin' on't, and I felt that St. Peter if he
could speak would say, "Josiah Allen's wife, I don't blame you for
your methinkin', I think just so myself."

One day we all went to see the Arch of Titus; it wuz big and massive
lookin' with a lot of writin' over the top that I couldn't read nor
Josiah couldn't, but interestin' like all the remains of imperial Rome
that ruled over almost the hull of the known world. It was erected
about the year 70 to commemorate the destruction of Jerusalem.

There wuz another arch fur more interestin' to me, and that wuz the
arch of Constantine. It is perfectly beautiful, and would be, even if
it wuz built by a misable pagan. But it wuz built by Mr. Constantine
when he declared himself in favor of Christianity. I sot store by

It is a grand and beautiful structure, richly ornamented, and has
three passages. I didn't like all the base reliefs on it; indeed, I
considered some on 'em as real base, such as Mr. Tragan's offerin's to
the gods, etc. But then I realized that I wuzn't obleeged to look at
'em. And some on 'em wuz very good showin' off Mr. Tragan educatin'
poor children, etc. And some of Constantine's doin's there I liked

And I d'no as I see anything in Rome that interested me more than the
tomb of Celia Crassus--Celia Matella that wuz. It is a round, massive
structure that stands on the Appian Way and is about two thousand
years old. It wuz once all covered with costly marble, but the hand of
Time and other thieves, in mortal shape, have stole it a long time
ago. But enough is left to show what it wuz. Nobody knows jest who
Celia wuz and what she did do, or didn't do, to git such a monument.
But I shall always believe she wuz a real likely woman and smart.
'Tennyrate, I said her pardner must have thought high on her and
mourned her loss like a dog or he never would have rared such a
magnificent tomb to her memory.

But Arvilly looked at it different. She said she believed her husband
drinked and got led off into all sorts of sins and made Celia no end
of trouble and riz this monument up to smooth things over.

But I sez, "Mebby things wuz different then;" but didn't really spoze
so, human nater havin' capered about the same from the start.
"'Tennyrate," sez I, "I shall always believe that Miss Crassus wuz
good as gold, and this great massive monument that it seems as if the
hand of Time can't ever throw down I take as a great compliment to my
sect as well as Celia Crassus."

But Arvilly wuz as firm as a rock to the last in her belief that Mr.
Crassus drinked and that Miss Crassus wuz broken-hearted by her grief
and anxiety and tryin' to cover up her pardner's doin's as the wives
of drunkards will, and tryin' to keep her children from follerin'
their pa's dretful example, and then after he'd jest killed her with
these doin's he rared up this great monument as a conscience soother.

Josiah thought Celia wuz equinomical and a wonderful good cook, and
her grateful pardner riz this up in honor of his blissful life with

Miss Meechim thought that at all events she must have been genteel.

Robert and Dorothy looked at its massive walls, and I hearn him say
sunthin' to her kinder low about "how love wuz stronger than time or

But Tommy just wonnered at it, wonnered who Celia Matella wuz, how she
looked, how old she wuz, if she had any little boys and girls. He jest
wonnered and nothin' else, and in the end I did, too.

You have no idee till you see how big the Colosseum is. It is as long
as from our house to she that wuz Submit Tewksberry's, and so on round
by Solomon Gowdey's back agin. You may not believe it, but it is true,
and I d'no but it is bigger. It used to accommodate one hundred
thousand people in its palmy days, or so I spoze they called it, when
some time durin' one season five thousand beasts would be killed there
fightin' with human bein's, hull armies of captives bein' torn to
pieces there for the delight of them old pagans. Fathers bein' made to
kill their wives and children right there for their delight.

Oh, how I wished, as I told Arvilly, I could git holt of Mr. Titus and
Mr. Nero and some of the rest of them leadin' men.

The conqueror, Mr. Titus, brought back twelve thousand of the
conquered Jews and made 'em work and toil to build up that lofty arch
in memory of their own defeat and captivity and his glory. You'd think
that wuz enough trouble for 'em, but I've hearn, and it come pretty
straight to me, that he misused 'em more or less while they wuz
workin' away at it.

'Tennyrate, they say a Jew won't go under that arch to this day and
they've been seen to spit at it, and I spoze they throw things at it
more or less on the sly.

Sez I, "I'd gin 'em a piece of my mind if I knowed they would make me
fight with a elephant the next minute."

Arvilly thought that if she could sold them the "Twin Crimes" it might
have helped 'em to do better, but I d'no as it would. But that great
amphitheatre where the blood and agony of the martyrs cried to
heaven, was afterwards dedicated to these Christian martyrs. There are
eighty arches of entrance. Only a part of the immense circular wall is
now standing, but you can see what it wuz. There are four stories of
arches, one hundred and fifty-seven feet high in all, the arena it
encloses is two hundred and eighty-seven feet long.

Dorothy and Robert Strong and Miss Meechim went and see it by
moonlight, and they say that it wuz a more beautiful sight than words
can describe. But I bein' a little afraid of the rumatiz, thought that
I had better go by broad daylight, and Josiah did, too. I mistrusted
that Robert and Dorothy beheld it by a sweeter and softer light than
even the Italian moonlight, but I kep' in and didn't speak my
mistrustin'. I dast as soon die as gin vent to any such idee before
Albina Meechim.

We went one day to see the Pantheon, built by Mr. Agrippa, 27 B.C. It
is a dretful big buildin'; I guess about the biggest ancient buildin'
in the world. It has had its ups and downs, shown out in brilliant
beauty, been stole from and blackened by the hand of Time, but it is
still beautiful.

It wuz dedicated to Jupiter at first, and afterwards to the Virgin and
the Christian martyrs, afterwards it was dedicated to all the saints.

In speakin' on this subject, Josiah said: "What a lot of saints they
do have in these furren countries," and says he to me, _soto vosy_,
"I'd kinder like, Samantha, to get that name; Saint Josiah would sound
well and uneek in Jonesville."

But I scorfed at the idee, though knowin' that he wuz jest as worthy
to be called saint as a good many who wuz called by that name.

But Josiah is dretful ambitious. When we wuz lookin' at the different
pictures of the popes in their high hats, sez he:

"How becomin' such a hat would be to me. I believe I shall be took in
one when I get home; I could take Father Allen's and Father Smith's
old stove-pipe hats and set my best one on top, and then cut out a
wooden cross on top; how uneek it would be."

But I spoze he will forgit it before he gits home--I hope so


The Vatican where the Pope keeps house is the biggest house in the
world; its dimensions are one thousand one hundred and fifty-one feet,
by seven hundred and sixty-seven feet. And if you want to realize the
size of such a buildin', you jest try to frame it and you'd find out.
Why, as I told Josiah, Joel Gowdey is called our best carpenter in
Jonesville, but if he should try to plan that buildin', where would he
be? He is a great case to scratch his head in difficulties, Joel is,
and I guess he'd be pretty bald before he got through studyin' on it,
much less doin' the work. It has twenty courts, two hundred
staircases, and 'leven thousand rooms. Josiah worried some about it,
and sez:

"What duz one old man want of 'leven thousand rooms? He can't be in
more'n one to time, and if he tried to go round and see if his hired
help kep' 'em swep' up and mopped and the winders cleaned, it would
keep him on the go the hull time and be too much for him."

But I told Josiah that Mr. Pope didn't make use of the hull buildin'
his own self, but there wuz libraries in it and museums and picture
galleries. I believe myself Mr. Pope is a real likely man, of which
more anon. I don't believe that there is a room in the U. S. or the
hull surroundin' world so grand and magnificent as the Great Hall of
the Vatican Library. It is over two hundred feet long, and glorious in
architecture and ornaments from top to bottom. It contains the most
priceless treasures in books and manuscripts. For hundreds of years
the collection has been constantly growing by purchase, gifts and
conquests. One of its choicest treasures is the Bible of the fourth

The picture galleries in the Vatican contain pictures and statutes
enough, it seems to me, to ornament the parlors of the world if they
wuz divided up. And the museum--I don't spoze there is so big a
collection in the world of such rare and costly things, and I spoze
like as not there will never be another one so large and valuable. I
never should try it, nor Josiah wouldn't. It would be too big a tug on
our strength, if we had oceans of money, and can no more be described
than I could count the sands of the sea and set 'em in rows.

We thought one day we would visit the Pantheon. Miss Meechim didn't
really want to go on account of her conscience partly, and I too felt
some as she did, for it wuz a pagan temple riz up to all the gods
twenty-seven years before Christ. But finally we all did go. As I told
Miss Meechim, we could keep up a stiddy thinkin' on better things, if
we wuz lookin' on pagan shrines.

She said she wuz afraid that Rev. Mr. Weakdew wouldn't approve of her
being there, and she didn't seem to enjoy herself very much and I d'no
as I did. But it must have been a glorious place as fur as beauty is
concerned in its prime, for it is beautiful in its ruin. There are no
windows, but it has a large circular openin' in the ruff through which
I spoze the smoke of sacrifice ascended, not much, I believe, above
the figures that used to stand up there fifty feet above the marble
and porphry pavement--Mars, Jupiter, Apollo, Minerva, Vulcan, etc.,
etc. For all everything has been stole from this gorgeous temple that
could be, it is grand-lookin' and beautiful now.

From the Pantheon we went to the Capitol--the Capituline Hill where
justice wuz meted out to the public from kings and nobles.

We went safely past the two huge lions at the foot of the
staircase--though Tommy got behind me when he first saw them--past the
spot where Rianzi wuz killed. Here we see no end of statutes of the
Cæsars, the Popes and other influential families. We stood on the
spot where Brutus made that memorable speech, and I felt that I could
almost see that noble figger as he stood there sayin': "Friends,
Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears!" If I had been there, I'd lent
him two pairs; mine and Josiah's in welcome.

The bronze wolf, spoke of by Mr. Cicero, is still standin' there; and
in the museum here we see no end of rich sculpture, statutes, mosaic
and beautiful, rare objects of art. Pliny's doves made a noble show;
they are made of little pieces of stun, one hundred and sixty pieces
in an inch; I couldn't done it to save my life. The Venus of the
Capitol looks beautiful; Josiah thought she favored Sally Ann Henzy,
but I didn't. And, 'tennyrate, Sally Ann would have scorned to appear
in company in that condition; Sally Ann is real modest.

In the Pincian Garden, we see the villa of Lucullus, a brave soldier
who had his faults, but wuz a good provider and thought a site of his
vittles; he made me think of Josiah. And also we see the home of Mr.
Nero--mean creeter--I wuz glad enough he passed away before I got
there. My principles on intemperance and monopolies would have riled
him up dretful, and Arvilly's talk made him hoppin' mad. I d'no what
he would have took it into his head to do. And I never should have gin
him the freedom of Jonesville, never, he needn't thought on't; nor I
never should invited him to make a all day's visit to our house, nor a
afternoon one, either.

They have beautiful fountains in Rome. All of a sudden as we went
through a narrer street, we see a dazzlin' sheet of water come down
from the rock shell work and statutes, clear streams of water seemed
to be gushin' out on all sides, fallin' into a big reservoir big
enough for a ship to float in, and one day we went to see the Baths of
Caracella. Jest think of a bath a mile square, big enough for thirty
or forty thousand folks to bathe in at one time. It is all in ruins
now, but you can see from the thick walls, tall arches, the sides
covered with costly mosaic, what they wuz in their glory. Josiah
thought he could make a lovely piece of mosaic from the stuns down in
our paster and slate stuns. He said if he could cover the front of the
barn with the pictures of his travels in stun, some like the travels
of Ulysses, it would be a boon to Jonesville. But good land! it would
be a sight to behold made of stuns as big as your hand and all shapes.
That ambition must be squenched. Josiah breathed this aspiration to me
as we went through the Hall of the Emperors. And they didn't look no
better nor so well as the bretheren in the Jonesville meetin'-house
would if they wuz sculped and Josiah said so; though, of course, as I
told him, they wuz dressed up more fancy. And he said: "Any decent
woman would lend her nightgown for her pardner to be sculped in and
handkerchief pins and lace under-sleeves and things."

Poppea Sabina, the second wife of Mr. Nero, wuz a beautiful-lookin'
woman, though I don't spoze she wuz what she should be. Her husband
kicked her to death some time ago. He ort to been kicked himself; I'd
been willin' to hire the mule myself to done it, I wuz that put out
thinkin' on't.

Josiah said "Poppy Sabriny wuz the best-lookin' figger there."

Arvilly said she most knew he'd been drinkin', it wuz so fashionable
for drinkin' men to kick their wives, and sez she: "Oh, how I wish I
could have canvassed Nero for the 'Twin Crimes' before he done it."

And I sez: "It might have been a good thing for Mr. Nero and for
Poppy, but I don't know how it would have been with you, Arvilly; a
man that would kick his wife to death wouldn't be apt to brook a

"Yes," sez Josiah, "anybody that would kick Poppy Sabriny would do

Sez I: "It would look just as well, Josiah, for a perfessor not to
talk so much about another woman besides his pardner, even if she is a
stun woman."

"Jealous of a statter!" sez Josiah skornfully.

"Not at all," sez I. "But Poppea Sabina wuz a pagan, and no better
than she should be, and her folks wuzn't likely and----"

"Jest like a woman!" sez Josiah, "a man can't praise up another
female, dead or alive, without his pardner picking flaws in 'em."

Well, I drawed his attention off onto the Cæsars, Augustus and
Domitian, and quite a few on 'em. Nero's bust I despised lookin'
at--brutal tyrant--as Josiah truly said anybody that would kill his
wife and grandmother would do anything and wuz too mean to be looked
at. If I could covered up his face I'd been willin' to used my best
crape veil that I mourned for Mother Allen in. Nero's grandma, she
that wuz Agrepina Agrippa, wuz good featured but broken-hearted
lookin'. No wonder, havin' such a grandson in the family. Arvilly said
as she looked at it, that she believed if old Miss Nero, his grandma,
and his own ma had spanked him good and sound and sot him down hard in
the corner from day to day he wouldn't acted and behaved so when he
got bigger. She said she presoomed he wuz allowed to pierce flies with
a pin and torter hornets and May bugs and rob birds' nests and tie
cans to dogs' tails and act, and he got worse as he got bigger. And I
d'no but she wuz right. I've seen the Nero sperit in small boys many
times; why, I see it in Thomas Jefferson when he wuz little, but it
wus squenched and he's come up noble.

Miss Meechim wanted to see the Paletine Hill, the spot where Romulus
and Remus wuz nursed by a she wolf; Josiah don't believe it. He said
no wolf would consent to bring up twins by hand, and no ma would ever
allow it, but that's what they say. Miss Meechim explained here how
when the twins had growed up Romulus harnessed a heifer and bull to a
plough and laid out the site of the city. Robert Strong wuz full of
memories of Cicero, Catalus, the Gracchi, and so wuz Dorothy. But no
place interested me there so much as the Forum, where some think Paul
wuz tried. He wuz tried before Nero, and there wuz Nero's judgment
place, and there wuz the seat for prisoners. As I looked round me I
could imagine the incomparable eloquence of Paul that sways the human
heart as leaves are waved by a strong breeze, and his memory sweetened
the hull place, and it needed it bad enough, yes indeed it did. But to

One day Arvilly and I wuz takin' a walk together, Josiah and Tommy
bein' a little ahead, when we see a elegant carriage comin' along, a
rich red color all ornamented with gold, with six horses, their
gorgeous harnesses nice enough for bridal ornaments. And there wuz
outriders goin' ahead and men in brilliant uniform fallin' in behind,
and lots and lots of carriages follerin' on in the procession. There
wuz a axident in front, two carriages goin' in opposite directions had
smashed in together, and two or three fallin' over them wuz the cause.
I see that in that splendid carriage right under my nose as it were, a
gentleman sittin' alone, dressed up in a way that would have shed
delight into the soul of Josiah Allen, and a female bystander sez,
"There is the pope."

He had a bright red robe on, all covered with crosses and stars and
orders, and a high peaked cap of the same color. And even as I looked
at him I thought what a beautiful stripe them clothes would make in a
rag carpet after he'd got through with 'em.

You could see he wuz good natered and smart and about as old as
Salathiel Henzy and looked like him. His benign face wuz lookin' over
the crowd as if he had a look into a better country. I liked his
linement first-rate and believe he is a likely man, and I felt that it
would encourage him to hear me say so, and also I felt that there wuz
some things that I wanted to advise him for his good. So I advanced to
the side of the carriage door and sez, holdin' out my hand in a
cordial way:

"Good mornin', Mr. Pope; I am glad to see you lookin' so well."

Bein' took so completely by surprise, he held out his hand. They have
told me since that he meant to have me kiss it, but I never thought
on't nor shouldn't done it if I had, not bein' in the habit of kissin'
strange men's hands; no, I grasped holt of it and shook it warmly just
as I would Salathiel's.

He riz his hand up in benediction and said some words that I couldn't
understand, but good ones I know from his looks, and I bent my head as
reverent as I would before Elder Minkley. But as I lifted my eyes what
wuz my horrow to see Arvilly advance takin' out "The Twin Crimes" from
her work-bag and before I could interfere she had begun to canvass
him. Sez she: "Mr. Pope, I have a book here I would like to call your
attention to: 'The Twin Crimes of America: Intemperance and Greed.'"
Good creeter, it wuz too bad. But it ended triumphant for Arvilly, for
whether it wuz my noble words to him that had softened him down or
whether it wuz that he knowed how rampant these two evils wuz in the
United States and wanted to inform himself still further about it,
'tennyrate he looked the book over and said he would be glad to have
the book, and he and two more of the leadin' men nigh him in that
procession bought books, Arvilly deliverin' 'em on the spot and takin'
her money. And if the stoppage in the crowd hadn't let up and they
started on, I d'no but she would have canvassed the hull flower of the
Romish meetin'-house; though we wuz told afterwards by one who
pretended to know, that it wuzn't the Pope I had talked to and Arvilly
had canvassed, but some other high dignitary in the meetin'-house.

We stayed on in Rome longer than we had laid out to, for our sweet
Dorothy liked it there. And if she had took it into her head to set
down on a lonesome rock in mid ocean, like a mermaid, for a week,
there would the rest on us be sot round her till her mind changed.
For the head of our party would have managed it some way so she could
had her way. Not that she would do anything aginst the wishes of the
rest of us, but she wuz happy there, and the rest of us all liked it
and found plenty of things to interest us, but at last we did set out
for Naples.

I had sot a good deal of store on seein' the Bay of Naples, and so had
the other females of our party. Robert Strong had seen it before. And
my pardner when I tried to roust up his interest and admiration by
quotin' the remark so often made: "See Naples and die."

He said he wouldn't do any such thing, not if he could keep alive.
"But," sez he, "more'n as likely as not the vile Italian cookin' will
be too much for me and your prophecy may come true; I may see Naples
and die--from starvation."

But I told him it wuz the incomparable beauty of the seen that wuz
meant, that when you'd seen that you had beheld the best and most
beautiful the world could offer you and you might as well pass away
without tryin' any further.

And Josiah said he would ruther see the Jonesville creek down in the
paster back of the house, where it makes a bend round our sugar house
and the sugar maples grow clear down to the water's edge, and pussy
willers lean down, so the pussy most touch the water, and you can see
the brook trout darting about over the clean pebbles, than to see
forty Napleses.

I too felt a good deal the same, but wouldn't encourage him by sayin'
so. And the Bay of Naples wuz beautiful, its beauty stole on you
onbeknown and growed and growed till it possessed your hull heart and
soul, if you had a soul. It lays like a big blue liquid gem in its
encirclin' settin' of fadeless green and flashing white walls, and
crowned by the hantin' dretful beauty of Mount Vesuvius.

Naples is a big city, the biggest in Italy, and as easy to git into
from land as Jonesville is, only on its principle avenues there are
what they call barriers where they collect duties on provisions, etc.,
brought from the country.

Josiah thought that would be a splendid thing for him. Sez he, "I
believe I shall have Ury help me and build a barrier in front of my
house and take a tax for big loads that go by. Why," sez he, "at a
cent a load I could make a splendid livin'."

But he won't try it. As I told him he might just as well lanch right
out on Jonesville creek as a corsair, "and I've always said," sez I,
"that never would I live on brigandage."

Some of the streets of Naples are narrer and noisy as Bedlam with
market men and women cryin' out their wares and all sorts of street
noises. Little donkeys carryin' loads fur too big for our old mair. A
sort of a big loose bag hangs on each side on 'em piled up as high as
they will hold with fruit, vegetables, flowers, etc.

Sometimes you will see such a big load walkin' off and can't for your
life tell what propels it till bime by you will hear a loud bray from
underneath. It sounds quite scareful. The little ridin' wagons of the
poor people are packed too as I never see a hoss car in the U. S.
Sometimes you will see more'n two dozen folks, priests, soldiers, men,
women and children, and sometimes baskets full of vegetables and
babies swingin' underneath and all drawed by a donkey; it hain't right
and I wanted to talk to 'em about it, but didn't know as they would
hear to me. But our old mair is used fur different.

The Cathedral is quite a noble lookin' buildin' and contains tombs of
many noted people, Pope Innocent, King Andrew, Charles I. of Anjou,
and many, many others. The Piazza del Municipio has a beautiful
fountain, and there is one fashionable promenade over two hundred feet
wide containing all sorts of trees and shrubs where you can see the
Neopolitans dressed in fine array. There is a terrace extending into
the sea, temples, winding paths, grottos, etc.

The Piazza del Plebiscito has an equestrian statute that wuz taken in
the first place for Napoleon, then changed to General Murat and
finally to Charles III. It made me think considerable of the daily
papers who use one picture for all social and criminal purposes, and
for Queen Victoria and Lydia Pinkham.

Some of the principal streets are straight and handsome, with blocks
of lava right out of the bosom of the earth for pavement. It give me
queer feelin's to tread on't thinkin' that it come from a place way
down in the earth that we didn't know anything about and thinkin' what
strange things it could tell if stuns could talk. Some of the best
streets had sidewalks. It is well lighted by gas.

As you walk along the streets you see rich and poor, beggar and
priest, soldier and peasant, every picturesque costoom you can think
on and all sorts of faces. But there seems to be a kind of a
happy-go-lucky air in 'em all, even to the beggars and the little
lazy, ragged children layin' in the sunshine. The people live much out
of doors here, you can see 'em washin' and dressin' the children, and
doin' housework, and everything right from the street, and though I
don't spoze the poor suffer so much here on account of the warm
climate, yet dirt and rags and filth and vermin didn't look any better
to me here than they did in Jonesville.

In Naples as a rule the lower parts of the houses are shops,
restaurants, etc., and the upper stories are used for dwellings. The
beautiful terraces of the city and the flat roofs of the houses are
covered with shrubs and flowers, and filled with gayly dressed
promenaders, givin' it a gay appearance. And you don't see in the
faces of the crowd any expression of fear for the danger signal that
smokes up in the sky, no more than our faces to home show signs of our
realizin' the big danger signals on our own horizon.

I d'no as I ever had hearn of the third city that wuz destroyed when
Herculaneam and Pompeii wuz. But Vesuvius did put an end to another
city called Stabea at that time, most two thousand years ago, but that
is some years back and I d'no as it is strange that the news hadn't
got to Jonesville yet.

Naples has three hundred meetin'-houses, enough you would say to make
the citizens do as they ort to. But I don't spoze they do. I hearn,
and it come quite straight, too, that it is a dretful city for folks
to act and behave, though it used us real well.

It has a good many theatres and has a large museum where I would be
glad to spent more time than I did. Dretful interestin' to me wuz the
rich frescoes and marbles dug up in the buried cities. Just to think
on't how long they stayed down there under the ground, and now come
out lookin' as well as ever whilst the Love or the Ambition that
carved the exquisite lines have gone away so fur that we can't foller
'em; way into some other planet, mebby. Bronze statutes, the finest
collection in the world they say, and all sorts of weapons, Etruscian
vases, coins, tablets, marbles, ornaments of all kinds enough to make
your head feel dizzy to glance at 'em.

Some of the statutes I didn't want Josiah to see; they wuzn't dressed
decent to appear in company, but then agin I knew he wuz a perfessor
and had always read about the Garden of Eden and Eve when she and Adam
first took the place and wuz so scanty on't for clothes, but I didn't
like their looks. Miss Meechim thought they wuz genteel and called it
high art, and Josiah, for a wonder, agreed with her; they hardly ever
think alike.

But I sez, "Josiah Allen, while I am a livin' woman, and a Methodist
sister, you never will be sculped with nothin' but a towel hung over
one arm, not even a paper collar on, and," sez I, "what should we
think to go into a photograph gallery to home and see Sister Bobbett
and Sister Gowdey portrayed with a little mosquiter nettin' slung over
one shoulder?" Sez I, "It would be the town's talk and ort to be--you
can call it high art, Miss Meechim, if you want to, but I shall always
call it low art."

Miss Meechim murmured sunthin' about its bein' genteel, and Josiah
looked round and didn't pay the attention to my earnest words that he
ort to. I believe they did for a spell shet up them statters of Venus,
but they had let 'em out agin when we wuz there. There wuz one statter
of a woman with the top of her head and her arms off. Josiah said to

"The idee of puttin' that poor cripple in here amongst decent lookin'
wimmen; if they pictured her at all they ought to pictured her as
bein' carried to a hosspital."

Miss Meechim wuz nigh by and I see she had gone almost into spazzums
of admiration over it, and on our family's account, didn't want to
fall too low down in her estimation, so I wunk at him and whispered,
"Josiah, that is the celebrated Sikey; it is the proper thing to fall
into extacies of admiration and wonder when you see it." And I as I
say not wantin' to demean myself any further before Miss Meechim, put
up my two hands in an attitude of wonder, but which she could take for
admiration if she wanted to, but I didn't say it wuz.

But Josiah sez, "Catch me a praisin' up a no armed female, one who has
been scalped, too, in the bargain."

I hope Miss Meechim didn't hear him. She always praised just what wuz
proper to praise, she always read in her guide book just what she
ought to admire and then proceeded to admire it to once. As she
boasted her mind wuz a eminently conservative and genteel mind.

As for me my mind and sperit loved to grope around more and find out
things to praise and blame by rote and not by note, and Dorothy and
Robert Strong was some so.

Arvilly wuz more bent on disseminatin' her books to help and instruct,
and would have canvassed Michael Angelo himself for the "Twin Crimes,"
turning her back onto his most wonderful creations. As for Josiah, a
wild goat leapin' through museums and picture galleries couldn't have
been more scornful of contemporaneous judgment exceptin' when he
tried to be fashionable.

Dear little Tommy would wander round with his arms clasped behind him
under his velvet jacket and wonner at things to himself, and I spoze
Carabi walked up and down beside him though we couldn't see him.
Sometimes I felt kinder conscience smitten to think I couldn't
honestly admire what seemed to be the proper thing to, and then agin I
kinder leaned up agin the memory of John Ruskin and how he liked in
art what he did like, and not what it was fashionable to, and I felt

One day, tired out with sightseein' and havin' sunthin' of a headache,
I stayed to home while all the rest of the party went out and Miss
Meechim invited me into their settin'-room as it wuz cooler there, so
I had sot there for some time readin' a good book and enjoyin' my poor
health as well as I could, when a card wuz brung in for Robert Strong.
I told the hall boy that he wuz out but wuz expected back soon, and in
a few minutes he come back usherin' in a good lookin' man who said he
wuz anxious to see him on business and that he would wait for him. I
knowed him from his picture as well as his card; it wuz Mr.
Astofeller, a multi-millionaire, who had got his enormous wealth from
trusts and monopolies.

I couldn't go back into my room for Josiah had the key, and so we
introduced ourselves and had quite a agreeable visit, when all of a
sudden right whilst we wuz talkin' polite and agreeable two long
strings dangled down in front of the eyes of my soul, strings I had
often clung to. Well I knowed 'em, and I sez to myself almost wildly:

Oh, Duty! must I cling to thy apron-strings here and now, enjoyin' as
I do poor health and in another woman's room? For reply, them strings
dangled down lower yet, and I had to reach up the arms of my sperit
and gently but firmly grip holt on 'em and stiddy myself on 'em whilst
I tackled him on the subject of monopolies, having some hopes I could
convert him and make him give 'em up then and there and turn round and
be on the Lord's side.

And bein' so dretful anxious to convince him, I begun some as the M.
E. ministers sometimes do in a low, still voice, gradually risin'
higher and deeper and more earnest. I told him my idees of trusts and
monopolies and what a danger I thought they wuz to individual and
national life. And I described the feelin's I felt to see such droves
of poor people out of work and starvin' for the necessaries of life,
whilst a few wuz pilin' up enormous and onneeded wealth, and I sez:

"Mr. Astofeller, what good does it do to heap up such a lot of money
jest to think you own it and hide it from the tax collector? And bring
up your daughters to luxury and foolish display, their gole being to
give you a titled son-in-law who will bend down toward you from his
eminence jest fur enough to reach your pockets, and if you refuse to
have them emptied too many times you will anon or oftener have your
daughter returned to you, her beauty eat up by sorrow, her ears
tinglin' and heart burnin' with experiences a poor girl would never
know. And bring up your sons to idleness and temptation, when you
know, Mr. Astofeller, that it is Earnest Toil, wise-headed,
hard-handed step-ma, that goads her sons on to labor and success. And
it is not, as a rule, the sons of millionaires who are our great men.
It is the sons of Labor and Privation that hold the prizes of life
to-day and will to-morrow."

And sez I, reasonable: "What is the use, Mr. Astofeller, of so much
money, anyway? You can't ride in but one buggy at a time, or wear more
than one coat and vest, or sleep on more than one bed and three
pillers at the outside, or eat more than three meals a day with any
comfort, so why not let poorer folks have a chance to eat one meal a
day--lots of 'em would be tickled to death to.

"Our Lord said: 'Take no thought for the morrow what ye shall eat or
what ye shall drink;' and He must have meant that the time wuz comin'
when juster laws should prevail, when Mammon should yield to Mercy and
plunder changed to plenty for all and no burden of riches for any. The
Bible sez that in those days when the pure influence of Jesus still
rested on his disciples that they had everything in common."

Sez Mr. Astofeller, "Start ten men out rich Monday morning, and nine
of them would be poor Saturday night, and the tenth one would own the
money of all the rest."

And I sez: "I presoom so, if they had their own way, and that is a big
argument to prove that there ought to be a wise head and a merciful
hand at the hellum to look out for the hull on 'em. A good father and
mother with a big family of children takes care of the hull on 'em.
And if one is miserly and one a spendthrift and one a dissipator and
one over-ambitious they watch over 'em and curb these different traits
of theirn and adjust 'em to the good of all and the honor of their pa
and ma. They spur on the indolent and improvident, hold back the
greedy and ambitious, watch and see that the careless and good-natured
don't git trod on, nor the strong make slaves of the weaker. The
feeble are protected, temptations are kept out of the way of the
feeble wills; the honest, industrious ones hain't allowed to perish
for want of work they would gladly do, and the strong, keen-witted
ones hain't allowed to steal from the onfaculized ones. Why, how it
would look for that pa to let some of his children heap up more money
than they could use, whilst some of the children wuz starvin'? It
would make talk and ort to."

Mr. Astofeller said, "Millionaires are very charitable; look at their
generous gifts on every side."

And I sez, "Yes, that's so; but Charity, though she's a good creeter
and well thought on, hain't so good as Justice in lots of places."

He sez, "We give big gifts to the churches."

And I sez, "Yes, I know it; but do you think that the Lord is goin' to
think any better on you for raisin' up costly temples sacred to the
Lord who specially said in his first sermon that he had come to
preach the Gospel to the poor, give sight to the blind, set at liberty
them that are bound? As it is you rare up magnificent temples and hire
eloquent clergymen to preach the doctrine that condemns you if they
preach the Bible, which a good many on 'em do. For you must remember
what it sez:

"If you who have plenty give not to your brother in need, how dwelleth
the love of God in you? And if you have two coats and your poorer
brother has none, you ort to give him your second best one. And you
kneel down on your soft hassocks and pray all your enormous, needless
wealth away from you, for you pray, 'Thy kingdom come,' which you know
is the kingdom of love and equality and justice, and 'Thy will be done
on earth as it is in heaven,' when you know that God's will is mercy,
pity and love. And 'Give us our daily bread,' when you must know that
you are takin' it right out of the mouths of the poor when you are
makin' your big corners on wheat and meat, and freezin' the widder and
orphan when you make your corners on coal."

Sez I, "Look at Robert Strong's City of Justice. Love, peace and
happiness rains there. Every workman is content, for he has his pay
for his labor and a fair percentage on profits. If the factory is
prosperous the workman knows that he gets just as much accordin' for
the work he puts in as if he owned the hull thing, and it is for his
advantage to give good work and help it along all he can.

"Intemperance is not allowed to show its hoof and horns inside that
city, for that would be injustice to the weak-willed and their
families. Greed and plunder and the whiskey power has to stay outside,
for the Bible sez without are dogs.

"Robert Strong might wring all the money he could from these workmen,
wrop himself in a jewelled robe and set up in a gold chair and look
down on the bent forms of the poor, sweating and groaning and striking
and starving below him. But he don't want to. He is down there right
by the side of 'em. Capital and labor walking side by side some like
the lion and the lamb. He has enough for his wants, and they have
enough for their wants, and there is mutual good-will there and peace
and happiness. Hain't that better than discontent and envy and
despair, bloody riots and revolutions? Cold, selfish, greedy Capital
clutching its money-bags, and cowering and hiding away from starvin'
infuriated strikers."

Sez I, growin' real eloquent, "Monopoly is the great American brigand
hid in the black forest of politics. It has seized Labor in its
clutches and wrings a ransom out of every toiler in the land.

"Monopoly steals out of Uncle Sam's pocket with one hand and with the
other clutches the bread-money out of the tremblin' weak fingers of
the poor. Is our law," sez I, "a travesty, a vain sham, that a man
that steals millions for greed goes unpunished, while a man who steals
a loaf to keep his children from starvin' is punished by our laws and
scorfed at? Monopoly makes the poor pay tribute on every loaf of bread
and bucket of coal, and the govermunt looks on and helps it. Shame!
shame that it is so!"

Sez Mr. Astofeller, "Where would the world be to-day if it wuzn't for
rich people building railroads, stringing telegraph and telephone
wires, binding the cities and continents together?"

"Yes," sez I, "I set store by what they've done, just as I do on them
good old creeters who used to carry the mails in their saddle-bags for
so much a year. Folks felt tickled to death, I spoze, when they could
send a letter by somebody for 10 cents a letter. And it wuz a great
improvement on havin' to write and send it by hum labor, a boy and a
ox team. But when I see Uncle Sam can carry 'em for two cents and one
cent a-piece, why I can't help favorin' the idee of givin' Uncle Sam
the job. And if he can carry letters so much cheaper why can't he
carry packages at just the same reduced rate, and talk over the wires,
etc., etc.?

"Not that I look down on them saddle-bags--fur from it--I honor 'em
and I honor the rich men that have cut iron roads through continents,
mountain and abyss, honor them that have made talkin' under the ocean
possible and through the pathless air. Yes, indeed, I honor 'em from
nearly the bottom of my heart. But I would honor 'em still more if
they should now all on 'em stand up in a row before Uncle Sam, and
say, We have done all we could to help the people (and ourselves at
the same time), and now as we see that you can help 'em still more
than we can, we turn our improvements all over into your hands to use
for the people, for you can make travel jest as much cheaper as letter
carryin', and do it just as peaceable. Why, what a stir it would make
on earth and in heaven, and Uncle Sam would see that they didn't lose
anything by it. He'd see jest what a grand thing they wuz doin', and
pay 'em well for it. And these rich men, instead of leavin' their
wealth in bags of greenbacks for moth and rust and lawyers to corrupt,
and fightin' heirs to break through their wills and steal, would leave
it in grateful memories and a niche in history where their benine
faces would stand up with all the great benefactors of the race.
Hain't that better, Mr. Astofeller, than to leave jest money for a
fashionable wife and golf-playin' sons to run through?"

Mr. Astofeller said he believed it wuz better; he looked real
convinced. And seein' him in this softened frame of mind I went on and
brung up a number of incidents provin' that the great folks of the
past had held a good many of my idees in regard to wealth. I reminded
him of Mr. Cincinnatus who did so much to make Rome glorious, when the
public sought him out for honors (he not a-prancin' through the
country with torch-light processions and a brass band, talkin' himself
hoarse, and lavishin' money to git it), no indeed, when they sought
him for a candidate for public honors they found him a not fixin' up
the primarys and buyin' bosses, but ploughin' away, just as peaceable
as his oxen, workin' on his own little farm of four acres. He wuz
satisfied with makin' enough to live on. Live and let live was his

"And Mr. Regulus, the leader of the great Roman forces, wuz satisfied
with his little farm of seven acres, creepin' up a little in amount
from four to seven. But it wuzn't till long, long afterwards that the
rich grew enormously rich and the poor poorer, and what a man had wuz
honored instead of what he wuz. Over and over the drama has been
played out, moderation and contentment, luxury and discontent,
revolution and ruin, but I did hope that our republic, havin' more
warnin's and nigher the millenium, wouldn't go the same old jog trot
up, up--up, and down, down, down. I wuz some in hopes they would hear
to me, but I d'no."

I could see that Mr. Astofeller wuz greatly impressed by what I said.
I see he took out his watch a number of times, wantin' to see, I
mistrusted, the exact minute that I said different things. He wuz jest
like the rest of them millionaires, a first-rate lookin' and actin'
creeter when you git down to the real man, but run away with by
Ambition and Greed, a span that will take the bits in their mouth and
dash off and carry any one further than they mean to be carried. He
didn't say so right out but he kinder gin me to understand that I'd
convinced him more'n a little. And I am lookin' every day to see him
make a dicker with Uncle Sam (a good-hearted creeter too as ever lived
Uncle Sam is, only led away sometimes by bad councillors), yes, I
expect he will make a dicker with Uncle Sam for the good of the public
and hasten on the day of love and justice. I am lookin' for it and
prayin' for it; in fact the hull world is prayin' for it every day
whether they know it or not when they pray "Thy kingdom come."

But to resoom: Robert Strong and Josiah come back almost simeltaneously,
and I don't know what Mr. Astofeller's bizness wuz with Robert, sunthin'
about California affairs, I guess, mebby politics or sunthin'. But
'tennyrate, if it wuz anything out of the way I know he would never get
Robert to jine in with him.


From Naples we went to Athens, Dorothy wantin' to see Greece while she
was so nigh to it, and Robert Strong wantin' just what she did every
time. And Miss Meechim sayin' that it would be a pity to go home and
not be able to say that we had been to what wuz once the most learned
and genteel place in the hull world.

"Yes," sez Josiah, "I'd love to tell Elder Minkley and the brethern
I'd been there."

And Miss Meechim went on to say that she wanted to see the Acropolis
and the Hall of the Nymphs and the Muses.

And Josiah told me that "they wuz nobody he had ever neighbored with
and didn't know as he wanted to."

I guess Miss Meechim didn't hear him for she went on and said, "Athens
wuz named from Athena, the goddess Minerva."

And Josiah whispered to me "to know if it wuz Minerva Slimpsey,
Simon's oldest sister."

And I sez, "No, this Minerva, from what I've hearn of her, knew more
than the hull Slimpsey family," sez I. "She wuz noted for her wisdom
and knowledge, and I spoze," sez I, "that she wuz the daughter of

Josiah said Jupiter wuz nobody he ever see, though he wuz familiar
with his name. And I'd hearn on him too when Josiah smashed his
finger or slipped up on the ice or anything, not that I wanted to in
that tone. Arvilly thought mebby she could canvass the royal family
or some on 'em, and Tommy wuz willin' to go to any new place, and I
spoze Carabi wuz too. And I said I wanted to stand on Mars' Hill,
where Paul preached to the people about idolatry and their
worship of the Unknown God. As we sailed along the shores Dorothy
spoke of Sapho. Poor creeter! I wuz always sorry for her. You know
she wuz disappointed, and bein' love-sick and discouraged she writ
some poetry and drownded herself some time ago.

And Robert Strong talked a good deal to Dorothy about Plato and Homer
and Xenophon and Euripides, Sophocles, Phidias, and Socrates--and lots
more of them old worthies; folks, Josiah remarked to me, that had
never lived anywhere round Jonesville way, he knew by the names. And
Dorothy quoted some poetry beginning:

    "The isles of Greece, the isles of Greece."

And Robert quoted some poetry. I know two lines of it run:

    "Maid of Athens, ere we part,
    Give, O, give me back my heart."

But his eyes wuzn't on Athens at all. They wuz on Dorothy, and her
face flushed up as rosy a pink as ever Miss Sapho's did when she wuz
keepin' company.

After we left the boat we rode over a level plain with green trees by
the wayside till we reached Athens and put up at a good tarven.
Athens, "The eye of Greece," mother of arts and eloquence, wuz built
in the first place round the Acropolis, a hill about three hundred
feet high, and is a place that has seen twice as many ups and downs as
Jonesville. But then it's older, three or four thousand years older, I
spoze, and has had a dretful time on't since Mr. Theseus's day, take
it with its archons or rulers, kings and generals, and Turks, Goths
and Franks, etc.

But it become the fountainhead of learning and civilization, culture
and education of the mind and the body. In that age of health and
beauty, study and exercise, the wimmen didn't wear any cossets,
consequently they could breathe deep breaths and enjoy good health,
and had healthy little babies that they brought up first-rate as fur
as the enjoyment of good health goes, and Arvilly said she knew they
didn't drink to excess from the looks of their statutes.

Athens also claims to be one of the birthplaces of Homer, that good
old blind poet. Robert Strong talked quite a good deal about his
poems, the Iliad and the Odyssy or the return of Ulysses Odysses to
his native land.

Josiah paid great attention to it, and afterwards he confided to me
that he thought of writin' a Jodyssy or the return of Josiah to
Jonesville. He said when he recounted all his wanderin's and
tribulations on the road and at tarvens with starvation and tight
clothes and all the other various hampers he'd been hampered with he
said that it would beat that old Odyssy to nothin' and nobody would
ever look at it agin. "Why," sez he, "jest think how old that is, most
a thousand years B. C. It is time another wuz writ, and I'm the one to
write it."

But I shall try to talk him out of it. He said he shouldn't begin it
till our return to Jonesville, so Ury could help him in measurin' the
lines with a stick. And when I am once mistress of my own cook-stove
and buttery I have one of the most powerful weepons in the world to
control my pardner with.

I hain't no great case to carry round relics, but I told Josiah that I
would give a dollar bill quick if I could git holt of that old lantern
that Diogenes used to carry round here in the streets in broad
daylight to find Truth with. How I'd love to seen Mr. Diogenes and
asked him if he ever found her.

Josiah said he would ruther own his wash-tub that he used to travel
round in. And which he wuz settin' in when Alexander the Great asked
him what costly gift he could bestow on him. And all that contented,
independent creeter asked for wuz to have the king not git between him
and the sun.

He snubbed Plato, too; didn't want anything, only his tub and his
lantern and hunt round for a honest man, though I don't see how he got
round in it. But Josiah sez the tub wuz on castors, and he had a idee
of havin' our old washtub fixed up and go to Washington, D. C., in it
with our old tin lantern, jest to be uneek and hunt round there for an
honest man.

Sez I middlin' dry, "You may have to go further, Josiah." But I shan't
encourage him in it. And our wash-tub wouldn't hold him up anyway; the
hoops had sprung loose before I left home.

At the southwest of Athens is the Mount Hymettus. I'd hearn a sight
about its honey. Josiah thought he would love to buy a swarm of bees
there, but I asked him how could he carry 'em to Jonesville. He said
that if he could learn 'em to fly ahead on us he could do it. But he

The road west wuz Eulusas, the Sacred Way. And to the north wuz the
Academy of Plato, and that of Aristotle wuz not fur away. One day I
see there on an old altar, "Sacred to either a god or goddess." They
believed in the rights of wimmen, them old Pagans did, which shows
there is good in everything.

And how smart Socrates wuz; I always sot store by him, he wuz a good
talker and likely in a good many ways, though I spoze he and his wife
didn't live agreeable, and there might have been blame on both sides
and probable wuz. How calm he wuz when on trial for his life, and when
he had drunk the hemlock, sayin' to his accusers:

"I go to death and you to life; but which of the twain is better is
known only to Divinity."

And Mr. Plato; don't it seem as if that old Pagan's words wuz
prophetic of Christ when he spoke of an inspired teacher:

"This just person must be poor, void of all qualifications save
virtue. A wicked world will not bear his instructions and reproofs.
And therefore within three or four years after he begun to preach he
should be persecuted, imprisoned, scourged, and at last put to

Hundreds of years after, Paul preaching the religion of Christ Jesus,
met the Epicurians and Stoics representing Pleasure and Pride. Strong
foes that religion has to contend with now. Then he addressed the
multitude from the Areopagus, Mars' Hill.

What feelin's I felt; how real and nigh to my heart his incomparable
sermon that he preached in that place seemed to be as I stood there. I
thought of how the cultured, beauty-loving nature of Paul must have
been affected by his surroundings as he stood there in the midst of
statutes and altars to Apollo, Venus, Bacchus. The colossial golden
figure of Minerva, holdin' in her outstretched right hand a statute of
victory, four cubits high. So big and glorious-lookin' Minerva wuz
that her glitterin' helmet and shield could be seen fur out to sea.
The statute of Neptune on horseback hurling his tridant; the temple to
Ceres and all the gods and goddesses they knew on and to the Unknown
God. Here Paul stood surrounded by all these temples so magnificent
that jest the gateway to 'em cost what would be ten million dollars in
our money.

Here in the face of all this glory he stood up and declared that the
true God, "Lord of heaven and earth dwelt not in temples made with
hands." And he went on to preach the truth in Christ Jesus:
repentance, remission of sin, the resurrection of the dead. Some
mocked and some put him off by saying they would hear him again of
this matter. They felt so proud, their glory and magnificence seemed
so sure and enduring, their learning, art and accomplishments seemed
so fur above this obscure teacher of a new religion.

But there I stood on the crumbling ruins of all this grandeur and art.
And the God of Paul that they had scorned to "feel after if haply they
might find him," wuz dominating the hull world, bringing it to the
knowledge of Christ Jesus: "The gold and silver and stone wrought by
many hands" had crumbled away while the invisible wuz the real, the
truth wuz sure and would abide forever. How real it all seemed to me
as I stood there and my soul listened and believed like Dionysos and

The market place wuz just below Mars' Hill, and I spoze the people
talked it over whilst they wuz buyin' and sellin' there, about a
strange man who had come preachin' a new doctrine and who had asked to
speak to the people. It sez, "His heart was stirred within him and he
taught them about the true God" in the synagogue and market-place. As
we stood there in that hallowed spot, Miss Meechim said:

"Oh, that I had been there at that time and hearn that convincin'
sermon, how glad would I have left all and followed Him, like Dionysos
and Damarus."

"Well, I d'no," sez Arvilly, "as folks are any more willin' now to let
their old idols of Selfishness and Mammon go and renounce the faults
and worship the truth than they wuz then."

Miss Meechim scorfed at the idee, but I pondered it in my own mind and
wondered how many there really wuz from Jonesville to Chicago, from
Maine to Florida, ready to believe in Him and work for the Millenium.

But to resoom. The Patessia is a beautiful avenoo, the royal family
drive there every day and the nobility and fashionable people. The
Greek ladies wear very bright clothing in driving or walking. The road
looks sometimes like a bed of moving blossoms.

As in most every place where we travelled, Robert Strong met someone
he knew. Here wuz a gentleman he had entertained in California, and he
gave a barbecue or picnic for us at Phalareum. A special train took
the guests to it. There wuz about thirty guests from Athens. The table
wuz laid in a pavilion clost to the sea shore covered with vines,
evergreens and flowers. Four lambs wuz roasted hull and coffee wuz
made in a boiler, choice fruits and foods were served and wines for
them that wanted 'em. It is needless to say that I didn't partake
on't, and Josiah, I'm proud to say, under my watchful eyes, refused to
look on it when it wuz red, and Arvilly and Robert Strong and Dorothy
turned down their glasses on the servant's approach bearin' the

Everything wuz put on the table to once and a large piece of bread to
each plate. No knives or forks are used at a barbecue. We had
sweetmeats, rose leaf glyco, oranges and all kinds of fruit. The way
they roast a lamb at a barbecue--two large lambs are placed about four
feet apart, the lamb pierced lengthwise by a long pointed stick is
hung over the bed of live coals. They turn and baste it with olive oil
and salt and it is truly delicious.

One pleasant day we visited the King's country place. The dining room
wuz a pavilion in a shady spot under orange trees full of fruit and
blossoms surrounded with a dense hedge of evergreens, vines and
blossoms. There wuz walks in every direction bordered with lovely
flowers. The Queen's private settin' room is a pretty room, the
furniture covered with pink and white cretonne, no better than my
lounge is covered with to home in the spare room. And in a little
corner, hid by a screen of photographs wuz her books and writing desk.
The maids of honor had rooms in a little vine covered cottage near

We of course went to see the ruins of the Parthenium, built by
Pericles and ornamented with the marbles of Phidias. It wuz finished
about four hundred and thirty years B.C. and cost about four millions
of our money. A great Bishop once said:

"This was the finest edifice on the finest site in the world, hallowed
by the noblest recollections that can stimulate the human heart."

It stands on the highest point of the Acropolis and wuz decorated by
the greatest sculptor the world ever saw. It stands on the site of an
older temple to Minerva. They thought a sight of that woman. It made
me feel well to see one of my sect so highly thought on though I did
not approve of their worshippin' her and I would never give my consent
to be worshipped on a monument, not for the world I wouldn't--no,

Robert Strong wanted to go to see the ruins of the enormous temple of
Jupiter where chariot races were run and the Olympic games wuz fought
that Paul speaks of so many times in his letters to the churches.

But time wuz passin' fast away and we thought best to not linger there
any longer and we went directly from there to Vienna, a longer journey
than we had took lately, but Robert thought we had better not stop on
the way.

Vienna is a beautiful city. I d'no as I would go so fur as the
Viennesse myself and say it is the most beautiful in the world, but it
stands up high amongst 'em.

The beautiful blue Danube makes a curve round it as if it wuz real
choice of it and loved to hold it in its arms. I say blue Danube, but
its waters are no more blue than our Jonesville creek is pink. But
mebby if I wuz goin' to sing about the creek I might call it blue or
pink for poetical purposes.

We had rooms nigh to the river, the banks of which wuz terraced down
to the water, and laid out in little parks, public gardens full of
flowers and trees and flowering shrubs.

There are two massive stun bridges in this part of the city, and very
handsome dwellin' houses, churches, and the Swartzenburg palace. The
buildings are very handsome here, more lofty and grand looking even
than they are in Paris, and you know you would imagine that wuz the
flower of the universe, and I needn't mention the fact that I had to
gin into it that it goes fur beyend Jonesville.

The street called the Ring Strasse, I spoze because it curves round
some like a ring, is three milds long, and most two hundred feet wide.
And along this broad beautiful avenue there are six rows of large
chestnut trees. A track for horseback riders on one side, a broad
carriage driveway, two fine promenades, besides the walk.

Splendid buildin's rise up on each side of this grand street, and
parks and gardens abound. At intervals there are large roomy lawns,
covered with velvety grass, where easy seats under the trees invite
you to rest and admire the beauty around you, and the happy,
gayly-dressed throng passing and repassing in carriages, on horseback
or walkin' afoot, thousands and thousands on 'em, and everyone, I
spoze, a pursuin' their own goles, whatever they may be.

The first place we went to see wuz St. Stephen's Church. This is on a
street much narrower than the Ring Strasse. The sidewalks wuz very
narrer here, so when you met folks you had to squeeze up pretty nigh
the curbstun or step out into the carriage way; but no matter how
close the quarters wuz you would meet with no rough talk or
impoliteness. They wuz as polite as the Japans, with more intelligence

St. Stephen's Cathedral is a magnificent Gothic structure, three
hundred and fifty-four feet long and two hundred and thirty broad, and
is full of magnificent monuments, altars, statutes, carving, etc.,
etc. The monument to the Emperor Frederic III. has over two hundred
figures on it.

Here is the tomb of the King of Rome, Napoleon's only son, and his ma,
Maria Louise. I had queer feelin's as I stood by them tombs and
meditated how much ambition and heart burnin' wuz buried here in the
tomb of that young King of Rome. I thought of how his pa divorced the
woman he loved, breakin' her heart, and his own mebby, for the
ambitious desire to have a son connected with the royalty of Europe,
to carry on his power and glory, and make it more permanent. And how
the new wife turned away from him in his trouble, and the boy died,
and he carried his broken heart into exile. And the descendant of the
constant-hearted woman he put away, set down on the throne of France,
and then he, too, and his boy, had to pass away like leaves whirled
about in the devastatin' wind of war and change. What ups and downs! I
had a variety of emotions as I stood there, and I guess Josiah did,
though I don't know. But I judged from his liniment; he looked real

The catacombs under this meetin'-house are a sight to see I spoze,
but we didn't pay a visit to 'em. Josiah had a idee that they wuz
built to bury cats in, and he said he didn't want to go to any cat
buryin'-ground. He said there wuzn't a cat in Europe so likely as
ourn, but he wouldn't think of givin' it funeral honors.

But he didn't git it right. It wuz a place where they buried human
bein's, but I didn't care anything about seein' it.

Robert got a big carriage, and we all driv over to the Prater, a most
beautiful park on an island in the Danube. The broad, flower-bordered
avenues wuz crowded with elegant carriages and beautiful forms and
faces wuz constantly passing hither and yon, to and fro, and the scene
all round us wuz enchantin'ly beautiful. We had a delightful drive,
and when we got back to the tarven we found quite a lot of letters
that had been forwarded here. Josiah and I had letters from
Jonesville, welcome as the voice of the first bird in spring, all well
and hopeful of our speedy meetin'; but Miss Meechim had one tellin' of
dretful doin's in her old home.

We'd heard that there had been a great labor strike out in California,
but little did we know how severe it had struck. Rev. Mr. Weakdew had
writ to Miss Meechim how some of the rebellious workmen had riz up
against his son in his absence. He told how wickedly they wuz actin'
and how impossible it wuz in his opinion to make them act genteel, but
he said in his letter that his son had been telegrafted to to come
home at once. He said Mudd-Weakdew always had been successful in
quelling these rebellious workmen down, and making them keep their
place, and he thought he would now as soon as he arrived there.

I know Arvilly and Miss Meechim had words about it when she read the
letter. Miss Meechim deplored the state of affairs, and resented
Arvilly's talk; she said it was so wicked to help array one class
aginst another.

"They be arrayed now," sez Arvilly. "Selfishness and Greed are arrayed
aginst Justice and Humanity, and the baby Peace is bein' trompled on
and run over, and haggard Want and Famine prowl on the bare fields of
Poverty, waitin' for victims, and the cries of the perishin' fill the

Arvilly turned real eloquent. I mistrusted mebby she'd catched it from
me, but Miss Meechim turned up her nose and acted dretful high-headed
and said there was nothing genteel in such actions and she wouldn't
gin in a mite till that day in Vienna she had a letter that brought
her nose down where it belonged, and she acted different after readin'
it and didn't talk any more about gentility or the onbroken prosperity
of the Mudd-Weakdews, and I wuz shocked myself to hear what wuz writ.

As I say, Miss Meechim read it and grew pale, the letter dropped in
her lap and she trembled like a popple leaf, for it told of a dretful
tragedy. It wuz writ by a friend in Sacramento and the tragedy wuz
concernin' the Mudd-Weakdews. On hearin' of the strike, the
Mudd-Weakdews had hurried home from their trip abroad and he had tried
to quell the strike, but found it wouldn't quell. He had been shot at
but not killed; the shot went through his eyes, and he would be blind
for life. A deadly fever had broke out in the tenements on the street
back of his palace, caused, the doctors said, by the terrible
onsanitary surroundings, and helped on by want and starvation. The
families of his workmen had died off like dead leaves fallin' from
rotten trees in the fall. The tenements wuz not fur from the
Mudd-Weakdew garden where Dorris loved to stay, who had stayed at home
with a governess and a genteel relative during her parents' absence.
The garden wuz full of trees, blossoms and flowering shrubs, a
fountain dashed up its clear water into the air and tall white
statutes stood guard over Dorris in her happy play. But some deadly
germ wuz wafted from that filthy, ghastly place, over the roses and
lilies and pure waters, and sweet Dorris wuz the victim.

The clear waters and fresh green lawns and fragrant posies didn't
extend fur enough back; if they had her life might have been saved,
but they only went as fur as the sharp wall her pa had riz up and
thought safely warded his own child from all the evils of the lower

No, it didn't go fur enough back, and sweet Dorris had to pay the
penalty of her pa's blindness and selfishness. For what duz the Book
say? "The innocent shall suffer for the guilty."

Her broken-hearted mother followed her to the grave, and it wuz on
that very day, Mudd-Weakdew bein' shut up with doctors, that the
little boy wuz stolen. The discharged workman, whose little boy had
died of starvation, disappeared too. He wuz said to be half-crazy and
had threatened vengeance on his old employer. There wuz a story that
he had been seen with a child richly dressed, and afterwards with a
child dressed in the coarse clothing of the poor, embarking on a
foreign ship, but the clue wuz lost, so the living trouble wuz worse
to bear than the dead one.

The strike wuz ended, Capital coming out ahead; the workmen had lost,
and the Mudd-Weakdews had a chance to coin more money than ever out of
the half-paid labor and wretched lives of their men. They could still
be exclusive and foller the star of gentility till it stood over the
cold marble palace of disdainful nobility. But the wall of separation
he had built up between wealth and poverty had not stood the strain;
Deadly Pestilence, Triumphant Hatred and sharp-toothed Revenge had
clumb over and attacked him with their sharp fangs, him and his wife,
and they had to bear it.

I knowed it, I knowed that no walls can ever be built high enough to
separate the sordid, neglected, wretched lives of the poor and the
luxurious, pleasure-filled lives of the rich. Between the ignorant
criminal classes and the educated and innocent. You may make 'em
strong as the Pyramaids and high as the tower of Babel, but the
passions and weaknesses of humanity will scale 'em and find a way

The vile air of the low lands will float over into and contaminate the
pure air of the guarded pleasure gardens, and the evil germs will
carry disease, crime and death, no matter how many fountains and white
statutes and posies you may set up between. Envy, Discontent and
Revenge will break through the walls and meet Oppression, Insolence
and Injustice, and they will tear and rend each other. They always
have and always will. Robert Strong, instead of buildin' up that wall,
spends his strength in tearin' it down and settin' on its crumblin'
ruins the white flowers of Love and Peace.

Holdin' Oppression and Injustice back with a hard bit and makin' 'em
behave, makin' Envy and Hatred sheath their claws some as a cat will
when it is warm and happy. He tears down mouldy walls and lets the
sunshine in. Pullin' up what bad-smellin' weeds he can in the gardens
of the poor, and transplantin' some of the overcrowded posy beds of
the rich into the bare sile, makin' 'em both look better and do
better. I set store by him. But to resoom:


Amongst my letters wuz one from Evangeline Noble tellin' of her safe
arrival in Africa and of the beginning of her work there, some like
strikin' a match to light a lamp in a dark suller, but different from
that because the light she lit wuz liable to light other lamps, and so
on and on and on till no tellin' what a glorious brilliance would
shine from the one little rushlight she wuz kindlin'. She felt it, she
wuz happy with that best kind of happiness, doin' good. She spoke of
Cousin John Richard, too; he wuz not in the same place she wuz, but
she hearn of him often, for his life wuz like a vase filled with the
precious ointment broke at the feet of Jesus. Broken in a earthly
sense, but the rich aroma sweetened the whole air about and ascended
to the very heavens.

A missionary she knew had seen him just before she wrote me. He wuz
working, giving his life and finding it again, useful, happy,
beloved. Not a success in a worldly way; Mudd-Weakdew would have
called it a dead failure. In place of a palace, Cousin John
Richard could not call even the poor ruff that sheltered him his own.
Instead of a retinue of servants, Cousin John Richard worked
diligently with his hands to earn his daily bread; instead of
stocks and bonds bringing him rich revenues, he had only the title
deeds of the house of many mansions, and Mudd-Weakdew would not
have accepted any deeds unless signed before a notary and sealed with
our govermunt stamp. No wealth, no luxuries, not hardly the
necessities of life had Cousin John Richard, whilst Mudd-Weakdew
wuz steeped in the atmosphere of wealth and grandeur for which he
had lived and toiled, yet Cousin John Richard wuz blissfully happy
and content, Mudd-Weakdew unspeakably and hopelessly wretched. Both
had follored their goles and wuz settin' on 'em, but, oh! how
different they wuz--how different to themselves and them about 'em.
Inspiration and help flowed from Cousin John Richard's personality
like the warm sunshine of a clear June day, or the perfume from a rare
lily, brightening, sweetening and uplifting all about him, whilst from
Mudd-Weakdew fell a dark shadder made up of gloom, discontent, envy,
hatred. How different they wuz, how different they wuz! And Robert
Strong's gole, how different his wuz from Mudd-Weakdew's. I
methought of what Miss Meechim had said to me deplorin'ly, how
different Robert Strong wuz. Yes, indeed! both on 'em had had fur
different goles and pursued 'em. The onselfish road Robert Strong trod
wuz leadin' him to the house of happiness--Mudd-Weakdew's to the
house of pain and despair.

I dare presoom to say I eppisoded more'n a hour to myself about it and
to Josiah, 'tennyrate Josiah got real huffy and acted, and sez in a
pitiful axent:

"Samantha, I'm willin' to hear preachin' twice a week and can set
under it like a man, but it comes kinder tough to have moralizin' and
preachin' brung into the bosom of the family and liable to be drizzled
out onto me week days, and any time, night or day."

His axent wuz extremely hopeless and pitiful. He felt a good deal as I
did in the matter, but it is a man's nater to be more impatient and
not bear the yoke so well as wimmen do. Wimmen are more used to
galdin' things than men be; I don't blame Josiah.

I wuz glad enough to see in Vienna the stately monument to Maria
Theresa, Empress of Austria Hungary. To see all about her and below
her the noble forms of Wisdom, Strength, Justice and Religion. And men
a-hoss back and sages and soldiers and to see her a-settin' so calm
and benine on top of the hull caboodle, it gin me proud sensations and
made me glad I wuz a woman, but not haughty.

Maria Theresa wuz a likely woman; I wish she could have lived to have
me encourage her by tellin' her what I thought on her. I would said to

"Marie," sez I, "you did well with what you had to do with, your
pardner left a sight for you to tend to, as pardners will if they see
their consort is willing to bear the brunt. You went through no end of
trials and tribulations, wars and revolutions, but come off
victorious. You helped the poor a sight, abolished torture, sot up
schoolhouses, fenced in the roarin' Papal bulls so they couldn't break
out and rare round so much, you helped on the industries of your
country, looked out for the best interests of your husband and son, as
pardners and mothers will and looked and acted like a perfect lady
through it all in war and peace."

It would done Marie sights of good to hearn my talk, but it wuzn't to
be. But this high, noble monument wuz some consolation to her if she
could look down and see it, as I spoze she can and duz. And partly on
her ma's account I visited the tomb of her girl, Marie Christina. It
wuz designed by Canova and wuz the most beautiful tomb I ever see.
Nine beautiful figgers with heads bowed down in grief wuz bearin'
garlands of flowers to strew above the beloved head, Youth, Middle Age
and Old Age all bearin' their different garlands and seemin' to feel
real bad, even the mighty angel who guarded the open door of the tomb
had his head bowed in sorrow. Way up above wuz the face of the
beautiful Arch Duchess carved in marble, with angels and cherubs
surroundin' her. Josiah said if he wuz able he would love to rare such
a one up for Tirzah Ann. Sez he, "She could enjoy it durin' her life
and if she should pass away before us it would come handy." He thought
the features of the Arch Duchess favored Tirzah Ann, but I couldn't
see it.

Albert Fountain is a noble-lookin' structure rared up by Francis
Joseph in 1869. We also visited the Academy of Fine Arts, the
conservatory of music, Museums of Arts and Industries, the new
Parliament and University buildings. The University building has one
hundred and sixty thousand volumes and engravings and drawing enough
to fill up an ordinary building, the collection of manuscripts is
called the richest in the world.

The teachers in the University of Vienna number two hundred and ten,
good land! enough to make a good school in themselves if anybody
knowed enough to teach 'em. In the Chamber of Treasures in the
Imperial Palace we see the largest emerald known to the world and the
Florentine Diamond, 133 karats big, though Josiah said when I told him
on't that wuz nothin' to carrots he'd raised in his garden, but I sot
him right. There wuz more than one hundred and forty thousand coins
and all sorts of minerals and a great quantity of bronzes, gems and

I hated to give in, but I had to. I see cameos there that went fur
beyend mine. We visited gymnasiums, public schools, institutes,
colleges and more noble and interestin' edifices than I could tell you
jest the names on unless I took loads of time.

The principal articles of manufacture in Vienna are jewelry, clocks,
kid gloves, musical instruments, shawls, silks and velvets. It is
supplied with water that comes forty milds in an aqueduct and gits
there as fresh and sparklin' as if it hadn't travelled a mild.

I felt that I ort to go and see the Emperor, Francis Joseph, while I
wuz in Vienna. I knowed that if my Josiah had been took from my heart
and presence as his Elizabeth had been and he'd come to Jonesville to
see the sights and look round some as I wuz doin' and hadn't come to
condole with me I should feel dretful hurt.

Just to think on't, the sweet, beautiful woman that he had loved ever
sence she wuz a little girl in short dresses and would marry in spite
of all opposition, and who had been his confidant and closest earthly
friend for so many long years a settin' up there by his side on that
hard peak with the kodaks of the world aimed at 'em, and rejoiced in
his joy and sympathized in his sorrow, to have her struck down so
sudden and to once by the hand of a assassin. Why, if it had been my
Josiah I couldn't have bore up as Fritz had; it seems to me as if I
never could have held my head up at all after it.

But Fritz had bore up under his sorrow all these years and carryin' it
along he bore also the load of his people's cares and perplexities and
tried to do the best he could with what he had to do with, which is a
golden rule to frame and hang up over our soul's mantletry piece and
study from day to day and which is the very best a human creeter can
do in Jonesville or Austria.

I sot store by him. One thing specially I always liked in him wuz his
humility and reverence, as showed by the foot-washing in the palace.
I'd hearn about that, and wanted to see it myself, like a dog, but it
wuz too late, for that takes place in April. But Robert Strong wuz
here once in April, and witnessed that ceremony.

It is a old custom, comin' from so fur back that nobody knows what
monarch it wuz and whose feet they wuz, and whether they needed
washin' or not. But I presoom they wuz middlin' clean; they be now
anyway, and the Emperor doesn't do it for bathin' purposes or to help
corns, but it is a religious custom. Robert explained it all out to me
so plain that I almost seemed to see it myself.

Robert said that the day he wuz here there wuz twelve old men, some on
'em ninety years old, seated at a table set out handsome with good
dishes, napkins, etc., and the table all covered with rose leaves, and
under it brown linen cushions for the old feet to rest on.

The old men had on black clothes, short breeches, black silk
stockings, and wide white turned-down collars. They wuz seated by
grand court officials, the oldest man seated at the head of the table.
Anon the Emperor come in in full uniform, with a train of nobility and
big court officers with him, all in gorgeous attire, and the Emperor
took his place at the head of the table as a waiter to wait on the
oldest old man. And then follered twelve palace officials, each
bearin' a black tray that had four dishes of good food on it, and they
took their places opposite the old men who set on one side of the
table, some as they do in pictures of the Last Supper or some as we
have some times in cleanin' house and things tore up and we all set on
one side of the table.

Then all bein' ready, the Emperor took the food off the tray opposite
the oldest man, and waited on him jest as polite as Philury waits on
me when we have company. The Crown Prince waited on the one next in
age, and each of the old men wuz waited on by some grand duke or other
member of the Austrian nobility.

After the trays wuz emptied, the palace guard, in full uniform, come
in with twelve more trays, and so on till four courses wuz served, the
last consistin' of a sweet dish, fruit, cheese, almonds, etc. After
this, and it wuz done quite quick, for not a mouthful wuz eaten, a
large, gold tray wuz brought in with a gold pitcher on it and a large
napkin, and the Emperor knelt and poured a little water on the old
man's foot, and wiped it on the napkin. It wuzn't very dirty, I spoze;
his folks had tended to that, and got off the worst of it. But he had
had his foot washed by a Emperor, and I spoze he felt his oats more or
less, as the sayin' is in rural districts, though he orten't to,
seein' it wuz a religious ceremony to inculcate humility, and the old
man ort to felt it too, as well as the Emperor. But howsumever, the
hull twelve on 'em had their feet washed and wiped by nobility. And
that bein' done, the Emperor, Crown Prince, and all the arch dukes,
etc., havin' riz up from their knees, the Grand Chamberlain poured
some water on the Emperor's hands, who dried 'em on a napkin, and all
the rest of the nobility done the same.

Then a court officer come in bringin' twelve black bags of money
containing each thirty silver florins. They had long black cords
attached, and the Emperor fastened the bags around the necks of each
of the old men by putting the cords round their necks. Then the
Emperor and nobility left the hall.

All durin' this ceremony a priest and twenty assistants read and
intoned beautiful extracts from the Gospel, showin' how the Lord
washed the disciples' feet. Then all the food and plates and foot
cushions wuz packed into baskets and sent to the houses of these old
men, and I wuz glad to hear that, for I thought how they must have
felt to have such tasty food put before 'em and took away agin for
good and all.

When the Empress wuz alive she did the same to twelve old wimmen--good
creetur! Wuzn't it discouragin' to wash the feet of the poorer classes
every year of her life, and then be shot down by one on 'em? How Fritz
must have felt a-thinkin' on't! If he'd been revengeful, I felt that
he might have gin their feet a real vicious rub--kinder dug into 'em
real savage; but he didn't; he washed and wiped 'em honorable, from
what I've hearn.

I always thought that that wuz a noble thing for the Emperor to do. I
d'no as our presidents would be willin' to do it, and I d'no as they
wouldn't. I don't believe the question has ever been put to 'em. I
guess Washington and Lincoln would anyway, and I don't believe that
they would have shrunk back if the feet wuz real dirty; they went
through worse things than that.

But to resoom: Robert Strong's description of this seen made me set
more store by Fritz Joseph than I had sot. And I wanted dretfully to
meet him and condole with him and congratulate him, but didn't know as
I should have a chance. But to my great satisfaction we wuz all
invited to the palace to a big informal reception. I wuz tickled

I spoze it wuz on Robert Strong's account that we wuz invited to the
Emperor's palace, though Josiah thought it wuz on his account. Sez

"Fritz is a educated man and reads about foreign affairs; of course,
he has hearn of Jonesville and knows that I am one of its leadin' men,
and wield a powerful influence in political and religious circles, and
wants to honor me and on my account and to please me, and for various
diplomatic reasons he is willin' to receive my pardner."

But it wuzn't so, no such thing; it wuz on Robert's account; Robert
had been invited there for lunch when he wuz there before, for Miss
Meechim had told me on't over and over. When the evening of the
reception come, Miss Meechim wuz in high feather every way. She wore
one in her hair that stood up higher than old Hail The Day's tail
feathers, and then her sperits wuz all feathered out, too.

Dorothy looked sweet as a rose just blowed out. She had on a gown of
pale-green satin and shiffon, which looked some the color of fresh,
delicate leaves, and her sweet face riz up from it and bloomed out
like a flower. It wuz a little low in the neck, which wuz white as
snow, and so wuz her round arms. A necklace of big pearls wuz round
her neck, not much whiter than the warm, soft flesh they rested on,
and she carried a big bunch of white orchids. She looked good enough
to frame in gold and hang up in anybody's best parlor, and Robert
Strong felt just as I did I knew by his liniment. On such a occasion,
I felt my best black silk none too good, and at Dorothy's request I
turned down the neck a little in front, mebby a half a finger or so,
and wore a piece of lace she gin me over it that come down to my belt.
It looked like a cob-web that had ketched in its transparent meshes
some voylets and snowdrops. And at her request I did not wear the
cameo pin, but a little bunch of posies she fixed for me, fine white
posies with a few pale lavender ones. I spoze Dorothy, though she
didn't tell me so, for fear it would make me oneasy and nervious, but
I spoze she wuz afraid that some bold thief might rob me of that
valuable jewel; she knowed that cameo pin fell onto me from Mother
Smith and fell onto her from her ma. This rim of memory sot it round
and rendered it valuable aside from its intrinsic worth, which wuz
great. Why, I hearn that Grandmother Smith paid as high as seven
dollars for it, gin five bushels of dried apples and the rest in
money. Tommy stayed to home with Martha.

The guests wuz ushered into a spacious and magnificent room.
Innumerable lights flashed from its lofty ceilings and music and
flowers brightened the seen. The rich costooms of the ladies and the
gorgeous uniforms of the men, representatives of the different
countries, richly embroidered in gold and silver, added to the beauty
of the panorama. Jewels wuz sparklin' everywhere, and I thought to
myself I d'no but Dorothy wuz more fraid than she need be, I d'no; but
I might have resked the cameo pin there. For it didn't seem as if
anybody there, man or woman, stood in need of any more ornaments, and
if they took it, I should always thought they done it out of pure
meanness. For such a profusion of jewelled ornaments I never see, and
such dresses, oh, my! I thought even before I met the royal party what
would I give if Almina Hagadone could be sot down there with liberty
to bring a lot of old newspapers, the Jonesville "Augurses" and
"Gimlets" and take patterns. Oh, my! wuzn't they grand, though our
good Methodist sisters wouldn't dream of havin' their calico and
woosted dresses with such long trains draggin' behind 'em or havin'
'em low-necked and short sleeves. I could hardly imagine how Sister
Gowdey and Sister Henzy would look with their chocolate-colored
calicos made without sleeves and dekolitay, as Miss Meechim called it;
they would blush to entertain the thought, and so would their

Francis Joseph, or as I called him in my mind, the good crisp name of
Fritz, I found wuz good lookin' and good actin'. Of course, like
myself and Josiah, he's gittin' some along in years. And like us, too,
he won't most probable ever be hung for his beauty. But what of that?
Like others lately mentioned, his liniment shows just what kind of a
person he has been and is. Honest, honorable, hard-workin', gittin'
up at five o'clock in the mornin', doin' a good day's work before lots
of folks rises up from their goose-feather pillers. Fillin' up the day
with duties performed to the best of his ability. Good, solid-lookin'
and good-actin' the most of the time, though I spoze that like every
human bein', he has had spells of bein' contrary and actin', but on
the whole a good man, and a well-wisher to his race.

And now in this dretful epock of time, when everything seemed
upside down, thrones tottlin' and foundations warpin', and the roar of
battle comin' nigher and nigher on every side, I felt that it wuz a
great thing for him that he had the chance to hear some words of
encouragement and advice. Yes, I knowed that if ever the Powers
wuz in a tight place they wuz now.

I wuz the last one in the line, and so had a chance at him; I
shouldn't have had if Miss Meechim and Arvilly had been follerin'
close to my heels. I had said in days gone by that if I ever got holt
of one of them Powers I would give 'em a piece of my mind that they
could patch onto their daily experience, and tremble and wonder at it
for the rest of their days. I had been riled up by these Powers a
number of times, real provoked and out of patience with 'em. But now
when I stood in the presence of one of 'em I felt different from what
I thought I should feel; I pitied 'em like a dog. And I showed it. I
mistrust my liniment looked pale and excited, though not havin' a
lookin' glass present I couldn't tell for certain, but I know my voice
trembled with emotion, for I hearn it myself.

I sez to him how proud and happy I wuz to see him lookin' so well and
holdin' his age to such a remarkable degree, and after a few such
preliminary politenesses had been tended to, I branched out and told
him with my liniment lookin' good and earnest I know, and tears almost
standin' in my eyes, I told him the feelin's I felt for the Powers,
how mad I'd been at 'em in the past, and how them feelin's had turned
into pity, for I knowed just what a ticklish place they wuz in and
how necessary it wuz for 'em to keep a cool head and a wise, religious
heart, and then, sez I, "I d'no as that will save you. You Powers have
got so hard a job to tackle that it don't seem to me you'll ever git
out of it with hull skins if you don't use all the caution a elephant
duz in crossin' a bridge. Go cautious and carefull and reach out and
try every plank before you step on't."

He felt it, I could see he did, he knowed how the ground wuz quakin'
under him and the rest of the Powerses. "And don't," sez I, "don't for
mercy's sake! you Powers git to squabblin' amongst yourselves, for if
you do you might just as well give up first as last, for you are all
lost as sure as fate. Keep your temper above all things," sez I.
"You've got age and experience as well as I have, and it takes such
experienced wise heads to manage such a state of affairs, and I d'no
even then as we can git along without an awful fuss, things are so
muddled up. Mebby you're the very one to go on and try to straighten
out the snarls in the skein of the nation's trials and perplexities,
and I'll do all I can to help you," sez I.

He wuz dretful impressed by my eloquence; he acted for all the world
just as Mr. Astofeller did. He looked at his watch just as if he wuz
anxious to know just the time I said such remarkable things, and I
continued on, "Sister Henzy," sez I, "thinks that the millenium is

"Sister Henzy?" sez he inquirin'ly.

"Yes," sez I, "Sister Mehala Henzy, sister in the M. E. meetin'-house
at Jonesville. She sez that this is the great universal war that is to
usher in the thousand years of peace and the comin' of our Lord. She
reads Skripter a sight and has explained it out to me and I must say
it does look like it. And oh how I do want to be here to see it, but
don't spoze Josiah and I can live a thousand years, no matter how much
patent medicine we take, specially as we both have the rumatiz bad,
but oh how I would love to.

"Brother Meesick thinks this is goin' to be a war of the yellow races
agin the whites. And though it would come tough on Josiah and me to be
driv out of house and home and scalped and made slaves on, yet right
whilst them yeller races wuz engaged in it if I could think at
all--and of course I don't know how much the seat of thought is
situated in the crown of the head and hair and whether the entire
citadel would go with the scalp, but if I could think and keep my
conscientiousness as I spoze I should, I should have to give in right
then and there that it wuz only justice fur the white races to submit
to the revenge of the darker complected, thinkin' what we'd done to

"Josiah bein' so bald they would probable have to take his head right
off, not havin' anything to hang onto while they scalped him, and I
should probably foller him soon, as I couldn't imagine a life
Josiahless. But whilst I lived, and even if I wuz sold into captivity,
and see Thomas J. and the rest of the children sold into distant
countries, and I chained to widder Henzy, drove off west to be slaves
to Hole In The Day or Big Thunder, I should have to say amidst my
heart breakin' groans and sithes, it is just, it is just, we white
folks richly deserve it for our treatment to the darker races."

The Emperor felt my talk deeply, I knew by his looks; he looked
completely wore out; it wuz from admiration I knowed.

Sez I: "It is a dretful thing to have all the beasts of the world git
mixed up and a-fightin' and chankin' each other up, as they have
seemed to, whilst the Powers have sot and looked on. Jest now it looks
to me as if the Russian Bear is gittin' the worst on't and the dragon
a-comin' out on top, and the Eagle has done noble work a-shriekin' and
fightin' and protectin' her young.

"It seemed to me and Josiah that the Powers have took things pretty
easy and loitered along when their ministers and missionaries wuz
chased into a corner and the Boxers ready to take their heads off. It
makes a sight of difference in such things whose heads are in danger.
If it wuz the Powers' own heads, for instance, there would probable
been more hustlin' round.

"But things are in a dretful state in Russia and Japan and China. It
is a great pity I hadn't knowed what wuz comin' when I wuz there; I
could probable done lots of good advisin' the Empress and tryin' to
make her do as she ort to, though my pardner thinks the blame hain't
all on China. He argys wrong, but is sot on it. He sez spozen he wuz
slow with his spring's work and didn't keep his fences up, or hustle
round so and mebby didn't pay Ury so big wages as the Loontowners did
in their factory, and wuzn't what they called sound on the doctrines.
You know they are seven-day Baptisses over in Loontown and Shackville;
but Josiah sez if them two Powers got together and tried to force
Loonton and Shackville civilization and ways onto Jonesville, which is
a older place and glad to be kinder settled down and mind its own
bizness; and if they should try to build roads through Jonesville
medders and berry lots and set up their tabernacles and manufacturys
there and steal right and left and divide Jonesville into pieces and
divide the pieces amongst 'em, why, sez he, 'I would arm myself and
Ury and fight to the bitter hind end.'

"Sez Josiah: 'Why do we want our pleasant woods and fields turned into
noisy bedlams by the whirrin' of wheels, creakin' of engines and the
roar and smoke and dust of traffick? Spozein' we should make more
money and dress better and own more books; money hain't everything in
life, nor hustlin' in bizness; peace and comfort and mindin' your own
bizness is sunthin'.'

"'And wheresoever them noisy manufactories go, there goes whiskey,'
sez Arvilly. A neighborin' woman who wuz by and jined in: 'What good
duz it do to try to settle which is the right Sunday if at the same
time them proselyters brings pizen that crazes their converts so they
can't tell Sunday mornin' from Friday midnight, bring the preachin'
of love and peace and the practice of hatred and ruin, the creeds and
catechism packed on with opium and whiskey.'

"'Yes,' sez Josiah, 'let me catch the Loontown and Shackville Powers
tryin' to divide Jonesville into pieces and grabbin' the pieces and
dividin' 'em up amongst 'em and turnin' us out of house and hum, I
guess them powers would find they had got hold of a Boxer when they
come to cut up my paster and divide it and the medder back of the
house where grandfather Allen's grandpa and great-grandma lays with a
white railin' round 'em, kep' up by the Allens two hundred years. I
guess they'd think they had got holt of a Boxer--yes indeed! and
Josiah Allen breathed hard and looked warlike.

"'But,' I sez, 'Josiah, you hain't got it right; there is more to

"And he sez fiery red in the face and sithin' hard, 'There is
generally more to everything.' And I sez, 'So there is, Josiah.'"

I see the Emperor lookin' round anxiously and he seemed to be on the
very pint of startin' away. I mistrusted he wanted to go and git more
folks to hear my wonderful eloquence, but I couldn't wait and I sez,
"Time and Josiah are passin' away and I mustn't detain you; you Powers
will have to do the best you can with what you've got to do with.
Wisdom is needed here, and goodness, piles and piles of goodness and
patience and above all prayer to the God of love and justice for help.
He is the only Power that can bring light into the dark problem
confrontin' the nations. He can settle the question and will, if you
Powers trust Him and try to toiler his teachin's."

"The only receipt I can give you is what I told you. Seekin' earnestly
for patience and wisdom from on high, payin' no attention to the blue
light that rises from the low grounds lit by Greed, Ambition and
Revenge, follerin' from day to day the light that filters down from
heaven through the winders of the mind and soul, and keepin' them
winders as clean as possible so the light can shine through. Brushin'
away, as fur as your powers can, the black cob-webs from your own
civilizations whilst you are tacklin' the scrubbin' brush to cleanse
older and dirtier ones, and don't for mercy sake in the name of
freedom take away freedom from any race or nation. I d'no what else
you can do."

Agin he looked anxiously round as much as to say, oh why, why don't
somebody else come to hear this remarkable talk?

And sez I, "I will say in conclusion for your encouragement, fur off
over the hills and dells of the world and Jonesville there will be one
follerin' you with earnest good wishes and prayers and will help you
Powers all she can and may God help you and the other Powerses and

He looked dretful relieved as he shook my hand and I passed on. I
guess he had worried for fear it would be out of sight, out of mind
with me, and I rejoined my pardner. The rest of our party had passed
on into another gorgeous apartment, but my faithful pardner had waited
for me. He wuz rejoiced to see me I knowed, though his words wuz:

"What under the sun wuz you hangin' round and preachin' to a Emperor
for? I believe you would dast anything."

"I hope I would," sez I, calmly, "upheld by Duty's apron strings." I
wouldn't have it knowed in Jonesville for a dollar bill that right
there in the Emperor's palace Josiah demeaned himself so, but he did

"I don't want to hear any more about them infarnal strings."

And a gorgeous official looked round at him in surprise and rebuke.
Well, we didn't stay a great while after that. We walked round a
little longer through the magnificent rooms, and anon we met Arvilly.
She wuz lookin' through a carved archway at the distant form of the
Emperor and unfastenin' the puckerin' strings of her work-bag, but I
laid holt of her arm and sez:

"Arvilly, for pity sake help me find Robert and Dorothy." She turned
with me, and my soul soared up considerable to think I had already
begun to help the powers and lighten their burdens. And pretty soon
the rest of our party jined us, and we returned home to our tarven.


Miss Meechim wanted to visit Carlsbad, the great Bohemian watering
place. She said it wuz a genteel spot and very genteel folks went
there to drink the water and take the mud baths. And so we took a trip
there from Vienna. It is only a twelve-hours' journey by rail. Our
road lay along the valley of the Danube, and seemed to be situated in
a sort of a valley or low ground, till we reached the frontiers of
Bohemia, but it wuz all interestin' to us, for novelty is as
refreshin' to older ones as to children. Cheerful, clean-lookin'
little villages wuz scattered along the way, flourishin' orchards and
long fields of grass and grain, and not a fence or hedge to break the
peaceful beauty of the picture.

Anon we entered a mountainous country with blue lakes and forests of
tall pine trees and knowed we had entered Bohemia. We see gypsy tents
anon or oftener, for what are gypsies but true Bohemians, wanderers at
will, hither and yon.

Josiah mentioned the idee of our leavin' the train for an hour or two
and havin' our fortunes told by a real gypsy, but I told him _sotey
vosey_ that my fortune come along about as fast as I wuz ready for it,
and I didn't know as I wanted to pay these swarthy creeters for lyin'
to me. And he didn't contend for it, for which I wuz thankful.

All along the way we see shrines with the faces of our Lord and Mary
and Joseph lookin' out of 'em. And anon a little hamlet would appear,
a meetin'-house with five or six dwellin' houses clustered round it
like a teacher in the midst of half a dozen scholars. Flowering shrubs
and fruit trees almost hid the houses of the quiet little hamlets,
and then we'd go by a village with forty or fifty houses, and as I
told Arvilly, in all these little places so remote from Jonesville and
its advantages, the tragedy of life wuz goin' on just as it did in
bigger places.

And she said she wondered if they drinked; sez she, "If they do there
is tragedies enough goin' on."

Bohemia is a country of orchards. I should say there was fruit enough
there so every man, woman and child there could have bushels and
bushels of it to spare after they had eat their fill. Even along the
highways the bending trees wuz loaded with fruit. A good plan, too,
and I told Josiah I would love to introduce it into Jonesville. Sez I,
"How good it would be to have the toil-worn wayfarers rest under the
shady branches and refresh themselves with good fruit."

And he said "He didn't want to toll any more tramps into Jonesville
than there wuz already."

And I spoze they would mebby find it too handy to have all the good
fruit they wanted hangin' down over their heads as they tramped
along--I d'no but it would keep 'em from workin' and earnin' their

Anon the good car would whirl us from a peaceful country into mountain
scenery, huge ledges of rock would take the places of the bending
fruit trees, and then jest as we got used to that we would be whirled
out agin, and see a peaceful-lookin' little hamlet and long, quiet
fields of green.

In the harvest fields we see a sight that made me sad and forebode,
though it seemed to give Josiah intense satisfaction. We see as many
agin wimmen in the harvest field as we did men, and in Carlsbad we see
young girls carryin' brick and mortar to the workmen who wuz buildin'
houses. I thought as I looked out on the harvest fields and see wimmen
doin' all the hard work of raisin' grain and then havin' to cook it
after it wuz made into flour and breakast food it didn't seem right to
me, it seemed as if they wuz doin' more than their part. But I spozed
the men wuz off to the wars fightin' and gittin' killed to satisfy
some other man's ambition, or settlin' some other men's quarrels.

Josiah sez, smilin' happily, "Wouldn't it look uneek to see Philury
mowin' in our oat and wheat fields, and you and Sister Bobbett rakin'
after and loadin' grain and runnin' the thrashin' machine?"

"Yes," sez I, "when I foller a thrashin' machine, Josiah Allen, or
load a hay rack it will look uneeker than will ever take place on this
planet, I can tell you to once."

But Arvilly sez, "Don't be too sure, Josiah Allen's wife; with three
wars bein' precipitated on our country durin' one administration, and
the conquered contented regions havin' to be surrounded by our
soldiers and fit all the time to keep 'em from laughin' themselves to
death, you don't know how soon all of our men will be drafted into the
army and we wimmen have to do all the farm work."

"Yes," sez Josiah, "that is so, and you would be a crackin' good hand
to pitch on a load of hay or mow away, you are so tall."

"And you," sez she with a defiant mean, "would be a good hand to put
in front of the battle field; you're so short, the balls _might not_
hit you the first round."

She put a powerful emphasis on the "might not," and Josiah looked real
agitated, and I sez:

"Such talk is onprofitable, and I should advise you, Josiah, to use
your man's influence to try to make peace for the country's good,
instead of wars for the profit of Trusts, Ambition, etc., and you can
escape the cannon's mouth, and Arvilly keep on sellin' books instead
of ploughin' and mowin'."

Robert Strong and Dorothy enjoyed Carlsbad the best that ever wuz. I
don't think they sot so much store by the water as they did the long
mountain walks. Everybody here becomes a mountain climber. The doctors
here agree that this exercise is a great means of cure, and they make
the climbing easy and delightful. There are over thirty miles of good
roads over the mountains and around Carlsbad, and as you climb upwards
anon or even oftener you come to pretty little pavilions where you can
rest and look off onto the delightful scenery, and every little while
you'll come to a place where you can git good refreshments to refresh

The Sprudel, or Bubbling Well, bubbles over in a stream of almost
boiling hot water five or six inches in diameter. It is so hot that
you can't handle the mugs it is served in with your naked hand, you
hold it by a napkin and have to take it a little sip at a time if you
don't want to be scalded.

Josiah had disputed with me about the waters being so hot. He said it
didn't look reasonable to him that bilin' hot water would flow out of
the cold ground, and he knowed they had told stories about it. "Why,"
sez he, "if it wuz hot when it started it would git cooled off goin'
through the cold earth."

But I sez: "They say so, Josiah--them that have been there."

"Well," sez he, "you can hear anything. I don't believe a word on't."

And so in pursuance of his plan and to keep up his dignity he wouldn't
take a napkin with his mug of water, but took holt on't with his naked
hand and took a big swaller right down scaldin' hot.

He sot the mug down sudden and put his bandanna to his mouth, and I
believe spit out the most on't. He looked as if he wuz sufferin' the
most excruciating agony, and I sez:

"Open your mouth, Josiah, and I will fan it."

"Fan your grandmother!" sez he. "I didn't like the taste on't,
Samantha; it most sickened me."

But I sez: "Josiah Allen, do you want some liniment on your hand and
your tongue? I know they pain you dretfully."

Sez he, smilin' a dretful wapeish smile: "It is sickish tastin'
stuff." And he wouldn't give in any further and didn't, though I knew
for days his mouth wuz tender, and he flinched when he took anything
hot into it.

As I would look dreamily into the Bubblin' Well I would methink how I
do wish I knowed how and where you come to be so hot, and I'd think
how much it could tell if it would bubble up and speak so's we could
understand it. Mebby it wuz het in a big reservoir of solid gold and
run some of the way through sluice ways of shinin' silver and anon
over beds of diamonds and rubies. How could I tell! but it kep' silent
and has been mindin' its own bizness and runnin' stiddy for over six
hundred years that we know on and can't tell how much longer.

Exceptin' in the great earthquake at Lisbon about a hundred and fifty
years ago, it stopped most still for a number of days, mebby through
fright, but afer a few days it recovered itself and has kep' on
flowin' stiddy ever since. It wuz named for Charles IV., who they say
discovered it, Charle's Bath or Carlsbad. His statute stands in the
market-place and looks quite well. Carlsbad has a population of twenty
or thirty thousand, and over fifty thousand people visit Carlsbad
every summer to drink of the waters. Drinking and walking is what the
doctors prescribe and I d'no but what the walking in the invigorating
mountain air does as much good as the water. The doctor generally
makes you drink a glass about seven in the morning, then take a little
walk, then drink another glass, and another little walk and so on
until about eight, when you can go to the Swiss bakery and get the
zwiebach or twice baked bread, which is handed you in a paper bag, and
then you can go to some cafay on the sidewalk and get coffee or tea
and boiled eggs and make out your breakfast. No butter is given you
unless the doctor orders it. That madded Josiah and he said they kep'
it back because they wuz clost and wanted to save. He is a great case
for butter.

And then after resting for an hour, you go for a walk up the
mountains, or if you are too weak to walk, you can get a cart and a
donkey, the driver walking alongside; up the shady paths you will go,
resting anon or oftener at some pleasant summer house or cafay. At one
you have your dinner, you can get it anywhere along your way or go
back to your tarven for it; Josiah and I generally went back and got
our dinner at the tarven and rested for a while. After dinner, folks
generally go for another walk, but Josiah and I and Tommy used often
to go to the Sprudel Corridor and listen to first-rate music or to a
garden concert nigh by.

It wuz a sight to set in the Sprudel Corridor and see the crowds of
people go by, each one bearin' a little mug in their hands or strapped
over their shoulders. All sorts of lookin' folks, handsome and humbly,
tall and short, thick and thin, thousands and thousands of 'em a-goin'
every morning for their drink and walk, drink and walk. There are six
or eight little girls at each of these springs who hand the water to
the guests and they have to work spry to keep 'em all supplied.

It wuz a remarkable coincidence that royalty so soon after havin' the
advantage of a interview and advice from Josiah Allen's wife should
agin have the privilege of listenin' to her invaluable precepts. But
not so remarkable when you come to study on it philosophically. For it
seems to be a law of nater that if one thing happens, another similar
thing follers on and happens too, such as breakin' dishes, onexpected
company, meetin' royalty, etc., etc.

I wuz settin' alone in the Sprudel Corridor one day, for my pardner
had gone with Tommy to see a little donkey that had took the child's
fancy and we meant to let him have a ride up the mountain on it and
the rest of our party had driv out to Mentoni's Spring, about two
milds from Carlsbad.

I see a real sweet pretty girl coming along carrying her little mug
just like the rest of the folks. She wuz attended by a good-lookin'
lady, who seemed to be looking out for her, and I hearn a bystander

"That's the Queen of Holland."

When I wuz told that the Queen of Holland wuz approachin' I sez, "You
don't say so! you don't say that that is Willieminy?"

"Yes," sez the bystander standin' by.

And I tell you I looked at her with all the eyes I had, and if I had
had a dozen more I should have used them all, for I liked her looks
first-rate, fair complected, blue eyes, light wavy hair, and a air of
demure innocence and wisdom that wuz good to see. She wuz pretty and
she wuz good, I could see that as plain as I could tell a buff cochin
hen from a banty. And I wuz glad enough, when havin' discovered
sunthin' she had left behind, her companion left her and went back to
the tarven and she come and sot down right by my side to wait for

And as my rule is, I immegiately lived up to my privileges and told
her how highly tickled I wuz to have the chance to see her and tell
her how much store I sot by her. Sez I: "My dear, I have always wanted
to see you and tell you how much I have liked almost every move you've
made since you got to be a sovereign and before. Your crown hain't
seemed to be top heavy, drawin' your fore top and your common sense
down with it as some crowns do. You've wore it sensible and you've
carried your septer stiddy, and for a young girl like you to do them
things has seemed a great thing to me. A good many young girls would
be carried away if they wuz in a place like yours; I am most afraid
Tirzah Ann would at your age."

"Tirzah Ann?" sez she inquirin'ly.

"Yes, Josiah Allen's girl by his first wife," sez I. "I did my best
bringin' her up, but if a kag is filled with rain water you can't tap
it and have it run cream or maple molasses. She wuz nateraly kinder
sentimental and vain and over dressy, and keeps up them traits to this
day. And I d'no what she would have done if she'd tried to rule a
kingdom at eighteen; I guess her subjects would have seen strange
doin's and strange costooms, though I think Tirzah means to be a
Christian. But you've done first-rate, you've seemed to study the best
good of your subjects and have made a big effort to have peace in the
world. I wuz dretul interested when you had that Peace Conference meet
in your 'House in the Woods.' I'd been more'n willin' to had it meet
in our sugar house, but it wuzn't big enough, and it wuzn't so
central; it wuz better to have it where it wuz.

"I guess I sot more store by your doin's in that respect than by any
other, for peace is what a sovereign and a subject must have to git
along any ways comfortable. And at the present time what a comfort it
would be if the nations of the world could git holt on it. But it
almost seems as if peace had spread her wings and flowed away from
this planet, such cuttin's up and actin's are on every side, wars and
rumors of wars, armies and navies crashin' up aginst each other,
nations risin' up aginst nation, brothers' hands lifted up aginst
brothers and the hull world seemin' to be left to the mercy of the
bloody fiend, War.

"Well, you and I can't help it, Willieminy. I've done all I could in
Jonesville. I've talked a sight and sot Josiah up all I could to vote
for peace, and you've done all you could in Holland, and so now we've
got to set down and trust in the Providence that watches over
Jonesville and Holland."

She acted as if she felt real pleased with my praise, as well she
might, and I sez, "Another thing I've liked in you, Willieminy, you
wuz so bound and determined to pick out your pardner for yourself and
not have him selected for you. Why, good land! a dress or a pair of
shues or gloves hain't half so apt to fit and set well if you leave
'em for somebody else to pick out for you, and much more a pardner. I
honored you for your idees in that direction, for you've probably
found out, my dear," sez I, "that even if you take sights of pains and
pick him out yourself, a pardner is sunthin' that requires lots of
patience and long sufferin' to git along with, though real convenient
to have round lots of times when tramps are about, or reachin' up
overhead in the buttery, or at funerals, etc. It always looks nobler
to have a man along with you than to mog along alone. And men are
about on a average as fur as their goodness goes with their female
pardners most of the time.

"But he will be no he-angel, if you cross him just before meal time,
or don't see that his clothes are mended up good. I hearn once of a
young bride who thought her husband wuz perfect, and I spoze looked at
his backbone sarahuptishushly from day to day a-worryin' for fear his
wings would sprout out and he would soar away from her to go and be an
angel. But one day she mended a hole in his pocket, and bein' on-used
to mendin' she took a wrong turn, and sewed the pocket right up.

"Well! well! I don't spoze she ever worried about his angel qualities
after that time. I spoze he cut up dretful and said words she never
dremp of his knowin' by sight, and she wuz jest as surprised and
horrified as she would have been to had a lamb or a cooin' dove bust
out in profanity. But he wuz a likely man, and got over it quick, and
wuz most too good to her for a spell afterwards, as pardners have been
wont to do on such occasions ever since the creation of the world.

"But, as I say, matrimony has difficulties enough when Love heads the
procession and Wedded Bliss plays the trombone in the orkestry."

She looked real interested as if my words wuz awful congenial to her.
And whilst watchin' her sweet face growin' brighter and sweeter, I
thought of another thing that I thought mebby she had been worryin'
about and that I could comfort her up in, just as I would want our
Tirzah Ann comforted under like circumstances, and I got real eloquent
talkin' about this before I got through.

Sez I: "Of course, my dear, there wuz some talk about your pardner
havin' his eye on your proppity, but I wouldn't let that worry me, for
I've always said that if I wuz a rich, handsome young woman, I would
just as soon be married for my money as my beauty. They're both
outside of the real self, equally transitory, or in fact, the money if
invested in govermunt bonds is more lasting. For the national system
is fur more firm and steadfast than the physical.

"Fifty years hence I spoze the money will all be safe and gainin'
interest, so if that is what a woman is married for she will keep her
attraction and even increase it. But fifty years hence where will her
beauty be, if she wuz married alone for that? Where are its powerful
attractions? All gone. If she had nothing but the beauty of snowy brow
and brilliant eye and clustering locks and perfect features.

"But beauty that looks from the soul through the face. Ah! that is
another thing! That still remains when the dusky hair is changed to
white, when the glow is turned to shadows in the eyes, when the lithe
form is bent. That is a bit of the eternal, and forever young like its
Creator. You have got that beauty, my dear, as well as proppity, so
don't worry."

I felt real eloquent, and I could see by her looks that I wuz
impressin' her powerfully and givin' her sights of comfort in her
tryin' place.

But I knew that eppisodin', though interestin' and agreeable, devoured
time, and I knew that I must hold my eloquent emotions back and let
Common Sense take the reins and conclude my remarks, so I sez:

"I hope from the bottom of my heart that your pardner is a good man,
one that hain't too uppish, and is willin' to chore round the house a
little if necessary, and set store by you in youth and age, and that
you and he will live happy and reign long over a peaceful and happy

I see her companion in the distance comin' slowly back as if not
hardly dastin' to interrupt our conversation, and I sez, "Good-by, my
dear, and God bless you. Give my respects to your pardner and Queen
Emma, and if you ever come to Jonesville I would love to have you make
me a all day's visit, and I'll invite the children and kill a hen and
make a fuss.

"I don't spoze Jonesville is so neat as Amsterdam; I spoze you can set
down and eat offen the sidewalk in Holland most anywhere, but I am
called a good housekeeper, and will do the best I can. And now I don't
want you to put yourself out in the matter, but if you should come and
could manage it handy, if your ma would bring me some of your tulip
seeds I'd swop with her and give her some of the handsomest sunflowers
she ever laid eyes on, and they make splendid food for hens to make
'em lay."

She didn't give me any answer about this either way, and I thought
mebby her ma might be short on it for bulbs, and I wouldn't say
anything more about it. But she bid me good-by real pleasant and we
shook hands and wuz jest partin' away from each other when I thought
of another very important thing that I wanted to warn the dear young
queen about, and I turned round and sez:

"Oh, I must warn you solemnly of one thing more before we part; I have
worried a sight about it; thinkin' so much on you as I do, I have been
dretful afraid that you would be overflowed. If there should be big
rains and the ocean should rise half an inch I've felt I didn't know
what would become of you. You had better keep wash-tubs and pails
handy and don't be ketched out without rubber boots, and keep your eye
on leakages in the ground as well as govermuntal and financial
affairs. And now again I will say, my dear, God bless you and

She shook hands agin quite warm, and with a sweet smile on a pretty
young face she assured me that she would be careful, and she jined her
companion and went on towards the spring. And I know she wuz dretful
pleased with what I'd said to her for I hearn her fairly laugh out as
she told the lady about it.

Whilst we wuz in Carlsbad Miss Meechim took the mud baths. She said
they wuz considered very genteel and I guess mebby they wuz, so many
things are genteel that are kinder disagreeable. They wuz also said to
be first-rate for the rumatiz and the nerves. But it seemed to me I
had almost ruther have nerves than to be covered all over with that
nasty black mud.

They take about sixty pounds of clay and mix it with the hot spring
water till it is just about as thick as I make the batter for
buckwheat cakes in Jonesville, and I make that jest about as thick as
I do my Injin bread. And you git into this bath and stay about half an
hour. Then of course before you're let loose in society you're gin a
clean water bath to git the mud off. Miss Meechim thought they helped
her a sight, and mebby they did, and she boasted a lot how genteel
they wuz.

But I told her I had never been in the habit of settin' store by mud
and lookin' up to it, and didn't believe I should begin at this late
day, but Josiah's rumatiz wuz so bad I didn't know but he had better
take one. But he said he had took one in Jonesville some years ago
that would last him durin' his nateral life.

He did fall into a deep mud-puddle one night goin' to sister Celestine
Gowdey's for a bask pattern for Tirzah Ann. And it bein' dark and the
puddle a deep one he floundered round in it till he looked more like a
drownded rat than a human bein'. He never could bear basks from that
hour till this, and he has always dated his rumatiz from that time,
but it hain't so; he had it before. But 'tennyrate he wouldn't take
the mud baths at Carlsbad, nor none of us did but Miss Meechim.
Howsumever there are lots of folks that set store by 'em.


Well, we went back to Vienna, and from there set sail for Berlin,
homeward bound. Josiah was in dretful good sperits, and said that no
monument or obelisk we had seen on our tower could ever roust up his
admiration like the Jonesville M. E. steeple when he should first
ketch sight on't loomin' up beautiful and glorious from the
enrapturin' Jonesville seenery.

And I felt a good deal as he did, but knowed that his feelin's made
him go too fur, for Jonesville seenery hain't enrapturin', and the M.
E. steeple hain't glorious in aspect. But truly Love is the greatest
sculptor and gilder in the world, and handles his brush in the most
marvellous way. Under his magic touch the humblest cottage walls glows
brighter than any palace. We had turned our footsteps toward home
sweet home, and a light from above gilt them sacred precincts, and my
own heart sung as glad a tune as Josiah's, though I tried to sing it
as much as I could in the key of common sense.

Well, we found that Berlin wuz a big, beautiful clean city. It is the
capital of Prussia and the German empire, which we all know is divided
up into little kingdoms, some as the Sylvester Bobbett farm is divided
up, but kinder lookin' up to Sylvester as the head on't. The old part
of the city hain't so remarkable attractive, but the new part is
beautiful in its buildings and streets. And somehow the passersby look
cleaner and better off than in most cities. We didn't see a blind
beggar man led by a dog or a ragged female beggin' for alms whilst we
wuz there, which is more than our cities at home can boast of.

But in spite of all this, I spoze there is a good deal of cuttin' up
and behavin' there.

And I don't spoze that the name of the river that runs through it has
anything to do with that, though Josiah thought it did. He said: "You
couldn't expect many morals or much stiddy behavior round a river

But I don't spoze the name made a mite of difference. The water seemed
to run along as smooth and placid as Dove Creek, that bathes the
streets of Loontown at home. Indeed, the waters of the Spree runs
along real slow and quiet. And I spoze the inhabitants there are about
on a equality with the dwellers in other cities in the old and new
world. Human nater is a good deal the same wherever you find it. And
I've always said that if I wanted to write a heart-searchin',
heart-meltin' tragedy, I had just as soon turn away from the big
cities and go into some lonesome hamlet of New England, into some big
faded farmhouse standin' by a dark weed-bordered sluggish creek,
shaded by tall pollard willers. And there, behind the scraggly lilocks
and cinnamon roses, and closed blinds of solid wood, with a little
heart-shaped hole in the centre that casts strange shadders on the
clean painted floor within, there I would find my tragedy material.

Mebby in some tall, scrawny woman's form, clad in brown calico, with
scanty gray hair drawed tightly back from a pale face and imprisoned
in a little hard knob at the back.

When that hair wuz brown, and the mornin' sun wuz ketched in its
glistenin', wavin' tendrils, and the sunken cheeks wuz round and pink
as one of the cinnamon roses, and the faded ambrotype of the young
soldier in her red wooden chest upstairs wuz materialized in a
handsome young man, who walked with her under the old willows when the
slow-moving brook run swift with fancy's flight and her heart beat
happily, and life wuz new and radiant with love and joy----

Before the changes come that swept them apart and left only a hollow,
empty chamber in each heart, echoin' with footsteps that are walkin'
heavily fur apart.

Then, if I could write the full history of that life, its joys and its
sorrows, its aspirations, its baffled hopes, its compensations that
didn't compensate, the bareness of the life, the dagger-sharp trials
with what is called small things, the wild heart struggles veiled by
the New England coldness of expression, some as her sharp crags and
stuns are covered with the long reign of ice and snow. The heartsick
loneliness of oncongenial surroundin's, the gradual fading away of
hope and fears into the dead monotonous calm of hopelessness and

There is a tragedy ready for the pen that would stand out as much more
striking and sharp-edged as the stun on a ontravelled highway is
rougher than one worn down to smoothness by the feet of the multitude,
a tragedy that would move the world could I tell it as it really is.

But good land! What a hand to eppisode I be when I git to goin'. I
must stop this very minute, or I'll have the tragedy Alfred Tennyson
speaks on "Dyin' a Listener," on my hands.

Unter der Linden is as beautiful and imposing an avenue as I see on my
tower, with tall, handsome houses risin' up on each side on't. And
there are beautiful parks and pleasure ground and places of recreation
of all kinds.

The Academy of Music is famous for its fine concerts, the city seems
the very home of melody, and beautiful statutes are seen on every
side. The equestrian statute of Frederic the Great is a grand one, and
Josiah got all rousted up lookin' at it, and talked considerable to me
about what a imposin' figger he himself would make if he could be
sculped settin' on the mair. He said it would be a lovely sight a
loomin' up in front of the M. E. meetin'-house in Jonesville. But I
got his mind off from it quick as I could.

One day when we wuz out drivin' through the handsome streets we went
to see the palace of Bismark. It wuz a large, stately mansion,
opposite a pretty little park. But though this seemed the very abode
of luxury, I wuz told that Bismark loved the country fur better, and
as Josiah and I delighted in the fields of Jonesville, so he loved
sweet Nature, and follered her all he could into her hants in the
country. Josiah sot store by Bismark, and honors his memory, and he
seemed real tickled when I sez to him:

"Bismark always reminded me of you, Josiah, from what I've read of

Josiah was very tickled, and he sez with a proud happy look, "Yes, I
spoze I am a good deal like him, he wuz as brave as a lion, had good
sound horse sense and----"

But I sez calmly, "I dare presoom to say, Josiah, that that is so. But
I wuz alludin' to his appetite, I have hearn that he had a splendid
and immense appetite."

Josiah acted huffy, and I drawed his attention off onto the corners of
base relief and the white statters ornamentin' the ruff.

To our great sorrow, we found that Emperor William wuzn't to home. I
spoze it will be a great disappointment to him when he hears on't that
Josiah and I had really been there right to his home and he shouldn't
be there. I well know how bad I should feel if Potentates come to
Jonesville and I happened to be off on a tower. And then I honored
Emperor William for his kind heart and kind actions and his good
sense, and felt bad enough to think I wuzn't goin' to see him.

But owin' to Robert Strong's gittin' a letter from somebody to
somebody, we went through the palace just as I would want William to
go through our house in Jonesville and the carriage-house and barn, if
we happened to be away a visitin' when he come our way.

And oh, what a sight that palace wuz on the inside when we come to go
through it, and the outside too looked well, very strong and massive
and handsum and big, enormous big.

Why, it contains six hundred rooms. And Miss Cornelius Bobbett thought
she had reached the very hite of grandeur when she moved into their
new house that had six big rooms beside the bedrooms. And it did go
fur ahead of the average Jonesville housen. But when I stood in
William's white saloon and our party wuz givin' utterance to different
ejaculations of surprise and admiration I only sez instinctively:

"Oh, if Sister Cornelius Bobbett only could see this room! what would
she say? How her pride would be lowered down."

For it did seem to me the most beautiful room I ever beheld. It was
more than a hundred feet long, and about half that in width, and the
crystal glitter overhead reflected in the shinin' floor below wuz
ahead of anything I had ever seen, as brilliant as a hull forest of
ice-sickles mingled in with statutes and columns and angels and
everything else beautiful.

Here in this room Sessions of Parliament are opened. And I thought the
laws ort to be grand and noble indeed to make 'em worthy of the place
they was made in.

But, immense as this room wuz, the picture gallery is most as big agin
and full of beauty and inspiration from wall to wall and from floor to
ceilin'. The palace chapel is kinder round in shape, and has all sorts
of soft and rich-colored marbles in the floor and wall. The altar wuz
made of Egyptian marble, a kind of buff color, and the pulpit wuz made
of Carrera marble. I spoze powerful sermons have been preached from
that pulpit.

In Berlin the most beautiful pictures are to be seen on every side on
palace walls and in picture galleries, Dorothy and Robert just doted
on 'em and so did I. But Josiah always complained of his corns whilst
walkin' through 'em. A picture gallery just started them corns to
achin' the worst kind from his tell.

[Illustration: Samantha points out the beauties of the White
Saloon.--Page 430.]

The Bourse is sunthin' like our stock exchange, but big enough to
accommodate thousands of money-seekers. I spoze they have lively times
here anon or oftener--the river Spree runs right in front on't (though
I don't think that makes a mite of difference).

More than fifty bridges cross this river and it divides out into
canals and little streams, all of which comes together agin and flows
away into the sea.

The Alson bridge is one of the most beautiful bridges I ever sot my
eyes on, and not fur off is the Alson Platz, a very charming public
garden. Shady paths, trees, flowers, sculpture, all make this garden
very attractive.

Not fur off is the Konigs Platz, one of the most imposing parts of the
city. In the centre of this square stands the grand monument to
Victory, it is high and lofty as a monument to Victory ort to be,
solid and massive at the base (for in order to be successful you have
got to have a good underpinnin' of principle and gumption) and crowned
with a noble-lookin' figger, standin' amidst a flock of eagles.

The Royal Theatre is a handsome building and looks some in front
like our own Capitol in Washington, D. C. It stands between two
meetin'-houses, as if it laid out to set back and enjoy its
neighborhood and be real respectable.

In front of it stands a fine monument to the German poet, Schiller. I
sot store by him. Thomas J. used to read his books to his Pa and me a
good deal when he wuz tendin' the Cademy to Jonesville, his dramas and
his poems, so Josiah and I felt quite well acquainted with him, and
when we see his name here amidst foreign seens it give us quite
agreeable emotions, some as if we wuz a travellin' in Africa and
should see a obelisk riz up with Deacon Henzy's name on it. Also I wuz
interested in looking at the beautiful equestrian statute of Frederic
William the illustrious elector, who did so much to make his country

It stands on a bridge, as if dominating sea and land, as he did a good
deal whilst he wuz alive. He looks calm and powerful, and has a look
on his face as if he could do most anything he sot out to do. And the
four slaves grouped round the base of the statute seem to look up to
him as if they trusted him implicitly.

His clothes wuzn't exactly what I would want Josiah sculped in if he
wuz to be rared up in marble, and it seems as if so many skirts and
such a long cloak floatin' out must be in a man's way if he wuz in a
hurry. But where is there anything perfect here below? It wuz
remarkably handsome, take it as a hull.

Dorothy and Robert said they wanted to see the statute of Gerty.

And Josiah whispered to me and sez, "Gerty who? I didn't know as they
knew any Gertrude that wuz buried here."

And I whispered back, "They mean Goethe, Josiah. You know Thomas J.
has read us quite a lot of his writings." Sez I, "Don't you remember
about little Mignon, who wuz so home-sick for her own land, and would
keep askin':

    'Knowest thou the land where citron apples bloom,
    And oranges like gold amidst the leafy gloom?'

"You remember it, Josiah. I've seen you shed tears when he wuz readin'
about her."

And Josiah whispered back in a loud shrill whisper that I know they
hearn: "If they wanted to see Go-ethe, why didn't they say Go-ethe?"
(He always would pronounce his name to rhyme with sheath.)

I felt mortified, nothin' seems worse when you're tryin' to quell a
pardner down than to have him whisper back so loud. Why, I have had
Josiah right to my own table when I've had company and he wuz makin'
onlucky remarks, I've known him to ask me right out what I wuz
steppin' on his toe for, and I wuz worse off than as if I hadn't
tried to curb him in. But then he has a host of good qualities, and
pardners are dretful handy lots of times. But life is a kind of a
warfare to the best and happiest on us.

Well we all went to see the statute to Goethe; it stands in a pleasant
spot in the Thiergarten surrounded by shrubs and trees. The face of
the great poet is full of the sadness and glory of them that see
visions and dream dreams. Grouped about him are the sculptured forms
of Tragedy, Lyrical Poetry, and Research. It wuz a impressive monument
and rousted up more emotions in me than any that I see in Berlin.

Well, we didn't stay long in Prussia, for the cords that wuz drawin'
us home tightened from day to day, the children and Philury drawin'
them cords closter ever and anon with long and loving letters, and we
hastened on to Hamburg. It wuz a lovely day when we sot out on our
journey and we wuz all feelin' well, specially Josiah and I, for every
revolution of the wheels brought us nigher to our beloved Jonesville
and every toot of the engine seemed to shout afresh the joyful tidin's
to us that we had sot our faces towards the bright hearth stun of

We had no eventful experiences on the journey to relate, unless it wuz
a interview we had with a young man, a Freshman I believe he wuz from
some college, travellin' with his tutor, and he seemed real fresh, he
seemed to have plenty of money but a scarcity of brains, or mebby he
had enough brains, but they seemed to be in a sort of a soft state,
and I guess they'll harden up some when he gits older if he has good
luck with them.

I wuz most a good mind to advise him to set in the sun bareheaded all
he could, thinkin' mebby it might harden 'em some, but didn't know how
it would be took.

He thought he knew a sight, but the shadder he really cast on worldly
affairs wuz exceedingly small, he could step over it the hull time,
but he felt that it reached the horizon. Robert talked quite a good
deal with him, to pass away the time I spoze, but there wuz a queer
smile in his eyes and kinder patient and long sufferin' as if to say:

"You'll know more in the future than you do now and I'll bear with

The young man thought he wuz patronizin' Robert, I knew from his
liniment. He wuz a infidel, and seemed to think it made him very
smart. You know some folks do think it is real genteel to doubt and a
mark of a deep thinker.

I hearn him go on for quite a spell, for Robert wouldn't argy with
him, thinkin' I spoze it might strain his arm to hit at vacancy. But
at last I seemed to have to speak up to Miss Meechim and say:

"How strange it is that some folks think the less they believe the
bigger it makes 'em, but good land! it don't take much intellect to
believe in nothin', it don't strain the mind any if it is ever so

I guess he hearn me, for he kinder changed his talk and went to
patronizin' the seenery. Well, it wuz beautiful a good deal of the
way, though at the last of our journey it broke out rainy all of a
sudden right whilst Josiah wuz all engaged in admirin' a particular
view, and it grew cold and disagreeable. And he bein' tired out,
worried a sight about the rain and the suddenness on't and how it
stopped his sight-seein' and brung on his rumatiz, and he complained
of his corns and his tight boots, and said that I had ort to seen that
he wuz dressed thicker, and fretted and acted. And I sez:

"You've got to take things as they come, Josiah. I couldn't send
anybody out this mornin' to bring in a pail of weather to see if it
wuz goin' to rain. You've got to take it as it comes, and when it
comes, and make the best on't."

But he still acted restless and oneasy, and most cried, he felt so
bad. And I went on and dilated on the merits of calmness and serenity
and how beautiful traits they wuz and how much to be desired.

And he snapped me up enough to take my head off, and said that he
"couldn't always be calm and wuzn't goin' to try to be."

"No," sez I reasonable, "you've got to be megum in that, or in eatin'
bread and milk; of course, you could kill yourself on that, though it
seems innocent and harmless; you can carry everything too fur."

And seein' that his liniment still bore the marks of restless
oneasiness and onhappiness, I eppisoded a little on his side of the
question, for what will not a woman do to ease a pardner's mind and
comfort him?

"Yes, Josiah, Cousin Joel Smith's life used to be so serene and so
deadly calm on all occasions that she used to mad Uncle Joel, who wuz
of a lively and active temperament, like the most of the Smiths.

"I asked Joel once on a visit there, when she had been so collected
together and monotonous in aspect, and talked with such oneven and
sweetness of tone that I got dead tired on't myself, and felt that I
had been lookin' on a sunbaked prairie for months, and would have been
glad enough to had her got up a change of liniment some way, and a
change of axent higher or lower, I sez to Cousin Joel.

"Do you spoze Serintha Jane would git excited and look any different
and talk any faster or louder if the house should get afire?"

And he said no, the house did git afire once, when he wuz away. And
she discovered it in the morning whilst she wuz makin' some scollops
in her hair (she always had her hair scolloped just as even as ever a
baby's petticoat wuz), keepin' that too calm and fixed through bangs
and braids. She had scolloped it on one side and wur just beginnin' it
on the other when she see the fire, and she went gently to the door,
opened it in a quiet ladylike way, and asked a neighbor goin' by in
her low even axent, if he would kindly stop a minute. And the neighbor
stopped and she said sweetly:

"Could I trouble you to do a little errand for me if you are going
down town, or would it incommode you?"

He said he would do it.

Well, she said she didn't want him incommoded, "but," sez she, "if it
is not too much trouble will you please tell my husband that I would
like to have him come home as soon as he can make it convenient to do
so, for the house is afire." And then she smiled sweetly and made a
low bow, and went back into the house lookin' real serene, and went to
scollopin' the other side of her fore-top.

The neighbor started off wildly on the run hollerin' "fire!" and
"help!" for he see the flames bustin' out of one of the chamber
winders. He got the fire engine and the neighbors collected, and got
most of the furniture out below, and they couldn't hardly git her to
make a move, for she hadn't got the last scallop made, but finally
somebody grabbed her, and kinder hauled her out, she a tryin' to
smile, they say, and look calm, as she was borne out.

I told Joel, before I thought, that "she ort to been singed, and that
it would have done her good, mebby it would rousted her up a little."

And I guess he felt so too, though he didn't say so. Josiah
looked real interested, and I sez, fur I didn't dast to have the
encouragement go too fur that way:

"Calmness and serenity are beautiful, Josiah, and almost always
desirable, though when a house gits afire you ort to let up on 'em a

Josiah's liniment looked quite a little clearer, but some shadders
still remained, and I went on tenderly and pictured out to him the
first meal I would cook for him when we got home. And then his
liniment grew peaceful and happy, and he sez gratefully:

"You're so calmin' to the nerves, Samantha, when you set out to be,
you're a perfect iodine."

I d'no really what he did mean, I guess it wuz anodyne, I keep a
bottle to home for nerves. But 'tennyrate in a few minutes he wuz
talkin' quite glib about home and the children and I felt richly
repaid for all my trouble. And with such little agreeable talk and
eppisodin' did I try to diversify the weariness of travel.

Josiah is a great case for Hamburg steaks, and he confided to me the
hope that we would git some here that would go even beyond any that I
had ever cooked and that would ensure him a future of this delicious
food. But we didn't see a sign on 'em in the city. He wuz bitterly

Hamburg is a free state, small, but I spoze feelin' quite big and
independent. It is ruled by a Senate of eighteen members, and a house
of Burgesses of one hundred and ninety-two members, and they make
their own laws and keep 'em, I spoze, the most on 'em, and get along
quite well and prosperous.

There is a beautiful little lake in the heart of the city on which
small gaily painted boats dart to and fro carrying passengers like
omnibuses in city streets. Beautiful bridges cross the Alster, a
tributary of the Danube, and tall handsome houses line the streets.

They are great cases for flowers there in Hamburg. You meet flower
shops and flower sellers on every side. But they are not the beautiful
flower girls we read of in stories. They are mostly old wimmen, too
old for hard work. They wear short skirts, comin' just below their
knees, black bodices, long black stockings with gay colored garters,
wooden shoes, broad-brimmed hats, saucer shaped, trimmed with stiff
black cambric bows.

We wuz only there for one day, but long enough to drive through the
principal streets and see some of the principal sights and git rested
some, and then we sailed away for Home Sweet Home, via London,

We didn't stay very long in London, but long enough so we could look
about us some. Robert Strong had considerable bizness to attend to
there, which, of course, devoured his time, and Dorothy had a number
of young girl friends who lived there, and she wanted to go and see
them, and she entertained 'em at our tarven: sweet, fresh-complected
young girls; they wuz almost as pretty as Dorothy herself, but not

Arvilly had a cousin on her own side that she wanted to visit, and, of
course, she wanted to canvass more or less, so that left Josiah and I
free a good deal of the time to go and come as we liked. Of course
dear Little Tommy wanted to see everything and go everywhere. Miss
Meechim and Dorothy took Tommy with them several times, and so did
Robert Strong, and, of course, some days when we wuz all at liberty we
would all go out together sightseeing. Josiah said most the first
thing that he wanted to see the Tower of London, and Tommy wanted to
see the Crystal Palace, takin' a fancy to the name I spoze, and I told
'em we would go to these places the first chance we had.

But deep in my heart wuz one purpose. I had laid on a certain plan day
and night, kep' it in my mind and lotted on it. But of this more anon.
This wuz my major plan. Amongst my minor ones wuz my desire to see
Westminster Abbey agin. I had been there once on a former tower, but I
wanted to stand agin by the tombs of them I so deeply honored; and the
rest of the party feelin' as I did, we all set out there most the
first thing.

I also sot store by Westminster Abbey on account of its being the
place where Victoria, honored queen and woman, wuz crowned, as well as
all of England's monarchs. It is a magnificent building, no other
mausoleum in the world can compare with it; it is almost worthy of
being the resting-place of the great souls that sleep there. Dorothy's
sweet face and Robert's noble liniment took on reverent looks as we
stood by the tomb of saint and sage, hero and poet.

We went from there to see the Houses of Parliament, immense buildings
full of interest and associations.

We also went to see St. Paul's Cathedral, which towers up in majesty,
dwarfin' the other buildin's near it. It is a marvellous structure in
size and beauty, only two bigger buildings in the world, St. Peter's
at Rome, and the Milan Cathedral.

What a head Sir Christopher Wren must have had, and what a monument to
his genius this gigantic pile is. No wonder he wanted this epitaph put
on his tomb:

"If you want to see his monument, look about you."

Many other noted men are buried here, Bishop Heber, John Howard, Sir
Joshua Reynolds, Wellington, Nelson and Sir John Moore, who wuz
"buried darkly at dead of night," as so many bashful schoolboys know
to their sorrow, as they rehearse it in a husky voice to the assembled
neighbors the last day of school. Oh, how much they wish as they try
to moisten their dry tongue and arrange their too visible and various
hands, that the night wuz still darker, so dark that nothin' wuz ever
hearn on't.

Feelin' the admiration I did for his livin' and lovin' pardner, I wuz
glad to see the Albert monument. It wuz evenin' when we see it, and
the garden where it stands wuz illuminated. The great elms glowed
under a multitude of red lights. The music-stands glowed with stars of
the same color, and the fountains riz up in great sprays of color and
radiance. It wuz a beautiful seen, but none too grand for the great
good man whose name the tall shaft bears.

Albert Hall, which stands in the same grounds, wuz also brilliantly
illuminated; its long glass corridors shone as if wrought out of
crystal and ruby.

One day we rode from Blackfriars' bridge past the Mansion House, where
the Lord Mayor holds his receptions. And what interested me fur more,
we went past the place where the Foreign Bible Society prints more
than three million Bibles a year in two hundred different languages
and dialects, carrying the knowledge and love of our Lord unto the
ends of the earth.


Buckingham Palace wuz a sight to see, beautiful and grand, and not fur
off is St. James's Park, one of the most attractive in the city though
it wuz once only a marshy field. As I looked on its charming and
diversified beauty I thought how little there is in heredity compared
to gumption and draining.

Josiah, as I said, wanted to see the Tower of London. It is the most
celebrated fortress in England. It is awful old, and good land! if I
wuz shet up there I shouldn't never expect to break out. Some of the
walls are fifteen feet thick. The White Tower, they say, wuz begun by
William the Conqueror, a man that I told the guide politely, "wuz
quite widely known, and I had hearn a sight of him though I had never
had the pleasure of his acquaintance." It wuz completed in one
thousand ninety-eight.

Josiah and I wandered round there for hours, and should most probable
got lost and mebby been gropin' round there to-day if it hadn't been
for the guide.

I wuz dretful interested in London Bridge. The present structure cost
seven million, so they say, and I wouldn't have built it for a cent
less. I thought as I stood there of what had took place on that spot
since Sir William Wallace's day and how his benign head (most every
bump on it good ones) wuz put up there a mark for the insultin' jeers
of the populace, and it made me feel bad and sorry for Helen, his last
wife, she that wuz Helen Mar. But Sir Thomas More's head wuz nailed up
in the same place, and the Bishop of Rochester's and lots of others.

It wuzn't right.

And then I thought of the gay seens that had took place there, the
tournaments and triumphal marches and grand processions and sad ones,
and the great multitude who have passed over it, prince and beggar,
velvet and rags, a countless throng constantly passing, constantly
changing, no more to be counted than the drops of water in the silent
stream below, all the time, all the time sweepin' on to the sea. I had
sights of emotions.

And all the while I wuz in London, in the gay streets and quiet ones,
in palace or park, the shade of Dickens walked by my side or a little
in advance, seemin' to pint out to me the places where he had walked
when he see visions and dreamed dreams. And I almost expected to meet
Little Nell leading her grandpa, or David Copperfield, or Peggoty
searching for Em'ly, or some of our Mutual Friends.

And so with Thackeray. As I looked up at the gloomy houses on some
quiet street I almost expected to see the funeral hatchment of old Sir
Pitt Crawley's wife and Becky Sharp's little pale face peering out, or
sweet Ethel Newcomb and her cousin Clive, and the dear old General and
Henry Esmond, and etc., etc. And so with Alfred Tennyson. In some
beautiful place of drooping foliage and placid water I almost felt
that I should see the mystic barge drawin' nigh and I too should float
off into some Lotus land. And so with all the other beloved poets and
authors who seem nigher to us than our next door neighbors in the

Dorothy havin' never been there, felt that she must see Shakespeare's
home, which is a journey of only three hours by rail, so we made a
visit there one day, passing through some of England's most beautiful
seenery on our way, grand old parks with stately houses rising up in
their midst, gray stun churches in charming little villages,
thatched-roof cottages, picturesque water-mills; it wuz all a lovely
picture of rural England.

It being a little too long a journey for one day, we stayed all night
at Shakespeare's Inn, where the great poet went daily for his glass
of stimulant--so they say. But I am glad I don't believe everything
that I hear.

Arvilly mourned to think that she couldn't have sold him America's
twin crimes: "Intemperance and Greed"; but I kinder changed the
subject. As much store as I set by Arvilly's cast-iron principles,
somehow I couldn't bear the thought of having Shakespeare canvassed.

All the rooms are named after Shakespeare's plays, painted over the
doors in black letters. We slept in "All's Well That Ends Well"--a
good name--and we slept peaceful, thinkin' likely that it would turn
out so. Miss Meechim had the "Merry Wives of Windsor." She wanted to
change with Arvilly, who had "Love's Labor's Lost," but Arvilly
wouldn't budge.

Miss Meechim told me in confidence that if Shakespeare could have had
the benefit of her advice he would probable have called it "The
Unfortunate Wives of Windsor." "And then," sez she, "I could have
occupied it with more pleasure." But I didn't much think that he would
have changed his plans or poetry if she had been on the spot.

The next morning early we set out for Shakespeare's cottage, described
so often, saw the room in which the great poet was born, and wuz told
that nothing had been changed there since he lay in his cradle, which
we could believe as we looked about us on the low walls, the diamond
panes of the windows and the quaint old furniture. The cottage is now
used for Shakespeare's relics, some of which looked as if they might
be real, and some as if they wuz made day before yesterday. We visited
the church where he wuz baptized and saw on one of the pews the metal
plate on which is engraved the name of the poet's father.

And, thinkin' that a visit to Shakespeare's home wouldn't be complete
without seeing the place where his heart journeyed whilst his life wuz
young and full of hope and joy, we drove out to Shottery, to the
little farmhouse where his sweetheart, Ann Hathaway, lived.

It is a quaint little cottage, and after going through it we drank a
glass of water drawn up by a well sweep from the very same old well
from which Shakespeare drank so many times. As I stood there I saw in
fancy the rosy, dimpled Ann handing the crystal water to the boy,
Will, who mebby whispered to her as he took the glass sweet words, all
rhyming with youth and joy and love.

And the same blue sky bent above us; birds wheeled and sung over our
heads, descendants, mebby, of the birds that sung to them that day. I
had sights of emotions--sights of 'em--and so I did in the cottage as
I sot on the old, old settle in the corner of the fireplace, whose age
nobdy could dispute, as its stiff old joints are strengthened with
bands of iron, where young Will Shakespeare and his sweetheart often
sat, and where he might have read to her the new poem in honor of her

    "To melt the sad, make blithe the gay,
    And nature charm Ann hath a way.
        She hath a will,
        She hath a way--
    To breathe delight, Ann Hathaway."

He or she didn't dream of his future greatness, and I dare say that
old Pa Hathaway, who mebby slept nigh by, might have complained to her
ma, "Wonderin' what that fool meant by talkin' in poetry at that time
of night." And, mebby, if he soared too high and loud in verse, old Pa
Hathaway might have called out:

"Ann! cover up the fire and go to bed! Billy wants to go home!"

I don't say this wuz so, but mebby. So holden are our eyes and so
difficult it is for the human vision to discern between an eagle and a
commoner bird, when the wings are featherin' out, before they are full
plumed for a flight amongst the stars.

Well, we went back to London, tired, but riz up in our minds, and
renewed our sightseeing there.

Miss Meechim and Dorothy bought lots of things that they said they
could git cheaper in England, and Arvilly wuz in great sperits; she
sold three books, sold herself out and went home with an empty box but
a full purse. Robert wuz busy up to the last minute, but managed to
spend time to take Tommy to see some famous waxworks he had promised.

About the middle of the forenoon Robert Strong proposed that we should
all go and take a last drive in the park, and we set off, all but
Arvilly. She thought of some one in another part of the city that she
wanted to canvass, and she started off alone in a handsome. Miss
Meechim and Dorothy wuz feelin' well. Tommy, who wuz in fine sperits,
wuz perched as usual on Robert Strong's knee.

The sheltered drives and smooth windin' roads wuz gay with passers-by,
and the seen wuz beautiful, but I wuz sad and deprested about one
thing. King Edward is a real good natered man, and a good pervider,
and seems to set store by America. And Queen Alexandra is a sweet,
good woman.

But still in these last hours I kep' thinkin' of Edwardses' Ma, who
was rainin' here durin' my last visit. I wuz kep' from visitin' her at
that time by P. Martyn Smythe and onfortunate domestic circumstances.

And I have always worried for fear she hearn I wuz in London that time
and never went nigh her; she not knowin' what hendered me.

I writ her a letter to make her mind easy, but must know she never got
it, for she never writ a word in reply. I posted the letter I spoke on
with my own hands. I directed it


  London, England.

It runs as follers:

  "Dear and revered Queen and Widder:

  "I tried my best to git to see you whilst in London, but Josiah's
  clothes wuzn't fit; he had frayed 'em out on a tower, and his
  shirts wuz yeller as saffern, half washed by underlins. I wouldn't
  demean him in your sight by bringin' him with me and he wuz
  worrisome and I couldn't leave him. You've been married and you
  know how it is.

  "So I have to return home sad-hearted without settin' my eyes on
  the face of a woman I honor and set store by, a good wife, a good
  mother, a good ruler. The world hangs your example up and is
  workin' up to the pattern and will in future generations. No doubt
  there is a few stitches that might be sot evener in the sampler,
  but the hull thing is a honor to our humanity and the world at
  large. I bow to your memory as I would to you in deep honor and
  esteem. And if we do not meet here below may we meet in them
  heavenly fields you and your Albert, Josiah and I, young and
  happy, all earthly distinctions washed off in the swellin's of

  "And so God bless you clear down to the river banks whose waves
  are a swashin' up so clost to our feet, and adoo.

                                              "JOSIAH ALLEN'S WIFE."

I never hearn a word from her, and I am afraid she died thinkin' I had
slighted her.

The next morning bright and early we went aboard the ship that wuz to
take us home. It wuz a fair day; the fog dispersed and the sun shone
out with promise and the waves talked to me of Home, Sweet Home.

It wuz a cold lowerin' day when the good ship bore us into New York
harbor. The gray clouds hung low some as if they wuz a sombry canopy
ready to cover up sunthin', a crime or a grief, or a tomb, or mebby
all on 'em, and a few cold drops fell down from the sky ever and anon,
some like tears, only chill and icy as death.

These thoughts come into my mind onbid as I looked on the heavy pall
of dark clouds that hung low over our heads some like the dark drapery
hangin' over a bier.

But anon and bime bye these dark meditations died away, for what wuz
cloud or cold, or white icy shores? It wuz home that waited for us;
Jonesville and my dear ones dwelt on that shore approachin' us so
fast. Bitter, icy winds would make the warm glowin' hearth fire of
home seem brighter. Love would make its own sunshine. Happiness would
warm the chill of the cold November day.

Thomas J. and Maggie stood on the pier, both well and strong; Tommy
sprung into their arms. They looked onto his round rosy face through
tears of gratitude and thankfulness and embraced me with the same. And
wuzn't Thomas J. happy? Yes, indeed he wuz, when he held his boy in
his arms and had holt of his ma's hands, and his pa's too. And Maggie,
too, how warmly she embraced us with tears and smiles chasing each
other over her pretty face. Tirzah Ann and Whitfield wuz in the city,
but didn't come to the minute, bein' belated, as we learnt afterwards,
by Tirzah Ann a waverin' in a big department store between a pink and
a blue shiffon front for a new dress.

But they appeared in a few minutes, Tirzah Ann with her arms full of
bundles which dribbled onnoticed on the pier as she advanced and
throwed her arms round her pa's and ma's neck. Love is home, and with
our dear children's arms about us and their warm smiles of delight and
welcome and their loving words in our ear, we had got home.

The children wuz stayin' at a fashionable boardin' house, kept by Miss
Eliphalet Snow, a distant relation of Maggie's, who had lost her
pardner and her property, but kep' her pride and took boarders for
company, so she said. And we wuz all goin' to start for Jonesville
together the next day. But as the baggage of our party wuz kinder
mixed up, Josiah and I thought we would go with Miss Meechim's party
to the tarven and stay.

Robert Strong and our son, Thomas J., met like two ships of one line
with one flag wavin' over 'em, and bearing the same sealed orders from
their Captain above. How congenial they wuz, they had been friends
always, made so onbeknown to them, they only had to discover each
other, and then they wuz intimate to once, and dear.

Dorothy and Miss Meechim and the children greeted each other with
smiles and glad, gay words. Yes, all wuz a happy confusion of light
words, gay laughter, Saratoga trunks, smiles, joy, satchel bags--we
had got home.

As I stood there surrounded by all that I prized most on earth I had a
glimpse of a haggard lookin' form arrayed in tattered finery, a bent
figure, a young old face, old with drink and dissipation, that looked
some way familiar though I couldn't place her. She looked at our party
with a strange interest and seemed to say some murmured words of
prayer or blessing or appeal, and disappeared--soon forgot in our
boundless joy and the cares tendin' to our baggage.

Arvilly wuz glad to set her feet on shore, for she too loved her
native land with the love that a good principled, but stern
stepmother has for a interestin' but worrisome child that she's
bringin' up by hand. She thought she would go with the children to
their boarding-place, havin' knowed Miss Eliphalet Snow in their
young days, when Miss Snow wuz high-headed and looked down on her,
and wantin' to dant her, I spoze, with accounts of her foreign
travel. And we parted to meet agin in the mornin' to resoom our
voyage to Jonesville--blessed harbor where we could moor our two
barks, Josiah's and mine, and be at rest.

Miss Meechim and Dorothy and Robert laid out to start for California
the next day, as business wuz callin' Robert there loud and he had to

And I may as well tell it now as any time, for it has got to be told.
I knowed it wuz told to me in confidence, and it must be kep' for a
spell anyway, Robert and Dorothy wuz engaged, and they wuz goin' to be
married in a short time in her own beautiful home in San Francisco.
Now you needn't try to git me to tell who told me, for I am not as sot
as cast iron on that, I shall mention no names, only simply remarkin'
that Dorothy and Robert set store by me and I by them. Them that told
me said that they felt like death to not tell Miss Meechim of the
engagement, but knowin' her onconquerable repugnance to matrimony and
to Dorothy's marriage in particular, and not knowin' but what the news
would kill her stun dead, them that told me said they felt that they
had better git her back to her own native shores before bein' told,
which I felt wuz reasonable.

How I did hate to part with sweet Dorothy, I loved her and she me
visey versey. And Robert Strong, he sot up in my heart next to Thomas
J., and crowdin' up pretty clost to him too. Miss Meechim also had her
properties, and we had gone through wearisome travel, dangers and
fatigues, pleasant rest, delightful sight-seeing, poor vittles, joy
and grief together, and it wuz hard to break up old ties. But it had
to be. Our life here on this planet is made up of meetin's and
partin's. It is hail and farewell with us from the cradle to the

We all retired early, bein' tired out, and we slept well, little
thinkin' of the ghastly shape that would meet us on the thresholt of
the new day. But, oh, my erring but beloved country! why ortn't we to
expect it as long as you keep the mills a-goin' that turns out such
black, ghastly shadders by the thousands and thousands all the time,
all the time, to enwrap your children.

Dorothy never knowed it--what wuz the use of cloudin' her bright young
life with the awful shadder? But then, as I told Robert, that black,
dretful pall hangs over every home and every heart in our country and
is liable to fall anywhere and at any time, no palace ruff is too high
and no hovel ruff is too low to be agonized and darkened by its sombry

But he said it would make Dorothy too wretched, and he could not have
her told, and I agreed to it, but of course I told my pardner and his
heart wuz wrung and his bandanna wet as sop in consequence on't. And
he told Miss Meechim, too, that mornin', and her complaisant belief in
genteel drinkin' and her conservative belief in the Poor Man's Club,
wuz shook hard--how hard I didn't know until afterwards. Oh, how she,
too, loved Aronette! The children when they wuz told on't mourned
because we did, and on their own account too, for they sot store by
her what little they had seen of her--for nobody could see her without
loving her.

As for Arvilly, her ideas on intemperance couldn't be added to or
diminished by anything, but she wep' and cried for days.

                  *       *       *       *       *

Well, I spoze you all want to know the peticulars. Robert Strong wuz
the first one that left the tarven in the mornin'. He had to see a man
very early on business. He went out by the ladies' entrance. And there
crouched on the cold stun steps, waitin' we spozed to ketch another
glimpse of Dorothy, and mebby to ask for help, for she wuz almost
naked, and her plump little limbs almost skin and bone, dead and cold,
frozen and starved, so we spozed, lay Aronette. Pretty, happy little
girl, dearly beloved, thrown by Christian America to the wild beasts
just as sure as Nero ever did, only while he threw his human victims
to be torn and killed for fun, America throws her human victims, her
choicest, brightest youth, down to ruin and death, for greed. Which
looks the Worst in God's sight? I d'no nor Josiah don't.

Well, Robert called a ambulance, had the poor boney, ragged victim
took to a hospital, but all efforts wuz vain to resuscitate her. She
had gone to give in her evidence against America's license laws,
aginst Army Canteen, Church and State, aginst Licensed Saloon Keeper,
aginst highest official and lowest voter, aginst sinner and saint, who
by their encouragement or indifference make such crimes possible.

The evidence wuz carried in, the criminals must meet it, it is waitin'
for 'em, waitin'. Of course the New York parties who helped Robert,
policemen, doctors, and nurses, thought very little of it, it wuz so
common, all over the land, they said, such things was happening all
the time from the same cause. And we knew it well, we knew of the wide
open pit, veiled with tempting covering, wove by Selfishness and
Greed, scattered over with flimsy flowers of excuse, palliation,
expediency that tempts and engulfs our brightest youth, the noblest
manhood, old and young, rich and poor--it is very common.

But to us who loved the pretty, merry little maid, rememberin' her so
happy and so good, and saw her ruined and killed before our eyes by
the country that should have protected her, we kept it in our hearts,
we could not forgit it.

Robert Strong had her buried in a quiet corner of a cemetery and left
orders for a stun cross to be put up to mark her grave. He asked me to
write the epitaph which he had carved in the marble, and I did:


                    Young, Happy, Beloved--Murdered!
                   Vengeance is mine saith the Lord.

Robert had it put on just as I writ it. He didn't tell Dorothy
anything about her death till they got home. She never see the
epitaph; it wuz true as truth itself, but it wuz hash, and might have
made her bed-sick, lovin' Aronette as she did. But after Dorothy
Strong wuz livin' with him, blessed and happy in their pretty, simple
home in his City of Justice, then he told her that Aronette wuz dead,
died in a hospital and wuz buried in a pleasant graveyard. And Dorothy
mourned for her as she would for a beloved sister.

Yes, Dorothy will mourn for her all her days. The young man who wuz to
marry her will live under the shadow of this sorrow all his life, for
he is one of the constant ones who cannot forgit. The old grandmother
in Normandie waited for letters from her darling which never came, and
will die waiting for her.

The young man who enticed the pretty little maid into the canteen,
licensed by America, and gave her stupefying drink, licensed by our
laws, took her, staggering and stupid, to another dretful house, made
as respectable as they can make it by our Christian civilization. He
lived long enough, I spoze, to add several more victims to the
countless list of such murders that lays on our country's doorsteps,
and then he too died, a bloated, loathsome wreck, makin' another
victim for the recordin' angel to mark down, if there is room in her
enormous books of debt and credit with this traffic for another name.
And I spoze there is, for them books tower up mountain high, and new
ones have to be opened anon or oftener, and will I spoze till God's
time of reckonin' comes and the books are opened and the debts paid.

It wuz a lovely day when we see the towers of Jonesville loom up above
the billows of environin' green.

(I mean the M. E. steeple showin' up beyend Grout Nickleson's pine

As the cars drew into the station they tooted their delight agin and
agin at our safe return as the train stopped.

As we walked up the platform I see Josiah furtively on-button his
stiff linen cuffs as if preparin' to throw 'em off for life. His face
radiant, and hummin' _sotey vosey_ his favorite ballad:

    "Hum agin, hum agin, from a furren shore."

Arvilly looked happy to agin touch the sile of home, and be able, as
she said, to "tend to her things." And wuz not I happy? I who loved my
country with the jealous love that makes a ma spank her boy for
cuttin' up. Is it love that makes a ma stand by, and see her boy turn
summer sets and warhoop in meetin'-houses? Nay, verily, every spank
that makes him behave is a touching evidence of her warm devotion.

I felt as I stood on the beloved sile of home (better sile and richer
than any other), beneath its bright sunshine (warmer and brighter than
any other sunshine) I felt that I loved my country with that
passionate, jealous love that could never be contented till she rises
up to the full glory she might and will have. When she sweeps her long
strong arms round and brushes off vile politicians and time-servers,
and uses a pure free ballot to elect good men and good wimmen to make
good laws, then will come the Golden Age that I look for, and that
will come, when Justice will take her bandages off, and look out with
both eyes over a prosperous and happy land. God speed the day!

We parted with the children here, they goin' to their own homes, after
promisin' to come and see me and their pa very soon. Tommy throwed his
arms round my neck and said he should stay with us half the time. We
want him to.

Well, Ury met us with the mair and warm smiles of welcome, and
Philury greeted us with joyous smiles and a good warm meat supper.
They set store by us, lots of store, and when we gin 'em the presents
we had brung for 'em from foreign shores, happiness seemed to
radiate from 'em like light and warmth from the sun. Josiah enjoyed
his supper--yes, indeed--his liniment shone with satisfaction as he
sot at the table in his stockin' feet and shirt sleeves, and eat
more than wuz good for him, fur more. He had begun to onbend, and I
knew that for days I couldn't keep clothes enough on him to be
hardly decent, but knew also that that would wear away in time.

Feelin' first-rate when we got home, it only took us a short time to
rest and recooperate from our tower, and receive calls from the
children and grandchildren and Jonesvillians. And the children helped
Philury and me to git the house all in order, and prepare for
Thanksgiving. I sent out invitations for a party; I laid out to invite
all my own dear ones, old and young, Elder Minkley and his wife,
Arvilly, and how I did want to invite Ernest White and Waitstill Webb,
but he wuz away on a long vacation, and Waitstill I hadn't hearn from
for weeks, she wuz in the Philippines the last I hearn.

I wanted to invite all the brethern and sistern in the meetin'-house,
but Philury thought she couldn't wait on 'em all, and we compromised
on the plan of havin' 'em all here to a evenin' social the week
after, when we'd pass round things and not have so many dishes to

I laid out to be dretful thankful Thanksgivin' day. I felt that my
heart would keep the holiday with drums beatin' and flags wavin', to
speak in metafor. For how much, how much I had to be thankful for! My
beloved pardner and I had reached our own home in safety. The Lord had
watched over us in perils by water, perils by land, perils by fatigue,
perils by Josiah's strange, strange plans.

Tommy wuz as well as ever a child wuz; the doctor said his lungs wuz
sound as a bell. All our dear ones at home had been kep' in safety and
our home seemed more like a blissful oasis in a desert world than it
ever did before.

I always like to be up to the mark in everything, and I felt that I
had so much to be thankful for Thanksgivin' day that I laid out to git
up early so's to begin to be thankful as soon as daylight anyway, and
keep it up all day till long after candle light. But as it turned out
I begun to keep the glorious holiday of Thanksgivin' three days ahead
and had to, for I couldn't help it.

I believe in makin' preparations ahead; I believe in takin' time by
the forelock and leadin' it along peaceable and stiddy by my side,
instead of time's drivin' me, rough shod and pantin' for breath over a
household path, rocky and rough with belated duties. And it wuz three
days before Thanksgivin' I sot in my clean, cheerful-lookin' kitchen
seedin' some raisins for the fruit cake, Josiah bein' out to the barn
killin' two fat pullets for the chicken pie. Ury wuz down in the swamp
gittin' some evergreens and holly berries to decorate with, and
Philury dressin' the turkey and ducks in the back kitchen, when I
heard a rap at the settin' room door and I wiped my hands on the
roller towel and smoothed back my hair and went to the door.

And who do you spoze stood there? His eyes shinin' brighter than the
sky did, though that wuz clear blue, lit by a warm sunshine. It wuz
Ernest White, and guess who wuz by his side; I'll tell you, for you
never could think who it wuz--it wuz Waitstill Webb. I had thought her
face wuz as sweet as it could be in sorrow, but I had never seen it in
gladness before. She looked like a sweet white rose just blowed out
under the warm sun of a perfect June day.

"Ernest White!" sez I, "how glad I am to see you! And Waitstill Webb!
can I believe my eyes?" sez I, "is it you?" And I took both their
hands in mine at one time.

"Waitstill Webb!" sez I agin, "is it you?"

"No," sez Ernest White, "it is Waitstill White."

You could have knocked me down with a hair-pin. I kissed 'em both
smilin' and weepin', laughin' and cryin', we all on us wuz like three
fools, or three wise ones, I d'no which. And that's how I begun to
keep Thanksgivin' more'n three days ahead.

They come right into the kitchen and made me keep on with my work,
which I did after a little, they takin' holt and helpin' me like two
happy children. They stayed most all the forenoon, but had promised to
go back to Arvilly's to dinner.

Well! Well! I hadn't been so tickled in matrimonial ways and riz up
and routed and dumb foundered since Thomas J. and Maggie Snow got
engaged. It seems that Ernest White had gone way out to the
Philippines after her, and they wuz married in a little American
chapel by a missionary of the M. E. meetin'-house.

They wuz goin' right to housekeeping in the widder Pooler's, where
he had boarded. The widder had gone to live with her daughter, Mahala,
in Michigan, and Ernest White has bought it. It stands in a pretty
place near a evergreen grove, just on the edge of Loontown near
his people that he loves, and has gin his life work to make better.
And, oh, what a sweet love-guarded home Waitstill White is goin' to
make for her pardner, and how happy Ernest White is goin' to be
with the woman he loves. For besides bein' so congenial and beloved,
Waitstill is as good a cook as I ever see, and no matter how much a
man's soul soars up to the heavens, whilst his body is on earth he
will always appreciate good vittles. Love never did nor never will
thrive on a empty stummick. Harmony of soul is delightful, and perfect
congeniality is sweet, and so is good yeast emtin' bread if it is
made right, kneaded three times, riz in a cool place and baked to a
turn. And tender broiled chops and chicken, and hot muffins and
fragrant coffee has some the effect on the manly breast of love's
young dream.

Waitstill is a real home lover and homemaker. And it seems that by her
advice Ernest White had had alterations in the house made that I
approved highly on when I see 'em, and they had ordered lots of things
to be sent from the city to make it pleasant, all put in first-rate
order by the man left in charge, and they invited Josiah and me to
take tea with 'em the very next evenin' and go to meetin' with 'em,
which we gladly accepted, seein' we had got our preparations so fur
along; Arvilly wuz goin' to be there they said. And, of course, I
invited 'em to my Thanksgivin' dinner, which they accepted with the
same pleasure that we had theirn.


Well, the next day, or ruther that night I begun to make preparations
to go to Waitstill White's. I got a early supper that night so's to
git to bed early so's to git up in good season; so's to git a early
breakfast the next mornin', so's to git a early dinner, so's to start
in good season for Ernest and Waitstill White's. And I kep' sayin'
that over and over the next mornin', "Ernest and Waitstill White's,"
it sounded dretful good to me, dretful.

I sez to Philury, "We must have dinner early, for we are invited to
Ernest and Waitstill White's."

And I sez the same to Josiah. And he sez, "You've said that to me a
dozen times already."

"Well," sez I cheerfully, "mebby I shall say it a dozen times more."

I felt well, dretful well in my mind. It had come out just as I had
hoped and prayed for, and why shouldn't I feel good.

Well, they greeted us with warm affection. And you don't know how
pretty their home looked. It had been fixed up in their absence and
Waitstill had put the finishin' touches to it when she come. It wuz a
gloomy spot under the Pooler regeem. But Waitstill wuz a true
homemaker and could make a barn seem home like, as folks can that have
that gift. You often see folks who think, or say they think, that one
set of faculties henders another set from workin'. But it hain't no
such thing. Miss Pooler wuz nothin' but a housekeeper, and as poor a
one at that as you would be apt to find in a day's travel, whilst
Waitstill wuz a philanthropist, a missionary, an angel on earth if
ever there wuz one, and a homemaker and a home lover added to it,
just as the Bible sez: "Seek first the kingdom of heaven and all these
things shall be added unto you," or words to that effect.

The settin'-room and parlor that used to seem like a dark-green
curtained mausoleum, sacred to the mournin' pieces on the wall, and
the hair wreaths of defunct Poolers wuz now the sunshinny hant of
Beauty and Cheerfulness. Bay windows bordered with soft-colored glass,
and curtained with fleecy white, let the sunshine stream into the
pretty, freshly-decorated room, where it seemed to love to stay and
shine. A conservatory full of blossoming plants made the settin' and
dinin'-rooms full of cheer and perfume.

One good stout German girl bore willin'ly the heaviest burdens of
housekeeping, but Waitstill and Love and Good Judgment wuz to the
hellum, and the result wuz beautiful. A happier household I don't want
to see, a better supper I don't want to eat. Waitstill had some briled
chicken, tender and toothsome, some creamed potatoes, fixed just
right, light white rolls, yellow sweet butter made from their own
Jersey cow's milk, clear amber honey from their own beehives, sliced
peaches from their own peach trees (it wuz a late kind, each one
rolled up in newspapers, and put in a box in the suller and kep' and
purple and white grapes kep' in the same way). Some pound cake made
from my own reseet, a noble one that fell onto me from Mother Allen,
and improved on by me, and some angel cake, made by Waitstill herself,
and as snowy and delicious as if it wuz made by a real angel with
wings, some fragrant coffee with rich cream to make it delicious, and
chocolate for them that preferred it. A big glass bowl of roses and
carnations wuz in the centre, and the table wuz spread with a snowy
linen cloth, and sot with beautiful china, white with a gold and pink
sprig on it, part of a big quantity sent by his rich folks, who wuz
delighted to have him marry such a sweet girl and settle down, and the
heavy shinin' silver marked "W. W. W.," lookin' some like a runnin'
vine, and the glossy linen tablecloths and napkins looking like satin
covered with posies, come from the same source, also marked with her
initials. Enough, Waitstill told me, to last 'em all their lives if
they should live to be as old as Methusaler and his wife.

Well, I wuz glad enough to see their prosperity and happiness and when
Ernest White sot to his own table by the side of Waitstill White and
in a few short, eloquent, heart-felt words asked the Lord's blessing
on this new home consecrated to his service, and on his dear friends
happily returned home agin, my heart echoed every word and there
wuzn't a dry eye in my head, not one.

After supper wuz over we sot out to go to the meetin' he had spoke on.
It wuz the openin' night of the new library, which wuz in a pretty
little buildin' jined onto the meetin'-house and only a few minutes'
walk from Ernest and Waitstill White's.

There wuz a good, large room for the library filled with good books
helpful and inspirin', bought partly by Ernest White and partly by
voluntary contributions by his people, a reading-room filled with
magazines and newspapers and which with the library wuz to be opened
every evening and two afternoons in the weeks. And there wuz a cozy
little settin'-room and bed-room with a kitchen back out for the
librarian. And who do you spoze wuz to be librarian and live here
clost to her idol? Oh, shaw! I might just as well told you right out
as to have said that; it wuz Arvilly. It wuz congenial work to her and
left her plenty of time to go round canvassin' if she wanted to.

We wuz a little late for the meetin', for a man come to see the Elder
just as we wuz startin', about marryin' him the next day, and as
anybody knows that has to be tended to 'tennyrate.

As we drawed nigh the library and meetin'-house we see they wuz
lighted up in as friendly and pleasant a way as if they wuz two
beacons set up to light our footsteps. And as we went in we see a
group of happy faced young people gathered round the organ practicin'
a piece they wuz learnin' for Thanksgivin'.

It wuz a sweet song of thankfulness and peace, filled with gratitude
for all the blessin's of the year. A sweet song full of love to God
and man and that would be apt to inspire the singers and hearers with
forbearance, justice, mercy, sane living and thinking. In another part
of the hall they wuz practicing some pretty pieces to speak at this
celebration, but when Elder White went in they all met him joyfully as
a beloved father is met by his children, and they bestowed a loving
greeting on Waitstill too.

These young men and women wuz ready to look through the magnifyin'
glass of love at any lesson Ernest White should set before them to fit
'em for life's battle.

The meeting that night wuz a sort of a social, where the young and
older folks met to get better acquainted with each other, and had a
good time visitin' back and forth and comparin' notes and bein'
introduced to Waitstill and the new library. One attracted just about
as much attention as the other, both wuz exceedingly interestin' to
'em and beloved.

Elder Cross wuz there, he sets store by Ernest White, though he is so
different from him. He is good natered and a Christian, I believe,
though Arvilly said he would have to be fixed over quite a good deal
before he got into the Kingdom.

And I sez, "Well, we all shall, Arvilly."

"Ernest White won't," sez she, "all they will have to do to him will
be to tack on a pair of wings and pin his crown on. He's a saint on
earth now," sez she.

Well, Elder Cross come up to Arvilly and welcomed her home and said a
few words about Ernest White's overwhelmin' success, which he
considered a mericale, and he couldn't understand it.

"Well, I can understand it," sez Arvilly, "I have always said that no
power could stand before the Church of Christ when it is fully
awakened to the enormity of the sin it is encouraging by its
indifference and neglect, and bands itself together to fight against
it. The saloon votes solid," sez Arvilly, "they are faithful to their
cause, they are fiery hot with zeal, the church a good many of 'em are
lukewarm, some like the Laodocians, and some like dish-water ready to
be emptied down into the drain. America is ruled by her cities, and
they are ruled by the saloon and unrighteous trusts and political
bosses. Foreigners from the old world slums flaunt the banner of
independence in the face of American womanhood. And the church of God
that might remedy the evils lets 'em go on."

Sez Elder Cross, "I know well that the saloon is a mighty power for
evil, it ruins our youth, soul and body, and I know that Monopoly is
the thief that steals the rewards of labor. But I pray, sister
Arvilly, I pray without ceasing that the Holy Spirit will come down,
and smite these offenders."

Sez Arvilly the dantless one, "You don't depend on prayer alone in
your church services, in taking up collections, etc., or in worldly
affairs," (Elder Cross is real rich, he keeps a hen dairy).

Sez Arvilly, "If you should depend on prayer alone to keep your big
shanghai rooster from fightin' the little bantys I guess you would be
apt to have considerable of a wake in your hen-yard. And you don't
kneel down and shet your eyes and pray for your young turkeys and
chickens when a pair of big wicked hawks are swoopin' down on 'em or a
heavy thunder-storm comin' on. No, you drive your little onprotected
broods into the first shelter you can find and go at the old hawks
with a club. Not that I approve of fightin'," sez Arvilly, "but there
is a time to pray and a time to use a horsewhip; our Lord, who was and
is our divine example, prayed thy kingdom come, and then helped it to
come by driving out the money-changers, and them that defiled the
temple. He might have prayed for them to be driv out and then folded
his hands and waited for the millennium. But He didn't, nor He didn't
say that human nature wuz too hard to handle, and that evil things had
got to be changed gradual. He didn't take their rich gifts, He didn't
make 'em church wardens, nor hang their pictures up in college halls
to stimulate young men to go and do likewise. And that is what
ministers of our Lord and his disciples want to do to-day, to drive
out of the temple and the country the fat thieves that infest it, and
the sanctified rascals wearin' sheep's clothin'. They have got a
powerful whip in a consecrated ballot that will drive the thieves out
and make them disgorge their ill-gotten gains."

Elder Cross wuz agitated; the argument wuz driving him into a corner
where he didn't want to stand; he turned the conversation:

"This is a great work dear brother White is doing, but some criticise
the idea of his opening the house of God every evening for amusements
as well as prayer. Some don't believe in mingling secular things with

Sez Arvilly, "What is more sacred to the Lord than a saved soul, a
lost one redeemed, a prodigal brought back. What headway is one church
opened three hours a week goin' to make aginst twenty saloons open
every day and night." Arvilly begun to be powerful agitated and I
spoke up quick, for I knew how hash she wuz when she got to goin', and
I didn't want this beautiful day marred by hashness even if it wuz

Sez I, "We all know how much good the church has done in the past. And
now that the churches are beginning to band themselves together, and
vote as they pray, this enormous force of righteousness is going to be
victorious over sin and darkness, and the Saloon and the Canteen, the
licensed houses of shame, monument of woman's degradation, the unjust
monopoly, the high fence separating the few enormously rich from the
masses of the suffering, starving poor, will all have to fall. Christ
did not die in vain," sez I, "nor the blood of the martyrs has not
been in vain. The Lord has promised and he will fulfill."

"God speed that day!" sez Elder Cross shettin' his eyes and claspin'
his hands.

"Amen!" sez I.

But I hearn Arvilly behind me mutter, "You'll have to open your old
eyes, Elder, and go to work, or you won't have much hand in it."

But I guess he didn't hear her.

Well, goin' home that night, my heart sung for joy a anthem, more than
a ordinary sam tune. The bright moonlight rested on the democrat and
my pardner, and gilded the way in front of us, and further off we
could see it lay on the lake, and it seemed to make a silver path on
it. Life seemed worth livin', the cold waves of death seemed lit up
with a heavenly glow, the hosts of evil seemed to back off before the
Angel of Deliverance.

I don't spoze that from Maine to Florida, or from Jonesville to San
Francisco there wuz a happier Thanksgivin' party than we had. Havin'
such sights and sights of things to be thankful for, I laid out as I
say to begin to be thankful before candle light in the mornin' and
keep it up all day long till bed time, and so I did.

It wuz a lovely day, the sun shone into our bedroom winder through the
beautiful knit fringe, made by my own hands, and rested on me lovin'ly
as I combed my hair in front of the lookin'-glass. There had been a
fall of snow the night before, as if nater had done her best for the
occasion and spread her white ermine down for the feet of the angel,

Philury got breakfast most ready by candle light, and I'd been bein'
thankful ever since she put the tea kettle over.

"Josiah," sez I, "do you realize what a glorious day this is and how
much, how much we have to be thankful for?"

He had broke one of his shue strings and wuz bent down breathin'
kinder hard and tusslin' with it and his answer wuzn't what I could
wished it wuz. But I knowed that it wuz because the blood had rushed
to his head. He got it tied up in a few minutes and eat his breakfast
with a splendid appetite. Philury had good tender lamb chops and baked
potatoes and light muffins and a fragrant cup of coffee, and Josiah
recovered his usual flow of sperits before we got half through. And we
read together a chapter out of The Book, and Josiah made a prayer full
of thankfulness that come from his very heart for the blessings of
home and love and all the precious gifts the Father bestowed on us
durin' the year.

The children come early and brought some lovely presents to us. We
make a practice of givin' presents in our own family Thanksgivin', for
it always seemed so kinder appropriate that while we wuz givin' thanks
we might just as well give a few more. And their presents to us wuz
just what we wanted and ourn to them proved to be just what they
wanted. Of course it wuzn't all a happen; we had throwed out hints and
perspected round as well as we could before we selected 'em, kinder
throwed out the line of wonder and surmises, and ketched opinions and
wishes on it.

At ten A.M. we all got into two big sleighs and went to Jonesville to
meetin'. It wuz a union meetin' and Elder White wuz chose to preach
the Thanksgivin' sermon. It wuz a beautiful discourse, it come from
the depths of a thankful, lovin' Christian heart and went right to

The party I had invited went home with us from the meetin'-house,
Philury had the house all warm and it wuzn't long before we had dinner
ready, of course we had got everything cooked we could the day

The dinner, though of course I ortn't to say it, but they all said,
and of course it must be so, they said it wuz the best Thanksgivin'
dinner that wuz ever cooked in this world, and Josiah whispered to me
as he helped himself to the third helpin' of turkey and dressin', that
he knowed that there never wuz such a meal cooked in Jupiter or Mars
or any other planet.

But I whispered back, it wuzn't safe to say such things, sez I. "Most
probably they have many and lots of things we don't know anything

"Manny!" sez he, "how would manny show off by the side of this
dressin'?" and he took another spunful.

I spoze my dressin' duz go ahead of most, though it hain't made me
hauty. Well, how happy everybody wuz; how good they looked to me and I
to them, I knew it by their liniments. How the children doted on me
and their Pa, how dear little Tommy hung round us. How softened down
Arvilly wuz by her happiness in havin' Waitstill back agin, but still
she kep' her faculties from rustin', and sold two books that day for
presents, and one to Elder Minkley for a Sabbath School prize.

How adorable Waitstill looked in her pretty cashmere gown of pale
violet color with white roses at her bosom and belt, she had throwed
off her black as a reasonable widder should, I never approved of
mournin' for one man whilst weddin' another, that is mournin' in
public in crape and weeds. I don't believe she had a black rag on her,
she might you know if she had been sly have put a black bindin' on her
petticoat or a black pocket. I remember the Widder Doodle did, but I
never approved of it. No, mournin' weeds are right in their place, and
orange blossoms in theirn, but I never believed in mixin' the two.

Down deep in Waitstill's heart, hid from every eye but the one who
made that heart, wuz a place where her thought must retire into now
and then and weep. Yes, I knowed that whilst her loyal love and
respect and reverence wuz all given to the man she loved, who wuz
strong, her thought would anon or oftener have to go into that sombry
room and weep for the young lover who wuz weak, but whose weakness
would never have blossomed into crime had not his country hung the
Sodom apple before his eyes and his weak appetite yielded to it, had
overthrown the labor and efforts of years, tempted him with low
temptations that had been stronger than love, stronger than religion,
stronger than life. All his life long he had fought against inherited
tastes as they fought with wild beasts at Ephesus, and he would have
come off conqueror had it not been for licensed evils and the
weaknesses in high and low places that permitted it to be.

Yes, into that closely locked, sombry chamber I knowed that Waitstill
would go alone and stay there for quite a spell. But after a time I
mistrusted the sweet peace and happiness of her life would be such
that she would go seldomer and make shorter visits when she did go.
And its black gloom would be lighted by tones of living love and
gleams of light and warmth from tender eyes. And I hoped that the time
would come when dimpled baby fingers would gently bar the doorway and
she wouldn't go there to stay for any length of time.

Well, the happy company stayed till nine P.M., when they departed with
many pleasant and loving words, I being thankful every minute of the
time, even when I see 'em drive off. You know sometimes as glad as you
are to have company, and as well as you like 'em, you are kinder glad
to set down quiet, and think over all the happy time, and rest your

Well, the next day after Thanksgivin', early in the afternoon, Josiah
said he had got to go over to Jonesville, and proposed that I should
ride over with him. He said the mair kinder needed shuein', and sez
he, "We might bring Tommy home with us, for there wuzn't any school
Saturday, and he could stay over Sunday with us."

It duz seem now as if we can't help settin' a little more store by
Tommy than we do by the other grandchildren. But it better not be told
I said it, it would make feelin's amongst the rest.

Well, we made lovely calls on the children, and got Tommy, who wuz
more than willin' to come, and returned home about ten a.m., Tommy
settin' between us and drivin' the mair, Thomas J. and Maggie sayin'
they would drive over Sunday night after him and take tea with us.

We stopped at the post-office, and Tommy run in and got three letters
for me, two on 'em which I opened and read when I first got home,
whilst Josiah and Tommy drove over to Deacon Henzy's on a errent. As I
say I read two on 'em, but of the third one more anon. One of my
letters wuz from Cousin John Richard, who had gone back to Victor
workin' for his Lord in his own appointed way, teachin' the young,
comfortin' the aged, and exhortin' the strong, helpin' to bear the
burdens of the weak, and doin' it all in the name of Him who is
invisible, waitin' patient till the summons should be sent him to go
home to his own land, for the Bible sez that "them that do such things
show plainly that they seek a country."

Fur acrost that dark continent from another oasis like Victor
beginnin' to be illuminated with the white light beamin' from the
uplifted cross, come a message to me from another consecrated
missionary and child of Heaven, Evangeline Noble. She told me of the
blessed work she wuz doin' in Africa and how happy she wuz in it, for
her Master wuz with her tellin' her what to do from day to day, and
she happy in carryin' out that work and seein' the light from heaven
stream into dark minds and souls.

How much store I set by her, I lay out to send her a barrel of things
this fall, some dried apples, canned fruit, good books, a piece of rag
carpet and a crazy quilt, not rarin' ravin' crazy, but sort o'
beautifully delerious, embroidered with cat stitch round every block.

And the other letter wuz from Miss Meechim. I read Cousin John
Richard's and Evangeline's, but I put hern on the mantletry piece and
thought I wouldn't read it till about a hour after dinner, mistrustin'
that it would agitate and work me up, so that my food wouldn't set

Dorothy's marriage to Robert Strong had took place a week before, but
not a word had I heard from Miss Meechim, and I didn't know what
effect the blow had had on her. Josiah and I had been warmly invited
to attend the weddin', but not feelin' willin' to embark on another
tower we sent her a pretty present and love, lots and lots of love,
and the earnest best wishes of our hearts.

They wuz married in Dorothy's home in San Francisco, and went
immegiately after the ceremony to their new home in the City of
Justice to begin their life work there. Dorothy had writ me all the
particulars of their marriage. They didn't want any show and display
she said, and they took the money they would have had to spend to make
a big wedding with a crowd of guests, elaborate dressing, rich viands,
music, flowers, etc. They took this money and gave a holiday to the
children in the City of Justice, a beautiful dinner, music and gifts
for all.

And they wuz married in a plain, quiet way in the presence of a few
relatives and close friends, she dressed in a pretty white muslin (and
lookin' sweet as a rose I knew, though, of course, she didn't say so).
And after a simple lunch, they drove out to their new home. But I
hearn, and it come straight, too, that the children of the City of
Justice, just worshippin' Robert Strong as they did, they all on 'em
dressed in white, their pretty heads crowned with roses, filled
baskets with the sweetest flowers they could find and went out to meet
the young couple beyend the gate. And as they approached, they met 'em
with rejoicing songs sung in their sweet clear voices and scattered
roses and sweet posies in their path, their bright, happy eyes and
smilin' lips givin' 'em just as sweet a greetin'.

And as they entered into the city at sunset, the workmen met 'em all
dressed in holiday attire, and their cheers and blessings followed the
carriage till they reached their own door, which wuz banked up with
odorous blossoms as high as ever a snow drift blocked up the houses in
Jonesville, and they had to fairly wade through the sweet posies to
git to their door.

So, surrounded and blessed with love and rejoicings rising from
grateful adoring hearts, Robert and Dorothy Strong begun their married
life. Love and Mercy standin' right by their sides like maids of
honor, and Honesty and Justice like usher and best man, usherin' 'em
into a useful and happy life of work and toil sweetened forever with
gratitude and love. Lovin' each other as dearly as ever a man and
woman did, lovin' their Lord supremely and showing that love in the
way He bade his disciples to in caring for and blessing humanity. They
begun that day a power of helpful inspiring influences that would
bless the world, go through life with 'em and wait on 'em clear
through the swellin' flood and lead 'em up onto the other shore from
their City of Justice and love here, to that sweet continuing City of
Rest and Reward.

I felt well about Robert and Dorothy--yes, my heart sung for Joy
carryin' the hull four parts, base, altore, bear tone and sulfireno.
That is to say, the different faculties of my head and heart all jined
in and sung together in happiness and made a full orkestry.

You know when you hear of some marriages a part of you is pleased,
mebby it is Common Sense, whilst Romance and Fancy has to set dumb and
demute. Or mebby Fancy sings whilst cold Reason is spreadin' a wet
blanket on her part of the band, chillin' the notes and spilein' the
instrument. But here Reason, Romance, Love and Common Sense all jined
in together and sung the wedding anthem loud and clear.

But Miss Meechim, I felt dubersome about her; Dorothy didn't mention
her in her letter, bein' so took up with Robert and Love, so I spozed.
I knowed well how repugnant matrimony wuz to her and how sternly
resolved she wuz that Dorothy should go through life a bachelor maid.

I hated to read Miss Meechim's letter, I dreaded it like a dog. How
did I know but her great disappointment and crushin' grief to see her
hull life work smashed and demolished, had smit her down, and she had
passed away writin' my name on a envelope with her last flicker of
life and some stranger pen had writ me of the tragedy.

I put the letter up on the mantletry piece and thought I wouldn't read
it till about a hour after dinner.

And whilst I wuz gittin' dinner and eatin' it and went about doin' up
my work afterwards, I eyed that letter some as a cat eyes a dog kennel
and hung off from readin' it. But wantin' to git the hard job over
before night sot in, about the middle of the afternoon I read a few
verses of Foxe's Book of Martyrs, put two cushions in the rockin'
chair, took a swaller of spignut and thorough-o'-wort to kinder hold
up my strength, and a few whiffs of camfire, and then I put on my
near-to specs, opened the letter with a deep sithe and begun to read.
But good land! I needn't have foreboded so; I might have knowed that
though her hatred of matrimony wuz great, her egotism and self esteem
wuz bigger yet.

The letter stated in glowin' terms her gratefulness to her Creator to
think she had a nephew so bound up in her interest and welfare. She
said that she had mentioned one day, durin' a severe attack of
bilerous colic her fears and forebodin's about Dorothy's future if she
should succumb to the colic and leave her alone. She said that it
wuzn't a week after this that her nephew and Dorothy had confided to
her the fact of their engagement.

Sez she, "Not one word to Dorothy have I mentioned or ever shall
mention as to Robert's reasons for sacrificin' himself to ease my
mind, and make me more care free. I wouldn't for the world," sez she,
"have Dorothy suspect why Robert has made a martyr of himself, and to
no one but you, Josiah Allen's wife," sez she, "shall I ever breathe
it." But she felt that she could confide in me, and wanted me to know
just how it wuz.

So her colossial self esteem carried her through safely, and she wuz
as happy as any on 'em. She wuz goin' to live in a little house Robert
had bought for her in San Francisco. Martha, the steady English maid,
wuz goin' to live with her, as she had proved faithful. And she added
a few heart breakin' words of grief and mournfulness about our dear
lost Aronette.

And she gin me to understand that sence Aronette's dretful death in
New York she had gradually changed her mind about drinking.

I believe Arvilly's talk helped convince her, though Miss Meechim
would never own it to her dyin' day, and I d'no as Arvilly would want
her to, they just naterally abominate each other.

But 'tennyrate she said she felt that nothing that could lead on to
that awful termination and terrible tragedy, could be called genteel.
And she said she had had a argument with Rev. Mr. Weakdew, in which
they had both got genteelly angry (tearin' mad I should call it from
what she told me of their interview). But I will pass over particulars
which filled eight pages of large note paper, the upshot bein' that
she had left his church for good and all, and jined a Temperance
mission church down in the city. And she wuz now writin' tracts to
prove that intemperance wuz the beast with seven horns mentioned in

Good land! it has got more than seven horns, I believe, and all of 'em
dagger sharp and wet with tears and heart's blood.

She expected, she said, that these tracts would make a end to the
liquor power and the social evil, and temperance would rain in the
world some time durin' the comin' fall.

But they won't. These evils are sot too firm on American soil, it will
take a greater power than Miss Meechim's tracts to upheave 'em. But I
am glad she is sot that way, for every little helps, and the breath of
Miss Meechim's converted soul is blowin' the right way and when the
hull Christian world shall be converted, the united influence will
move along a mighty overwhelmin' power that will sweep these ungodly
evils from the face of the earth. Then will come the golden days of
peace, righteousness, the reign of the Lord Jesus, for which we pray
every day when we say "Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done on earth as
it is in Heaven."

               by JOSIAH ALLEN'S WIFE--(Marietta Holley)

Few characters of fiction will live longer than Samantha. A fund of
old-fashioned, homely but decidedly sound philosophy, yet an eye for
the facetious phases of human nature, witty as well as philosophical.
Older readers can remember a few who have pleased for a time and been
forgotten, and the few in recent years like David Harum and Eben
Holden have been most enthusiastically appreciated. The philosophy of
Samantha is broader and deeper than any of these characters. Her
insight when dealing with hidden motives is sharper and her wit
keener. It is not surprising that the character has so long stood the
test of time, and that a new book from the author is regarded as an
important event in the book world.

                                                     _Pittsburg Press_

Those who went to the St. Louis Exposition--and those who wished to
but did not, can have a good souvenir of the great show, and an
account of it that will be interesting years hence as now, in
"Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition."

Samantha and Josiah went to the Fair, "took it all in," and Samantha
relates their experiences in her well-known quaint style. The
characteristic illustrations of their adventures by C. Grunwald are

                                              _Cleveland Plain Dealer_

The main points of interest at the Exposition are discussed and
moralized over in her inimitable way by Samantha.

                                                         _The Outlook_

Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition, by Josiah Allen's wife, is a
revival of what was perhaps one of the most popular humorous series
ever issued. The present volume contains the same pathos and shrewd
rustic sense with all the humor of her previous works.

             _Baker & Taylor's Monthly Bulletin of Best Selling Books_

She has sampled the glories of the St. Louis Fair and described them
in language of enduring worth.

                                                   _Boston Advertiser_

A story full of the mixture of wit, pathos, eloquence and common

                                                      _New York Globe_

Very unlike her earlier books in appearance. It has a smart up-to-date
binding and striking modern illustrations by Grunwald. But Miss
Holley's part is perfectly natural and familiar. It has lost none of
its mirth, none of its common sense, none of its good clear-eyed
religious way of looking at things. It is faithful to the spirit of a
great deal that is best in American life.

                                              _Syracuse Post Standard_



                        WHAT THE CRITICS SAY OF
                        By CYRUS TOWNSEND BRADY

_The New York Tribune_ says--and it is true--that "Mr. Brady is fond
of dashing themes and certainly here he has found a subject to suit
his most exacting mood. He has taken a rascal for the hero of his
picaresque and rattling romance. The author is lavish in incident and
handles one thrilling situation after another with due sense of all
the dramatic force that is to be got out of it. His description of the
last moments of the old pirate is one of the most effective pieces of
writing he has put to his credit. SIR HENRY MORGAN--BUCCANEER is an
absorbing story."

"Cyrus Townsend Brady has had the hardihood to set aside the romantic
pirate of fictional tradition and paint a genuine historic pirate;
lustful, murderous, brutal, relentless. The story has force and
dramatic interest."--_The Lamp._

"Mr. Brady has never before been so successful in creating a character
who so completely fills the scene. Morgan dominates the book from the
first line to the last."--_Philadelphia Item._

"The story is a fascinating one--a concentration of all the pirate
stories that ever were written."--_Rochester Herald._

"Mr. Brady has a graphic and realistic power of description. The novel
is full measure and running over with thrills."--_Brooklyn Eagle._

"A thrilling pirate story, a lively romance sufficiently sensational
yet not lacking in delicacy."--_Boston Transcript._

"The story is full of incident and has an appropriate measure of love
and sword play."--_N. Y. Times._

"It is as rakish and dashing a craft on seas literary as any of the
hero's black-flagged ships on seas actual."--_N. Y. World._

"There is 'hot stuff' in SIR HENRY MORGAN--BUCCANEER."--_N. Y. Evening

"The interest of the action, pitched high in the beginning, is held to
the point of utmost tension throughout."--_St. Louis Star._

  _Profusely and beautifully illustrated from paintings by J. N. Marchand
          and drawings by Will Crawford. Cloth-bound, $1.50._

      Sold Everywhere, or Sent Postpaid Free on Receipt of Price.

               G. W. DILLINGHAM CO., Publishers, NEW YORK



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